Itching to train subs again.....

[Mister P]

I had a number of relationships with submissive women...something I more or less stumbled into, but which became more structured - I ended having two subs one in the UK and one in Germany and the sessions were becoming more and more complex and enjoyable. Then I got bored with my pets and before I could find any more - I got into a vanilla relatinship with a mother with kids - I still enjoy reading about the scene - but I know that my girlfriend would not be interested - and dont want to do anything behind her back - but I can almost recognise sub women in the street and at times I long to dominate and train again.....

Any advice?

Mister P

 

[Ebonyfire]

snip...but I know that my girlfriend would not be interested - and dont want to do anything behind her back - but I can almost recognise sub women in the street and at times I long to dominate and train again.....

Any advice?

Mister P

Well, you did say you dont want to do anything behind your girlfriends back. So your options are limited, are they not?

If you want to stay within the relationship you will have to discuss things with your girlfriend. There is no other option, if you do not intend to cheat.

Just My opinion, others may take a different view.

 

[Mister P]

Thanks - but this is the problem...if I mention it to her, I have the risk that she will think that I am too weird for her - she is very vanilla, - the ideal would be for her to "allow" me to indulge my dominant side with occasional rendez-vous with a subbie/pet - who may be in a similar position to me....Does anyone else recognise this problem?

 

[Ebonyfire]

Thanks - but this is the problem...if I mention it to her, I have the risk that she will think that I am too weird for her - she is very vanilla, - the ideal would be for her to "allow" me to indulge my dominant side with occasional rendez-vous with a subbie/pet - who may be in a similar position to me....Does anyone else recognise this problem?

But what of the consequences down the road (and there are always consequences) when you are found out and she realizes you have deceived her?
She will never trust you again. If you are too weird for her now, will that change?

 

[catalina_francisco]

I would suggest, if you don't already know, analysing why you got bored last time before beginning again. I would also caution being so sure your girlfriend would not be receptive to the idea. I am rarely one for suggesting finding partners in the vanilla world, but also I am a believer that though you sometimes are 100% sure about how another feels about something, you may be surprised. In things sexual especially, it is often more the person has felt they are the only one, guilty, or not known where to go and how to find someone who can help them explore those darker desires. Good luck.

Catalina

 

[Madame Manga]

I got into a vanilla relatinship with a mother with kids - I still enjoy reading about the scene - but I know that my girlfriend would not be interested -

As Catalina already stated, don't be so quick to assume that a woman who lives in a broadly conventional manner is white-bread to the middle of the loaf. She may have said some things that lead you to believe she wouldn't welcome anything that Mrs. Grundy would sniff at, but a lot of women, no matter what their potential for unusual enjoyments may be, feel it necessary to parrot the party line to reassure themselves that they aren't abnormal, or sluts.

You refer to her not as a woman, but as a mother. And you say you like the idea of playing around with other people on an uncommitted basis while hanging on to a 'respectable' relationship. There is no statutory dividing line between 'vanilla' and 'fun' except in your mind, and you seem a little too wedded to that division. What's so "ideal" about behaving like your average suburban adulterer and cheating on your primary lover because you prefer to see her as a 'good woman' who couldn't possibly countenance your darker urges? Are you sure you aren't putting this lady on a Madonna pedestal all by yourself?

MM

 

[Netzach]

I have 2 subs.

How d'you get bored with three?

 

[cellis]

I have 2 subs.

How d'you get bored with three?

My thoughts exactly!

 

[s'lara]

ditto.

 

[Never]

Lesbian Bed Death strikes again!

 

[s'lara]

Lesbian Bed Death strikes again!

This will sound naieve and silly ... but what is that?

 

[Never]

It's when a lesbian couple either stops having sex or only has sex very infrequently but still remain together. While many couples have a 'honeymoon' period followed by a drop LBD suggests that the drop is a great deal more and a great deal more often than with heterosexual or gay (male) couples.

 

[s'lara]

It's when a lesbian couple either stops having sex or only has sex very infrequently but still remain together. While many couples have a 'honeymoon' period followed by a drop LBD suggests that the drop is a great deal more and a great deal more often than with heterosexual or gay (male) couples.

Thank you Never. i'd never heard that theory before.

 

[Never]

It's quite the topic among the Sapphicly inclined.

 

[s'lara]

i'd imagine so especially if it involves a cessation of coitus activities. A "snuggle only" period? Happens in the sapphic-minded and het-minded worlds i guess.

 

[Never]

I'd think it happens in all relationships. However, perhaps women are more likely to put up with it for longer periods of time. I'm not seeing many men doing a "snuggle only" period for five or so year.

Anyways, when the thread started talked about becoming bored with the two women and people were asking why that's what I thought. It seems as though he's becoming board with his girlfriend now and wants a bit on the side.

I suppose as I'm posting I should offer my suggestions:
1. Tough it out.
2. Break it off
3. Start couple's therapy.

In the modern world there are very few morally sound reasons to cheat on your lover.

 

[FungiUg]

I suppose as I'm posting I should offer my suggestions:
1. Tough it out.
2. Break it off
3. Start couple's therapy.

In the modern world there are very few morally sound reasons to cheat on your lover.

Everyone's morals differ. Me, I agree. I dislike "cheating", which is why my lover and I have this sort of stuff out in the open with each other. What's the point of being in a relationship if you can't be open with the person you're with?

I'd like to add another option though to your list.

4. Talk to her about it, and see if you can come up with an approach to give you what you need.

It's what I had to do with my lover. A lot of work, and some very hard discussions (including some couple counselling.)

 

[Netzach]

Look, the guy's track record consists of getting bored with four women now.

Is S/M the issue?

Being a Dom is one thing, seeing a partner's inherent worth only in terms of your wants and needs is another. If you want that, a slave isn't even the best choice, because you have to train and foster that person's slavery, which requires heaps of attention paid to them.

Being a master is inherently prohibitive of boredom, in theory, because you are always on the hunt for new places to get to, and different buttons you can push.

My drama teacher said only boring people get bored, maybe that applies.

 

[catalina_francisco]

IMO if you are into BDSM you will not be able to push it away for long, which is what I think is happening. You fall in love with a vanilla woman, you have morals which makes it difficult if not impossible to cheat on her, and you do not want to give up the relationship while your needs are not being met.

You have put yourself in a no-win situation and you will have to break through the circle by doing something dramatically. There are three options IMO.

1) Fuck your morals and cheat happily away and hope your partner does not find out. I think this option goes nowhere but to misery. There are a couple of very emotional loaded threads about this, so will refrain from starting it up again.
2) End the relationship you are in and find a new sub to play with. This is the most realistic option, but also the easiest way out. You break up with your current partner and find a new one. A very selfish act but one that might be that best for all parties involved.
3) You take a chance and talk with her about your feelings and needs. You could if you are uncertain about the results, or too modest to just talk about it, try some very mild BDSM games in bed with her. Try soft biting or binding her wrist to the end of the bed with silk scarves; just try some very soft and non threatening BDSM. If that goes well you can try to progress from there or have a nice talk. If that fails you will still have option 2.

Some will say that there is a fourth option push away your BDSM needs and just get on with life, IMHO that is an impossibility if your needs are not being met they will pop up and will be stronger and harder to push away with each time they pop up until eventually you might do something stupid trying to get them fulfilled.

Francisco.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Madame Manga brought out an excellent point. The poster called is SO a mother rather than a woman.

There are many men who can only see women in a narrow construct.

Wife-Lover
Mother-Woman
Vanilla-Kinky

Elvis Presley had a problem with women who were mothers. It was said that he could not have sex with Priscilla after she gave birth to Lisa Marie. Which I guess contributed to the downhill slide of the relationship.

Attitude has a lot to do with the success of any relationship.