Is this horribly WRONG?

[JackLuis]

Yesterday I had an idea for a fairly unique story. Which can be dangerous.

Anyway it' about 'The Creator' and the Universe he created.

"The Creator is hard to describe, I mean, he isn't really like you and me. But for the purposes of this tale., lets just say he's a tall old man with beard? He sits contemplating the full majesty of his creation. Built completely of him self and undoubtedly for his amusement, or just to prove that there can be something more than he.

He spends his time in procreation because its the best thing he ever thought up. Creation is a hard business, particularly nowadays since the Greeks started figuring things out. He hadn't really thought about how he did things, being omnipotent was pretty cool. However he had to make sure how far they had figured out what he had actually caused to come about creating the universal laws that ordered the chaos that had been there, here (oh crap! see what I mean.) before creation."

Anyway I have him discovering sex and he thinks it's a pretty cool way to evolve, so he makes an angel, Angelique, to further explore the practice. After a while he realizes that Angelique needs something to focus her attention on sex, so he gives her a clit.

bla bla bla, and he gives his assistant Rodger ( change name) a dick and decided to watch them experience sex without the complication that His participation has on Angelique. To facilitate this interaction he gives Angelique the gift of speech and both the gift of free will.

bla bla bla and things are going along good, until the beings on the little blue planet prove that the Higgs Boson exists! This is a major problem because if any of his creations figure out all the secrets of the Universe, they will be able to create their own Universe and live forever, making the Creator redundant.

The Creator didn't bother to figure out everything while he was creating and has to distract this one scientist, who is about to realize how the Higgs boson makes gravity.

And what would be more distracting than if he gave Angelique to the scientist as a research assistant?

My question is are they going to come after me with pitchforks and torches or just scream?

 

[Beatnic_jazzman]

Go for it.

If you write it you deserve applause for originality alone.

 

[annanova]

Oh, yes! Please! And let us all know when you send it in.

Just... what category would you post it under?

 

[JackLuis]

Oh, yes! Please! And let us all know when you send it in.

Just... what category would you post it under?

That might be a problem. I don't think they have a category for my odd stories, possibly Celestial Incest?

Or "Heavenly Voyeur?"

 

[TxRad]

That might be a problem. I don't think they have a category for my odd stories, possibly Celestial Incest?

Or "Heavenly Voyeur?"

Angels usually end up in on-human.

 

[JackLuis]

Angels usually end up in on-human.

There you go reveling my plot line!

But I think you meant Non-Human.

 

[TxRad]

There you go reveling my plot line!

But I think you meant Non-Human.

Still learning the spacing on this new keyboard.

 

[JackLuis]

Still learning the spacing on this new keyboard.

So if I write this will I be:

A. Assaulted by Anglicans

B. Battered by Baptists

C. Crucified by Congregationalists

D. Ignored?


Inquiring perverts want to know.

 

[glynndah]

Angels usually end up in on-human.

There you go reveling my plot line!

But I think you meant Non-Human.

This is Lit. Angels very frequently end up ON humans ~ and under them, too.

 

[JackLuis]

This is Lit. Angels very frequently end up ON humans ~ and under them, too.

No problem with the Angels I was more concerned with The Creator on the Angels and if the plot thickens, on Humans.

I don't need the pitchforks and torches thing.

Really I don't.

 

[slyc_willie]

No problem with the Angels I was more concerned with The Creator on the Angels and if the plot thickens, on Humans.

I don't need the pitchforks and torches thing.

Really I don't.

Which means, of course, that you'll probably get them.

 

[Handley_Page]

"However he had to make sure how far they had figured out what he had actually caused to come about creating the universal laws that ordered the chaos that had been there, here (oh crap! see what I mean.) before creation."

shouldn't that be 'darkness' ?
{ And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness [was] upon the face of the deep. }

Personally, I do not see why you'll be hounded by anyone; lauded, by the sound of it.
It's not as if the thing has never been done before ; I think Asimov wrote one lie it in the 50s, so you are treading in the steps of the great.

You could always set it on another planet in another time.

 

[JackLuis]

"However he had to make sure how far they had figured out what he had actually caused to come about creating the universal laws that ordered the chaos that had been there, here (oh crap! see what I mean.) before creation."

shouldn't that be 'darkness' ?
{ And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness [was] upon the face of the deep. }

Personally, I do not see why you'll be hounded by anyone; lauded, by the sound of it.
It's not as if the thing has never been done before ; I think Asimov wrote one lie it in the 50s, so you are treading in the steps of the great.

You could always set it on another planet in another time.

It was chaos, without form and, granted, dark, in my story.
I just dashed it off so far, only about 400-500 words down at the moment.
Remember, 'Don't get picky on the first draft, just get it down.'
I had a wizard Title, but before I could get y-writer open and running, I lost the thought. (Curses!)

Never underestimate the religious fanaticism of an American wing nut! (See post #11)
That's how we stay alive in 'merica.

 

[Handley_Page]

Never underestimate the religious fanaticism of an American wing nut! (See post #11)
That's how we stay alive in 'merica.

Keeping fit by running from a well-wielded pitchfork ?

 

[KlaytonFrost]

Sounds like the kind of erotic story where there's enough going on aside from sex to keep me interested. You should write it!

 

[THROBBS]

This is Lit. Angels very frequently end up ON humans ~ and under them, too.

yup.

 

[JackLuis]

yup.

I like the toes Throbbs.

I had thought that Rodger (change name) would be very surprised and thrilled to find his bliss.

Since I've got about 1600 words now and the rest plotted I had better strike while Rodger's new penis is erect.

 

[JackLuis]

I found a cover for "Celestial Climax!"

 

[pinata]

So if I write this will I be:

A. Assaulted by Anglicans

B. Battered by Baptists

C. Crucified by Congregationalists

D. Ignored?


Inquiring perverts want to know.

Honestly, how many fundamentalist Christians are on an erotica site? Even the religious people here probably aren't religious enough to get offended. You're worrying what prudes will think... on a porn site. Pretty much a non-issue.

 

[carlieplum]

So if I write this will I be:

A. Assaulted by Anglicans

B. Battered by Baptists

C. Crucified by Congregationalists

D. Ignored?


Inquiring perverts want to know.

All of the above?

 

[Lord_Gro]

So if I write this will I be:

A. Assaulted by Anglicans

B. Battered by Baptists

C. Crucified by Congregationalists

D. Ignored?


Inquiring perverts want to know.

The Unitarians will come and set fire a giant question mark in your front yard.

 

[damppanties]

I found a cover for "Celestial Climax!"

Wonderful.

 

[Dyslexicea]

My question is are they going to come after me with pitchforks and torches or just scream?

Yeppers Jack, run, run really fast!

Write it first, I may even read it. It would help if your scientist was a she instead of a he. Selfish me!

Off topic I did read your old fart story. Not to bad but the sausage thing was rather stupid and it wouldn't have been her stomach muscles. I recommend you take female anatomy 101!

 

[JackLuis]

Yeppers Jack, run, run really fast!

Write it first, I may even read it. It would help if your scientist was a she instead of a he. Selfish me!

Off topic I did read your old fart story. Not to bad but the sausage thing was rather stupid and it wouldn't have been her stomach muscles. I recommend you take female anatomy 101!

I am editing another story just now so "Celestial Climax" in on deck. I'll consider the sex change of the scientist. That would be a twist!

It might be more interesting and give Angelique a different challenge if she falls to earth and finds that she has to divert a very focused female from her quest to impress the patriarchy with her brilliance.

It might even more twisted if the Creator was female and decides that Rodger (change name) doesn't need to be 'all that bright.' Then She and Angelique could discuss the actual need for males, or why he can't be a smaller creature so he could be kept in a pocket and wouldn't be so much of a bother?

Off Topic. I admit the sausage is a bit of a stretch, but Betty and June weren't who I was concerned about.

Ms G.G. and Mary Lynn will be the greater continuing characters. I wanted them to be the sympathetic characters, Betty and June are foils that will play a part later, but they are bit characters.

But female anatomy is complicated! The scientific literature doesn't describe the sensations and controls from a woman's perspective. It doesn't do much to explain a man sensations and controls either.

Old Farts! Lester and Gilhoulie aren't OLD! Just ask them, they are in the prime of their lives, and in for the time of their lives as well!

Thanks for reading it and the feedback though.

 

[Dyslexicea]

Off Topic. I admit the sausage is a bit of a stretch, but Betty and June weren't who I was concerned about.

Ms G.G. and Mary Lynn will be the greater continuing characters. I wanted them to be the sympathetic characters, Betty and June are foils that will play a part later, but they are bit characters.

But female anatomy is complicated! The scientific literature doesn't describe the sensations and controls from a woman's perspective. It doesn't do much to explain a man sensations and controls either.

Not bad was an understatement, I liked it. I also feel you did a good job on character development.

Who really cares about man sensations anyway.