Dromin - Q&A, feedback and clarification.

[Lastfoolofmany]

Hi everyone,

I've just finished my first 20 chapters of my Isekai harem story "Dromin."

You can find the series here: https://www.literotica.com/series/se/dromin

It's my first attempt at long form content and the first ever piece with any sexual content, so I'm really stoked to find that so many people have rated it highly. I never thought it would get more than a dozen reads. This is so cool that so many people are following along.

I'm starting this thread to address some questions and open discussion about my story. I've had a few private messages about different things, so I want to be able to make things clearer here. Obviously, there will be spoilers. You have been warned.

1) was that book 1? Kinda. I was going to make the first 20 chapters "book 1", but it ended up being too short. So future entries will still be considered "Book 1" until I have a better cut-off point. When I post again it will be book 1 chapter 21. I think I might make it end around 40... but we'll see how it goes.

2) You could have made those 3 paragraphs 3 sentences. I'm not going to gloss over Mathew's thought process. This is an exercise in how a 40 year old man would approach an experience like this. I want the characters to think, grapple with concepts, be in two minds. So, good for those who like indepth, less so for those who like pump and dump. I'm a naturally verbose person. Those three paragraphs used to be six before the editing process. This IS the concise version.

3) Your economy isnt quite right, it doesnt make sense. Yup, you're right, I completely botched it. I'm fixing it in chapters 22 and 23. I'm going to blame it on Laura's sheltered upbringing in the very wealthy Isle of St Stephan, and in the Iron Shield. Sorry Laura.

4) Why didnt x person do y thing? It would have been a smarter move. The answer is simple; I'm trying to write real people. The twins are naive young elves who fall in love too quickly, Mathew is a greiving widower who lets their attentions override his common sense and then has to try to fix it. Laura is haunted by the loss of her mentor and a past I havent even begun to explore yet. But those flaws will keep the story going. Mathew's constant overthinking is also going to bite him in chapters 21+.

5) What are Mathew's healing powers?Mathew can heal others with the power of Bambinae. But he cannot heal himself in the same way. He gets a faster passive healing for his injuries than ordinary people. It will vary based on what I need for the plot, but basically wounds that heal in days will heal in hours, weeks to days and months to weeks. Why isnt he allowed to heal himself instantly like he can heal others? Because his power is meant to serve those around him, not himself. It also is a way to ward off hubris. Bambinae shows him that he isnt invincible, therefore, he needs to be careful, act smarter, be better. His magic isnt a crutch, it's a tool.

6) Why did bambinae speak through Erican and not Asha? Afterall, Asha is the one who is the arcane potential. Well I have in my head that each of the members of the group will serve roles for Bambinae. Mathew is the hand of Bambinae, Asha is the heart, Laura is will, and Erica... she is the voice. Other women who are introduced will seeve other roles. That might change, but for now, that's how I'm planning to write it. They will each discover their roles and what each role will mean later. Chapter 19 is just the first glance into that reality.

7) Why did some of the patrons in James Brook faint when Bambinae spoke through Erica? That much divine power manifesting... they just couldnt handle it.

8) How did Gregory survive? They buried the knights didnt they? Nope. No time. They stripped the knights of their possessions and ran. The girls didn't even check ro see if they were dead. Gregory was the only survivor, and woke up much later. None of the four in Mathew's group knew he survived.

So that is the first batch of questions answered. I'll check this regularly, and if you have comments, questions or just want to leave your thoughts, please do! The more you engage with my story, the more I want to write it! Thanks everyone!

 

[darwin1859]

Because you posted this in "Story Feedback," I'm going to bring up one of my pet peeves: I think your eight story descriptions suck:

A 40 year old man. A new life in a new world.
A 40 year old man. A new life in a new world.
A 40 year old man awakens in a new world to live his new life.
Dreams of Sasha, First Steps, Complications.
Mathew discovers his new divine power.
Mathew tells the three women who he is.
Things get steamy with a Godess!
Pre-Dawn battle, hard truths and a God revealed.

Those really don't tell me a lot. TBH they seem lazy to me, maybe because of the typos (40-year-old should be hyphenated, goddess is misspelled). The actual titles also don't tell me anything either. You described this series as "my Isekai harem story" but that's FAR more descriptive than any of your descriptions or titles. (I concede that "isekai" is implied.)

You have very high ratings, so maybe you do you; but this style of non-informative story/part descriptions is uncommon and when I see it, it really bugs me. I feel like if you didn't take the time to write a few characters (descriptions are limited to about 64 characters) to draw me in, you don't want me as a reader. And I have a lot of choices.

 

[Lastfoolofmany]

Because you posted this in "Story Feedback," I'm going to bring up one of my pet peeves: I think your eight story descriptions suck:

Those really don't tell me a lot. TBH they seem lazy to me, maybe because of the typos (40-year-old should be hyphenated, goddess is misspelled). The actual titles also don't tell me anything either. You described this series as "my Isekai harem story" but that's FAR more descriptive than any of your descriptions or titles. (I concede that "isekai" is implied.)

You have very high ratings, so maybe you do you; but this style of non-informative story/part descriptions is uncommon and when I see it, it really bugs me. I feel like if you didn't take the time to write a few characters (descriptions are limited to about 64 characters) to draw me in, you don't want me as a reader. And I have a lot of choices.

Wow. Ok. I must admit I hadnt given any thought to the descriptions. I poured my all my efforts into writing the story itself. I used the tags system to show what was in it... but yes, you're right, you dont get access to those when you are skimming through story after story.

This is my first time posting a story here (or anywhere) so I'm still getting my head around the process. I didn't mean to be lazy, but I can see how it could be construed as such. And yes. I didnt spell check my descriptions, that needs to be fixed. I dont allow such errors in my body text, I should hold the descriptions to the same standard.

I hope you give my story a try, maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't, but I'm still learning so I ask for a little grace as I get my head around the proper way of doing things.

I'll go into the editor and try to make the descriptions a bit more informative. Thankyou for your helpful, if rather blunt, feedback.

 

[darwin1859]

As I said, this is a pet peeve of mine.

It's true that your tags look informative and that's a good thing. I would actually love it if tags were displayed alongside the story title and description, but they're not. I'll never see your tags unless I'm searching for that tag or I click into your story (and reveal the tags, since they're hidden).

If you do revise, I suggest focusing on what you think is most interesting and at least hinting at the sexual content, like using the word 'harem.'

BTW, I'm NOT sure I care how broadly my stories are read. If a few people like them, that's fine with me. Your ratings are VERY high. You may not want the great unwashed LE masses wandering in and down-voting you because you did/did not "burn the bitch" or whatever quite-possibly-moronic comments they have.

 

[Lastfoolofmany]

As I said, this is a pet peeve of mine.

It's true that your tags look informative and that's a good thing. I would actually love it if tags were displayed alongside the story title and description, but they're not. I'll never see your tags unless I'm searching for that tag or I click into your story (and reveal the tags, since they're hidden).

If you do revise, I suggest focusing on what you think is most interesting and at least hinting at the sexual content, like using the word 'harem.'

BTW, I'm NOT sure I care how broadly my stories are read. If a few people like them, that's fine with me. Your ratings are VERY high. You may not want the great unwashed LE masses wandering in and down-voting you because you did/did not "burn the bitch" or whatever quite-possibly-moronic comments they have.

That's good advice, thankyou.