freakygirl
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2001
- Posts
- 27,432
*sorry if this was posted before* I did a search.. and came up with nothing.. I just got this from a friend in my email..
hope no one has posted it yet..
Barbie's letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out
every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
present, wearing skimpy bathing
suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from
too many tea parties. I hate to break it to you Santa,
but it is DEFINITELY pay back
time!!
There had better be some changes around here this
Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown
(and trust me, you don't want to be around to smell
it!) So, here's my holiday wish list for this year,
Santa.
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy,
oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a
hooker. How much smaller are
these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea
what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your
butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off.
Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to
be cheap and mold imitation underwear to my skin? It
looks like cellulite!!!
3. A REAL man....maybe G.I.Joe. Hell, I'd take
Tickle-Me-Elmo over that wimped out excuse for a
boy-toy Ken. And what's with the earring
anyway? If I'm going to have to suffer with him, for
christ's sakes, make us anatomically correct.
4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the
aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically
correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm
you have to twist, just do it!!
6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just
don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better
yet, a public relations senior account exec!!
8. A new, more 90's persona. Maybe a "PMS Barbie",
complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip
cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal
Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, fitted
with fake fur coat, bottle of spray blood and
handcuffs; or "Stop
Smoking Barbie", sporting a Nicotrol patch and
equipped with several packs of gum.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is
wrecking my vinyl.
10. mattel stock options. It's been 37 years-I think I
deserve it!
Okay Santa, that's it. considering my valuable
contribution to society, I don't think these requests
are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find
yourself a new bitch for next Christmas. It's that
simple.
Yours truly,
Barbie
Ken's letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned
you for changes in her contract, specifically asking
for anatomical and career changes.
In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging
remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and
some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this
opportunity to inform you of some issues concerning
Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.
First of all, I along with several other colleagues
feel Barbir DOES NOT deserve preferential
treatment-the bitch has EVERYTHING!! I, along with
Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO NOT have a dream house, Corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases, the
ability to change our hairstyle. I personally have 3
outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great
length. My decision to accessorize my outfits with an
earring was my
decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.
I, too, would like a change in my career. Have you
considered :"Decorator Ken", "Beauty Salon Ken", or
"Out of Work Actor Ken"? In
addition, there are several other avenues which could
be considered such as:"S&M Ken", "Green Lantern Ken",
"Circuit Ken", "Bear Ken", "Master Ken".
These would more accurately reflect my desires and
perhaps open new markets. And as for Barbie needing
bendable arms so she can"push me away", I need
bendable knees so I can kick that bitch to the curb.
Bendable knees would also be helpful for me in other
situations-we've talked about this issue before.
In closing, I would like to point out that any further
concessions to the blond bimbo from hell will result
in action taken by myself and
others.
PS. Barbie can forget about having Joe-he's mine, at
least that is what he said last night.
Sincerely,
Ken
hope no one has posted it yet..
Barbie's letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out
every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
present, wearing skimpy bathing
suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from
too many tea parties. I hate to break it to you Santa,
but it is DEFINITELY pay back
time!!
There had better be some changes around here this
Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown
(and trust me, you don't want to be around to smell
it!) So, here's my holiday wish list for this year,
Santa.
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy,
oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a
hooker. How much smaller are
these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea
what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your
butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off.
Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to
be cheap and mold imitation underwear to my skin? It
looks like cellulite!!!
3. A REAL man....maybe G.I.Joe. Hell, I'd take
Tickle-Me-Elmo over that wimped out excuse for a
boy-toy Ken. And what's with the earring
anyway? If I'm going to have to suffer with him, for
christ's sakes, make us anatomically correct.
4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the
aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically
correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm
you have to twist, just do it!!
6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just
don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better
yet, a public relations senior account exec!!
8. A new, more 90's persona. Maybe a "PMS Barbie",
complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip
cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal
Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, fitted
with fake fur coat, bottle of spray blood and
handcuffs; or "Stop
Smoking Barbie", sporting a Nicotrol patch and
equipped with several packs of gum.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is
wrecking my vinyl.
10. mattel stock options. It's been 37 years-I think I
deserve it!
Okay Santa, that's it. considering my valuable
contribution to society, I don't think these requests
are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find
yourself a new bitch for next Christmas. It's that
simple.
Yours truly,
Barbie
Ken's letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned
you for changes in her contract, specifically asking
for anatomical and career changes.
In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging
remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and
some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this
opportunity to inform you of some issues concerning
Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.
First of all, I along with several other colleagues
feel Barbir DOES NOT deserve preferential
treatment-the bitch has EVERYTHING!! I, along with
Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO NOT have a dream house, Corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases, the
ability to change our hairstyle. I personally have 3
outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great
length. My decision to accessorize my outfits with an
earring was my
decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.
I, too, would like a change in my career. Have you
considered :"Decorator Ken", "Beauty Salon Ken", or
"Out of Work Actor Ken"? In
addition, there are several other avenues which could
be considered such as:"S&M Ken", "Green Lantern Ken",
"Circuit Ken", "Bear Ken", "Master Ken".
These would more accurately reflect my desires and
perhaps open new markets. And as for Barbie needing
bendable arms so she can"push me away", I need
bendable knees so I can kick that bitch to the curb.
Bendable knees would also be helpful for me in other
situations-we've talked about this issue before.
In closing, I would like to point out that any further
concessions to the blond bimbo from hell will result
in action taken by myself and
others.
PS. Barbie can forget about having Joe-he's mine, at
least that is what he said last night.
Sincerely,
Ken
