Jacking-Off Log

[Boomerpw]

well you know that kind of feeling, things aren't quite as i left them? i can't say for sure but i'm thinking they've had their hands all over my panties in my drawer... not to mention what else was in there.

oh! i have so many, i haven't checked to see if any are missing

While you're looking, make sure you check for unexplained stains.

 

[Hester]

To each his own, but I feel that in order to possess an object, I must put my dick in it. Which is why they don't let me have pets.

note to self: separate mex from the livestock with an electric fence plugged into a 220.

 

[tortoise]

Let's just hope he doesn't get a hankering to possess the electric fence.

 

[rosco rathbone]

"God, hurry up and finish" blackmail fucks or good old "God no!" rapes?

I tend to have a hard time fantasizing about things that are totally unrealistic. That's one reason I can't watch porneos. It's not that they don't give me a bone, it's just that a little voice in my head is whispering "you'll never fuck a porno starlet". Thus, the fact that I'd never stranger-rape anyone removes good-old fashioned rapes to a more rarfied strata of my inner pornspace. I muse about it from time to time, and it's always there in the background, but when it's time to lay my hands on my cock, I need something that feels "real" to me. There are all manner of "hurry up and finish" scenarios that fit this bill, some drawn from the annals of real life and others from the lovely realm of the possible.

 

[Marquis]

Every once in a while, during troublesome times, externalized anger comes to taint all of my actions with an irrational, infantile selfishness. I experience great relief in letting myself off the hook for every expectation that could be placed on me, and instead wallow in my feelings of persecution and entitlement.

I was walking along, in just such a mood, earlier this evening when i happened upon a gelato stand. I asked to sample every flavor they had, and some more than once. It is incredible how patient people will be when they can sense that you are on the verge of a tantrum. After deciding what flavors I wanted, I was told that only two flavors generally came in a small, whereas I wanted 5.

An argument ensued, I was victorious. I attempted to negotiate the price towards a figure I felt was more fair, dutifully including the costs of labor, materials, overhead and a reasonable profit - proportional to the product I was buying. At this point the fucking bitch behind the counter calmly placed my lovely 5 scoops of gelato behind the counter and ignored me entirely.

Naturally, I was incensed, but I moved on.

What does this have to do with masturbation?

Well, it is a keen metaphor, you see. This precise attitude seems to produce, consistently, masturbatory orgasms of the highest quality.

I was watching television earlier, lazily fondling my dangling manhood, when a befuddled cumslut did ring my phone in error. She was looking for someone named Paul, of whom I will tell you I do not share a first name. I told her Paul was just around the corner while trying to extrude other information out of her. Mysteriously, she remained on the line long enough for me to squeeze one out while my remarks became steadily more lewd, all the while pleading "stop playin' wid me, is paul theyah?"

Goes to prove something I've always believed. Many people will put up with your bullshit only so much, but there is a sizable fraction of individuals who, when encountered with utterly unreasonable demands, will just keep giving and giving to unthinkable proportions.

Sacha Baron Cohen has made a career of such people and I am certainly glad they exist as well.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

That's me in 5 mins.

I find that I only really require a stage setting of some sort if I am engaging in sapphic type sex. I don't enjoy other people going down on me. (I know, I know strange) but I love giving head. To keep myself amused whilst giving head, I invent stories, backgrounds..but in normal day to day jacks or straight fucks...I don't have time to think of something to enhance it..and I am such a hair trigger that 2 minutes usually nets 2 or 3 quick ones. No time for fantasy then.

 

[MechaBlade]

psf pics got to ya?

It's like the bits and bytes jumped off of my computer and straight onto my dick.

I tend to have a hard time fantasizing about things that are totally unrealistic.

I have that, too. Except I have the hope that I can fuck a porn starlet.

Every once in a while, during troublesome times, externalized anger comes to taint all of my actions with an irrational, infantile selfishness. I experience great relief in letting myself off the hook for every expectation that could be placed on me, and instead wallow in my feelings of persecution and entitlement.

You're only human.

I was watching television earlier, lazily fondling my dangling manhood, when a befuddled cumslut did ring my phone in error. She was looking for someone named Paul, of whom I will tell you I do not share a first name. I told her Paul was just around the corner while trying to extrude other information out of her. Mysteriously, she remained on the line long enough for me to squeeze one out while my remarks became steadily more lewd, all the while pleading "stop playin' wid me, is paul theyah?"

So, do we get a transcript?

I find that I only really require a stage setting of some sort if I am engaging in sapphic type sex. I don't enjoy other people going down on me. (I know, I know strange) but I love giving head. To keep myself amused whilst giving head, I invent stories, backgrounds..but in normal day to day jacks or straight fucks...I don't have time to think of something to enhance it..and I am such a hair trigger that 2 minutes usually nets 2 or 3 quick ones. No time for fantasy then.

That is fascinating. And not just the part where you're a giver.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

That is fascinating. And not just the part where you're a giver.

Don't know how fascinating it could possibly be, but that's the main reason why I come to this thread. I don't get to have very many jacks where I get the same types of thought processes everyone else who posts here gets to enjoy. It's kinda sad, don't you think?

 

[Batch]

pondering this selfish act, this personal act that i allow myself

more and more gravitating towards, the kinder and gentler times
times to come
when there was not so much anger in my life, all pent up

my masturbation efforts I have been channeling towards, those peaceful times

surprised at the ease this returns to me, and intensity has increased
where was once a just get it over with event

now stretches out across a span of time,
the object of this journey, just basic and true
knowing that there will be no power exchange nor struggle nor bizarre fetish to wrangle with

frees one

 

[rosco rathbone]

knowing that there will be no power exchange nor struggle nor bizarre fetish to wrangle with

frees one

So you were a perv, eh? Batchoous we barely knew ye.

Best wishes on your journey to freedom.

 

[Batch]

So you were a perv, eh? Batchoous we barely knew ye.

Best wishes on your journey to freedom.

doing my best to find

my path.

i keep mypervs to the YaYa SisterWho.

*smiles broadly*

 

[Saint Peter]

doing my best to find

my path.

i keep mypervs to the YaYa SisterWho.

*smiles broadly*

I just jizzed all over your trees.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I just jizzed all over your trees.

^^^ Another of lit's crypto-perverts. I'm onto you people.

 

[katiebarthedoor]

theres a squinty-faced girl that works at the circle K.
i got off to her.
telling her i need to use the head - but recoiling in disgust when she hands me the filthy key attatched to some grimy, inconvinient object - like a license plate, or something.
making her go back and unlock the mens room for me.
outside under the flickering fluorescent light. watching her hands fumble with the key. conveing my nausea - that she shouldnt mind helping decent clean people - when shes already soiled. her dirty blonde hair - a road map of couches shes slept on. unkempt.
forcing her into the batroom and cramming my hand down her pants. chastizing her for the sounds her rancid cunt makes when i finger it. watching her gulp and squint her eyes with every audible noise it makes. telling her shes a piece of trash and get her slime off me. not with her mouth. thats the most filthy orifice you have. use soap and water like a human fucking being.

 

[Saint Peter]

^^^^This one is cause for more concern than myself.

^^^ Another of lit's crypto-perverts. I'm onto you people.

 

[rosco rathbone]

thats the most filthy orifice you have. use soap and water like a human fucking being.

Glad to see I'm not the only one around here who feels that the slimey organ is best kept under wraps.

 

[MechaBlade]

theres a squinty-faced girl that works at the circle K.
i got off to her.
telling her i need to use the head - but recoiling in disgust when she hands me the filthy key attatched to some grimy, inconvinient object - like a license plate, or something.
making her go back and unlock the mens room for me.
outside under the flickering fluorescent light. watching her hands fumble with the key. conveing my nausea - that she shouldnt mind helping decent clean people - when shes already soiled. her dirty blonde hair - a road map of couches shes slept on. unkempt.
forcing her into the batroom and cramming my hand down her pants. chastizing her for the sounds her rancid cunt makes when i finger it. watching her gulp and squint her eyes with every audible noise it makes. telling her shes a piece of trash and get her slime off me. not with her mouth. thats the most filthy orifice you have. use soap and water like a human fucking being.

Filthy sluts need to be taught.

 

[Batch]

I just jizzed all over your trees.

aww shucks

I hope your pH is balanced.

 

[katiebarthedoor]

^^^^This one is cause for more concern than myself.

dont even try and floss, pete. our perversions are like comparing oranges, to slightly oranger oranges.

Glad to see I'm not the only one around here who feels that the slimey organ is best kept under wraps

i do it. but i'm aware it's the eqivolent of putting my dick in a septic tank.

Filthy sluts need to be taught

conditioned. negitive reinforcement.
(like the catch-all post style?)

 

[Quint]

Another stripper scenario had me jacking. If I had one at my disposal, I'd have this conversation:

" I want you to do that jiggly ass-dance when you get onstage, like girls in videos"

"But I don't want to do the jiggly ass dance! It's humiliating!"

"Chunky punkins will jiggle this night: either onstage to the music of the deejay or behind closed doors to the merry music of the strop! I have spoken!"

Fantasy cuts to the next evening. I'm "chillin" in the club, dressed in a purple suit like biggie smalls. I am wearing sunglasses after dark, clip on flip downs to be specific, in order to goggle about with my pervy peepers all incognito. She comes out on stage with welts all over her ass and does the jiggly ass dance, eyes downcast in shame.

The biggest part of these fantasies for me is always watching the reaction of the onlookers, kind of like mecha's thing. So in imagination, I look about and all the knob hobbits are staring at her intensely. Some seem disturbed by the evidence of domestic violence, others aroused. I imagine one of the latter getting a lap dance and asking "what happened to your ass?" and she answers "my daddy was mad at me".

This caused me to o and for some reason my eyes popped open as I did so and I saw the seed come twirling out in a spiral spray exactly like water out of one of those spinning sprinklers you put on your lawn. Still plenty of pressure left in the old prostate!

Jack inspiring jack. I'm off to pay homage to this and wish my club were in your sphere of existence.

 

[Marquis]

So, do we get a transcript?

It was totally inane.

A lot of this mystery "victim" whining for Paul while I asked her lewd questions, such as:

"So, when are you coming over?"

"Paul said good things about you, I really want to meet you."

"Hold up, you're not that girl from down the way, are you? The one who be braining niggas for rides and shit?"

"Nah, nah, he'll be right back. I think I hear him now... "

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

heh..

 

[MechaBlade]

Jack inspiring jack. I'm off to pay homage to this and wish my club were in your sphere of existence.

I think "Chunky Punkins" is an excellent phrase that needed to be added to my vocabulary.

It was totally inane.

A lot of this mystery "victim" whining for Paul while I asked her lewd questions, such as:

"So, when are you coming over?"

"Paul said good things about you, I really want to meet you."

"Hold up, you're not that girl from down the way, are you? The one who be braining niggas for rides and shit?"

"Nah, nah, he'll be right back. I think I hear him now... "

Sounds fun.

So "brain" is a verb now?

 

[sophieloves]

i hope the guys at Lit i think about wouldn't feel cheapened by my using them for inpsiration

 

[stirbird]

Will wonders never cease? Rosco leaves me a ball-breaking opening. You must have been tired last night, amigo.

Glad to see I'm not the only one around here who feels that the slimey organ is best kept under wraps.

Under wraps? I assume you don't mean lipstick here. (Trying to imagine an abaya for the lips and failing miserably--do you get a little hole in the middle so you can sip from a straw?)

And I have a general question for men who make fetishes out of their oral germs phobias and ocds: how can you possibly stand to have that slimy filthy organ suck you off? What about all those germs creeping and crawling from the filthy female saliva onto your pristine (well, aside from a few dried drops of pee, but who counts those) shaft? How do you all bear the horror?