I've just taken

[Owlz]

what I consider a HUGE step in BDSM & my relationships with those outside the lifestyle. I'm not sure if 'outing' or 'coming out' are terms used outside the gay community, but I just e-mailed a person whom I consider to be the most open-minded member of my family, telling her of my journey of discovering who I really am by being a member of the BDSM community.

I've tried to explain to her (as best I could) the unique relationships within BDSM & the emphasis we place on RESPECT for each individual here. I can only hope I've done the BDSM community proud in how I 'outed' myself.

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you all.

Owlz, exploring, discovering, learning

 

[Mister P]

Congratulations -= and what was the reaction.....I am on the point of telling my vanilla girlfriend that I have had subs in the past and that I want to re-explore that world.......but am unsure how she will react.....

 

[Owlz]

Thank you, Mister P.

As I sent the e-mail only about a minute ago, I haven't received a response from her yet.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Congratulations -= and what was the reaction.....I am on the point of telling my vanilla girlfriend that I have had subs in the past and that I want to re-explore that world.......but am unsure how she will react.....

I hope that things turn out well for you. I applaud your honesty.

 

[Ebonyfire]

what I consider a HUGE step in BDSM & my relationships with those outside the lifestyle. I'm not sure if 'outing' or 'coming out' are terms used outside the gay community, but I just e-mailed a person whom I consider to be the most open-minded member of my family, telling her of my journey of discovering who I really am by being a member of the BDSM community.

I've tried to explain to here (as best I could) the unique relationships within BDSM & the emphasis we place on RESPECT for each individual here. I can only hope I've done the BDSM community proud in how I 'outed' myself.

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you all.

Owlz, exploring, discovering, learning

How do you feel about what you have done? As long as you are happy, who are W/we to think otherwise? I hope you find happiness in the path you have chosen.

 

[Owlz]

I hope that things turn out well for you. I applaud your honesty.

Thank you, EF. In a way, telling someone (although, admitedly, not face-to-face) feels quite liberating...no need to hide behind anything when in the presence of that person.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Yippie...what do you want, a cookie?

 

[Solitude]

Hope it turns out well for you Owlz... not always any easy thing to do. Personally, I've "come out" to exactly one person in my relatively short journey thus far, and unfortunately it wasn't the most positive of experiences and not something I'm eager to try again anytime soon. Here's hoping things turn out much better for you. Let us know how it goes.

 

[Owlz]

Hope it turns out well for you Owlz... not always any easy thing to do. Personally, I've "come out" to exactly one person in my relatively short journey thus far, and unfortunately it wasn't the most positive of experiences and not something I'm eager to try again anytime soon. Here's hoping things turn out much better for you. Let us know how it goes.

Will do, Solitude...and thank you.

 

[Never]

Owlz,
On the sixth of this month you came to this forum to explore your sub side. On the sixteenth someone told you had very commanding eyes so you decided to explore your Dom side and stated that your involvement in BDSM would be only sexual in nature, reserved for the bedroom. On the eighteenth you decided you were a Dom. On the nineteenth you told us you had a cyber-sub but you still didn't understand BDSM enough to know that you could have a relationship with both 'D/s' and 'B/D'. Today you announced to a family member that you are into BDSM.


Given that you appear to be still learning about your sexuality perhaps it would be better to hold off on the announcements? Even if you want to tell people, please be kind enough to tell them in person in a relaxed environment where they can have time to take in your words and ask questions.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Thank you, EF. In a way, telling someone (although, admitedly, not face-to-face) feels quite liberating...no need to hide behind anything when in the presence of that person.

Actually My statement was in reply to Mister P's post.

 

[s'lara]

Owlz,
On the sixth of this month you came to this forum to explore your sub side. On the sixteenth someone told you had very commanding eyes so you decided to explore your Dom side and stated that your involvement in BDSM would be only sexual in nature, reserved for the bedroom. On the eighteenth you decided you were a Dom. On the nineteenth you told us you had a cyber-sub but you still didn't understand BDSM enough to know that you could have a relationship with both 'D/s' and 'B/D'. Today you announced to a family member that you are into BDSM.


Given that you appear to be still learning about your sexuality perhaps it would be better to hold off on the announcements? Even if you want to tell people, please be kind enough to tell them in person in a relaxed environment where they can have time to take in your words and ask questions.

While i agree with Never in that the process of your self-discovery should be taken with a little less speed Owlz, i also think you're showing the typical excitement one has when finding a a niche that seems to fit.

i applaud you on being as honest as you have been, as well as allowing us to share in the halting first steps you have taken thus far. It isn't easy baring all of that for public consumption, so good on you for it.

That said, Never did have a point. Take your time in the journey and do lots more self-analysis, learning and exploration before making such an important announcement to family and friends. It will be difficult to explain later if it turns out this wasn't the road you were meant to take. Good luck on the journey though and as you have seen so far, we'll be here with help should you need it.

lara

 

[Owlz]

While i agree with Never in that the process of your self-discovery should be taken with a little less speed Owlz, i also think you're showing the typical excitement one has when finding a a niche that seems to fit.

i applaud you on being as honest as you have been, as well as allowing us to share in the halting first steps you have taken thus far. It isn't easy baring all of that for public consumption, so good on you for it.

That said, Never did have a point. Take your time in the journey and do lots more self-analysis, learning and exploration before making such an important announcement to family and friends. It will be difficult to explain later if it turns out this wasn't the road you were meant to take. Good luck on the journey though and as you have seen so far, we'll be here with help should you need it.

lara

Thank you, lara. Re-reading the last paragraph above, just now, I understand what you're saying a little better. I'm always learning here and look forward to continuing my education. This said, what would be considered a suitable length of time before I 'let this cat out of the bag?' With that question, I don't mean to ask you to set a timetable for me. Rather, it's more a question akin to 'How long was it before the time arrived when you, lara, felt comfortable to let someone on the outside know?'

 

[ChainedEros]

I don't believe that I feel the need to tell anyone about my sex life. Especially my family and friends. I'm a highly private person and they have learned to respect my privacy. I don't believe that I'm being dishonest with them, just discreet. It's none of their business.

And that's the way I feel.

 

[Owlz]

I don't believe that I feel the need to tell anyone about my sex life. Especially my family and friends. I'm a highly private person and they have learned to respect my privacy. I don't believe that I'm being dishonest with them, just discreet. It's none of their business.

And that's the way I feel.

Thank you, Eros. I thought about that very thing last night, after my disclosure to my family member. I always worry that someday someone will find something of mine that lets them know all they need to know. I've got one of those nosey families hoo seem to want to know everything going on with me and can sense when I'm withholding info.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[s'lara]

Thank you, lara. Re-reading the last paragraph above, just now, I understand what you're saying a little better. I'm always learning here and look forward to continuing my education. This said, what would be considered a suitable length of time before I 'let this cat out of the bag?' With that question, I don't mean to ask you to set a timetable for me. Rather, it's more a question akin to 'How long was it before the time arrived when you, lara, felt comfortable to let someone on the outside know?'

Well it really is self-determining Owlz. As it stands now, you are at the very beginning of your exploration and that is something to be navigated slowly. There is no set period during which you should advise friends/family of your interest in BDSM. Also, you did mention it was a "bedroom" exploration as well and i don't know about you, but i don't think it is anyone's business what i do in my bedroom. If and when you are ready make BDSM a visible part of your life (outside of the bedroom and publicly displaying your interest), it might be a good idea to then discuss it with family/friends.

As for my own disclosure, i've said in other threads that i am a private person and my submission is very personal. i also have nothing to disclose at the moment.

Good luck on finding a timetable suitable for you.

lara

 

[Owlz]

Well it really is self-determining Owlz. As it stands now, you are at the very beginning of your exploration and that is something to be navigated slowly. There is no set period during which you should advise friends/family of your interest in BDSM. Also, you did mention it was a "bedroom" exploration as well and i don't know about you, but i don't think it is anyone's business what i do in my bedroom. If and when you are ready make BDSM a visible part of your life (outside of the bedroom and publicly displaying your interest), it might be a good idea to then discuss it with family/friends.

As for my own disclosure, i've said in other threads that i am a private person and my submission is very personal. i also have nothing to disclose at the moment.

Good luck on finding a timetable suitable for you.

lara

Thanks again, lara.

I think we can let this thread die now.

 

[Never]

Yes, I think we should let it.. wait, by posting won't I keep it alive? Damn, I've already hit the -

 

[Owlz]

Yes, I think we should let it.. wait, by posting won't I keep it alive? Damn, I've already hit the -

oopsie

 

[Impish]

well if that's what you needed to do...

I don't share with my family. What I do in the privacy of my bedroom and with my partner, be him dominant or not, it not something I discuss with my family. I don't need to know about their orgasms or preferances and they don't need to know about mine. I don't equate being in the lifestyle as the same as being gay. Even then, I'm not sure I'd "announce" that I was gay to my family either if I was. I am not. Life doen't always have to be spelled out for everyone - sometimes just being...without announcement...is more than okay.

 

[Owlz]

Re: well if that's what you needed to do...

I don't share with my family. What I do in the privacy of my bedroom and with my partner, be him dominant or not, it not something I discuss with my family. I don't need to know about their orgasms or preferances and they don't need to know about mine. I don't equate being in the lifestyle as the same as being gay. Even then, I'm not sure I'd "announce" that I was gay to my family either if I was. I am not. Life doen't always have to be spelled out for everyone - sometimes just being...without announcement...is more than okay.

Thank you, Impish.

 

[OwlzHuntress]

Re: Re: well if that's what you needed to do...

Thank you, Impish.

NO Owlz

 

[Etoile]

Re: Re: Re: well if that's what you needed to do...

NO Owlz

That's a dead link, FYI.

 

[watergirl]

Nah, Johnny, I think he needs a gold star.

Owlz - "Good luck with that!"