Isolated Blurt Thread

[oggbashan]

Local Auction

I spent too much at our local weekly auction yesterday evening.

My eldest daughter wanted a bedside table and a full-length mirror. I bought both, but not the mirror I really wanted. That went too high.

I also look out for items for our local artists' cooperative. I bought a box of fifty tubes of artists' oil paints, part used but capped and still fluid. I also bought a large wooden flower press. The box and the press cost £3.30 each including buyer's premium.

There was a Singer electric sewing machine in a custom made desk. The sewing machine folds down under a wooden desk top. When opened out the top becomes a work table. Again that was £3.30 and I've given it to a local charity shop that has a visiting electrician who provides electrical testing for safety.

My older granddaughter and her younger brother were delighted with the large box of Action Men and accessories.

My car mechanic asked me to bid on a lot for him. I bought four (brand new in packets) Lacoste Polo Shirts for £13.20.

But I shouldn't have bought the Jardiniere for £5.50. It is magnificently awful. It stands about a metre high with the pot on top. The pillar has three bare-breasted nymphs, one being interfered with by a satyr. It is crudely moulded, with gilded rings on the shaft, and the pot on top looks like a chamber pot with a lid. The pot has several bare-breasted ladies, the lid has four more, and the finial and handles are also gilded. The pot was broken at some time but has been carefully repaired.

My daughter wants a Jardieniere, but not that one!

I wanted to take pictures, but with the grandchildren here I couldn't. Maybe tomorrow.

But what will I do with it?

It is a conversation piece but I think more people will be offended or appalled by it than interested.

Next week I'll try to be more cautious with my bidding...

 

[sr71plt]

But I shouldn't have bought the Jardiniere for £5.50. It is magnificently awful. It stands about a metre high with the pot on top. The pillar has three bare-breasted nymphs, one being interfered with by a satyr. It is crudely moulded, with gilded rings on the shaft, and the pot on top looks like a chamber pot with a lid. The pot has several bare-breasted ladies, the lid has four more, and the finial and handles are also gilded. The pot was broken at some time but has been carefully repaired.

I think that would be great story fodder.

 

[oggbashan]

I think that would be great story fodder.

It might be.

The story could start: "Why did I buy it?"...

 

[loquere]

I could really use a cinnabon right now.

 

[oggbashan]

Pictures of Jardiniere

I took some pictures of my purchase:

 

[loquere]

Spam.

 

[oggbashan]

Spam.

I hadn't thought of using it to serve Spam.

Maybe Ferrero Rocher - nice gold covered nutty chocolate.

 

[loquere]

I hadn't thought of using it to serve Spam.

Maybe Ferrero Rocher - nice gold covered nutty chocolate.

Are you planning on using ferraro rocher for cooking?

-I do like them but I’m partial to Turtles chocolate & or dark chocolate covered roasted almonds.

 

[Handley_Page]

I hadn't thought of using it to serve Spam.

Maybe Ferrero Rocher - nice gold covered nutty chocolate.

And this is a female gardener ?

 

[oggbashan]

And this is a female gardener ?

It is a Jardiniere covered with bare-breasted females and a satyr. The females outnumber the satyr. I haven't counted them yet. Do I count breasts and divide by two?

 

[Handley_Page]

It is a Jardiniere covered with bare-breasted females and a satyr. The females outnumber the satyr. I haven't counted them yet. Do I count breasts and divide by two?

I think that sounds about right. . . .

 

[oggbashan]

The real question is:

"Would you give that jardiniere a place of honour in your house?"

My wife doesn't think so. It's been banished to the garage.

 

[Handley_Page]

The real question is:

"Would you give that jardiniere a place of honour in your house?"

My wife doesn't think so. It's been banished to the garage.

You might put some flowers in it ?

 

[oggbashan]

You might put some flowers in it ?

Then people might actually look at it.

I'm thinking of putting it in our front garden during our carnival. It should amuse the carnival participants while they wait for the carnival to start.

They assemble in the road outside my house. For the last dozen years my downstairs cloakroom has become the place for visiting Carnival Queens to use the toilet, because it is large enough to cope with their large dresses.

 

[loquere]

Blurt

 

[Handley_Page]

Blurt

Not isolated enough

 

[oggbashan]

Not isolated enough

Bouvet Island is isolated enough.

http://allnewspipeline.com/images/Bouvet-Island.jpg

 

[loquere]

Not isolated enough

Its Area 51 compared to all the other stuff on this page.

 

[glynndah]

I think that would be great story fodder.

Yes, definitely.

It might be.

The story could start: "Why did I buy it?"...

Oh, no. No. No. The real story is how those satyrs and nymphs got so cruelly trapped in such a piece of porcelain. What could they have possibly done to provoke such a response from the gods?

The real question is:

"Would you give that jardiniere a place of honour in your house?"

My wife doesn't think so. It's been banished to the garage.

The garage?!?

But...

"It's indescribably beautiful!"

 

[Handley_Page]

Yes, definitely.

Oh, no. No. No. The real story is how those satyrs and nymphs got so cruelly trapped in such a piece of porcelain. What could they have possibly done to provoke such a response from the gods?

The garage?!?

But...

"It's indescribably beautiful!"

Ogg, it looks like you've made a sale.
Leave your address and something for the Postal expenses, then Glynndah ?

 

[slyc_willie]

I took some pictures of my purchase:

Ogg, those were, um . . . is it possible for something to be beautiful and ugly at the same time? "Beautifully ugly?" "Bugly," maybe?

Like sr71 and Glynndah suggested, I can see that Jardiniere as inspiration for a story. Something made by a craftsman with little talent, but infused with his lusts for true artistic genius or something. I see something along the lines of a David Lynch story.

 

[oggbashan]

Ogg, those were, um . . . is it possible for something to be beautiful and ugly at the same time? "Beautifully ugly?" "Bugly," maybe?

...

There is an English slang word - fugly which is short for 'fucking ugly' i.e. ugly but you would still want to fuck her/him... It describes unconventional attractiveness. In people it might be the personality instead of the appearance. The French term is 'belle laid' - beautiful ugly.

I couldn't resist buying it at £5.50. It is so magnificently awful.

The lack of definition isn't my camera - it's the way it is made. It could have been so much better with finer detail and less garishness.

But as it is, I like it. It reminds me of fairground art - the sort of animals that ride on roundabouts and look like no animals ever did.

My family doesn't appreciate it.

 

[NaokoSmith]

There is an English slang word - fugly which is short for 'fucking ugly' i.e. ugly but you would still want to fuck her/him... It describes unconventional attractiveness. In people it might be the personality instead of the appearance. The French term is 'belle laid' - beautiful ugly.

I couldn't resist buying it at £5.50. It is so magnificently awful.

The lack of definition isn't my camera - it's the way it is made. It could have been so much better with finer detail and less garishness.

But as it is, I like it. It reminds me of fairground art - the sort of animals that ride on roundabouts and look like no animals ever did.

My family doesn't appreciate it.

I adore it! I want it!! I will actually pay the postage on it. No, I can't bear to think of it being trusted to the careless brutality of postmen. When I buy my car I will come and fetch it.

That is the finest piece of kitsch I have ever seen in my life. The figure of the nymph and satyr just tops it all off - like the classical equivalent of a cherry .

I would just love to have that piece. My garden is currently only decorated by old pink wellies with flowers growing out of them. Little old ladies strolling by with their dogs on the way to the park love the wellies and I'm sure they would also be deeply enamoured of that jardiniere.

My day is better just for knowing that such a thing exists in the world.

 

[NaokoSmith]

Actually I came in here to have a quick blurt about how I do feel a bit better today but how boring it has been to be mostly on my back for the last two days. Apart from a brief spell getting up to do ironing. At least I was able to cruise through reading stories to review while I rested up.

Still, the Fella, bless him, went to school to fetch Piglet and brought her back to my place, and even offered to bring us all fish and chips - although he was chairing a seminar that evening and had to come out of work to do so. My word, he would never have done that while we were living together! Either he is a very nice man and I should be ashamed of being such a slag as to leave him, or I am managing him through the break-up exceptionally well

I feel a lot better for the rest from cycling to school to fetch Piggles, and having to cook tea straight after.

 

[slyc_willie]

There is an English slang word - fugly which is short for 'fucking ugly' i.e. ugly but you would still want to fuck her/him... It describes unconventional attractiveness. In people it might be the personality instead of the appearance. The French term is 'belle laid' - beautiful ugly.

We use fugly on this side of the pond, too, but it usually means someone or something that is so incredibly unattractive we want nothing to do with it. The inclusion of "fuck" in the term is more a matter of emphasis. "He's not just ugly, he's fugly." That sort of thing.