Jacking-Off Log

[tortoise]

Well, I just consider it a gift, grateful when I get there. Yes, I guess if I expected it every time or had sex only to get there, I'd be pretty maddened.

But I think there are things that can only happen when you breathe in someone else's scent and the amygdala does what amygdalas do.

I the reptilian part of my brain.

Which, yeah, is pretty much the whole thing. Cerebral cortex, schmerebral cortex.

 

[Recidiva]

I the reptilian part of my brain.

Which, yeah, is pretty much the whole thing. Cerebral cortex, schmerebral cortex.

I think this is what so many different types of fantasies do. Violence stimulates certain sets of receptors, humiliation others, pleasure others, pain others...

Everyone's got their cocktail. I feel sorry for people occasionally whose brains are habitually or organically rigged in different ways, ones where they can't get off unless they identify with the action (not the chemistry) or the emotion (and not the chemistry)

Sure, I'll use all sorts of imagery to get where I want to go, but in the end, when I realize it's the images and my brain thinking their real, I don't really need to go there. I think I've just got a powerful imagination that has the ability to convince itself that it's real, and that's a gift.

 

[tortoise]

It can be a heady mix, to be sure.

But yeah, a lot of ugliness can arise from misguided attempts to paint fantasy onto the canvas of reality.

 

[rosco rathbone]

But yeah, a lot of ugliness can arise from misguided attempts to paint fantasy onto the canvas of reality.

Also a lot of perversity!

 

[tortoise]

Amen to that, my brother, as long as it's consensual. The safe and especially sane bits are negotiable.

 

[Recidiva]

Also a lot of perversity!

A lot of people think I've just popped their fun bubble when I mention brain chemistry.

But I think of it as freedom.

 

[Hester]

A lot of people think I've just popped their fun bubble when I mention brain chemistry.

But I think of it as freedom.

brain chem is cool and fascinating

i used to try to manipulate mine with drugs, now i try to do it in other less forceful ways

 

[tortoise]

A lot of people think I've just popped their fun bubble when I mention brain chemistry.

But I think of it as freedom.

Absolutely. A license to let your mind go where it will, sans shame spirals.

 

[tortoise]

brain chem is cool and fascinating

i used to try to manipulate mine with drugs, now i try to do it in other less forceful ways

Trepanation?

 

[Hester]

Trepanation?

well, you have the hole and drill parts right....

 

[tortoise]

When brain chemistry meets Puritanical mores, it can lead to all manner of ugliness. If you feel intense burning shame for even imagining a thing, obsession can ensue, until you figure "well, I've already sinned in thought, why not in deed?"

The whole "sin in thought" concept, therefore, is utter bollocks, and should be annihilated with extreme prejudice.

 

[tortoise]

well, you have the hole and drill parts right....

Yeah, carpentry can be quite the adrenaline rush. The delicious thrill of a well-turned table leg… :moan:

Okay, enough silliness. Work calleth. Bleh.

Happy jacking, boys and girls!

 

[Recidiva]

When brain chemistry meets Puritanical mores, it can lead to all manner of ugliness. If you feel intense burning shame for even imagining a thing, obsession can ensue, until you figure "well, I've already sinned in thought, why not in deed?"

The whole "sin in thought" concept, therefore, is utter bollocks, and should be annihilated with extreme prejudice.

I agree. The funny part is that the whole aspect of furtive shame adds another element to the blend that is often inextricable.

I've never indulged, though, so I don't know what I'm missing.

What's imagined shame once you've tasted the real thing?

Some of this I just have to accept as brain crack. Very difficult to give up.

 

[Hester]

When brain chemistry meets Puritanical mores, it can lead to all manner of ugliness. If you feel intense burning shame for even imagining a thing, obsession can ensue, until you figure "well, I've already sinned in thought, why not in deed?"

The whole "sin in thought" concept, therefore, is utter bollocks, and should be annihilated with extreme prejudice.

i think brain chem with puritanical mores is a great mix! that's why i've preferred to date guys who grew up catholic. there's something highly erotic about seeing a man with so much lust that it overcomes that much guilt and shame. nasty, dirty men-whores, those altar boys. love 'em.

sex is so much better with a healthy dose of sin.

 

[Hester]

I agree. The funny part is that the whole aspect of furtive shame adds another element to the blend that is often inextricable.

I've never indulged, though, so I don't know what I'm missing.

What's imagined shame once you've tasted the real thing?

Some of this I just have to accept as brain crack. Very difficult to give up.

i don't care which one of us it is, or if it's both of us as long as it's present and tangible.

 

[Recidiva]

i don't care which one of us it is, or if it's both of us as long as it's present and tangible.

This I have grown to understand. I think I'd be incompatible here.

I have described it as rolling around in your back yard as a teenager worried about getting grass stains and getting caught.

I like naked in the jungle. Don't care who is watching or what they think. God or man.

 

[rosco rathbone]

there's something highly erotic about seeing a man with so much lust that it overcomes that much guilt and shame. nasty, dirty men-whores, those altar boys. love 'em.

sex is so much better with a healthy dose of sin.

GMTA.

"Fun bubbles": everything is bubbles with me too. That thing where you can't keep your hands off each other and end up late for work is a "fuck bubble", etc.

 

[Hester]

this convo sent me back to the jack

large vibrating object. pain, real and imagined.

successful effort---double header, quite satisfying for a change, basking in the masturbatory afterglow. hopefully, this will last me until bed time.

 

[Hester]

GMTA.

"Fun bubbles": everything is bubbles with me too. That thing where you can't keep your hands off each other and end up late for work is a "fuck bubble", etc.

GMTA?

yes, just exited a bubble a few moments ago.

time disappears, or at least becomes irrelevant

i'm wondering if that's where the transcendence comes from---the ability to escape the limits of the time dimension

 

[Hester]

This I have grown to understand. I think I'd be incompatible here.

I have described it as rolling around in your back yard as a teenager worried about getting grass stains and getting caught.

I like naked in the jungle. Don't care who is watching or what they think. God or man.

i used to think that's what i wanted---to feel the freedom of naked in the jungle. so i pushed my boundaries to try to achieve the shamelessness. and pushed and pushed and pushed. then one day i realized it wasn't the shamelessness i truly wanted but the pushing of limits that took me into the shame, which is what i was seeking to experience.

if you ask any of my close friends, i think they would categorize me as shameless and brazen, but i think they are missing a key point. there is only one person irl who knows me well enough to see this deeply into me and i had a long-term relationship with her. were she not so psychotic (real problem) it's possible we would still be together in our odd poly relationship.

i think i get off on humility. not humiliation, per se, but the humility found through shame and humiliation. slight distinction but very important in some small part of my consciousness. not sure about this yet---still exploring it. this woman were she still in my life would probably understand this part of me better than i do.

 

[Marquis]

A sudden flurry of jacking has overtaken me. I am jacking with the streamlined effort and steady pace of a trotting standardbred racehorse.

I O, wait a reasonable time period, look for a new mental stimulation medium, and back to jackery I go.

 

[Recidiva]

i used to think that's what i wanted---to feel the freedom of naked in the jungle. so i pushed my boundaries to try to achieve the shamelessness. and pushed and pushed and pushed. then one day i realized it wasn't the shamelessness i truly wanted but the pushing of limits that took me into the shame, which is what i was seeking to experience.

if you ask any of my close friends, i think they would categorize me as shameless and brazen, but i think they are missing a key point. there is only one person irl who knows me well enough to see this deeply into me and i had a long-term relationship with her. were she not so psychotic (real problem) it's possible we would still be together in our odd poly relationship.

i think i get off on humility. not humiliation, per se, but the humility found through shame and humiliation. slight distinction but very important in some small part of my consciousness. not sure about this yet---still exploring it. this woman were she still in my life would probably understand this part of me better than i do.

I can get it, it's great that you've discovered what it is and separated it out, through experimentation, into its components.

Do you know if it's the humiliation of going against a group, or going against your self?

I like self control and strong wills. I don't like to be driven into the dark parts. I like to explore the dark parts myself and then give a well-lit guided tour.

 

[Hester]

I can get it, it's great that you've discovered what it is and separated it out, through experimentation, into its components.

Do you know if it's the humiliation of going against a group, or going against your self?

not sure i understand this question. would you mind rephrasing?

I like self control and strong wills. I don't like to be driven into the dark parts. I like to explore the dark parts myself and then give a well-lit guided tour.

embracing and accepting my dark parts is a source of strength to me. it used not to be, but i accept myself as being made by a benevolent creator and do not believe there is a part of me that is truly "bad." it's an illusion created by my human subconscious for a reason, for me to learn from it. so i enter it and learn.

 

[rosco rathbone]

A sudden flurry of jacking has overtaken me. I am jacking with the streamlined effort and steady pace of a trotting standardbred racehorse.

I O, wait a reasonable time period, look for a new mental stimulation medium, and back to jackery I go.

Up-cycle. Glad to have you back.

 

[Recidiva]

not sure i understand this question. would you mind rephrasing?

embracing and accepting my dark parts is a source of strength to me. it used not to be, but i accept myself as being made by a benevolent creator and do not believe there is a part of me that is truly "bad." it's an illusion created by my human subconscious for a reason, for me to learn from it. so i enter it and learn.

There's that old book "Women Who Run With The Wolves"

"It was a time when parents who abused their children were simply called "strict", when the spiritual lacerations of profoundly exploited women were refered to as "nervous breakdowns", when girls and women who were tightly girdled, tightly reined, and tightly muzzled were called "nice", and those other females who managed to slip the collar for a moment or two of life were branded "bad. "

My sister and I read this book a while back and she said of me that I'd been "slipping the collar for a lifetime"

I never cared what other people thought. If I thought the collar was worth wearing, I would, otherwise, nothing would get it on me. I did as I pleased.

So she felt that she was collared unfairly, and I felt I wasn't collared at all. Because each restriction placed I'd accept as my choice or toss as crap.

People who feel collared, may want to take them off. Either by another's choice or yours, was it put there, but "slipping the collar" is the metaphor I use.

So you can be humiliated by a group by being collared against your will, or you could have been duped into putting the thing on and then want it off, or you could have slipped it and it's not an issue.

I've pretty much chosen and accepted excommunication and exile over not being myself and acceptance.

Also, the image of the internal wolf for many seems scary, but I consider it scariest when it's left in a small and dark, cramped place and only let out occasionally. Then it gets starved and twisted. My inner wolf is free range.