Jealousy issues with my gf past

[Borgia123]

I am hoping that i will get some advice or feedback, i am not sure that i want to be posting on this as it seems that the more i post on it - the more real it gets and the more it bothers me but here we go


Basically, while my gf was with her ex, she was cheating on him with this guy repeatly over a long period of time, starting from flirting to sex talk to kissing to sleeping with him.

She slept with him when she was having a break with her bofriend (whom she had been trying to break up with for ages)

This was discussed in the first few days of our relationship, she brought it up, we still haven't been together for very long (three months) and this bothers me.

He was basically a fantasy figure for her for two years, i am jealous of him for that and also i feel that she asks a lot more from me before entering a sexual relationship then him (although that isn't strictly true, inthat she slept with me very quickly too and says that she had known him better then me - Doesn't really cut the ice for me)

I have a thought of a lot of reasons for this problems, some might be true but to be honest, i dont really know anymore, this comes and goes - if i dont discuss it, i dont think about it as much but although i have told her about it and discussed it with her - i think that doing so anymore is pointless but it still bothers me more then she knows

Anyways, anything????

I really want to forget about this and be happy, thats all i want (but she is going away in 6 months and i think that this might be a way for me to handle that, i am not sure)

 

[Vixandra]

A good relationship has a lot of trust involved. If you can't trust her and can't see yourself trusting her in the future, its not going to be a healthy relationship.

Unless you've an open door policy but that's a different story all together.

I've told male friends to consider this in teh past- if she slept with you easy and you knew she slept with her ex easy, who else did she let into her pants without knowing very well?
I'd ask her to get a full series of SDT tests before you do anything else with her if she hasn't had one recently (since she last slept with her on-the-side beau).

Yours is a hard spot- she can change and maybe she has. But getting over that past is going to be hard. If you thinks she's worth it, go for it and best of luck to you.

 

[SweetErika]

A good relationship has a lot of trust involved. If you can't trust her and can't see yourself trusting her in the future, its not going to be a healthy relationship.

Unless you've an open door policy but that's a different story all together.

I've told male friends to consider this in teh past- if she slept with you easy and you knew she slept with her ex easy, who else did she let into her pants without knowing very well?
I'd ask her to get a full series of SDT tests before you do anything else with her if she hasn't had one recently (since she last slept with her on-the-side beau).

Yours is a hard spot- she can change and maybe she has. But getting over that past is going to be hard. If you thinks she's worth it, go for it and best of luck to you.

Great advice, as always. The fact that this bothers you so much (I don't think it's unjustified though) doesn't bode well for your relationship. Perhaps it's time to find someone you can trust and will see more regularly?

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Hey now - wait a minute here! She slept with you quickly - but you slept with her quickly too - right? She was upfront and told you about her past - something that is not easy to do. And I think you're saying that she didn't sleep with the fantasy guy except when she was broken up with the now ex boyfriend.

Do you feel like she is not being truthful? Or are you just jealous that she had past relationships?

 

[SexyChele]

If you don't feel that you cant trust some one, then I would question the health of the relationship.

I also listen to those little red flags that go off in my head - they can help keep you out of heartache.

 

[londonaberdeen]

I'm with the general view here that perhaps trust isn't in this relationship and if that's the case it doesn't bode well for long term. Also if your solution is waiting for her to go away in 6 months, great solution.

I'm with CRAZY too though, do I read you right. You criticise her for being easy yet don't judge yourself in the same way. Harsh.

Being judgemental of your SO also doesn't bode well for the long term.

I'm not sure I now even understand what it is you're asking.

Are you asking do we trust her? Are you asking should you break up with her?

I'm lost. What I do know is that you don't trust her. Up to you what you do about that.

By the way, you not trusting her. Maybe there is nothing she can do about that. Maybe you just need to learn how to deal with the fact everyone has a past and if someones past doesn't fit with you, then you maybe don't fit with their present.

 

[nycphoto]

What is the big deal if she had sex before? If there is baggage then you may or may not have a problem. If there is none then what is the difference? You should only leave this girl if you have a problem with her cheating on you.

 

[smoothdevil]

Hey now - wait a minute here! She slept with you quickly - but you slept with her quickly too - right? She was upfront and told you about her past - something that is not easy to do. And I think you're saying that she didn't sleep with the fantasy guy except when she was broken up with the now ex boyfriend.

Do you feel like she is not being truthful? Or are you just jealous that she had past relationships?

I have to agree with Crazy on this one ... getting STD testing is a good idea ... you seem to have the problem re accepting her sexual activity ... you may need to evaluate your motives ...

 

[bkp]

Don't want to sound like a dick

But do you know the saying
"find 'em cheating lose 'em cheating"

You got to have trust or it's gonna eat you up inside everytime she's out of you sight.

Maybe i'm wrong,
hopefully i am for your sake .

 

[invisigirl]

The advice you've gotten here is really pretty sound. I think I'd take it all in to consideration. Would you judge her differently if it were someone you aren't involved in? What would let you trust her?

Sounds like you need to talk to her. Do you know what wavelength she's on as far as the relationship goes? Ask her what she would do if she met someone she was very attracted to while she's away? Opening up communication might help trust grow or, solidify those red flags. Either way it's a start.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Wow - usually not many people agree with me! But I've been there - start dating a new guy and of course the first thing they would ask is about your past. (this is years and years ago mind you) And me, being the open book (and not too bright about men) that I am would actually TELL them. Many of them would have problems with my past. Like they expected me to still be a virgin or something - ok - I"ve got 2 kids!!!! lol

 

[smoothdevil]

Wow - usually not many people agree with me! But I've been there - start dating a new guy and of course the first thing they would ask is about your past. (this is years and years ago mind you) And me, being the open book (and not too bright about men) that I am would actually TELL them. Many of them would have problems with my past. Like they expected me to still be a virgin or something - ok - I"ve got 2 kids!!!! lol

lol ... re virgin and 2 kids ... new religion in the offing ? .... lol .

 

[crazybbwgirl]

lol ... re virgin and 2 kids ... new religion in the offing ? .... lol .

I swear to gods mom - this angel came down from the sky and told me I was gonna have a baby.........