Jessica's Big Dicked Belly Flop

[Misery]

After reading the kudos on the awards board and then the nominations thread, I decided to check Dillinger out.

I don't see why he's so high on the top lists, his stories sucked. I read two of them before getting bored. I'm sorry Dillinger, but I didn't like them. I didn't find them very hot, the same premise done the same as it's always been done. It doesn't even have sex scenes that haven't been done in what amounts to verbatim.

I didn't like the writing either. What is up with the parentheses? It was almost like Algebra.

I didn't like it, I gave it a low score. Since I did, I thought I would explain why.

 

[CRaZy]

Let me say that I admire Dillinger for writing a multi-part story. It takes a lot of commitment and I can't do it. If Dillinger's stories were like algebra then I'm sure a lot more students would like it - LOL. There are only so many sex plots in the world so it is character and voice which make the difference. The parentheses are used to create a certain tone and voice within the stories. They worked fine.

Dillinger has an unusual writing style. I thought he maintained a consistency across the whole series which is hard to achieve. I could be wrong but I didn't find any of Misery's stories on here.

In my opinion, it is better to include constructive suggestions when critiquing a piece. Perhaps Misery could give specific examples where she believes improvement is needed.

[Edited by CRaZy on 02-10-2001 at 01:35 AM]

 

[Misery]

I wasn't aware that one had to be an author or a critic to have an opinion on a story. I don't write because I don't have the ability and I don't offer a critique other the whys and wherefores of what I like because I'm not an English major. I see typos like commas outside of quotation marks and they instead of the. I can also say I didn't like it. I thought it was amatuerish and it didn't float my boat. I gave it a low vote. Because I gave it a low vote, I felt it necessary to explain why.

Maybe I should vote ones and simply shut up?

Pardon me Crazy, but I don't see a single story you voted low on and a reason indicating why. Maybe you're a hit and run voter, only commenting on the good stuff and forget explaining why you did or didn't like it. I just see, good jobs! That was hot! sort of platitudes from you. Why why why?

Yes it takes work and dedication to write a multipart story, particularly when each part is lengthy. L. Ron Hubbard did the same thing with his decology, Mission Earth. It reeked too. I could write a lengthy treatise as well toss some sex into it and if Laurel posts it will you go ahead and say how wonderful it was just because it was long? Doubt it, cause it wouldn't be good enough to post because I'm not a writer. I refuse to masquerade as a writer like other people do.

I didn't like it. I found it boring, cliched, and badly written. I don't pat people on the back just because they did something, I pat people on the back when they deserve it.

The Lingerie Store, on the other hand, was much better. Even if the end did resemble a bout of cybersex.

 

[Madame Pandora]

Two Cents

For what it's worth:

1. If one of my stories got a 1, I would rather have some indication of who or why than silence and falling numbers.

2. By posting a story on a public site - just like publishing it in print form, you are opening yourself and your work up to criticism. Period. Thick skin is a hazzard of the trade.

3. Not everyone is going to be constructive for the very reason that they're not SURE WHY they don't like it. I hate rice-a-roni...I have no earthly idea why. I like rice. But if I were ever asked about it, I would say it's rotten stuff. Let Emeril explain abot spices.

4. Quantity never equals quality. EVER.

5. Readers are the ultimate critics, not other writers. If this were a forum of peers only, that would be one thing, but I think it's clear this is an area aimed at the reader...thus it is successful.

When a story is up near the top and has gotten good buzz, you place more expectations on it. Thus, you are more bitterly disappointed when you feel it doesn't deliever. I still feel that I would have enjoyed Forrest Gump a lot more if everyone in the world hadn't told me that it was the best thing ever made. Frankly, I wanted Tom Hanks to run right off the screen. But, I'm not a writer or a director or an actor. I still watched the damn thing and I'm entitled to say it suck-diddly-ucked.

As I mentioned on another board, I found these stories to be average at best. But Dillinger also explained that he wrote them 8 years ago. Lingere Store is better, and it is more recent. As with everything and everyone else, if he continues to write he will get better.

Don't shut up, Misery. There's a reason these boards are here, AND there's a reason there's an little "thumbs down" symbol already for use. I say this full well knowing that you could turn around and tell me how predictable my own stories are ;-) That's why the board is here.

On the other hand, Crazy, I hope you'll continue to post, too. You sound like you have good analyzation skills. Most writers crave feedback, positive or negative. We like to have some insight into our audience. It's why directors and scriptwriters sit in on test audiences. We don't have that benefit....but considering the subject matter of our work, that is probably a good thing. Personally, I don't care to be watching while someone reads my stuff ;-)

After all of this...I only have one question.....

Exactly which books by L. Ron Hubbard didnt' reek?

MP

 

[CRaZy]

All points taken. I do send feedback, negative and otherwise, but I do it via email mostly. I also edit stories on here so I don't bother to give feedback if I've already made suggestions prior to posting. You don't have to be an author to give an opinion - I was just curious. If you want to vent don't let me stop you.

 

[Madame Pandora]

If you want to vent don't let me stop you.

Hon, I was not issuing a personal attack, nor was I venting. If you're going to maintain a level of debate, you have to accept there will be good and there will be bad. It's kind of you to send feedback to authors via email, and I'm sure they appreciate it the same way I appreciate it when I get it. But these feedback boards are here, so some people will use them.

It's great that you edit. I think that's a wonderful service here for the writers who seek your counsel. Figured that analysis skill came from somewhere ;-)

MP

 

[CRaZy]

Naaaa.....I thought Misery was venting - and long may she continue to do so!!!

 

[Misery]

This is why I'm not a writer. It comes across all wrong. I know what I meant, but I don't think anyone else did.

 

[CRaZy]

Misery, let me tell you about discourse. When you write, there is a distance between you and the reader. A reader will always bring his/her own experiences to your written word. No two people will interpret what you say the same. I think that is the beauty of it all. You are a fine writer Misery. Your posts are always to the point. Keep writing and posting.

 

[Whispersecret]

I love it when people can debate maturely here.

Here are some points I wanted to make in general, and not necessarily regarding Dillinger's work in particular.

1. You do not have to be a writer to be entitled to posting an opinion here. I'm very interested to hear what plain old readers have to say about my writing. I can't act, but I know bad acting when I see it.

2. I think that if more people posted like Misery, and KM too, who usually has specific comments, the writers here would improve much more quickly. How can an author know their stuff needs help if no one bothers to tell them? If you write in a vacuum, your improvement is probably going to be slow. If you venture out and courageously let people comment about your stuff, you can learn TONS.

3. Sometimes there is no positive suggestion to give. If a story is cliche, all you can really do is tell them to try not to be cliche.

4. Still, if you're going to give negative criticism, as necessary as it may be, you can try to couch it in gentler terms. I'm pretty practiced in this area, having had to write report card comments for nine years. For example, instead of saying "This story is cliche," you could say, "Perhaps you should try really searching for an idea that isn't tried and true. Be adventurous and different." I know it's tedious, but it can spare feelings. Even if our skins are thick, but they're not impervious.

5. I agree with MP. Length should never equal quality. (And I remember liking Hubbard's decology, even if I never did read all of them.) It's easier to write a long mediocre series than it is a short, tight good one.

6. Sometimes writing a series is an excuse to stick with familiar characters, plunging them into different scenarios willy-nilly. There's more to crafting a series than that, in my opinion. (Also, I haven't done any research on this, but I'd be willing to bet that many of the series on this site have chapter numbers attached to their titles that don't go higher than two.)

7. Anything I wrote eight years ago is gonna suck compared to what I'm writing now. Hell, the stuff I worked really hard on three years ago is rough when I go back and look at it. However, if I did have something that old that I was considering posting, I certainly would have revamped it. I'm vain enough not to want people to see anything I haven't sweated bullets over to make the best I can.

[Edited by whispersecret on 01-03-2001 at 05:42 PM]

 

[CRaZy]

You mean you don't just write State Prison Candidate on YOUR report cards Whispersecret? Hmm..I never thought about not being so candid on MY report cards - LOL.
I appreciate feedback from readers too. I post all my stories on my own sad little site which has a band of faithful followers before I send them to Literotica. These readers (all two of them probably) are ruthless and they usually find all the technical errors English teachers shouldn't make.

I've learnt one thing. You can't please all of the readers all of the time. We wouldn't be individuals if different things didn't turn our cranks.

Now, as for Dillinger, I blame him for all this. Firstly he's a man. Secondly, if he's going to write stories in future about which people have opinions he shouldn't publish them - LOLOLOL. Now you can hate me.

 

[Whispersecret]

Ah, no. That wouldn't go over well with the parents. I've been very tempted though. One time I actually made out a fake conference form just for the fun of it and wrote everything I really wanted to say about this kid. I showed it to a friend and she laughed herself silly. Then I made sure to rip the paper to little tiny shreds. It was mildly satisfying to get that out.

No, we certainly can't please all readers. I've only ever gotten good feedback, but that's probably because most people are like me and don't feel right about sending someone a letter that tells them what was wrong with their story. I'll only offer an opinion if they ask for it.

I don't understand why I would hate you Crazy. I couldn't follow why from your post.

 

[CRaZy]

Naaa......Ms.Whisper - was referring to my tongue-in-cheek anti-Dillinger/male sentiments. The "you" was a generic one referring to any readers who might want to take offence.

Hmmm....I have actually shown kids what i WOULD write on their reference if they continue to cause woe. Sometimes it works - LOL.

 

[Dillinger]

*lol*

I really do have to read these bulletin boards more often. Seems I have been the subject of discussion more than once yet I'm never aware of it till after the fact.

All I want to say here is that I appreciate feedback. I think anyone (maybe JD Salinger aside) who makes any work available publically is interested in what other's think of it or at least hopes to provide other some sort of entertainment, edification or experience.

Constructive criticism is always the best, especially when it's a negative review. But even when someone writes me and tells me they really liked my stories I write back and ask them what in particular they liked about it. I'm curious what worked and what didn't. Interestingly enough, I seldom get the same answer from any two people.

As far as the "Belly Flop" thing goes... Is that a particular fetish of yours, Misery? If I continue the Jessica series should I include some descriptive scenes of her getting off watching big fat hairy men doing belly flops into swimming pools? If these men have hard-ons while doing belly flops, won't that hurt? Or is that the general idea here? Perhaps big dicked men who do belly flops deserve to have dented dicks? Cracked cocks? Pummeled Penises? Fractured fuck sticks? Mangled man meat? Or is it the belly itself that is the object of desire here? Should it be tattooed? Pierced? How big should the belly be? Should it be hairy? Is flopping really necessary or can the belly stand (or flop) on its own?

 

[Guest]

Say what?

Wassup with dat Dillinger? I seen you cruising da board, quite frequently, like every day. Hey, like your name is right there for everybody to see. You ain't too bright. No wonder you got outed.

 

[Misery]

A taste of realism, actually. Women who behave like women would be nice. Jessica seemed too fake to me. I built a picture of Pamela Anderson Lee in my head the longer I read, the worse it got. Fake blowsy responses, oh I love your cum cum cum cum fuck me fuck me fuck me. The fact that you wrote it 8 years ago explains alot, I imagine you were alot younger and had a very different perspective of what a sexy woman is. Somehow, after reading lingerie store, I think Jessica would be more of a real woman than a blow up party favor.

I'm going to ignore you little attempts at sarcasm in the end of your post. Bad feedback always sucks, and you were porbably just reacting to it. I was worried for a while that I'd hurt your feelings, but decided not to modify my posts because I figured you were man enough to blow me off.

 

[Dillinger]

Actually - I'm sorry my post came across more as sarcasm than the light hearted attempt at being funny that was my intention. You haven't hurt my feelings. *smile*

 

[Misery]

I'm glad. In retrospect, I should have emailed you. I just don't feel very comfortable emailing people.

 

[CRaZy]

I have mentioned elsewhere that the "average joe" guys in my chat room like Jessica and her Big Dick Adventures over stories that we, the writers, may think are better for a variety of reasons. I just got them to read chapter 11 and these were the two pieces of text they liked best:

Jessica let her hair fall away from his cock and said, “You got that right. I love cock. I love the feel of it; I love the taste of it. I can’t get enough of it. I’m a cock crazy, cum sucking, nympho slut!”

“Come on and fuck me, stud,” she invited him. “Fill my cunt up with that big, thick whopper between your legs. Screw me, hump me, ball me, dick me, plow me, fuck me, Fuck Me, FUCK ME!”

Apparently, these are the sorts of words every man fantasises about hearing but is never likely to. They also admitted (except for one) that if they were delivering pizza and the wife came on while hubby was upstairs they would be scared witless and speed outta there without the payment.

As one of them said, "I like simple stories in which I can imagine being more of a man than I really am. I like the story to get to the money shot quickly. That's what gets me hard."


Just thought I'd share.

 

[Whispersecret]

Crazy, I find that so very interesting. I like to write from the male point of view and that is very revealing about the male psyche.

 

[CRaZy]

Be afraid Whisper!!!!! Be very afraid!!!!!

 

[Laurel]

That's what's so fascinating about erotica, IMveryHO. I know women who get off on the "fuck me! fuck me hard!" scenario, and I know men who enjoy a more subtle story with well-written description and fully developed characters. I think it was Roger Simian who said on another thread (the porn vs. erotica thread in the Authors Hangout, I think) something to the effect that it's not whether you write "erotica" or "porn" but how effectively you write it that counts. He said it much more eloquently than that, and what he said was right on the mark. Badly written romance falls just as flat badly written fuck-me-suck-me. The moral of the story is write what you enjoy reading, and understand that though not everyone will love your work (no matter what you write or how you write it), it will be appreciated.

 

[Carl East]

That's what's so fascinating about erotica, IMveryHO. I know women who get off on the "fuck me! fuck me hard!" scenario, and I know men who enjoy a more subtle story with well-written description and fully developed characters.

I knew a woman just like that Laurel, she contacted me a couple of times on AOL instant, in order to cyber with me. She wanted me to call her names like slut or cunt while typing out my stuff, but it just wasn't me.

I couldn't treat women that way, so we decided not to cyber from then on. I would imagine that particular woman would love stories that use strong language in the text.

Carl

 

[masterstern]

Whats her e-mail address?

Hey Carl,

If she is not the woman for you, she sounds perfect for me. Let her know my e-mail address! I'll call her a slut, whore, bitch anytime. LOL


Masterstern

 

[Ray Dario]

"Male" psyche

I am a male, or so I am firmly delusional, and if that is the typical "Male" psyche then I am tempted to opt out of the gender. Nope not tempted enough, I will hold onto my psychotic dementia and remain male.

Honestly, I think some of our much younger readers, who are still mainly thinking with testosterone, might think the way you describe, but I don't consider it the norm.

By the way, and this is NOT critism but a true request for information, why do you write as a male? I love stories written by women for men but from the woman's perspective and wish there were more of them posted. But usually the stories written by women seem to be written for other women, nothing wrong with that, but I would love to see some written by women for men.

Ray