Is it me?

[rikaaim]

Or do the great ones always seem to have some serious mental issues? Looking at some of the great writers of modern times, what I've observed has seemed to prove that they suffered from depression or some other mental state detrimental to their overall well being, and let's not forget about the number of them that died from TB alone. Why, it almost seems that to be a true literary master of the early 20th and throughout the 19th century TB had to be a prerequisite. Myself, I find myself suffering from some mental issues. Not too severe, thankfully, but enough to keep me from writer steadily. Much like Kafka, I think my work is never good enough. At the same time I read my many starts to endless prattle and think, "Hmmm...the beginning here is really good. I need to go on. This story should be written." Sadly, like my aforementioned friend, I feel the need to burn all my works, in this case that handy delete button on my computer. I know the topic of depression and other matters has come up many times. This thread isn't about the issues per say, but how have they affected your writing? I have medication, yes, but when I take it it's like I lose the edge to my emotions. I lose who I really am and get subdued in waves of dullness. So, I suffer from the mild bouts of mood swings, the high and lows hitting me like a merry-go-round. I do this to keep my writing sharp and give my characters real depth. I think my pain and angst help my writing, because, quite frankly, if I was ever truly happy, I think my stories would grow very boring. That is why I stay with my mild swings of very high and somewhat low. Any one else?

 

[kendo1]

It's just you.
You're paranoid.

 

[rikaaim]

It's just you.
You're paranoid.

No. No. No. That's Jack from my story. HE's paranoid. I just um...wait...what was that...

 

[kendo1]

I must be one of the few sane people here.
The only medication I take is coffee.

 

[rikaaim]

I must be one of the few sane people here.
The only medication I take is coffee.

Now that stuff is evil. Moutain Dew is much better.

 

[CharleyH]

Or do the great ones always seem to have some serious mental issues? Looking at some of the great writers of modern times, what I've observed has seemed to prove that they suffered from depression or some other mental state detrimental to their overall well being, and let's not forget about the number of them that died from TB alone. Why, it almost seems that to be a true literary master of the early 20th and throughout the 19th century TB had to be a prerequisite. Myself, I find myself suffering from some mental issues. Not too severe, thankfully, but enough to keep me from writer steadily. Much like Kafka, I think my work is never good enough. At the same time I read my many starts to endless prattle and think, "Hmmm...the beginning here is really good. I need to go on. This story should be written." Sadly, like my aforementioned friend, I feel the need to burn all my works, in this case that handy delete button on my computer. I know the topic of depression and other matters has come up many times. This thread isn't about the issues per say, but how have they affected your writing? I have medication, yes, but when I take it it's like I lose the edge to my emotions. I lose who I really am and get subdued in waves of dullness. So, I suffer from the mild bouts of mood swings, the high and lows hitting me like a merry-go-round. I do this to keep my writing sharp and give my characters real depth. I think my pain and angst help my writing, because, quite frankly, if I was ever truly happy, I think my stories would grow very boring. That is why I stay with my mild swings of very high and somewhat low. Any one else?

So many questions and I cant answer them, but to say this R: writing is a lonely sport and when you do it for a living? It is even lonlier than that.

Save everything though, it will be useful one day.

 

[kendo1]

I would kill for a coffee.

Seriously, save everything. One never knows...

 

[rikaaim]

So many questions and I cant answer them, but to say this R: writing is a lonely sport and when you do it for a living? It is even lonlier than that.

Save everything though, it will be useful one day.

I try love, yet some things so go the way of the electronic recycle bin. I'm writing a story now that I feel I have to write. Yet at the same time, I feel that no one will want to read it. I struggle on in hopes that one day my meandering scribblings will help some one, some how.

 

[CharleyH]

I try love, yet some things so go the way of the electronic recycle bin. I'm writing a story now that I feel I have to write. Yet at the same time, I feel that no one will want to read it. I struggle on in hopes that one day my meandering scribblings will help some one, some how.

Write it for you! Did Kafka worry about acceptance? Write for you, love.

 

[rikaaim]

Write it for you! Did Kafka worry about acceptance? Write for you, love.

YES!!! He worried all the fucking time. That's all he did was worry. Why do you think he got engaged, twice, to the same woman and was glad he got TB so he wouldn't have to marry her. She didn't accept his writing. She didn't get it. All of his stories, nearly, involve acceptance. He only had a few pieces published in his life and even his novels are unfinished.

 

[CharleyH]

YES!!! He worried all the fucking time. That's all he did was worry. Why do you think he got engaged, twice, to the same woman and was glad he got TB so he wouldn't have to marry her. She didn't accept his writing. She didn't get it. All of his stories, nearly, involve acceptance. He only had a few pieces published in his life and even his novels are unfinished.

I dont recall his life trials or publishing experience. I only know his product, and apparently he was not tooo ...

 

[rikaaim]

I dont recall his life trials or publishing experience. I only know his product, and apparently he was not tooo ...

No. You're right. He's perfectly fine. Nothing wrong with Kafka at all. Just like there's absolutely nothing wrong with my rusty ass French. Or do I need to remind you again?

 

[Munachi]

hm, i don't necessary see a problem with deleting if done not overexcessively. after all, something that really wants to be written will always find you again. at least, that's what my father told me when i was all sad about losing everything i had on my computer. the problem was most of it were university papers though - and my professors don't seem to follow my father's argument.

 

[rikaaim]

hm, i don't necessary see a problem with deleting if done not overexcessively. after all, something that really wants to be written will always find you again. at least, that's what my father told me when i was all sad about losing everything i had on my computer. the problem was most of it were university papers though - and my professors don't seem to follow my father's argument.

Many ideas that I have are still there in my head. Even the ones that I've tried to get rid of. Yet, when I go to write, that's when they leave me. Bastards.

 

[McKenna]

....but when I take it it's like I lose the edge to my emotions. I lose who I really am and get subdued in waves of dullness. So, I suffer from the mild bouts of mood swings, the high and lows hitting me like a merry-go-round. I do this to keep my writing sharp and give my characters real depth. I think my pain and angst help my writing, because, quite frankly, if I was ever truly happy, I think my stories would grow very boring. That is why I stay with my mild swings of very high and somewhat low. Any one else?

I tend to agree with this a bit, Rika. It could just be personal taste, but I prefer writers who write with an edge (and singers, too, for that matter.) From that emotional inner turmoil springs some pretty amazing stuff; and even though some of the stuff they write in their "happier" days is decent, it doesn't hold the same appeal as the edgy stuff. Maybe I just like people better when they're tormented. They seem more "real" to me, and often more likeable.

I don't necessarily think I'm alone in this. I mean, why else would Sylvia Plath or Virginia Woolf be so popular?

 

[rikaaim]

I don't necessarily think I'm alone in this. I mean, why else would Sylvia Plath or Virginia Woolf be so popular?

Exactly. Even Anne Rice said she only knew inner visions and nightmares of grotesque images. That's all she knew, so she wrote that.

 

[CharleyH]

I tend to agree with this a bit, Rika. It could just be personal taste, but I prefer writers who write with an edge (and singers, too, for that matter.) From that emotional inner turmoil springs some pretty amazing stuff; and even though some of the stuff they write in their "happier" days is decent, it doesn't hold the same appeal as the edgy stuff. Maybe I just like people better when they're tormented. They seem more "real" to me, and often more likeable.

I don't necessarily think I'm alone in this. I mean, why else would Sylvia Plath or Virginia Woolf be so popular?

Well said Kenna.

 

[Munachi]

Many ideas that I have are still there in my head. Even the ones that I've tried to get rid of. Yet, when I go to write, that's when they leave me. Bastards.

hm, again something that happens to me both when trying to write stories and when trying to write university papers. i never knew writing and studying had so much in common...

 

[carsonshepherd]

Either I'm in a writing phase or an experiencing phase.

The experiencing phases are volatile with lots of change, highs and lows, passionate love, wild sex, etc etc etc.

The writing phases are when I sit back and process all the experiences into stories or whatever. The writing phases are very dull. I go to work, I come home and write. I'm in one right now.

My point is, I can't do both. I can't have a day of highs and lows and then come home, sit down and write about it. I have to separate the two. Sometimes it takes me years to be able to "use" an experience, but like others have said, it will all be useful one day. My advice would be not to push it or punish yourself for imperfection, you've got your whole life to put your stories into words.

I dunno if this helps any, but it's just my point of view.

 

[CharleyH]

Sometimes it takes me years to be able to "use" an experience, but like others have said, it will all be useful one day.

Funny about writing Carson, - perhaps a different thread - but we all USE our experiences: good or bad?

 

[damppanties]

...I suffer from the mild bouts of mood swings, the high and lows hitting me like a merry-go-round. I do this to keep my writing sharp and give my characters real depth. I think my pain and angst help my writing, because, quite frankly, if I was ever truly happy, I think my stories would grow very boring. That is why I stay with my mild swings of very high and somewhat low. Any one else?

Well, I don't exactly stay away from medication, because I'm not on it.

But, yes, I am a person with a lot of mood swings going on, most of them within hours... from one end to the other. I do think they help in my writing. Some of my best stuff has come about when I was feeling something and trying to put it down. A lot of that is in my blog. Shorts, little snippets of things, random sentences all over the place. I'd never delete it for the world. It's like my very own kaleidoscope.

That said, I do suffer from insecurity and I'd like to delete all of my Lit stuff. It sucks. Absolutely.

 

[rikaaim]

Either I'm in a writing phase or an experiencing phase.

The experiencing phases are volatile with lots of change, highs and lows, passionate love, wild sex, etc etc etc.

The writing phases are when I sit back and process all the experiences into stories or whatever. The writing phases are very dull. I go to work, I come home and write. I'm in one right now.

My point is, I can't do both. I can't have a day of highs and lows and then come home, sit down and write about it. I have to separate the two. Sometimes it takes me years to be able to "use" an experience, but like others have said, it will all be useful one day. My advice would be not to push it or punish yourself for imperfection, you've got your whole life to put your stories into words.

I dunno if this helps any, but it's just my point of view.

I never thought of it like that. I don't know why I feel this incessant pull to be the best instantly. I take a ton of mental notes to record my experiences. That's the only way I know how to live life. This does help. Some days I feel the need to write so strongly it burns inside. Other days I have the want to write, but not the will. Instead those are the days where I look inside myself and ask what it is I'm feeling and why. Thanks Carson.

 

[CharleyH]

A lot of that is in my blog. .

ASIDE: I missed your Blog link DP, and would love to read it.

 

[damppanties]

ASIDE: I missed your Blog link DP, and would love to read it.

I didn't post a link, Your Sassiness.

Please step aside for striking a bargain if you want it. I'm not going to let it go so easily.

 

[carsonshepherd]

I never thought of it like that. I don't know why I feel this incessant pull to be the best instantly. I take a ton of mental notes to record my experiences. That's the only way I know how to live life. This does help. Some days I feel the need to write so strongly it burns inside. Other days I have the want to write, but not the will. Instead those are the days where I look inside myself and ask what it is I'm feeling and why. Thanks Carson.

perfection is not possible. Say it three times every night before bed