Rexxxist
Dinosaur
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2025
- Posts
- 5
Here's my question: am I balancing out my perspectives, or is the back and forth jarring?
This is the second part I've posted of one of my novels. The first part is much shorter because I cut out most of the chapter to focus on the sex, but the second part is actually the full 3rd chapter. I couldn't trim it down in a way that made sense, so I just changed it a little to add context. I skipped the entire 2nd chapter and I don't plan on posting it since it doesn't have any sex in it.
I have a few reasons for the stylistic choice and why the tenses aren't the same. The most basic is that the story is supposed to be about the growth of two characters and in equal measure. It also helps them to be more human, but I'll elaborate more on that later. I also think it makes the story more dynamic. Both characters are reclusive, so I needed a way to keep the story from stagnating or becoming an internal monologue.
The mismatched tenses and perspectives might be confusing, which is my main worry, but they're not without purpose. For Ray, I chose past tense third person to symbolize how he is stuck in the past. He's self pitying and misses the simple life he was forced away from. The third person perspective reflects how he can't see beyond himself, and the past tense forces the reader to "live in the past" in a way. Sometimes the narration breaks character (I'm not sure what to call it) which shows that it's actually Ray's internal thoughts and not a Greek chorus. Chad's first person present tense reflects how he is trying to forget his past and lead his new life. The use of first person is to show that he sees others but not himself, and the present tense is to show that he lives day to day.
I'm not sure if it came through, but I tried to make it so that both sounded and felt awkward in their own heads while they viewed the other as being more comfortable and confident. This was another way I tried to humanize the characters and (hopefully) remind the reader that it's totally normal to feel awkward on dates, and it's likely that the other person feels just as nervous as you do. I'd like to hear your thoughts on that, too, and if you really want to be nice, could you tell me if you think the sex sounded off? It's a bit embarrassing to admit, but I'm not very experienced with romance or good sex, and I'm very new to writing erotica.
Thank you to everyone who reads this, btw. This site has helped grow my confidence as a writer, and all the feedback I've gotten has been really helpful.
This is the second part I've posted of one of my novels. The first part is much shorter because I cut out most of the chapter to focus on the sex, but the second part is actually the full 3rd chapter. I couldn't trim it down in a way that made sense, so I just changed it a little to add context. I skipped the entire 2nd chapter and I don't plan on posting it since it doesn't have any sex in it.
I have a few reasons for the stylistic choice and why the tenses aren't the same. The most basic is that the story is supposed to be about the growth of two characters and in equal measure. It also helps them to be more human, but I'll elaborate more on that later. I also think it makes the story more dynamic. Both characters are reclusive, so I needed a way to keep the story from stagnating or becoming an internal monologue.
The mismatched tenses and perspectives might be confusing, which is my main worry, but they're not without purpose. For Ray, I chose past tense third person to symbolize how he is stuck in the past. He's self pitying and misses the simple life he was forced away from. The third person perspective reflects how he can't see beyond himself, and the past tense forces the reader to "live in the past" in a way. Sometimes the narration breaks character (I'm not sure what to call it) which shows that it's actually Ray's internal thoughts and not a Greek chorus. Chad's first person present tense reflects how he is trying to forget his past and lead his new life. The use of first person is to show that he sees others but not himself, and the present tense is to show that he lives day to day.
I'm not sure if it came through, but I tried to make it so that both sounded and felt awkward in their own heads while they viewed the other as being more comfortable and confident. This was another way I tried to humanize the characters and (hopefully) remind the reader that it's totally normal to feel awkward on dates, and it's likely that the other person feels just as nervous as you do. I'd like to hear your thoughts on that, too, and if you really want to be nice, could you tell me if you think the sex sounded off? It's a bit embarrassing to admit, but I'm not very experienced with romance or good sex, and I'm very new to writing erotica.
Thank you to everyone who reads this, btw. This site has helped grow my confidence as a writer, and all the feedback I've gotten has been really helpful.
