Is men crying still a no-no?

[iwatchus]

I received a comment on a recent story complaining about the MC, who is male, crying. The comment was overall positive but that part of it surprised me.

As context, the MC has just gotten his courage up to tell a woman that he is falling in love with her. She says I thought we were just having a fling and I am not interested in you in that way.
He puts a brave face on for the rest of that scene and then goes back to his room and cries.

Would many people, male or female, not cry, at least in private after something like that? Am I just that disconnected from the macho mindset?

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Some people are just uncomfortable with the idea and think men should only cry when watching Old Yeller, the end of Saving Private Ryan, or when there is a death in the family.
Other people think men should cry all the time.
I wouldn't read too much into one comment.

 

[NotWise]

Men aren't going to agree with each other about crying. Regardless of whether a man might cry under those conditions, there will be other men who wouldn't and are bothered by the idea that another man might.

 

[Craighalbert]

It varies based on the genre but a lot of people on this site tend to skew older and more conservative, especially about things like traditional gender roles. I wouldn't sweat it.

 

[iwatchus]

I wouldn't read too much into one comment.

I get so little engagement, I take almost all my comments seriously

 

[Voboy]

Plenty would, plenty wouldn't. It's not a monolithic answer. If you want your characters to cry, by all means, make them cry!

I am not a cryer in my own life. I VERY seldom do it for any reason, say once every 8-10 years, and the scenario you describe would not make me do it. But that's me, not your character, and in my case it has nothing to do with any perception of machismo or anything like that: it's just not how I show emotion.

TL,DR: don't worry about it.

 

[iwatchus]

It varies based on the genre but a lot of people on this site tend to skew older and more conservative, especially about things like traditional gender roles. I wouldn't sweat it.

The story was E&V, part of the literotica convention event

 

[ThatNewGuy]

Some readers think that just because they wouldn't react to a situation in a certain way, that means the character they are reading about shouldn't react that way.

I think it's better to try to empathize with characters as they are written. I'm fine with a broad range of reactions that may be different from my own, as long as they are true to the character as they are portrayed in the story.

I've not read the specific comment in question, but I think it's silly to criticize a story just because a male character cries.

 

[Claire_RA]

That might be a generational thing. It definitely wouldn't bother me in a story. Especially if the man in question is a character I like, I would feel more sympathetic for him. Honestly, I don't see the appeal of unfeeling characters in general, male or female. What I could see as problematic is a character who cries at every little thing because it robs their tears of significance. But given what you described, that sounds like a good reason to have a character cry to me.

 

[Bassytian]

I read yours and saw that comment. Men cry. Hell, as a man who suffers with major depression, I cry at times, though not very often. I probably would have if I were in Jeremy’s situation.

Don’t be afraid to make your characters have emotions, male or female. Characters with emotions are far more interesting.

 

[SinclairGroupLLP]

Everybody cries. Even John Wayne cried. The issue should never be whether a dude in a story cries, it should be whether it makes sense for that dude in that story to cry. If it’s out of character, I can see someone in the comments saying something. But if it’s just someone crying? That seems an odd thing to fixate on.

 

[WittyUserName]

I received a comment on a recent story complaining about the MC, who is male, crying. The comment was overall positive but that part of it surprised me.

As context, the MC has just gotten his courage up to tell a woman that he is falling in love with her. She says I thought we were just having a fling and I am not interested in you in that way.
He puts a brave face on for the rest of that scene and then goes back to his room and cries.

Would many people, male or female, not cry, at least in private after something like that? Am I just that disconnected from the macho mindset?

Everyone cries. It's the same with everything else, of course; you can't please everyone no matter what you write. That said, the alpha male concept is outdated and scientifically inaccurate. Good on you for showing that men have feelings, too! Don't worry about the negativity, just keep writing complex characters with real emotions.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Everybody cries. Even John Wayne cried. The issue should never be whether a dude in a story cries, it should be whether it makes sense for that dude in that story to cry. If it’s out of character, I can see someone in the comments saying something. But if it’s just someone crying? That seems an odd thing to fixate on.

True, but John Wayne cried when the stakes were high.
When he realized he made a mistake that might have doomed his whole crew in Islands in the Sky. Or when he found his father dead.

The question is are the circumstances appropriate to the character crying?

Rooster Cogburn or Big Jake wouldn't have cried over a girl.

 

[Fillingthevoid]

I was brought up being told boys don’t cry but as my dad got older I seen him cry a few times I have to be really comfortable with someone to let them see me cry when my wife passed away i overheard my kids saying how its heartbreaking for them to see me cry

 

[MrHereWriting]

I received a comment on a recent story complaining about the MC, who is male, crying. The comment was overall positive but that part of it surprised me.

As context, the MC has just gotten his courage up to tell a woman that he is falling in love with her. She says I thought we were just having a fling and I am not interested in you in that way.
He puts a brave face on for the rest of that scene and then goes back to his room and cries.

Would many people, male or female, not cry, at least in private after something like that? Am I just that disconnected from the macho mindset?

It depends how well you write the character and his reason for crying.

When Tony Soprano cries, it's moving, when his son AJ cries, you want to smack the kid and give him a reason for crying.

 

[SimonDoom]

There's no universal rule about this. Men vary. In my case, from the age of 16 to the age of about 49, I don't think I ever cried. Not once. I've gone through some things since that time that have caused me to react differently, but always in private. I never cry in front of others.

So, I guess I would say that it IS realistic to depict men as not crying, but it's also realistic to depict some men as crying. Just pay attention to your character, so the crying makes sense.

 

[TheRedChamber]

I've cried twice in adulthood. I don't want to go into details, but the first time I was sitting in an ambulance with someone during a situation that had been developing for about a week during which time the way I managed to deal with things was to 'be strong for other people'. The second time was a couple of months later, in a car with that same person returning from the hospital. Those were also the only two times I would and did openly admit to crying (in this case, on social media) when I could easily have hidden it.

Men do cry. They also often try to choke back tears, and they also often blame themselves afterwards. As others have said, it depends a lot on upbringing, but I still think that relatively few men (are conditioned to/allowed to/call it what you will) cry in quite the same way that women often do.

 

[TheLobster]

I suspect it wasn't about "a men crying" per se, but rather about the self-indulgence of crying over something that doesn't affect anyone else.

Or as @Kelliezgirl put it:

(...) John Wayne cried when the stakes were high.
When he realized he made a mistake that might have doomed his whole crew in Islands in the Sky. Or when he found his father dead.

(...)

Rooster Cogburn or Big Jake wouldn't have cried over a girl.

 

[Bramblethorn]

It's entirely plausible. Some readers have very limited ideas about the possibilities of human emotion, but that doesn't mean we need to pander to them.

 

[BobbyBrandt]

I received a comment on a recent story complaining about the MC, who is male, crying. The comment was overall positive but that part of it surprised me.

As context, the MC has just gotten his courage up to tell a woman that he is falling in love with her. She says I thought we were just having a fling and I am not interested in you in that way.
He puts a brave face on for the rest of that scene and then goes back to his room and cries.

Would many people, male or female, not cry, at least in private after something like that? Am I just that disconnected from the macho mindset?

I haven't read your story, but in the right circumstances and with the right man, crying can be expected by readers, and totally acceptable.

The job of the writer is to create the right character and the right situations to make it plausible. Did you do that? That is the question that I would be asking myself.

 

[AG31]

Some people are just uncomfortable with the idea and think men should only cry when watching Old Yeller, the end of Saving Private Ryan, or when there is a death in the family.

Excellent choice of examples!

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Excellent choice of examples!

I've got an uncle who is trying to figure out why it is no matter where he is at the end of Saving Private Ryan the room always seems to get dusty.

 

[JenniferSmithJones]

I've got an uncle who is trying to figure out why it is no matter where he is at the end of Saving Private Ryan the room always seems to get dusty.

Nothing to figure out, there!

A few years back a Civil War movie was released: "Gods and Generals." You want to see a bunch of men shedding tears, that was the one to do it. There wasn't a dry eye in the theater, no matter the chromosomes.

 

[lovecraft68]

Depends on the character and the story

In real life it depends on the guy.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it-although I was raised with the wonderful mantra of only girls and sissies cry- but some guys still do. To each their own.

 

[iwatchus]

A common reply in here has been that it depends on the character. The MC is a bit of an odd duck, certainly not an overly manly man, by an Andrew Tate definition.

Anyone want to read it (The Aureur -- it's just under 5K words) and give me feedback as whether it fits his character or not? I certainly thought so, or I would not had him cry. Of course I was probably crying when I wrote it, but I do that a lot.