Joan of Arc (closed)

[gearhead73]

Trevor decided against saying anything else. He didn't want to ruin the moment they were sharing by jumbling it up talking. For right now, he was content, maybe even happy. He couldn't remember the last time that his head hadn't been focused like a laser on this clue or that, in an effort to add one more closed box to the shelf in the evidence room.

Instead, he took the time to really look at her. He didn't want to make things awkward, but in the dim lighting, and in his light and happy state of mind he couldn't help but be struck by how beautiful Joan was. He found the nonchalant shrugs of her shoulders and slight sweet smiles endearing and added to her youthful appearance.

Her blue eyes were clear and focused. Her brow relaxed and smooth, and outlined playfully by strands of her long hair. He even found himself entranced by the way her full cherry lips glided along her fork as she enjoyed her dessert.

He looked away suddenly realizing that he was steadily crossing the line between and friends and something more.

"How is the tiramisu?" He finally managed to croak out.

 

[heartofcourage]

Joan knew that he was staring at her. Most of the time she hated when people stared at her, but from Grimes, she didn't mind. He didn't make her feel uncomfortable in any way and she found that she actually enjoyed spending time with him. He was nice to talk to and the best part was that the voices were only a low hum when she was with him.

She ate her tiramisu in relative peace, only broken when he asked her how it was. She gave him a smile and shrugged her shoulders slightly.

"It's delicious. Would you like some?" She asked him, passing her plate in his direction.

 

[gearhead73]

"You don't mind?" he said with a smile as he grabbed his fork and sliced a small taste off before she had a chance to answer.

She was right, it was delicious. Trevor had never developed a taste for coffee, but he had always enjoyed this dessert, especially from here. He had asked the owner's wife what her secret was, but she had always shooed him away say that it was a family secret. Trevor had suspected that the key ingredient was rum though. He had known of many chefs that would soak the small lady finger cakes in a mixture of espresso along with a shot or two of rum for an added kick to contrast with the creamy mascarpone.

"Mmmm, you are right, that is spectacular." he said putting his fork down and passing the plate back to her. "So, do you have class tomorrow?"

 

[heartofcourage]

The feeling that he was humoring her came to her mind as Grimes took a bite of the coffee soaked cake. She was sure that he had probably had the tiramisu before if he was a regular at this restaurant. Still, it made her feel a little special to know that he was willing to play along.

"No. I only go to class twice a week." Joan said as she started eating again. "When I feel like going, which isn't often."

 

[gearhead73]

"I can sympathize." Trevor replied with a smile. "I hated college. It seemed that very little of the courses I paid for had anything to do with becoming a cop. Seemed like such a waste of time and money."

As he thought about though, it really hadn't been all that bad. He hadn't been all that popular and had never pledged or anything. Living in the same town he didn't have to live in the dorms, so his life was pretty normal outside of when he had to go to class.

"Your professors are pretty understanding it seems. Do they know about your condition?"

 

[heartofcourage]

"They know." Joan said as Grimes brought up her condition. "And they mostly understand. I've had a few professors ask me why I want to continue when it's such a struggle. Going to class makes me feel normal and I feel like I have something to prove to everyone by actually getting a degree."

It was hard to concentrate most of the time and even harder to get her work done, but Joan had slowly been plodding along. She was like the tortoise, finishing a long slow race in a pack of hares.

"I like learning, but I'm almost convinced that school isn't for me at all." Joan admitted finally, looking towards Grimes as if she had made some huge confession.

 

[gearhead73]

"Well, maybe it isn't, but I think that if getting your degree is important to you, you should continue to pursue it. No matter how long it takes." Grimes said trying to sound encouraging.

"Is your boyfriend supportive? I mean has he encouraged you to continue your studies?"

Trevor wasn't sure if he should even be asking, but he wanted to know as much as he could about her and her boyfriend was a part of it. She had said that she loved him, but hadn't mentioned him much during the day.

 

[heartofcourage]

"He doesn't know any of this." Joan confessed as Grimes asked her about Michael. "I haven't told him about my condition."

Joan found herself unable to look up from her plate suddenly. It was as if that question had her frozen and her heart was racing so quickly she swore it would beat out of her chest. Joan wasn't really sure what love even was. She felt strongly about Michael. She thought that he made her happy, but she had no clue what it meant to be in a relationship. She had been the girl that wanted so badly to fall in love and to have someone that loved her in return that she had jumped at the chance for a relationship.

"It's hard to live with this." She said softly, finally turning her gaze towards Grimes. "It's even harder to make someone understand what you're going through. He's the first guy that ever seemed to accept me for all of my weird quirks."

 

[gearhead73]

"I see." Grimes said immediately regretting asking the question.

He could see that thinking about her relationship was troubling. They hadn't even mentioned Michael but in passing throughout their whole time together. Trevor chastised himself for feeling the slightest bit happy that maybe things weren't great between them.

"But you seem so..." he started not quite sure how to finish the sentence. He hated using the word normal, because he wasn't sure he had ever seen an example of what normal really was.

"I mean, I barely notice. To be quite honest, I probably wouldn't have had a clue if you hadn't told me. And I consider my self pretty intuitive when it comes to people."

 

[heartofcourage]

"Around you." Joan admitted as she glanced up at Grimes, her blue eyes showing that she really believed what he was saying was true. "When I'm around you I don't hear the voices. They are a low hum but nothing really important comes through."

She had never been around anyone before that could make the voices go away. There was no way to process exactly what that meant, but she was sure that something about it was significant. She liked Grimes. She would have liked him even without his help that day. He was nice, charming, and he truly wanted what was best for her. There were very few people in her life like that anymore.

 

[gearhead73]

Grimes tried to process what she was saying. They were looking at each other and her eyes told him that it was true. A smile crept across his lips; it couldn't be helped. It was selfish of him, but he couldn't help but be happy that he was different. For all he knew, there was no one else on the planet that could make the voices in her head fade to the background. He had so many questions about how it was possible, but pushed them aside and was just happy that it was so. It had to mean something, but what?

"That's never happened with anyone else before? You don't hear anything? What about Mary?"

He felt guilty about rapid firing so many questions, but his excitement was getting the better of him.

 

[heartofcourage]

"Never." Joan said with a slight shake of her head. "I don't hear them at all. It's a low buzzing sound like when you're in a room full of people talking softly. I know that they're there, but I can't really make out what they're saying."

A smile broke out on Grimes's face and she knew that he was incredibly happy about something. Was he happy that she didn't hear the voices? Was he happy that somehow he was making a difference in her life? She had no idea why he was smiling like a madman across the table from her.

"I haven't heard from Mary since we left the car." She said softly, answering all of his questions almost as quickly as he had asked them.

 

[gearhead73]

"That's incredible." Grimes murmured suddenly embarrassed at his reaction and looking away. "I think this is the first time someone has said that it was a positive experience meeting me."

In truth, it felt good to be unique; to be special. It felt good to make a difference to someone other than bringing them a small measure of closure. Most of all though, it felt good that he could do something to help Joan. He had liked her before, but this new facet of their friendship added another unique dimension. With him, she felt better and in turn he felt better knowing it.

"I am glad that I can help." he said looking at her once more.

 

[heartofcourage]

"I'd say it's been positive." Joan said in a soft voice, her cheeks heating up under his gaze as she shrugged her shoulders. "I mean, we're friends, right? I see that as a really big positive. I don't have many friends. Certainly none that would go out to eat with me."

 

[gearhead73]

"That makes us quite similar in that regard." his smile fading slightly. "I can count on one hand the number of people I actually consider a friend.

Grimes picked up his glass and sipped at the diluted liquid at the bottom. It barely tasted of tea, but it still helped to soothe his throat that had suddenly become dry. It always seemed to do that when he spoke about his personal life.

"I get it though..." he continued, swirling the small remnants of ice cube around the bottom of his glass. "...it's hard for people to be friends with cops. They think we are always on the look out for people breaking the law. They worry that we will bust in and slap the cuffs on them for tearing off the 'Do not remove under penalty of law' tags from their furniture. People forget that we are just people doing a job, and that most of the time we have lives...just like everyone else."

Grimes set the glass down and then looked into her eyes. He wanted to ask her if she thought that they could ever be more than friends, but he thought better of it. She had a boyfriend. Plus, they had just met. Still, there seemed to be a connection there that he had missed, and he wanted to explore it further.

"Well, maybe we can make dinner a regular thing. I might even cook for you if you are brave enough to try it. I make a pretty mean steak, or so I think anyway."

 

[heartofcourage]

"One bad egg ruins the rest." Joan found herself saying as he mentioned that it was hard to be a friend with a cop. "It's hard to not be scared when I see flashing lights or a person in uniform. There's been some bad experiences in the past."

Perhaps it was an irrational fear on her part, but she still had that fear in the back of her mind. The voices didn't help, but her own brain was her worst enemy. She was very much like a child that was frightened of the dark and to most other people her fears seemed silly.

"You want to cook dinner for me?" Joan asked him, a little stunned that he wanted this to become a thing between them. "I guess that's what friends do, right? They hang out together, eat meals together, and try to have a good time."

Going quiet for a little while, Joan thought about the pros and cons of having a friend like Grimes. He was kind to her, seemed to really care for her, and he was a cop that was good. He was also a cop and she didn't know if she could get past that fact. He also made the voices go away, which no one else had ever been able to do.

"Steaks might be nice." She finally said, giving him the briefest smile that lifted the corners of her lips.

 

[gearhead73]

Grimes returned her slight smile with one of his own before saying, "Steaks are always nice..."


He paused a moment, trying to decide if he wanted to say the words that were bouncing around in his brain. He would mean it purely as a joke; just a bit of innuendo thrown in to spice up the conversation. The thing is, he wasn't sure if Joan would see it that way. Still, he couldn't help himself and he continued, "...especially accompanied by eggs and toast in the morning."

He sat his glass back down and waited for her reaction. It may have been too soon in their friendship for him to joke like that, but he wanted to see if she would play along, or rebuke his attempt at humor. Add to that, the fact that he was only mostly joking, and he was very interested in how she might respond.

 

[heartofcourage]

Joan stared at him for a long moment as he teased her with his comment. It took a moment for her brain to full understand what he had said, but when she did, she smiled at him. He was treating her like a person and not a mental case. That meant a lot more to her than he would probably ever know. He was older, perhaps wiser, but certainly good with people. It all served to put her at ease.

"I think I prefer pancakes in the morning." She said back, testing the waters with him as she picked up her glass and took a sip. "But I guess eggs and toast can be just as good. You shouldn't let me cook them though. I'm a horrible cook."

She was the kind of person that could burn water if given the chance. The voices in her head would distract her from what she was doing and leave her with a mess to clean up afterwards. It was never the right environment to learn something as basic as cooking.

 

[gearhead73]

Trevor laughed openly at this. He was glad that they could talk normally, like friends, like adults. He felt relief knowing that he wouldn't need to walk on egg shells around her, and that they could joke around and enjoy each other's wit.

"I'll remember that. I do the cooking." He said looking into her eyes. There was a spark there, that had seemed to get brighter throughout the evening.

"Of course, I will have to consider the night before a complete failure if you don't asked to be served breakfast, in bed." Grimes added with a devilish grin.

 

[heartofcourage]

"Well, I guess you would have to spend the night first." Joan said as he added in serving her breakfast in bed. "My couch isn't very comfortable though. It was cheap and you can sit on it. That just about sold it for me."

Michael had never once slept on the couch, but she was talking to Grimes like he definitely would. The different between the two men in her life was that she believed Grimes would have slept on that couch without hesitation in a heartbeat if she asked him to. That suddenly made her feel very strange when she thought about what she had with her boyfriend.

"Look, things might not be good right now with my boyfriend, but I still do have one." She murmured in a soft voice. "I don't want to seem like a slut or a whore to anyone."

 

[gearhead73]

Grimes was stunned at her reaction. Hearing the words "slut" and "whore" come out fo her mouth had a two-fold effect on him. The first and strongest reaction was one of shock. He didn't think that she had taken him seriously about serving her breakfast in bed, especially tomorrow. He also hadn't even considered that any night that he spent in her apartment would be on her couch.


"Joan, I didn't mean to imply that you and I were going to be spending the night together. I know that you have a boyfriend and regardless of whatever this is that is developing between us, I have no intention of coming between you and Michael." Trevor said quietly but seriously.

That latter part of that statement was a bit of a lie. In truth he didn't give a shit about her byfriend. What kind of a fucking idiot could spend any amount of time with Joan and have no clue that she has issues. That fact alone made Grimes feel that he didn't deserve to be with her.

"Having said that, I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't wondered what a night together might be like." Trevor said at almost a whisper.

This statement gave way to the second part of his reaction to those provocative terms she had uttered moments ago. He wanted to hear them again. He wanted her to whisper them in his ear, moan them low and strenuously, and screamthem at the top f her lungs. He wanted her to spit them, growl them, grunt them in conjunction with the words "make me your" and "treat me like your" and "I will forever be your". Over and over he heard the words "slut" and whore" accompanied by images of her under him, bent in front of him, and astride him in her small apartment on her small bed. He hoped that neither Mary or any of the othe voices could relay to her what he was thinking as he waited for her to respond.

 

[heartofcourage]

Her head slowly cocked to one side, staring at Grimes as she heard him confess that he was thinking about her in a totally inappropriate way. It didn't surprise her. She knew that he thought she was pretty and saw her in a way that was completely unusual. He wasn't scared away by her illness. He didn't even seem to care that she might be interrupted at any moment by the voices in her head.

"I don't enjoy sex." She blurted out, her cheeks growing pink as she made that confession. "I don't think that I really ever have."

She had never had any of those soul searing moments that were the norm in romance novels and porn movies. She had never had a soul mate for that matter. Perhaps that was what Mary had been trying to tell her all along. This man was someone that she could trust...and perhaps have a relationship with.

 

[gearhead73]

For a moment, Grimes just sat there motionless. The conversation had taken a turn that he had never dreamed it possibly could and he wasn't sure what he should do. He was a detective, so naturally curious, about all things, but right now especially Joan. He wasn't a prude. He was more than willing to talk about every aspect of their respective sex lives; not that there was much to tell on his part.


"Is it painful or uncomfortable...or do you just not like it? I now you have had bad experiences regarding men. Does that have anything to do with it?"

Grimes decided to see how far she would let him probe. She seemed open to sharing with hm and he was more than ready to hear as much as she would share.

 

[heartofcourage]

"It's not uncomfortable or painful." She said with a shrug of her shoulders. "I just don't like it. I've never really connected with anyone. It's hard to see what all of the fuss is about. Most guys just see a pretty face and decide that they want to fuck someone just because of that. I don't really get it."

Even if Derick had never crossed her path, she didn't think that she would have enjoyed a healthy sex life. He had ruined something in her, but it was something that had already been broken beyond repair by the events of her life.

 

[gearhead73]

"Its different for guys though. For us, having sex period makes it great." Grimes said with a chuckle, though he meant what he said.

"If we see someone we are attracted to, we still want to fuck them, even if there is no chance that it will ever lead anywhere. For us, getting off makes for good sex. We dn't need a deep emotional connection to enjoy sex. For us its the feel, taste, and smell of our partner. We love the way they look covered in sweat spit and cum. We strive to get our partner off because that is the only way we can measure whether they enjoyed being with us. If we fail at that, well, it could be intimidating for us to try again. Maybe no one has just hung in there and tried to find what you need."

God, the Grimes talked the more it sounded like he was trying to getn her pants. They were speaking so frankly the he wondered how far things were going to go.