RoryN
You're screwed.
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2003
- Posts
- 57,456
jeninflorida...the author.
- Thread starter RoryN
- Start date
RoryN
You're screwed.
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2003
- Posts
- 57,456
RoryN
You're screwed.
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2003
- Posts
- 57,456
RoryN
You're screwed.
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2003
- Posts
- 57,456
RoryN
You're screwed.
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2003
- Posts
- 57,456
lovecraft68
Bad Doggie
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2009
- Posts
- 43,905
So, can you gents do better?
Would you like to show us?
Or you want to take pot shots at someone with the balls to post stories?
And go ahead and go look at mine, I'll be the first one to tell you I have all kinds of grammatical errors, but its a free site and for fun. My new stuff is better than my old stuff as well because that is what a site like this is for; practice. I also have an editor for my paying work on Amazon and elsewhere.
As for 50 Shades, all of Jenn's examples are better written than that pile of crap.
So, anyway, can I see some of your creative juices?
Would you like to show us?
Or you want to take pot shots at someone with the balls to post stories?
And go ahead and go look at mine, I'll be the first one to tell you I have all kinds of grammatical errors, but its a free site and for fun. My new stuff is better than my old stuff as well because that is what a site like this is for; practice. I also have an editor for my paying work on Amazon and elsewhere.
As for 50 Shades, all of Jenn's examples are better written than that pile of crap.
So, anyway, can I see some of your creative juices?
Bert Notorius
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2004
- Posts
- 46,417
rory is a member of the book burner's club.
RoryN
You're screwed.
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2003
- Posts
- 57,456
lovecraft68
Bad Doggie
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2009
- Posts
- 43,905
“That was good!” He told her grinning. “But let me ask you, that cream is quite expensive no?”
“It is,” she answered, wondering where he was going with this. “Why do you ask?”
While waiting for him to answer, Allison had slipped the sandal from her heel, letting it dangle from her toes and began kicking her leg slightly. The move was not lost upon Warner, whose eyes locked onto her legs.
“Well no offense, but it seems a little beyond your means."
“Again, excuse me?”
“Like I said, no offense meant. I just play little guessing games with myself sometimes. Please humor me. Was the cream a gift perhaps?”
“It was.”
“From an upscale gentlemen, I’d imagine."
So that was where this was going, she thought.
“Actually it was a gift from a client.”
“You must have been very impressive." He gave her another smug smirk.
"I always am."
“That’s what I’m counting on."
His eyes were still focused on her legs as he spoke and Allison switched legs, opening them more than she needed to before crossing them and once again dangling her shoe from her toes. He was pretty much declaring what he wanted, so it was time to begin the game. If he wanted it, he would have to earn it. To her delight, Alex gave her an opening with his next question.
“So do you use the cream anywhere else?”
“I use it on my feet.” She kicked her shoe off. “Would you like to taste it from them?”
Alex laughed softly, but his gaze was fixed on her now bare foot, which she was wiggling back and forth. “Do you always ask men to kiss your feet, Allison?”
“No.” She shook her head. “Usually they’re the ones asking for the privilege.”
“Oh,” Alex whispered, a strange smile playing about his lips. “I like that answer, I really do.”
“I’ll bet you do.” Leaning forward, she placed her glass on the table and, looking Warner in the eye, began speaking softly. “I think we both know where this is going.”
“Do we now?” he asked, again with that odd look on his face.
“I do,” she told him. “It’s down to the good old give a little to get a little.” She smiled at him. “Normally I don’t play that game, but tell you what, Alex, for you I’ll make an exception.”
“I knew you would,” he replied, the smile turning into a smug smirk.
Kicking her other shoe off, Allison placed both of her bare feet onto the coffee table.
“So I’ll tell you what, how about I sit back on your nice comfy couch, and you come over here.” She indicated the floor in front of her. “And I’ll let you start at my feet.”
“Start at your feet?”
“Yes, and if you’re a good boy and do a good job on my toes, maybe I’ll let you work your way up to my pussy.”
“I don’t think so, Allison,” Warner said.
He had spoken softly, but something in his tone caused her to narrow her eyes. Looking into his deep blue eyes, she saw they had hardened and the smile was gone from his face.
“Seeing I’m the one with something you want, I think you’ll come over here.” He made a show of pointing at the floor as she had done. “Get on your knees, and if you do a good job sucking, I may be nice enough to allow you to swallow it.”
His eyes were still locked onto hers and his resonant voice had a hypnotic quality to it. Allison forced herself not to look away as she replied. “Apparently I have something you want as well, and you want it bad enough to have called me.” She smiled. “You sought me out, Alex, remember that. Now stop posing like you do for those young escorts you pay and come on over here.” Opening her legs, she hiked her skirt part way up. “I’ll even let you look at my pussy while you suck my toes for a little inspiration.”
“Keep talking like that, Allison, and I’ll be fucking your mouth rather than you sucking on it, and instead of letting you swallow it, I’ll be watching you lick my cum off this table.”
Allison was taken aback. That was a lot harsher than anything she’d heard before. With a start, she realized they were alone and Warner was a large powerful man. Taking a deep breath, she told herself this was the same game she played, just a rougher version of it. Allison had never let a man control her and was not about to start now.
“That’s crude, Alex,” she said quietly. “I expected you to be classier that that.” She gave him a nasty smirk of her own. “Or are you just mad because I’m not fawning all over you like those inexperienced little girls who think you’re a man because you have money?” She laughed. “You’ll get more from me with honey, so why don’t you try again, with some manners this time.”
“And I, my dear, am not one of those little boys that you play with, boys who barely know where their dicks are and fawn all over you because you know how to use your mouth better than their little girlfriends.”
Young boys? How did he….?
“And as for my manners?” Alex continued, “You’re right I’m usually not crude, but then again I’m used to dealing with women with class, not slutty little career climbing whores, who’ll drop to their knees for a chance to land a decent client. You’re not worth more than crude tactics, Allison. Pigs never are.”
That got under her skin and, forcing her voice to remain calm she whispered, “I’m not a career….”
“Oh spare me!” He waved his hand disgustedly. “Of course you are! Why do you think I brought you here? Because your work’s any good? You’re mediocre at best, Allison. An average talent with an above average set of tits, and a pair of blow job lips.”
Shaking her head Allison began, “I think that….”
“Don’t think, it’s not your strong suit. No, what you do best is what you’re about to do.” He gave her a nasty smirk. “And that is stand up, take your clothes off and come over here and suck my cock. You’ve put up your token fight, now just get on your knees and show me how you got that nice little office of yours.”
While he continued to speak in that same soft yet intense tone, his electric blue eyes held hers fast, refusing to let her look away. Allison was aware that she was beginning to sweat and felt her breathing picking up.
“Besides, Allison, you know you’ll enjoy it. After all when was the last time you got to fuck a guy who was decent looking? Of course I’ll only fuck you if you give a decent blow job and thank me for letting you. Any more of that attitude and I’ll just make you suck it twice, and again lick every drop from the ….” He smiled. “No not the table, since you’re obsessed with feet perhaps you can lick my cum off of my feet, after you drool it out of your mouth.”
To her surprise, Allison realized that she was getting wet. She imagined being naked and on her knees, sucking Warner’s cock while he grabbed her hair and shoved her face into his lap. She imagined him exploding into her mouth and letting it spill out, down her chin and tits.
“And if you clean up every drop, then I’ll be a nice guy and let you play with yourself in front of me and get off.” He laughed. “God knows I wouldn’t want to touch what half the city of New York has.” He must have noticed her wavering as he smiled and began in an even softer tone, “Oh you like that, you little pig? You’re getting turned on aren’t you? Like the idea of lapping up cum like a dog? Tell you what, Allison, I’ll give you a chance. Crawl over here like a good girl and say you’re sorry and I’ll even bend you over and fuck you, give you a real cock in that used pussy of yours.”
Allison swallowed hard, her mind now filled with the image of Warner bending her over and fucking the shit out of her, his powerful hands digging in to her hips as he drove himself in and out of her. He would be rough with her, pulling her hair and spanking her, she would still be tasting his cum in her mouth and…. no. She wouldn’t give in.
Moving quickly, Allison reached down and, pulling her thong to the side, exposed her pussy. Raising her right leg, she straightened it out across the table so her toes were inches from his face. Keeping her eyes on his she began speaking softly, “Nice try, Alex, but I’m not one of your little toys. I’m a career climbing whore am I? Well I have news for you, Warner; you’re the one who wants this career climbing whore. I’m a pig? What are you for wanting me? I’ll tell you what you are.” She gave him a smirk as nasty as his. “You’re nothing but a spoiled little brat who throws a fit when he gets told no, a poser who has to pay his girls to moan for him.”
For the first time, Alex’s smug smile faded and he blinked at her. “Enough!” he snapped. “I….”
“Will sit there and stare at that pussy you want so bad, that’s what you’ll do. The pussy you couldn’t score at that dinner, the pussy you sought out and are trying to bribe with a contract. That’s right, Alex, take a good long look at that nice pink pussy, the one you want to lick, the one you would love to fuck.”
“Allison, this….”
He stopped as she pushed her foot into his face. She stifled a groan as she felt her toes graze his lips and kept speaking, “You think you’re calling the shots, Alex? I don’t think so. I’m a woman, not a store bought slut that gets paid extra to stroke your ego along with your flaccid cock. You sit there with that arrogant smirk on your face? Well hate to tell you poser, but underneath your suits and behind that money, you’re nothing but a grabby little boy who hates to be told “no”.”
That hit home, his eyes widened and his face turned red.
“I am not a boy and….”
“But that’s okay, Alex, you know why?” She smiled. “Because I feel bad for you I’m willing to let you start over. So be a good boy and if you suck on my pretty little toes, I’ll let you jerk off on my pussy while I get myself off. Because God knows a sorry excuse of a silver spooned Romeo could never fuck a woman the way she needs it.” She shoved her foot at him again and hissed. “Now be good little puppy and open your mouth, because this is your last chance.”
Alex was staring hard at her and Allison felt her pussy begin to flow when he lowered his head and gently grabbed her ankle, bringing her foot to his lips Alex softly kissed the top of her foot, sending a shiver through her. She held back a moan as he trailed his lips along the length of her foot and across the tops of her toes. Then to her surprise he lowered her foot to the table. Letting her ankle go, Alex looked up at her and burst out laughing. Confused, Allison sat there watching him. When he got control of himself she asked, “Am I missing something?”
“Not at all, Allison,” he exclaimed. “In fact you’re absolutely perfect!”
“It is,” she answered, wondering where he was going with this. “Why do you ask?”
While waiting for him to answer, Allison had slipped the sandal from her heel, letting it dangle from her toes and began kicking her leg slightly. The move was not lost upon Warner, whose eyes locked onto her legs.
“Well no offense, but it seems a little beyond your means."
“Again, excuse me?”
“Like I said, no offense meant. I just play little guessing games with myself sometimes. Please humor me. Was the cream a gift perhaps?”
“It was.”
“From an upscale gentlemen, I’d imagine."
So that was where this was going, she thought.
“Actually it was a gift from a client.”
“You must have been very impressive." He gave her another smug smirk.
"I always am."
“That’s what I’m counting on."
His eyes were still focused on her legs as he spoke and Allison switched legs, opening them more than she needed to before crossing them and once again dangling her shoe from her toes. He was pretty much declaring what he wanted, so it was time to begin the game. If he wanted it, he would have to earn it. To her delight, Alex gave her an opening with his next question.
“So do you use the cream anywhere else?”
“I use it on my feet.” She kicked her shoe off. “Would you like to taste it from them?”
Alex laughed softly, but his gaze was fixed on her now bare foot, which she was wiggling back and forth. “Do you always ask men to kiss your feet, Allison?”
“No.” She shook her head. “Usually they’re the ones asking for the privilege.”
“Oh,” Alex whispered, a strange smile playing about his lips. “I like that answer, I really do.”
“I’ll bet you do.” Leaning forward, she placed her glass on the table and, looking Warner in the eye, began speaking softly. “I think we both know where this is going.”
“Do we now?” he asked, again with that odd look on his face.
“I do,” she told him. “It’s down to the good old give a little to get a little.” She smiled at him. “Normally I don’t play that game, but tell you what, Alex, for you I’ll make an exception.”
“I knew you would,” he replied, the smile turning into a smug smirk.
Kicking her other shoe off, Allison placed both of her bare feet onto the coffee table.
“So I’ll tell you what, how about I sit back on your nice comfy couch, and you come over here.” She indicated the floor in front of her. “And I’ll let you start at my feet.”
“Start at your feet?”
“Yes, and if you’re a good boy and do a good job on my toes, maybe I’ll let you work your way up to my pussy.”
“I don’t think so, Allison,” Warner said.
He had spoken softly, but something in his tone caused her to narrow her eyes. Looking into his deep blue eyes, she saw they had hardened and the smile was gone from his face.
“Seeing I’m the one with something you want, I think you’ll come over here.” He made a show of pointing at the floor as she had done. “Get on your knees, and if you do a good job sucking, I may be nice enough to allow you to swallow it.”
His eyes were still locked onto hers and his resonant voice had a hypnotic quality to it. Allison forced herself not to look away as she replied. “Apparently I have something you want as well, and you want it bad enough to have called me.” She smiled. “You sought me out, Alex, remember that. Now stop posing like you do for those young escorts you pay and come on over here.” Opening her legs, she hiked her skirt part way up. “I’ll even let you look at my pussy while you suck my toes for a little inspiration.”
“Keep talking like that, Allison, and I’ll be fucking your mouth rather than you sucking on it, and instead of letting you swallow it, I’ll be watching you lick my cum off this table.”
Allison was taken aback. That was a lot harsher than anything she’d heard before. With a start, she realized they were alone and Warner was a large powerful man. Taking a deep breath, she told herself this was the same game she played, just a rougher version of it. Allison had never let a man control her and was not about to start now.
“That’s crude, Alex,” she said quietly. “I expected you to be classier that that.” She gave him a nasty smirk of her own. “Or are you just mad because I’m not fawning all over you like those inexperienced little girls who think you’re a man because you have money?” She laughed. “You’ll get more from me with honey, so why don’t you try again, with some manners this time.”
“And I, my dear, am not one of those little boys that you play with, boys who barely know where their dicks are and fawn all over you because you know how to use your mouth better than their little girlfriends.”
Young boys? How did he….?
“And as for my manners?” Alex continued, “You’re right I’m usually not crude, but then again I’m used to dealing with women with class, not slutty little career climbing whores, who’ll drop to their knees for a chance to land a decent client. You’re not worth more than crude tactics, Allison. Pigs never are.”
That got under her skin and, forcing her voice to remain calm she whispered, “I’m not a career….”
“Oh spare me!” He waved his hand disgustedly. “Of course you are! Why do you think I brought you here? Because your work’s any good? You’re mediocre at best, Allison. An average talent with an above average set of tits, and a pair of blow job lips.”
Shaking her head Allison began, “I think that….”
“Don’t think, it’s not your strong suit. No, what you do best is what you’re about to do.” He gave her a nasty smirk. “And that is stand up, take your clothes off and come over here and suck my cock. You’ve put up your token fight, now just get on your knees and show me how you got that nice little office of yours.”
While he continued to speak in that same soft yet intense tone, his electric blue eyes held hers fast, refusing to let her look away. Allison was aware that she was beginning to sweat and felt her breathing picking up.
“Besides, Allison, you know you’ll enjoy it. After all when was the last time you got to fuck a guy who was decent looking? Of course I’ll only fuck you if you give a decent blow job and thank me for letting you. Any more of that attitude and I’ll just make you suck it twice, and again lick every drop from the ….” He smiled. “No not the table, since you’re obsessed with feet perhaps you can lick my cum off of my feet, after you drool it out of your mouth.”
To her surprise, Allison realized that she was getting wet. She imagined being naked and on her knees, sucking Warner’s cock while he grabbed her hair and shoved her face into his lap. She imagined him exploding into her mouth and letting it spill out, down her chin and tits.
“And if you clean up every drop, then I’ll be a nice guy and let you play with yourself in front of me and get off.” He laughed. “God knows I wouldn’t want to touch what half the city of New York has.” He must have noticed her wavering as he smiled and began in an even softer tone, “Oh you like that, you little pig? You’re getting turned on aren’t you? Like the idea of lapping up cum like a dog? Tell you what, Allison, I’ll give you a chance. Crawl over here like a good girl and say you’re sorry and I’ll even bend you over and fuck you, give you a real cock in that used pussy of yours.”
Allison swallowed hard, her mind now filled with the image of Warner bending her over and fucking the shit out of her, his powerful hands digging in to her hips as he drove himself in and out of her. He would be rough with her, pulling her hair and spanking her, she would still be tasting his cum in her mouth and…. no. She wouldn’t give in.
Moving quickly, Allison reached down and, pulling her thong to the side, exposed her pussy. Raising her right leg, she straightened it out across the table so her toes were inches from his face. Keeping her eyes on his she began speaking softly, “Nice try, Alex, but I’m not one of your little toys. I’m a career climbing whore am I? Well I have news for you, Warner; you’re the one who wants this career climbing whore. I’m a pig? What are you for wanting me? I’ll tell you what you are.” She gave him a smirk as nasty as his. “You’re nothing but a spoiled little brat who throws a fit when he gets told no, a poser who has to pay his girls to moan for him.”
For the first time, Alex’s smug smile faded and he blinked at her. “Enough!” he snapped. “I….”
“Will sit there and stare at that pussy you want so bad, that’s what you’ll do. The pussy you couldn’t score at that dinner, the pussy you sought out and are trying to bribe with a contract. That’s right, Alex, take a good long look at that nice pink pussy, the one you want to lick, the one you would love to fuck.”
“Allison, this….”
He stopped as she pushed her foot into his face. She stifled a groan as she felt her toes graze his lips and kept speaking, “You think you’re calling the shots, Alex? I don’t think so. I’m a woman, not a store bought slut that gets paid extra to stroke your ego along with your flaccid cock. You sit there with that arrogant smirk on your face? Well hate to tell you poser, but underneath your suits and behind that money, you’re nothing but a grabby little boy who hates to be told “no”.”
That hit home, his eyes widened and his face turned red.
“I am not a boy and….”
“But that’s okay, Alex, you know why?” She smiled. “Because I feel bad for you I’m willing to let you start over. So be a good boy and if you suck on my pretty little toes, I’ll let you jerk off on my pussy while I get myself off. Because God knows a sorry excuse of a silver spooned Romeo could never fuck a woman the way she needs it.” She shoved her foot at him again and hissed. “Now be good little puppy and open your mouth, because this is your last chance.”
Alex was staring hard at her and Allison felt her pussy begin to flow when he lowered his head and gently grabbed her ankle, bringing her foot to his lips Alex softly kissed the top of her foot, sending a shiver through her. She held back a moan as he trailed his lips along the length of her foot and across the tops of her toes. Then to her surprise he lowered her foot to the table. Letting her ankle go, Alex looked up at her and burst out laughing. Confused, Allison sat there watching him. When he got control of himself she asked, “Am I missing something?”
“Not at all, Allison,” he exclaimed. “In fact you’re absolutely perfect!”
RoryN
You're screwed.
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2003
- Posts
- 57,456
Sean Renaud
The West Coast Pop
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2004
- Posts
- 58,932
Wow. Just wow.
Beco
I'm Not Your Guru
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2002
- Posts
- 57,795
Dude, come on. Seriously?? This place is called LITerotica, dum dum. You're making fun of someone's writing? First off, lets see your writing, second, that's not cool. Not defending her or her writing, but she is trying.....christ sake
third, its almost impossible to write a great short erotic story......try it sometime and forth, she put it up there, so dopes like you can critique it.....that takes courage
third, its almost impossible to write a great short erotic story......try it sometime and forth, she put it up there, so dopes like you can critique it.....that takes courage
Last edited:
Sean Renaud
The West Coast Pop
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2004
- Posts
- 58,932
Granted, most authors could be picked apart to find some pretty bad lines but this is Jen, I have no reason to believe her entire stories aren't written like that. And I have over 200 stories some of them written over a single night while fairly drunk or high and I think I might have two stories that are half as fucked up as that.
Beco
I'm Not Your Guru
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2002
- Posts
- 57,795
that's not the point really.....most of Lit has some really bad stories.
Sean Renaud
The West Coast Pop
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2004
- Posts
- 58,932
The fact that Jen's a fucking moron who can't manage to string together a coherent thought is very much the point.
jeninflorida
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2003
- Posts
- 22,463
thanks! these ass hats are not willing to do any work. they just want "free" and knock everyone else for trying.
Sad, these people are just sad
Beco
I'm Not Your Guru
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2002
- Posts
- 57,795
Lets see a sample your shit, Hemingway
jeninflorida
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2003
- Posts
- 22,463
Should we really expect anything else from these people? They are unwilling to do any work, yet feel that they are above everyone.
its amazing that with little work, I've been able to build a cult following
RoryN
You're screwed.
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2003
- Posts
- 57,456
Last edited:
jeninflorida
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2003
- Posts
- 22,463
we can not blame them, for these people are damaged
Sean Renaud
The West Coast Pop
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2004
- Posts
- 58,932
I never claimed to be Hemingway. I never even claimed to be particularly good. You can read any of my posts and that should be sufficient to prove that I can communicate clearly with people. Since you asked however here's one, and I chose it specifically because it's awful. (and somehow got picked out and published in a magazine which had me scratching my head until I realized it's better to be lucky than good).
The Tale of Benjamin Royson. It's probably my worst one but I can scan real quick and see if I can find one that's even worse.
Not everyone can be creative, so I don't blame Jen for that, but there is absolutely no excuse for poor grammar and punctuation. It's one thing to use bad grammar while posting on an internet forum, but everyone should try to do their absolute best in a story.
