Is this thing on?

[artiepuy]

I have to wonder if I'm doing something wrong.

Is my writing so bad that most people just read the first few paragraphs and quit there? I would love some honest feedback, because right now I'm getting none.

The story I'm telling was written last year, and posted somewhere else. Chapter 1 was pretty much picked up and posted here, because oft that I'm quite it's full of various editing errors. But at least it got SOME feedbck, even if half of that was from people who appeared to be downing it because they knew how to type - basically drive-by grafitti saying "stop now, you suck". I left all of the actual constructive comments. Chapter 2 got bounced for editing the first time (which is why I'm sure Chapter 1 is full of little problems), and 2 got only one valid comment when it finally posted. Chapter 3 was met with absolute dead silence. Well, not quite dead silence. All three chapters have some votes on them, and the votes aren't crappy.

Do I suck? Please, tell me now, but if you do, tell me why. If I don't, tell me what I can do better anyway.

I know that this is not a masterpiece, but come on, is it really that bad?

Thanks to all.


Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

 

[CWatson]

Your main problem is, as mentioned, the messy punctuation. That's something you might want to get round to fixing one day.

The second is your category. "Erotic Couplings" isn't exactly the best place to post if you want feedback--or, for that matter, readership. Most readers gravitate to the more spicy categories; you'll never get much recognition if you stay in the vanilla ones (like I do). The current champion in terms of readership is undoubtedly Incest; I don't know what comes in second.

The third is your category. This story does not really belong in "EC", which is generally about a) a man and a woman b) getting it on c) in the absense of things like plot and character development. "EC," in other words, is about sex and absolutely nothing else. So where does your story, with its plot and character, belong? Honestly, I don't know. Maybe this would've have been a good candidate for "Loving Wives," which about half the authorship thinks is code for "cheating". Of course, the other half thinks it shouldn't be, and the two halves are having a holy war. For this reason, writers with more than one brain cell stay away from LW if they can help it.

The last problem is your content. These kinds of infidelity/power Master/slave stories are always polarizing; people will either love it or hate it. (Personally, I hate it, but as an editor it's my job to stay impartial. Besides, who cares if I hate it?--that takes me out of your target demographic. ) Without getting into discussions about artistic merit or real-life philosophy, this story will never get a wholly positive reception, precisely because of its subject matter.

So, yeah. That's my take on the situation. Other writers on this site should feel free to tell me to shut up and that I've got my facts wrong, because I certainly might.

 

[artiepuy]

Messy in all three chapters, or just in chapter 1? Please realize, I skated along in high school English, and besides, that was over thirty years ago.

I too was torn with "Loving Wives". Does it mean wives who love their husbands? Does it mean wives who love everyone? Does it mean people who loves other people's wives? I looked at all of the other groups and decided that the closest for most of the story was probably EC. It's too bad there's not just a category for plain old story.

As for the content, I suppose it might be a bit all over the map. The whole series wanders all over the map, because I was trying out different things as I was writing this. I was going along on an exploration, just as Jack is going along on an exploration too.

In retrospect though, I probably should have written many different stories instead of wandering all over the place with this one.

Thank you very much for your input.