Is romance dead?

[lifeis2short2b]

Isn’t making love more related to love than romance?

It seems you have never felt being romantically involved or felt romance with someone.
Its a pretty wonderful feeling, maybe unexplanable for some. I hope you do get to experience this one day and get back to us.
Good luck!

 

[lifeis2short2b]

Yeah, it's dead. I think it died in 1963 but maybe it was a lot earlier than that.

Hmmmm! 1963 ? Did you come up with this date personally ? Which would make you approx 83 yo. Did you get this from a source ? What source ? How did they get this data ? Who did they study ? What was the information they used in studying this data ? Where the participants mostly men/ women ?

 

[UKSilverFox]

I think for a man, romance is understanding what a woman wants and delivering when she wants it, especially when she didn't realise she wanted it. It's tough out there for us average guys, I don't have a suit with a big 'S' on it.

 

[Noor]

It seems you have never felt being romantically involved or felt romance with someone.
Its a pretty wonderful feeling, maybe unexplanable for some. I hope you do get to experience this one day and get back to us.
Good luck!

No, I am just wondering about other peoples definitions of romance. I have been in love and love people but that is different.
I know people for whom candlelight and rose petals in baths are romantic gestures, some who think sex is romance, some think giving flowers is, they seem to be unasked for displays of affection or ways to break down other’s resistance to letting them closer.
When people say is romance dead, they usually mean us chivalry by men towards women

 

[Robinss]

I've been reading through these threads and I can't help but notice that there's not much mention of love or even affection. Relationships seem very transactional.

My sister (single) summed up modern dating in these words: What are you gonna do for me?

I'm satisfied with my relationship, but I admit some of the passion is gone.

I'm not looking for advice, but I am curious. Is emotional connection no longer a priority for people? What do you think?

I absolutely agree.

But I also think that answer sorta depends on where you reside.
I have been fortunate to have had a long term relation with a woman I met in Florence.
She was originally from Sweden.

We met there, formed a friendship through a love of literature and politics, maintained contact after I returned to the States, and entered into a once-a-week phone call, email/text long-distance relationship.
Then when I returned to Europe 3 months later, we became lovers.

The relationship has endured since 2014.
We are no longer lovers, but we talk and write as much as we are able.

I miss her still and she misses me, but we are both able to care and be happy for each other.
We can talk freely about each other's sex life, but our focus is on each other's mental and physical well-being.
I believe that my response may answer your question.

I will also tell you that I don't find that kind of real love and passion in my State.

I'm satisfied with my relationship, but I still wish I could find here what I had with her.

I would love to hear more from you.

 

[lifeis2short2b]

No, I am just wondering about other peoples definitions of romance. I have been in love and love people but that is different.
I know people for whom candlelight and rose petals in baths are romantic gestures, some who think sex is romance, some think giving flowers is, they seem to be unasked for displays of affection or ways to break down other’s resistance to letting them closer.
When people say is romance dead, they usually mean us chivalry by men towards women

Ok I'm intrigued. As a woman what do you consider romance ? Maybe I haven't experienced it.

 

[Robinss]

To all in this thread: The point of my mini-jeremiah was that European women and men approach romance differently from Americans.

It's so much more than sex, roses and trinkets.
There is more freedom and interplay within the relationship rather than the cold transactional aspect.
But that doesn't mean that the relationship doesn't take work.
In my opinion, however, the work is so much more emotional and intellectual.

Maybe it's because Europeans have been around a bit longer than Americans.
I suppose that core model may catch up to us one day.

 

[Noor]

Ok I'm intrigued. As a woman what do you consider romance ? Maybe I haven't experienced it.

I think it’s expressing your feelings, being genuine, thoughtful gestures, show interest, making time and space for mindful quality interaction, listening and showing genuine affection without an end game beyond just enjoying each others company, all while being mindful of their comfort and boundaries.
I think the last part gets left out.

Sometimes just sharing can be very romantic. Making the other person feel special as they would say in some cultures outside the US

 

[Noor]

I think for a man, romance is understanding what a woman wants and delivering when she wants it, especially when she didn't realise she wanted it. It's tough out there for us average guys, I don't have a suit with a big 'S' on it.

Are you sure you don’t have a suit like that?

 

[Robinss]

Agree, but "being mindful of their comfort and boundaries" takes communication and commitment, sorely lacking in many, many relationships today.
The highs of great sex and the "newness" in an emerging relationship and the discovery phases of that relationship, i.e., love, comfort, desire soon become dulled.
"Forgotmyantidepressants" asked "Is emotional connection no longer a priority for people?"
I think she has already reached her conclusion that the answer to her question is yes; emotional connection is no longer a priority.
It's a by-product of what our society has become.

 

[Noor]

To all in this thread: The point of my mini-jeremiah was that European women and men approach romance differently from Americans.

It's so much more than sex, roses and trinkets.
There is more freedom and interplay within the relationship rather than the cold transactional aspect.
But that doesn't mean that the relationship doesn't take work.
In my opinion, however, the work is so much more emotional and intellectual.

Maybe it's because Europeans have been around a bit longer than Americans.
I suppose that core model may catch up to us one day.

I usually have European men start of with a discussion of politics
Brits somewhat different.
I’m am American but I wouldn’t know as the only American men I’ve been involved since my 30s have been known for be very different if not down right weird so they don’t seem to fall into any catagory

 

[Noor]

Agree, but "being mindful of their comfort and boundaries" takes communication and commitment, sorely lacking in many, many relationships today.
The highs of great sex and the "newness" in an emerging relationship and the discovery phases of that relationship, i.e., love, comfort, desire soon become dulled.
"Forgotmyantidepressants" asked "Is emotional connection no longer a priority for people?"
I think she has already reached her conclusion that the answer to her question is yes; emotional connection is no longer a priority.
It's a by-product of what our society has become.

I’m Demi so emotional on connection on some level is the first criteria.

 

[Robinss]

Starting off with politics is brilliant, except in Ireland while engaged in heavy drinking at a bar in Dublin.
As for Brits, I like British women.
I've done okay with that lot.
But guy Brits are the absolute worse...I mean I love them, but you can't turn your back on them for even a second.
Plus, they are so fu.king condescending that my head hurts after 2 minutes.

 

[Noor]

Starting off with politics is brilliant, except in Ireland while engaged in heavy drinking at a bar in Dublin.
As for Brits, I like British women.
I've done okay with that lot.
But guy Brits are the absolute worse...I mean I love them, but you can't turn your back on them for even a second.
Plus, they are so fu.king condescending that my head hurts after 2 minutes.

Not all of them are that bad and some of them are a lot of fun!

 

[Noor]

Not all of them are that bad and some of them are a lot of fun!

I don’t talk politics in Ireland even not drinking, never have, never will, just not worth it.

 

[lifeis2short2b]

I think it’s expressing your feelings, being genuine, thoughtful gestures, show interest, making time and space for mindful quality interaction, listening and showing genuine affection without an end game beyond just enjoying each others company, all while being mindful of their comfort and boundaries.
I think the last part gets left out.

Sometimes just sharing can be very romantic. Making the other person feel special as they would say in some cultures outside the US

I read your reply a few times. Very well said, you put in words what I couldn"t. NAILED IT.
I thought about my relationships both past and present. I consider myself a romantic. have been told that by previous partners and people outside the relationship looking in. These gestures come natural for me. Funny insight I love Valentines day .
I think for some people it's just not in them to show these feelings or think it makes them to vulnerable.
Thanks for reminding me and the self check. Romance is not dead.

 

[tristantrotsky]

Where there are lovers, in whatever combination or definition, there will always be romance.
Where there is loving tenderness and consideration, there will always be romance.

 

[lifeis2short2b]

Agree, but "being mindful of their comfort and boundaries" takes communication and commitment, sorely lacking in many, many relationships today.
The highs of great sex and the "newness" in an emerging relationship and the discovery phases of that relationship, i.e., love, comfort, desire soon become dulled.
"Forgotmyantidepressants" asked "Is emotional connection no longer a priority for people?"
I think she has already reached her conclusion that the answer to her question is yes; emotional connection is no longer a priority.
It's a by-product of what our society has become.

Your last part is so spot on. We have become isolated thanks to technology. People especially kids are glued to there phones and computers. Spending less time interacting with other people.
There are numerous studies showing this. We also experience this every single day of our life.
Example: Waiting on line at a store ( If you don't use self check out which I refuse to do) people's face are buried in the phone instead of striking up small talk with the person in front/ behind them. I can go on and on.
Not seeing someone's face when you make them happy or hurt them makes you lose all feelings of sensitivity.
Sad

 

[UKSilverFox]

Not all of them are that bad and some of them are a lot of fun!

Thank you from the gentlemen of the UK, smile.

 

[UKSilverFox]

Are you sure you don’t have a suit like that?

I have a number with M and S on.

 

[Robinss]

Yes Noor....I'm sure some of them are a lot of fun.
And I have no doubt there are many reasons why you have been at the receiving end of all that fun.
I was being a tad sarcastic, "old boy."
But it still remains that what boarding school they attended and what social clubs mom and dad are members of shapes their caustic nature.
I'm not saying that what I said does not occur elsewhere, it's just not as pronounced.
If you read any John LeCarre, you can see what I'm talking about thru his changes in dialect between his characters.

 

[forgotmyantidepressants]

Forgotmyantidepressants" asked "Is emotional connection no longer a priority for people?"
I think she has already reached her conclusion that the answer to her question is yes; emotional connection is no longer a priority.
It's a by-product of what our society has become.

I like to think there's people out there who care for each other on an emotional level. Previous posters helped me to remember that everyone expresses their emotions in different ways. People need their needs met in different ways.

I asked in part because I've never been promiscuous. Sometimes I wonder if I'm missing out while I'm still young enough to be considered attractive. But then I hear dating horror stories from my sister/friends and come on here and read all the various threads and I can't help but think I'm really not missing out on anything. I don't think I'm cut out for modern dating.

 

[Robinss]

There are not an easy or just one answer to your question(s).
I think "missing out" is overrated, but it is a real concern.
To me, your use of "missing out" reveals a more intimate, more deep-rooted problem.
Not one to be confused with the need for an adrenaline hit, a different/new and exciting approach to sex or a way to escape boredom.
It denotes a much deeper need that you feel is missing.
I have been there.

One time one of those recurrent thoughts made me examine and realize that I needed to leave.
I was not seeing another woman on the side at the time or flirting or drinking excessively (I am a social drinker only).
It was just that something was missing, and I did not want to continue in that direction.
The next time that happened to me, aways down the road, while the feeling/thoughts returned, I decided to stay and address those feelings with my partner.

In today's dating world, I would agree that you are not missing out on anything.
I would agree that being promiscuous is too dangerous, if not openly discussed and allowed.

Yet...settling...especially at your age and "looks" stage, is also a silent prison, that festers over time.

 

[Robinss]

Whoops...
There is not an easy or just one way to answer your question(s).
In my situation, I was betrayed by Business Partners in an out-of-my-State business, with ties a related business in Budapest, Hungary.
Because of my morality, and because the business in Budapest exists in a country run by Fascists (Viktor Orban), I objected to how the business decisions were being made to favor the Government, thus not in the best interests of our brand, our clientele and maybe...democracy in Hungary.

The 4 other Partners decided to expel me from the Business, to "get rid of me" claiming an obscure provision in the Company's Operating Agreement.

The effort was initiated by a Partner who did not like, or tolerate his decisions, or forced him to answer tough questions, as I made him do. He wanted me out so I could not interfere with how he ran the Company, although a majority vote by all the Partners was required. I was the most vocal opponent of his methods and decisions.

Of the 4 other Partners, I had established a particularly close relationship with over 5 years. Our relationship was much closer than hers with the other 4 Partners (we were good friends only, nothing sexual or wanting sexual).

To expel me required a unanimous vote.

That Partner, my close relationship, voted with the other 3 Partners.

That caused a Buy-Out of my Partnership share.

The problem was that because of their allegation against me, my Buy-Out was made a vastly reduced amount.

We are talking from low 8 figures to low 6 figures.

I am in the middle of litigation, since January 10, 2025, in a state where I don't reside and can't get to the fact that it was a conspiracy because of the nature of the Complaint they filed against me.

I just cannot get over/get pass the betrayal. What I did was not illegal or in any way harmful to our Company.

I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I have lost 15 pounds so far on my already slim frame.

I wish my crying was about my partner or sex or how there is no emotion in my relationship.

If anyone needs to become promiscuous, it's me. If anyone needs the touch of a new lover and new or more intense positions or better sex, it's me.

But I won't go there.

And you really shouldn't either.

 

[Harry sach]

I think when you're in a long term relationship, or indeed any relationship, everything is new, exciting, spontaneous at the beginning, but if you end up settling into a routine things like romance can become, awkward, almost. That's my experience, anyway.