Is this unusual?

[Undomiel]

To never want children? All my friends think I'm wierd cause they want them (eventually). I know I'm only 19 and people say I might change my mind but I doubt it. The thought of pregnancy disgusts me and I don't really like children. I'm really uncomfortable around them.
Also I'm not working this hard in University for nothing. I don't want to spend years dreaming of and working for the career I really want, only to put it on hold for 18 years. I want to live my life and be independant, not look after someone else.
Ok so my boyfriend thinks the same way (thankfully!) but I still can't find anyone else who thinks the same way....

 

[SlyKitten]

Raises her hand.
I love to spoil other people's children but I do not want to be a mother.
We should start a support group for women like us!

 

[College_geek]

There's nothing unusual about it. You may change you mind later, or you may not. There's nothing wrong with your decision either way. In fact, I believe that more and more couples are choosing to go childless nowadays. I knew a few girls back in high school who were serious about not wanting to have kids. There are so many other ways to have a child in your life without it being your own. Mentors are needed all the time. Maybe you might want to consider being one someday.

 

[BigM]

You're completely normal

DO NOT let people pressure you into having children if you don't want them. Raising kids is tough enough even if you want them!

I'm sure there are all sorts of statistics (and organizations) that support people who prefer a childless life. More power to you, I say.

We didn't have kids until our mid-30s, and I'm so glad we waited. In fact, as much as we love our children, we look back longingly on our days of freedom (before kids) and say, "Remember when we could just hop in the car and grab brunch at the lake?"

You're so young. Enjoy life now!

 

[EJFan]

i agree with what everyone else has said. being a guy i guess it's more typical to hear me say i don't want kids but it's true.

couples who DO have kids are having them later in life, and like CG said, more couples don't want kids these days. i think it's better that way, particularly if you're strongly interested in a successful career. it's not that people (specifically women) CAN'T do both i just think it's better to opt for one or the other that way the parents, the children and the career don't all wind up suffering.

 

[Lynxie]

My hubby and I really don't want kids - it's not set in stone, as we know our feelings about it may change down the road. But right now, neither of us likes children enough to even consider it.

 

[sweetgirl666]

I am not a children person either. I have an 8-year old godchild that I used to have over a lot (and when I am home still do) and I love her dearly and she loves me, but neither before her nor after do I want any of my own. I am good with kids, just dont need one of my own.

I have that opinion since I am about 16, and while I a no longer strongly trying to get my tubes tied, I also still cannot feel anywhere a need or a longing to have one. Besides this, I have a perfect kiddo, and when i want her I just call her mom and she brings her over as long as I want. great solution

 

[zerimar1231]

I don't think that's unusual, i don't think i want kids either, i'm 19 too. Not everyone should have kids, if only they realized that! So you want a career, that's great. Maybe you'll change your mind, maybe not. As long as you do what you think is right than who cares what people think. That's what pets are for!

 

[College_geek]

I don't think that's unusual, i don't think i want kids either, i'm 19 too. Not everyone should have kids, if only they realized that! So you want a career, that's great. Maybe you'll change your mind, maybe not. As long as you do what you think is right than who cares what people think. That's what pets are for!

And husbands or long term boyfriends can be like children, too. I want to be a physician, so I don't even plan to think about kids till early 30s, once I'm established and such. I don't want to be one of the physicians who's always at work, though, so I can maintain a family.

What I don't understand is when someone is young and says they don't want kids...but doesn't use protection or birth control. *sigh*

 

[zerimar1231]

What I don't understand is when someone is young and says they don't want kids...but doesn't use protection or birth control. *sigh*

Very True! Birth control is very accessible in this country so there shouldn't be any unwanted pregnancies...

 

[onebadkitty]

Very True! Birth control is very accessible in this country so there shouldn't be any unwanted pregnancies...

Careful... birth control is not 100% effective, so it's really not completely fair to say that there shouldn't be any unwanted pregnancies...

But back to the question presented. I don't think it's strange for you to feel the way you do (especially at your age), but like many have said, you may change your mind. Of course, you may not, and that's allright too. That's what's great about living in this time - people can CHOOSE what they want. I didn't think I wanted children either, but changed my mind and am now a stay-at-home mom. Big SWITCHEROO there, but I definitely am of the opinion that those that do not want children should NOT have them. Don't let anyone make you compromise what you want.

 

[rabbitclit]

I don't want kids, never did, I decided when I was 15 I didn't want kids (too much babysitting, I guess) but I have plenty of nieces and nephews to spoil. I have a new nephew that was just born and a great niece coming up soon,


I spoil 5 niece & nephews in particular & have fun doing it. I've had many people tell me I would change my mind get married & have kids. Sorry nada on both counts.

 

[Undomiel]

Well I'm currently using the best form of birth control by not having sex. But thats not going to last forever. And hopefully I'll never get pregnant accidentaly or anything. That happened 3 of my cousins though so its kinda scary....

 

[lick_me_there]

i dont think its strange at all, but i'm on the other side of the spectrum. i really, REALLY want to have one one day. i dont want to have it until i'm in my 30's tho. but i so want to have a family with my man one day and i know he does to and that feeling one looking forward to it one day is just so hopeful of a feeling.....

but i completely agree with everyone's aspects of not wanting one as well. you worked hard to earn an education to want to actually apply it to something and put your effort into that, and wanting the freedom of being able to go out on a whim. not have to worry about the fianical responsibilty or complete depency of someone on you for 18+ years.

i say you go. stick with what you want and dont change for anyone but your self.

 

[MintSoda]

Right there with you. We should form a club or something. Women who don't actually want to have children or a family. A friend from high school has three kids from three different daddies and keeps telling me I need to have a kid...I really don't think so.

 

[dirtylittleslut]

I agree, there is nothing strange about it. I personally feel that it is better to be honest about not wanting kids before you have them. Than have them and then decide you don't want them.

And it is true that you may change your mind later, but then again maybe not. Either way it is your life and your decision. And no one can make that life long decision for you.
dls

 

[Etaski]

Kindred spirit!

Undomiel, how nice to meet you! And I welcome your thought.
Myself and my husband (late-20's, early 30's respectively) are a "cheerfully childless" couple, and feel the same as you do. No kids for us.
But we have to stand firm,and you probably will have to as well the older you get. There is amazing pressure; I noticed it much more just after I finally married the man I'd lived with for over 3 years. No one bothered us about kids while we were cohabiting, but just after we married, there's pressure from both sets of parents, aunts and uncles, coworkers (yes! coworkers!), and of course the inundation of society/media's idyllic portrayal of the bastion of purity that is motherhood! (Have you noticed the magazine covers lately? Barf)
But I feel the same as several others who responded: I like my nieces and nephews a lot, I will gladly act as mentor when the opportunity is there, I would even jump in front of a car to save them. An instinct even stronger than reproducing, it is said, is species survival: an adult human may die to save a child, even if it is not their own.
I have a thought (only a thought, please, I am not seriously considering it!) that makes me laugh. The basis: I actually would like to experience pregnancy once. Just once, and just the pregnancy. (Yes, I am selfish.) (Then again, what greater, more generous gift is there than to provide a child to a desperate woman who cannot have one herself? That has a nice spin, no?)
Now, what makes me laugh is the thought of shattering every expectation anyone ever had for me and bearing one child, in wedlock, and giving it up for adoption. Bet no one could wrap their heads around that one.... But it would not work in real life; it would be hard on my other half and would be reason for his parents (and maybe my parents) to never even look at me again (not to mention all the flack from every other jo-with-an-opinion).
Alas, now that I am married, if I don't want kids, I will never experience pregnancy (because in theory I could have accomplished it while single). How ironic is that?

 

[Eilan]

As a mother of four who has no regrets about becoming a mom (but doesn't want to do it again!), please feel free to boot me out of this thread at any time.

It's already been mentioned in this thread, but the decision to have a child (or not) is an intensely personal one that should be made by the parties involved, NOT their friends and families. I really hate it when people can't respect others' decisions, and for them to continue to press the issue is the height of rudeness. I've NEVER tried to "push" parenthood on my friends; it's not for everybody, and I feel that they're more equipped to make that decision about themselves than I am.

It works both ways, though. I get really offended when I go to the grocery store with my kids and some ignorant fucking stranger comes up to me, looks at my kids, and says, "You ever figure out what's causing that?"

That's what's great about living in this time - people can CHOOSE what they want.

Exactly. This is what feminism means to me. If you want to have a career, have a career. If you want to stay at home with your kids, then do that. If you want a career AND kids, then more power to you. The point is that you have a choice, and you don't have to justify it to anyone.

 

[sweet_marie]

Babies and puppies

As a daughter of a career woman who didn't really want a "demanding baby who had to be held", I can say from experience that if you are strongly feeling that you DO NOT want a child, for heavens sake, don't put you or the child through the torture. In my situation it led to abuse and neglect. I'm not saying that if you did have a child, you'd be abusive...I'm just saying that your heart/instinct/gut is tell you not to be tied down. At 19, for God's sake, listen to that gut. Live your life, get a little bit of experience down your belt...you've got time. Whether or not you have a child depends on you, not anyone else.

As a side note: if you feel the need to have a child, but you're still not sure, do what I did. Get a 5 week old puppy, commit to not killing it, and raise it. I now have that orignal puppy (now 2 years, 1.5 hot tub covers, 5 jeans, untold pairs of shoes and an ex-boyfriend later) plus two of her puppies, and I am reminded why I never want a real child. I would never have the option of putting a human baby outside so I can get a few moments of peace.

Best wishes in your career!
Marie

 

[6ingirth]

I used to feel that way. Nothing against it, I have some dear friends that have been together many years, and chose not to have kids. I never thought I would either, but then I started working with them and realized that for me, I would be missing something by not having kids. Never a dull moment...

And, as coincidence would have it, Mrs. 6 and I found out today that she is due with our 1st in December.

If you are absolutely sure you don't want kids, consider a tubal ligation now, so that there is no chance whatsoever of you getting pregnant. The only thing I can think of for a child worse than being unwanted is to be abused...

I don't think it's abnormal, people make lifestyle choices all the time. Just be sure your lifestyle preference and your lifestyle reality don't come into conflict with each other.

 

[Eilan]

If you are absolutely sure you don't want kids, consider a tubal ligation now, so that there is no chance whatsoever of you getting pregnant.

Surgical sterilization (male or female) should be considered permanent, though it can be reversed (generally at one's own expense and with varying results). There is also, theoretically, a 1% (maybe less) chance of pregnancy after a tubal, and a greater risk of that pregnancy being an ectopic pregnancy.

Some doctors won't even consider doing a tubal on a 19 year old who's never been pregnant, even if she's sure that she won't ever want children. They would probably recommend that she wait a few years before making a final decision.

 

[Undomiel]

Thanks guys. Everyone is so nice and helpful on this forum.

As for the whole sterilsation thing, I would like to get it done at some point I guess. But I don't like idea of major surgery. I don't even really know much about it.

And I don't know if doctors here would be the same, although I can see their point. Apparently you need to be 25 to get laser eye surgery and I got it done 3 months ago.

 

[silverwhisper]

undomiel: i'd recommend against surgery. consider: it's pretty invasive and on the off chance you decide in the future that you feel differently, it's harder to reverse than a vasectomy, i understand.

ed

 

[Macdaddy23]

To never want children? All my friends think I'm wierd cause they want them (eventually). I know I'm only 19 and people say I might change my mind but I doubt it. The thought of pregnancy disgusts me and I don't really like children. I'm really uncomfortable around them.
Also I'm not working this hard in University for nothing. I don't want to spend years dreaming of and working for the career I really want, only to put it on hold for 18 years. I want to live my life and be independant, not look after someone else.
Ok so my boyfriend thinks the same way (thankfully!) but I still can't find anyone else who thinks the same way....

It's normal not to what kids I think.

 

[silverwhisper]

i think a better question is: "does it matter whether it's normal?" after all, "normal" people also don't post to pr0n sites during the day, presumably. :>

ed