It ain't cheating if...

[sirhugs]

...your partner encourages it.
Perhaps he has a medical condition, so wants her to have some hard younger cock to please her?
Perhaps she is away on a six month assignment & fixes up to have a friend/relative/neighbour help with the house, including "anything he needs"...
Perhaps just troll fodder? Sigh.

 

[drobert44]

Neither of you is getting laid with spouse, and it wont be a long affair..........

 

[sirhugs]

Neither of you is getting laid with spouse, and it wont be a long affair..........

sounds like cheating to me

 

[drobert44]

sounds like cheating to me

It was, and I have no guilt.

 

[sirhugs]

It was, and I have no guilt.

but do you have a story Idea?

 

[drobert44]

but do you have a story Idea?

I could, but they havent posted the one I did write.

 

[Carnevil9]

His dick is so big that she just can't take it anymore. She encourages him to fuck around with other women.

This theme was explored in The Godfather (the book; I don't think it made it into the movie), with Sonny's wife saying something like: "When I found out he was doing other women, I went to church and lit a candle."

 

[pijamarilska]

The text recognition step involves using machine learning algorithms to identify the text in the images **********/blog/outsourced-it-services-guide. Finally, the output step involves formatting the recognized text into the desired format (e.g., plain text, HTML, etc.). custom software development cost The cost of custom software development depends on several factors, including the complexity of the project, the technologies used, the timeline of the project, the size of the development team, and the number of features.

 

[LupusDei]

Back in the days the USSR went belly up, I don't remember if shortly before or after, there was a totally scandalous book in Latvian titled "Openly About Love" or about so if I translate it. It had some good stuff in it, like a whole chapter titled "sex in cramped living conditions" exploring sitting and standing positions on or at various furniture, with good line drawing illustrations. But I digress.

It contained pseudo scientific theory of love, they tried to use to justify abstinence till marriage without religion, but created their own mysticism with has some interesting side effects. It distinguished three levels of sexual engagement, let call them lust, desire, and love. It would perhaps be easiest to describe it in short in financial-like terms although it wasn't the language used, but it's an economy of lust of sorts.

Lust is a pocket change, easy come, easy go, there's never too much of it at once. One night stand is ugly in the morning because you have overspent on your lust against that person and now it's negative.

So lust has to be accumulated into desire, by prolonged teasing, into a spending account of sorts. Apparently, it has a minimum deposit. You can then withdraw from that when short and thus Desire level relationship cares about the partner, but are possessive and jealous (never quite explained why), and desire still can be spent if there's less lust income than spending. It's also subject to inflation.

But if you have hefty amounts of lust in your desire account, you can invest it in a fund called Love. Again, there's a minimum share, apparently, and it's nowhere small. The thing about love is, you can't get the investment back, but you get interest or dividends, and thus can sustain desire even without acute lust income. It may not be that rich, but it's sustainable, self-perpetuating, and thus (more) unselfish. You no longer need to extract all possible lust from the partner to sustain the relationship.

Now, according to this framework as I understand it, it may be good to open the relationship once it's built up to love with a good investment. Because the thing to avoid is several competing desire level affairs, and the way you do that is to quell random lust against random people by spending it as fast as possible -- by fucking them of course, and the opportunity cost inflicted is covered by the interest from love.

Also, if the stray sex generate more lust in your partner than it loses on opportunity cost, it's profitable. Thus this theory can cover hotwife relationships perfectly.

As to what I thinking about said theory, it's a good tactical level tool, but doesn't quite capture the whole diversity of life.

 

[sirhugs]

the whole point was to have it all open and consensual

 

[DanDraper]

I don't think it's cheating if there's a mutual agreement on it. It's only cheating if one party is against the idea of it.
There could be a number of reasons for why they decide to have this lifestyle, who are we to judge?
But don't tell that to the people commenting in the LW stories. The incels trolling those stories will go nuts.



....

 

[ericrodman101]

If the person doing the cheating thinks it’s not cheating, then perhaps it isn’t cheating. Do both Parties have to agree it’s cheating?

 

[sirhugs]

I don't think it's cheating if there's a mutual agreement on it. It's only cheating if one party is against the idea of it.
There could be a number of reasons for why they decide to have this lifestyle, who are we to judge?
But don't tell that to the people commenting in the LW stories. The incels trolling those stories will go nuts.



....

jealousy will get them no where.

 

[sirhugs]

If the person doing the cheating thinks it’s not cheating, then perhaps it isn’t cheating. Do both Parties have to agree it’s cheating?

I suggest it is in the eye of the other spouse, not the "doer".

 

[Carnevil9]

Most marriage vows include some verbiage about "forsaking all others," basically making a promise to be exclusive. If you cheat, it doesn't matter what you think; you are breaking a vow to your spouse.

Now, non-married couples probably haven't made a solemn vow to be exclusive (unless they went out of their way to do it), so even if one partner believes it is implied, arguably the cheating partner might not believe that exclusivity was part of the deal.

 

[Britva415]

If the person doing the cheating thinks it’s not cheating, then perhaps it isn’t cheating. Do both Parties have to agree it’s cheating?

No, but

You've taken the wrong person's point of view.

You're ignoring the person who thinks they're being cheated on, which is the one which matters.

You're right though that they could disagree.

If you think you're not cheating but your partner does, dtmfa because neither of you is getting what you want out of the relationship.

 

[PhoenixRyzing]

...your partner encourages it.
Perhaps he has a medical condition, so wants her to have some hard younger cock to please her?
Perhaps she is away on a six month assignment & fixes up to have a friend/relative/neighbour help with the house, including "anything he needs"...
Perhaps just troll fodder? Sigh.

If you've both agreed to it and been transparent about it. CONSENSUAL Nonmonogamy. In which case it doesn't matter if you're married or not, as long as you're on the same page. If it involves lying and sneaking around and violating agreements, it's cheating.

 

[ericrodman101]

No, but

You've taken the wrong person's point of view.

You're ignoring the person who thinks they're being cheated on, which is the one which matters.

You're right though that they could disagree.

If you think you're not cheating but your partner does, dtmfa because neither of you is getting what you want out of the relationship.

But your partner might be wrong. And do they matter more than their partner? I know I’m being a bit pedantic here, but our taking such a rigid and old fashioned view of partnership, marriage, etc when discussing cheating on an erotic writing fantasy website seems quaint to me. I’m no expert. I’m not in a relationship and I’m not very good at them when I am in one, which may explain why the notion of cheating seems like a way to erect barriers when maybe they don’t need to be there in the first place. Im not looking for a fight, just suggesting that there might be other ways of thinking about cheating in a modern post-contractual relationships world.

 

[Britva415]

But your partner might be wrong.

It barely matters.

 

[Britva415]

If you're talking about literary fantasy, then sure, fantasize about getting the partner who feels cheated on to agree and have killer make-up sex. Add the third partner too, why not.

Maybe I was wrong to take your comment as being related to real-life.

 

[PhoenixRyzing]

But your partner might be wrong. And do they matter more than their partner? I know I’m being a bit pedantic here, but our taking such a rigid and old fashioned view of partnership, marriage, etc when discussing cheating on an erotic writing fantasy website seems quaint to me. I’m no expert. I’m not in a relationship and I’m not very good at them when I am in one, which may explain why the notion of cheating seems like a way to erect barriers when maybe they don’t need to be there in the first place. Im not looking for a fight, just suggesting that there might be other ways of thinking about cheating in a modern post-contractual relationships world.

It's pretty simple. If we just get rid of the unrealistic expectation of monogamy openly, cheating is a non-issue. But IMO if you're in a relationship with someone who has that expectation and you're lying them and sneaking around, it's a betrayal. Just like lying about other important things, like say having a gambling problem and wasting large amounts of shared money, would be a betrayal. Or going around talking shit about your partner to their friends behind their back. A violation of trust is a violation of trust, whether it's about sex or not. But I think we're barking up the wrong tree expecting men or women to be monogamous. The data doesn't back it up. The stats on paternity of kids are pretty shocking for example, let alone the number of people of both sexes who admit to cheating on anonymous polls.

 

[ericrodman101]

Agree entirely. The question for me then becomes degree. Is cheating on your diet one chocolate biscuit, or one chocolate biscuit an hour for a week? Are there degrees of cheating? Or is it one strike and your out? In a highly sexualised society where instant gratification seems way more important than self denial for long term benefit, and where divorce is easy and consequences of bad behaviour often don’t flow, I wonder whether our attitudes to cheating are a bit Victorian. The consequences for children are a real issue. Cheating or free will or whatever we want to call it are one thing for adults, but for children it’s an entirely different matter. People who create children must be held responsible for their decision not to take the cheap and simple precautions available.

 

[Britva415]

People who create children must be held responsible for their decision not to take the cheap and simple precautions available.

As well as the decision to take cheap and simple opportunities to wreck the home, no?

Hey, I'm not saying I'm in favor of these Victorian attitudes.

But wishing for consequence free cheating is just that - a wish.

So work it out with the co-parent ahead of time what's cheating and what's not.

Hell, maybe they'll be just as enlightened.

 

[RachelWalsh]

If you are a hetero male? Lol

 

[UsuallyPresent]

I suggest it is in the eye of the other spouse, not the "doer".

IMO,it’s in the eye of all involved parties - all the spouses (‘spice’?) for sure. If there are visible reactions then the pool of involved parties could grow quick - kids wondering why parent 1 is upset with parent 2, for instance.