Is it possible to love a submissive too much?

[WriterDom]

To the point the bdsm element in the relationship dies?

I remember a thread on this years ago but I'm too lazy to look it up.

 

[Trajal]

To the point the bdsm element in the relationship dies?

I remember a thread on this years ago but I'm too lazy to look it up.

Not quite sure I understand the question...

I love my submissive so much that I would literally kill for her, or sacrifice my life in exchange for her safety.

But... I don't quite see where the bdsm relationship dies.

Are you asking about if a sub becomes completely vanilla should you too? Or are you saying you become so devoted to a sub that you no longer feel able to dominate her given your affection?

If the latter, then you may want to re-evaluate your self-given position as dominant within the relationship. Perhaps you're a switch and never hitherto realised such.

If the former, then you need to examine what you need from a relationship. Some people can move across to vanilla and back again without issue, turning it off a bit like a tap. Personally I envy those because I just don't have that aptitude. Fortunately neither does my girl so we're made for one another.

I'm not trying to be arsey, just .. if you could clarify what you mean it may make answering a little easier.

 

[WriterDom]

It's not an issue with me. I just remember it being raised years ago and some taking the position that love could interfere.

 

[Trajal]

It's not an issue with me. I just remember it being raised years ago and some taking the position that love could interfere.

Hmm... My position is that for me, at least, love is absolutely necessary. Most of it is meaningless (the way I run my life) without love.

 

[Chris_Xavier]

Wouldn't dominance for the sake of just dominance be akin to S&M?

 

[lonelylittlegir]

wow...being loved 'too much'

sorry can't get passed that statement to give a thoughtful answer..

 

[Trajal]

Wouldn't dominance for the sake of just dominance be akin to S&M?

Well no, not really. But for me casual play or dominance without love has little to no meaning. Probably why I don't do casual play anymore.

Tried it in the past and had a bit of a laugh with some roleplaying, met a few lovely girls that way but with no trust, love or history it just didn't work for me.

 

[Trajal]

wow...being loved 'too much'

sorry can't get passed that statement to give a thoughtful answer..

Past.

I'm in a picky mood

 

[skittles_lm]

well... maybe I'm silly and twitterpated... but how can you have a serious relationship of any sort without love?

What kind of relationship is that?

 

[BiBunny]

I want to be loved too much.

I sort of think I know where people are coming from who say that love would interfere with a D/s relationship, but I don't believe it's necessarily true. I think the idea stems from "I can't hurt her if I love her," blah-blah-blah. I know if I ever own a pet of my own, I won't collar him/her without being in love with him/her. On the flip side, I was in love with B. when I accepted his collar, so for me, love and D/s go hand-in-hand. I suppose I can see where the opposite might be true for some people, but not in my relationships, or at least not from my side of them.

 

[Chicklet]

I don't believe it's possible to love a submissive to the point that it hurts a D/s relationship.

BUT I understand what you're talking about. The new guy I've been seeing was chatting with me last night, and mentioned that he's almost afraid to let me see his sadistic side, because he feels such a need to nurture and protect me. I want to see the sadistic side!

I think it's hard to overcome the mental boundaries of hurting your S.O., even if you both enjoy it. For me, it adds to the trust of letting someone do possibly dangerous things with me... if I didn't feel like they cared about me, I would NEVER play with someone. I'd be too scared they wouldn't care enough about hurting me 'too much.'

 

[myinnerslut]

do you mean loving someone too much to hurt them, to uase them pain, or punish them?

i know A doesnt like to push me as hard as i crave sometimes becuase he doesnt want to cuase me that amount of pain... is that what you mean?










*sorry if im incoherant, finals are frying my brain*

 

[WynEternal]

So then if hypothetically, if you love your submissive to the point that you feel you cannot give them physical pain, wouldn't you be giving them pain of another sort then? The pain of not being able to give them what they want/need and the perceived rejection of their trust in you, or rejection of them outright.

But, to the original question, I think it is possible.

 

[SweetGigi]

So then if hypothetically, if you love your submissive to the point that you feel you cannot give them physical pain, wouldn't you be giving them pain of another sort then? The pain of not being able to give them what they want/need and the perceived rejection of their trust in you, or rejection of them outright.

But, to the original question, I think it is possible.

My thoughts and situation exactly.

thank you for putting it so well.

 

[lettinggo]

I'm not "formally" submissive in my relationship, but he likes to control and I like to submit. He never really brought it out in past relationships because he felt it was disrespectful. He was shocked when he realized I love to give a good blow job for my own pleasure and quickly realized I was serious when I didn't necessarily want the "favor" returned. I get dominated in the bedroom and out because he knows I like it. As wrong as it sounds, he hurts me because he loves me. And he doesn't let up because he knows I want it, even if I'm protesting. He can tell by the inflection in my voice when I'm not enjoying it, and he usually eases up, although he likes to push boundaries.

Point being that I can't imagine sharing a deeper love, and it's because of it that he stays in tune to my needs as a submissive and caters to them. Fifteen years ago when we were a couple of college fuck buddies, he never would have laid a hand on me, even if I begged for it.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

One of my first Doms fell in love with me. Within 3 months our once hot, hot, hot relationship was over. He began to be more concerned with vanilla sex, the other men in my life the possibility of a more permanent relationship. It got to the point where he was singing to me in bed rather than training me as a submissive as was our original agreement and becoming pensive when it was time for him to leave. In short he stopped being a Dom. I wasn't required to do anything if I pouted or stomped my little foot. Too bad....

 

[IsabellaSnow]

One of my first Doms fell in love with me. Within 3 months our once hot, hot, hot relationship was over. He began to be more concerned with vanilla sex, the other men in my life the possibility of a more permanent relationship. It got to the point where he was singing to me in bed rather than training me as a submissive as was our original agreement and becoming pensive when it was time for him to leave. In short he stopped being a Dom. I wasn't required to do anything if I pouted or stomped my little foot. Too bad....

Was this due to an obsession with you, or due to him becoming "weak" (for lack of a better word.) ?

 

[Blushing Bottom]

I believe that his obsession "weakened " him. We are still friends...he calls a couple of times a month but the fire is long gone.

Was this due to an obsession with you, or due to him becoming "weak" (for lack of a better word.) ?

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Sounds very sad!

 

[JMohegan]

Is it possible to love a submissive too much?

To the point the bdsm element in the relationship dies?

To me, this is like asking: Is it possible to love a minor child too much? To the point the parental authority in the relationship dies?

A good parent understands what the child needs, and what is necessary in order for the parent's authority to be established and sustained.

A good parent understands that beneficial loving of a child means giving not only affection, but maintaining authority as well.

I am not comparing submissives to children here. Instead, I am using this analogy to make the point that love and firm authority are not mutually exclusive concepts.

If the Dominant truly understands that love, D/s, and SM are all fundamental needs of both parties in the relationship, then the answer to your pair of questions is clearly: no.

well... maybe I'm silly and twitterpated... but how can you have a serious relationship of any sort without love?

What kind of relationship is that?

That would be a serious relationship between two people who are not interested in combining romance with their D/s.

I do not compartmentalize relationships this way, but many do.

Some of these non-romantic D/s relationships are not only very serious and very strong, but extremely long-lived as well.

 

[Toa_lin]

No, it's not possible IMO. For me, the more love the mor eif helps the relationship. I mean yes I know sometimes you may feel worse that you hurt them afterwards, but that love creates a bond of trust and understanding that's soo strong you get swept up by it, and find it only helps the D/s

 

[skittles_lm]

That would be a serious relationship between two people who are not interested in combining romance with their D/s.

I do not compartmentalize relationships this way, but many do.

Some of these non-romantic D/s relationships are not only very serious and very strong, but extremely long-lived as well.

I don't think I could do it either. I've tried before and I find myself getting resentful and... well, yeah.

It's cool that some can do that. It must be nice at times to not have the drama that comes with love and still get what you need.

I just happen to like that particular kind of drama. *shrug*


Thanks for the reply

 

[skittles_lm]

"I don't think you can love your sub too much. If anything it only helps you give them what they need and want. In return you get what you desire and need as well."
this from A, my Domme. she's at work and can't put her opinion in (damn firewalls) but asked me to convey it.

 

[Ice2000]

I think it is possible for a Dom to forget his responsibilities, and in effect reduce the excitement of the relationship by getting involved with all the mushy stuff..

I find myself slipping at times when its obvious a sub is trying to manipulate my decisions. A double dose of the flogger usually makes that problem go away.

I think being protective of your sub is natural and is a good thing, not necessarily related to love though. I pretty much feel an obligation to protect any woman in distress. Ya I know that sounds stupid but its just the way I am. Call me old fashioned I guess.

 

[skittles_lm]

I think it is possible for a Dom to forget his responsibilities, and in effect reduce the excitement of the relationship by getting involved with all the mushy stuff..

I find myself slipping at times when its obvious a sub is trying to manipulate my decisions. A double dose of the flogger usually makes that problem go away.

I think being protective of your sub is natural and is a good thing, not necessarily related to love though. I pretty much feel an obligation to protect any woman in distress. Ya I know that sounds stupid but its just the way I am. Call me old fashioned I guess.

old fashioned is not always a bad thing. some of us still like all that chivalry hooplah. *nods sagely*

Floggers can cure all kinds of ills