Isn't BDSM a little too limiting?

[arkansasromeo]

Why do you people limit yourself to being either a Dominant or a Submissive. Why not try and achieve both?

I acknowledge that I have not studied this lifestyle a great deal but it is obviously about either being in TOTAL control of someone sexually or being under the TOTAL control of someone. My question is WHY should anyone limit themselves to the total control of someone or vice versa?

The way I figure it could be very exciting to have a Mistress to beat my ass into submission...to give myself to her totally. I've not ever done this but I'm looking and it actually excites me greatly. HOWEVER, I'm just as excited by how much pleasure I could have when we turn the tables and it is my turn to beat her pretty little ass into shape...

Perhaps this person doesn't exist but my quest begins!

 

[CarolineOh]

lots of people switch roles, and we've had a good long running discussion about it here. You may want to check out this thread:www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=69523


Welcome to Lit!

 

[cymbidia]

~standing back in wonder and admiration at Caroline's perfect answer~

You're getting good at the Kink-Style Q & A game, girl!

 

[arkansasromeo]

Thanks Caroline!

So it's called "switching roles"...that makes sense. However, according to the thread you suggested on this subject not many people are able to do this very successfully because most people have a real preference for one role. Someone who can go "both ways" just seems to be so much more interesting.

I expect I would lean much more to the Dom side myself (out of habit) but I'm truly wanting to learn how to be submissive...I just don't want to learn from someone who is ONLY into being a FemDom.

Sounds like I need to find me a "switch bitch"...lol!!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Thanks Caroline!

I expect I would lean much more to the Dom side myself (out of habit) but I'm truly wanting to learn how to be submissive...I just don't want to learn from someone who is ONLY into being a FemDom.

Sounds like I need to find me a "switch bitch"...lol!!

Like most things in life it is a choice. Why should I switch if I do not want to? And besides, there are many, many ways to be a dominant and submissive. And there are many different ways to satisfy your choices. I do not care to be anyone's submissive. To each his or her own.

And don't knock Femdom if you have not tried it!

Ebony

 

[RisiaSkye]

What you find limiting, another person finds satisfying, and that's just fine. Why must everyone be the same, or be interested in both sides of the flogger? It's rather like saying that anyone who isn't bisexual is limited; there's room for everyone to seek what works for them.

Don't think, though, that there aren't plenty of us who Switch. There are; I personally have no preference for one side or the other--I love them equally, but differently. But, that's me. What works for me won't work for another. That's why we're individuals, yes?

Welcome to Lit, and the Forum.

 

[arkansasromeo]

Ebony.....I would never knock anyone's sexual preference. Just thinking it would have to be more fun going both ways.

Actually I'm just learning about this lifestyle....I do know that I find FemDom's to be VERY sexy......I just think I ought to get to turn the tables. Then again I have never been truly dominated so perhaps I don't know what I'm really missing....

 

[MissTaken]

I actually have found my introduction and entrance into BDSM liberating as opposed to limiting.

Finding a means by which to have all my needs met, my imagination taxed and my sensuality heightened has been an incredible experience.

Oh, and no, as a sub, I don't necessarily seek to be under "total control" 24.7, but am uncomfortable topping anyone. That is not to say that I wouldn't be one to initiate sex etc, it is just that I would not be someone who spanks or otherwises controls the bedroom acts unless I have been told it is desirable.

As Risai said, we are individuals and all of our sexual needs differ.

Diversity is one of the most beautiful characteristics of human kind and makes life damned interesting.

 

[arkansasromeo]

FemDoms RULE!!!

Ebony.....I would never knock anyone's sexual preference. Just thinking it would have to be more fun going both ways.

Actually I'm just learning about this lifestyle....I do know that I find FemDom's to be VERY sexy......I just think I ought to get to turn the tables. Then again I have never been truly dominated so perhaps I don't know what I'm really missing by totally submitting to a goddess....

 

[Trinka]

I think before you are saying this lifestyle is a little too limiting, read some more and speak to some who have been involved a lot longer. BDSM relationships evolve over time and there is no set formula to follow. There are actually no limits to what you do and don't want to do, nor how you do them. Of course safety is always a factor.

What might work for me, might not work for you.

Welcome to our little piece of Lit - sit back, learn and hopefully enjoy!

 

[Guest]

Re: FemDoms RULE!!!

arkansasromeo wrote:]
"Ebony.....I would never knock anyone's sexual preference."

For the record, my sexual preference is heterosexual. Mu lifestyle preference is Dominant female. It is not a sexual kink. It is a way of looking of the world. I like and deserve to be served, and therefore I am served. I have submissives who serve Me by choice. They have given themselves to Me.

I go on dates, I have male friends who are not submissives. I consider my sexuality a separate issue from D/s. If fact, I have one D/s relationship which is not sexual in nature.


"Just thinking it would have to be more fun going both ways."

For whom? Maybe for you. Maybe for others. But I do not switch.

"Actually I'm just learning about this lifestyle....I do know that I find FemDom's to be VERY sexy......"

I doubt if you would find it sexy if you had to clean my toilet with a toothbrush.

"I just think I ought to get to turn the tables. "

That is fine. I am sure you can find someone to do that. However, if one of my submissives tried it, he would be dismissed in a heartbeat. I do not play games. I spend a lot of time interviewing potential subs to get the type O want. I do not want a switch. As I always say, to each his or her own. There are some new folks on this thread who think some of us take our "kink" too seriously. Whell in my case, it is not a "kink" it is how I live. I am served by submissive men.

"Then again I have never been truly dominated so perhaps I don't know what I'm really missing by totally submitting to a goddess...."

You may not be missing anything. It may not be your thing. That is ok. There is a big D/s world out there. One size does not fit all.

Ebony <Mistress to tavish and chrissy snow>

 

[Ebonyfire]

that last post was mine

that last post was mine. I timed out! OOps!

 

[WriterDom]

Why do you people limit yourself to being either a Dominant or a Submissive. Why not try and achieve both?

Achieve both? You mean get your 5 gold Dom stars, and then go for your 5 gold sub stars?

You're free to be sub, Dom, switch, nilla, and then change your mind later depending on what you want.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Isn't BDSM a little too limiting?

Achieve both? You mean get your 5 gold Dom stars, and then go for your 5 gold sub stars?

You're free to be sub, Dom, switch, nilla, and then change your mind later depending on what you want.

WD, you didn't get the memo? About the merit badges?

Ebony

 

[RisiaSkye]

Re: Re: Re: Isn't BDSM a little too limiting?

WD, you didn't get the memo? About the merit badges?

Ebony

Dammit, I didn't get the memo either!

I think I have enough hours logged on both sides of the flogger for my "whip proficiency" Switch patch.

 

[cymbidia]

Re: Re: FemDoms RULE!!!

Originally posted by Ebony

arkansasromeo wrote:
Just thinking it would have to be more fun going both ways.

For whom? Maybe for you. Maybe for others. But I do not switch.

Me either.
I'm a sexual submissive.
I don't switch. At all. Ever.

And you know what? I'm totally content with things as they are with respect to me sexuality and sure, too, that i'm not missing a fucking thing by not switching.

It does not have to be more fun to go both ways.
It can be more fun, yes, but switching is a sexual style that just doesn't fit everyone. BDSM sexuality is not "One Size Fits All".




And this is NOT just sour grapes cuz i'm never EVER gonna get any fucking patches, either!

 

[Verypowerful]

Re: too limiting

Agreeing with MissTaken; no,not limiting but liberating.

Being a Dominant is my want, my need.
I do not need to explore more, however there is a constant need to learn.

Fiding my true self is a good feeling of being at home, still respecting that we here are all individuals - all unique - and sharing.

And it's fun too