ISO an honest discussion about incest

[DrWhoo]

I may be on the wrong site but I want to give this a try. I experienced incest with multiple family members when I was growing up. The experience was fun and powerful but also complicated. I sometimes find the conversations on Literotica to be unrecognizable to me. They often seem too easy and fun. Don't get me wrong. I find the topic to be exciting and I have positive memories, but I also find it to be, well, complicated. This is coming up for me now because I have recently found myself thinking about one or two people in my family.

Is there a woman who has either had experiences or had desires who would be willing to message privately about these matters? The conversations might be sexual but might also be just friendly. I am not against talking with men but, frankly, I'm not sure where my comfort level is.

I am an older gentleman. I consider myself honest and respectful. I have looked for other forums online, but I am not interested in those dedicated to "survivors" and I don't like the the more porn-style websites.

By the way, I did post a personal ad looking for a role-play with a woman. This note is more open.

Thank you. If you are interested, please send me a private message.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

the reason you probably find the responses to the incest topic, hard to recognize is because most of the people on this site are BULLSHITTERS, who get their kicks thru trying to shock people with their bullshit; and get them, into responding or challenging one to come up with a better story and there is ALWAYS somebody willing to think themselves enough of an author to come up with some shlock for 'shock currency'.

 

[HampshireBoy]

the reason you probably find the responses to the incest topic, hard to recognize is because most of the people on this site are BULLSHITTERS, who get their kicks thru trying to shock people with their bullshit; and get them, into responding or challenging one to come up with a better story and there is ALWAYS somebody willing to think themselves enough of an author to come up with some shlock for 'shock currency'.

There is an element of that I'm sure, but I often think that some of the stories related on here ignore the emotional side and "guilt" that come into play - especially with family members. 30 years after my sister and I played around we finally talked honestly about what happened, we had both buried it and harboured guilt about it. Having talked, and shed a few tears together, we have both been able to lay it to rest and are much closer as a result.

 

[LupusDei]

Absolute majority of the stories are fantasies. Very few authors have real experience. That's why they're simplified.

The second reason is the very strict age restrictions. Such relationships often have very deep roots, compressing and artificially aging the narrative there's little room for nuance left.

 

[DrWhoo]

Thank you all for responding so thoughtfully.

Yes, I do understand that much of what passes for discussion out here is invented. That's probably part of the appeal for some. In fact, almost none of the comments and stories ring true to me or at least to my experiences. It is difficult, though, to find mature discussions of the topic on other sites.

I'm glad to hear of your experience, HampshireBoy. I mean I'm glad that you talked things out. My family is not good at that kind of thing, unfortunately. It may be why we're close in some ways but not in others.

I hadn't thought about the age issue, LupusDei. You're right. Yet another complication.

Thank you again for taking the time to respond.

 

[blowit]

the reason you probably find the responses to the incest topic, hard to recognize is because most of the people on this site are BULLSHITTERS, who get their kicks thru trying to shock people with their bullshit; and get them, into responding or challenging one to come up with a better story and there is ALWAYS somebody willing to think themselves enough of an author to come up with some shlock for 'shock currency'.

Too damned right fella!! And not just this subject/topic.
OP I hope you get the discussion you seek. Good luck.

 

[HampshireBoy]

Absolute majority of the stories are fantasies. Very few authors have real experience. That's why they're simplified.

That is very true, far more people fantasise about this subject than experience it obviously - some fantasise with no wish or intention to experience it. Personally, when thinking about RL, I am uncomfortable with older/younger incest (due to worries about coercion and force) but less uncomfortable with people the same sort of age - and I know that is not necessarily logical.

The second reason is the very strict age restrictions. Such relationships often have very deep roots, compressing and artificially aging the narrative there's little room for nuance left.

The under 18 rule is also, as you say, an issue - after all you know your family from a very young age and something like this doesn't happen overnight.

 

[DrWhoo]

Too damned right fella!! And not just this subject/topic.
OP I hope you get the discussion you seek. Good luck.

It would probably help if I knew! I came out here a little while back and posted a role-play request. In messaging with some very special women however I came to realize that I was not just looking for an erotic conversation but instead I was hoping to learn what that particular relationship would feel like in reality. I kept pushing toward reality rather than the fantasy with them. In talking with them I gradually realized that I wanted to be more open and to understand my own past experiences better.

I don't want to sound like my experiences were negative. On the contrary most of them were positive and exciting at the time and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I consider myself well-adjusted and content. Along with the pleasure of those experiences, though, there were things that I found complicated, like the secrecy, occasional jealousy, even some confusing emotional times.

I am not looking to share stories in order to get off nor am I looking for therapy. I have thought that messaging with someone who understands might help me get perspective about some of the choices I've made and some of the things I've done.

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

From a perspective of having dealt with and supported several folks were experienced sex under the age of consent, there can be a great deal of damage resulting. It MAY depend on the age and the degree of choice the young person experienced. My familiarity is with females whose experience was a a young age and without any choice on their parts. The damage was horrendous with rage, dysfunctional behaviors, lack of trust, and a host of other things suffered in adulthood.
It would be interesting to know the experience of the OP and at what age the experience occurred.

 

[PFWilly]

From a perspective of having dealt with and supported several folks were experienced sex under the age of consent, there can be a great deal of damage resulting. It MAY depend on the age and the degree of choice the young person experienced. My familiarity is with females whose experience was a a young age and without any choice on their parts. The damage was horrendous with rage, dysfunctional behaviors, lack of trust, and a host of other things suffered in adulthood.
It would be interesting to know the experience of the OP and at what age the experience occurred.

Married long term (50 years) to a lady who dealt with this...what you say is absolutely correct. Nearing age 70 she still has to deal with all of that crap at times...

 

[yukonnights]

From a perspective of having dealt with and supported several folks were experienced sex under the age of consent, there can be a great deal of damage resulting. It MAY depend on the age and the degree of choice the young person experienced. My familiarity is with females whose experience was a a young age and without any choice on their parts. The damage was horrendous with rage, dysfunctional behaviors, lack of trust, and a host of other things suffered in adulthood.
It would be interesting to know the experience of the OP and at what age the experience occurred.

Married long term (50 years) to a lady who dealt with this...what you say is absolutely correct. Nearing age 70 she still has to deal with all of that crap at times...

I think this is the important key in whether or not the experience was helpful or hurtful. When there is a big difference in "power" between the parties, the harm factor increases rapidly. Being forced or coerced is also a negative factor. In my case, it was a mutual time of discovering and the age difference wasn't great. I feel it was a good experience, opened my eyes to part of myself and did no harm.

 

[PFWilly]

I think this is the important key in whether or not the experience was helpful or hurtful. When there is a big difference in "power" between the parties, the harm factor increases rapidly. Being forced or coerced is also a negative factor. In my case, it was a mutual time of discovering and the age difference wasn't great. I feel it was a good experience, opened my eyes to part of myself and did no harm.

I’m glad that for you it was a positive experience. There’s a big difference when it’s a grandfather and a grandchild...

 

[DrWhoo]

Thank you all for your thoughts and concern. I didn't mean to provoke a discussion about child abuse. I'm just looking for some fellow travelers.

Rest assured that I was not a child when it started, it was entirely consensual, and my experiences in themselves were mostly very positive.

Even the most positive experiences, though, come freighted with challenges. It's not easy going up against the condemnation of society or having to keep it secret, including within the family. It's the casual nature of the discussions in this forum that I find inauthentic. I simply would like to chat with people who understand what it's like.

I've received many responses, mostly from men. I appreciate them but at this point I would prefer to message with women. No doubt this is hypocritical of me but it's just what I'm comfortable with. I have also received a number of requests for my stories. I am not interested in sharing my stories for the arousal of someone I don't know. Please don't ask.

 

[PFWilly]

Thank you all for your thoughts and concern. I didn't mean to provoke a discussion about child abuse. I'm just looking for some fellow travelers.

Rest assured that I was not a child when it started, it was entirely consensual, and my experiences in themselves were mostly very positive.

Even the most positive experiences, though, come freighted with challenges. It's not easy going up against the condemnation of society or having to keep it secret, including within the family. It's the casual nature of the discussions in this forum that I find inauthentic. I simply would like to chat with people who understand what it's like.

I've received many responses, mostly from men. I appreciate them but at this point I would prefer to message with women. No doubt this is hypocritical of me but it's just what I'm comfortable with. I have also received a number of requests for my stories. I am not interested in sharing my stories for the arousal of someone I don't know. Please don't ask.

My sincere apologies if any of my comments were taken negatively or caused any discomfort for you. None of my contributions to the thread had that intent.

My wife dealt very positively with her history, but it did take her quite awhile to put the damaging aspects behind. In closing I will also admit that incest erotica among near age people is a topic she gets some satisfaction from at times. It’s a complicated subject.

 

[Nezhul]

Ok, here's the thing. This is the site about erotic literature, and on this forums, a lot of threads have to do with fantasy rather than reality. And the fantasy of it happens to be hot to some people.

Fact of life is that 99% of incest in the real world is basically rape situation where one of the parties doesn't really consent to the experience or is pushed/coerced/pressured into it. This is obviously a big problem in our society.

But at the same time, I feel like in literature and in our fantasy we can do without constantly looking at the dark side. People love stories and fantasies about consensual incest (or even slightly non-con that ends up well). And there's absolutely no harm in that. There's no harm in omitting any complications that come with incest, when writing erotic literature.

This only hurts the novel. There are differnt genres in literature, and they pursue different aims. Fiction generally aims to entertain people, but there always are things that are, while realistic, not really contribute in a positive way when being depicted.
Example: We all like fantasy novels. How often do you read references to people's (main characters) hair being full of fleas and grime, their clothes and bodies being unwashed for months? How they have dirty asses because they don't really have toilet paper in that war campaign of theirs? Sure, there's a subset of literature that does that, but there's a lot of medieval fantasy novels that never-ever go into those details. They assume that hair and clothes remain clean, and character never goes to the bathroom, except as a plot device.
Did you know that snipers in real world often wear special diapers and wet themselves, just so they don't have to move and give out their position or leave the spot?

Now, I know that some people view this approach, as well as titillating "rape" porn as something unacceptable. I heard numerous times the argument that being light-hearted about these topics lead to people be dismissive about real rape, and not treat it as a problem.
I disagree. It's basically the same argument that "Videogames lead to school shootings". It's never work like that. A normal, healthy person, when playing a game or reading literature engages in the process called "pretending", but they never mix this state and reality.
Think about it. Our society enjoys action movies, where James Bond or someone else engages in flashy shootouts with villains. The body count in all of those is at least 20-30 people, if not more. Thing is, even if an act of shooting a person in used as entertainment, none of us ever dismisses the act of murder or treats it more lightly. All of us who watch an action movie without batting an eye will crumble emotionally at the sight of even one corpse, not to mention an action of actually holding a gun and pointing it. I play Battlefield, and I couldn't do it.

This was all about healty persons, but as for unhealthy - well, you can't use that as an argument either. Thing is, ANYTHING can push an unhealthy mind into acts of atrocity. We can't start going around banning EVERYTHING, just so it doesn't trigger them. I don't believe that stories or games have greater effect there.

So no, rape and incest "porn" stories don't affect the real world negatively. Even those stories that glorify the suffering of the victim.

Finally, you talk about complications that arise from having incestuous relationship, and I can believe that. But in fact, this can be said even about vanilla sex in romantic/erotic literature. Just think how often characters have a perfect love and perfect chemistry right off the bat, and sex is also perfect. Now compare it to a real-world relationship where you are constantly bashing heads with your SO, especially at first, because you are discovering each other and often overstepping boundaries? It may feel inconsequential in reality, because your emotions of love and attachment and desire simply overwhelm that negativity - but put it in a book, and you end up with a horrible experience. Because in a pretend world, unless you are a genius writer, your reader won't have a shield as strong, and those little things would only ruin the feel of romance that you are creating.

p.s. waiting for responses from women is pretty hard here. Thing is that females often get crowded as soon as they open their mouth (or rather, start typing) here. So a lot of them quickly learn to keep lower profile. That's especially the case when a thread asks for women's opinion specifically.
Finally, as I said, 99% of incest situations aren't happy. And I hope that 99% of people here never had to deal with it. That leaves you with a very thin slice of those who actually had experience AND is willing to talk about it. You are basically more likely to find either people who hate incest and find it traumatic, or people who like incest, but in that fantasy way that you claim to find unrealistic.

 

[ChrissyCD64]

Fact of life is that 99% of incest in the real world is basically rape situation where one of the parties doesn't really consent to the experience or is pushed/coerced/pressured into it.

That is so, so untrue. While I agree that many children are forced into it, many grow up fantasizing about sex with their parents and/or siblings. The lucky ones get to experience it "without" being pressured into it. In my case, sex with my mom was an attempt to get me to like girls more than guys. It didn't work, but I loved it none-the-less.

 

[Nezhul]

I'm happy for you. But I still think that there are overwhelmingly more young girls raped by an uncle or other family member, than there are adult guys who fantasized and got to sleep with their parents like yourself.

And by overwhelmingly more I mean by orders of magnitude.

Maybe my perception of world is too dark, but I'm afraid it isn't.

 

[ArtisticX]

I'm happy for you. But I still think that there are overwhelmingly more young girls raped by an uncle or other family member, than there are adult guys who fantasized and got to sleep with their parents like yourself.

And by overwhelmingly more I mean by orders of magnitude.

Maybe my perception of world is too dark, but I'm afraid it isn't.

Totally agree with you, i think. The notion that several members of this tiny, niche website, having had a consensual incestuous relationship; does strain credulity.
In my opinion incest is almost always a case of uncontrollable hormones. Guilt and shame follow.

 

[ChrissyCD64]

I'm happy for you. But I still think that there are overwhelmingly more young girls raped by an uncle or other family member, than there are adult guys who fantasized and got to sleep with their parents like yourself.

And by overwhelmingly more I mean by orders of magnitude.

Maybe my perception of world is too dark, but I'm afraid it isn't.

Again I agree with you on this aspect. My wife had a similar experience to mine, but her father forced himself on her to try to get her to like guys more than girls. She still like gals more than guys even though we have been together nearly fifty years. When we first met, same sex relationships were totally unacceptable, but since I was, and am, a cross-dresser and an admitted sissy, she liked nme because we had similar interests ie, girly clothing, playing with dolls, etc.

 

[yukonnights]

Thank you all for your thoughts and concern. I didn't mean to provoke a discussion about child abuse. I'm just looking for some fellow travelers.

Rest assured that I was not a child when it started, it was entirely consensual, and my experiences in themselves were mostly very positive.

Even the most positive experiences, though, come freighted with challenges. It's not easy going up against the condemnation of society or having to keep it secret, including within the family. It's the casual nature of the discussions in this forum that I find inauthentic. I simply would like to chat with people who understand what it's like.

I've received many responses, mostly from men. I appreciate them but at this point I would prefer to message with women. No doubt this is hypocritical of me but it's just what I'm comfortable with. I have also received a number of requests for my stories. I am not interested in sharing my stories for the arousal of someone I don't know. Please don't ask.

Seems that with all those rules/restrictions, you've chosen the wrong format for your quest...this being an open discussion forum and all There is a personal ad section available that might be more fruitful.