Is this one sentence clear?

[TheWritingGroup]

She leaned in, staring me right in the face. I didn't look at her directly, but I could see her jet-black hair and eyebrows and eyeshadow and shirt and lipstick.

Can you tell from that sentence that the speaker means that she has black hair, black eyebrows, black eyeshadow, black shirt ... ?

-Annie

 

[SimonDoom]

Can you tell from that sentence that the speaker means that she has black hair, black eyebrows, black eyeshadow, black shirt ... ?

-Annie

No.

 

[Voboy]

No.

 

[XerXesXu]

Can you tell from that sentence that the speaker means that she has black hair, black eyebrows, black eyeshadow, black shirt ... ?

-Annie

1. No.
2. Yes.

 

[NotWise]

Can you tell from that sentence that the speaker means that she has black hair, black eyebrows, black eyeshadow, black shirt ... ?

-Annie

I understand it that way. Not sure what else it could mean.

 

[Katie_Mae]

Can you tell from that sentence that the speaker means that she has black hair, black eyebrows, black eyeshadow, black shirt ... ?

-Annie

No. But with a very small amount of tweaking it would be clear.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

How about,

She leaned in, staring me right in the face. I didn't look at her directly, but I could see her jet-black hair and eyebrows and eyeshadow and shirt and lipstick, all jet-black

 

[SimonDoom]

I understand it that way. Not sure what else it could mean.

It's not clear that "jet-black" modifies anything other than "hair." It could be read that way, but it doesn't have to. It's unclear. It's an irregular way to say what the OP wants to say.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Can you tell from that sentence that the speaker means that she has black hair, black eyebrows, black eyeshadow, black shirt ... ?

-Annie

Jet-black hair, yes; everything else could be any colour.

 

[SimonDoom]

I didn't look at her directly, but I could see the jet black of her hair and eyebrows and eyeshadow and shirt and lipstick.


In this case, there is no doubt that "jet black" modifies all the nouns because of the construction.

 

[MiaBabe23]

Can you tell from that sentence that the speaker means that she has black hair, black eyebrows, black eyeshadow, black shirt ... ?

-Annie

I would assume that’s what you’re saying, but to be brutally honest, that many ‘ands’ really interrupt the flow and personally, I wouldn’t read on. You could rewrite to talk about darkness, matching etc etc

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Thanks.

Once I noticed the ambiguity, I changed it, but I was wondering if the assembled authors would read it the way I originally meant it. Answer: mostly no.

-Annie

 

[WhiteTailDarkTip]

I would assume that’s what you’re saying, but to be brutally honest, that many ‘ands’ really interrupt the flow and personally, I wouldn’t read on. You could rewrite to talk about darkness, matching etc etc

Or take @SimonDoom's sentence and intensify it by saying "I could see the jet black of her hair, her eyebrows, her eyeshadow, her shirt, her lipstick." Impressing that the speaker is intensely aware of every detail.

 

[Jackie.Hikaru]

Hmmm. For some reason I have this song stuck in my head now.

 

[onehitwanda]

Hmmm. For some reason I have this song stuck in my head now.

https://www.darkfashionclothing.com/cdn/shop/products/morgana-underbust-steel-boned-corset-in-king-brocade-taffeta-burleska_1200x.jpg?v=16507947944

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Or take @SimonDoom's sentence and intensify it by saying "I could see the jet black of her hair, her eyebrows, her eyeshadow, her shirt, her lipstick." Impressing that the speaker is intensely aware of every detail.

That's very close to what I actually did change it to.

-Annie

 

[WhiteTailDarkTip]

https://www.darkfashionclothing.com/cdn/shop/products/morgana-underbust-steel-boned-corset-in-king-brocade-taffeta-burleska_1200x.jpg?v=16507947944

Ouch! It's a mouth watering image but honestly, how do people breathe in those things?

 

[StillStunned]

Ouch! It's a mouth watering image but honestly, how do people breathe in those things?

It helps if you come up for air regularly before diving back under.

 

[onehitwanda]

It helps if you come up for air regularly before diving back under.

This is why snorkels were invented, babe.

 

[StillStunned]

This is why snorkels were invented, babe.

No, lack of oxygen increases the sense of urgency and makes you work harder. Or so the redhead tells me.

 

[onehitwanda]

I've written and deleted so many sentences here.

So many.

Edit: God I wish Em was still active here.

 

[SimonDoom]

I've written and deleted so many sentences here.

So many.

Edit: God I wish Em was still active here.

Onehitwanda longs for Emily's patter
With regret she saw Emily scatter
Of Em, it's said Wanda
Is endearingly fonda,
And even at Lit these things matter.

 

[onehitwanda]

Onehitwanda longs for Emily's patter

Maybe Santa will bless me. I've been a very good girl after all.

 

[StillStunned]

"It's not her patter why I miss her," Wanda said.
"Let me at her, just to kiss her on the bed."

Also:

Maybe Santa will bless me. I've been a very good girl after all.

I don't believe that, you don't believe that, and I'm pretty sure Santa doesn't believe that either.

 

[onehitwanda]

I don't believe that, you don't believe that, and I'm pretty sure Santa doesn't believe that either.

https://33.media.tumblr.com/4838c0f05ee3f515f69c53d4a6915213/tumblr_nrjs25h5ve1r9dvzqo1_500.gif