Is it Cheating?

[CandiCame]

It's not about being judged or having been hurt in the past. There's fuck all I've not told him. It's the intent behind reading through my private stuff. The motivation for reading messages, unless there's specific reasons, is lack of trust and/or disrespect of my privacy. if my daughter is texting about gynaecological problems, or my sister WhatsApping about the baby she lost, those texts weren't written to be read by anyone else and him reading them would be horrible. If he's looking because thinks that maybe my phone contains sexts to a colleague then I don't want to be in this relationship anymore.
If he answered my phone because it was ringing, or asked me if he could look up a number in it, or borrow it when his had no charge or signal, that wouldn't even register as unusual. Normal use isn't snooping.

Yeah. I needed this context because I'm so far removed from it. People shouldn't 'snoop'. I just have no context for that because I've never had anyone do it, so like... I don't know. Both my lovers know the password to my phone. They could conceivably do that. But it's never come up in my life.

If someone did go through my phone I think it would come back to the trust thing, like it wouldn't bother me and I don't know that they would have a reason to even tell me? So maybe they would and I just don't know if because I blindly trust people?

My gf actually has me go through her messages kind of a lot, on those dating apps because I have better people skills than her, so it's usually in the form of, "Should I meet this guy?" or "should I trust this guy?" And honestly like thank god she does because there are creepy guys on there and idk how the hell she doesn't see that.

I really think it does all boil down to trust. If you can't trust someone you shouldn't be with them- and if you feel the need to snoop around instead of just asking them about whatever you're snooping for, you ought not be together. Like it shouldn't ever get to that point. You just... should end it when you realize you don't trust them. That's what I would do. I wouldn't need any kind of proof or whatever, I'd just be like, "Well I no longer trust this person so fuck this relationship."

Also though, to be fair to me, I am really, really bad at jealousy so I can't imagine a world where I would care that one of them was sexting someone else. I genuinely can't keep my gf's lovers straight because she hooks up a lot, because like... remember that this is a chick I met because I fucked her at a party. Neither of us is pretending that we're not two sluts who got stuck together by circumstance. So she'll often tell me about some guy and I'm like, "Wait which one is that? Have I met him? I have no idea who that is..."

Also, just for a TMI bitch session I have no idea what it is with her and her terrible fucking taste. I think she played too many video games and now it's like... any skinny pale guy. Bitch has a type and we are not that great. Overwhelmingly crazy like did you not learn your lesson with ME? But the reason I can't keep them straight is because they all look the fucking same. If we got married and I got hurt or something before the wedding you could just put one of her other flings in a tux and shove him up there and no one would know the difference. That's weird to me. I'm often real judgy and catty about it.

I think she can't date big guys because she's so smol and the difference looks ridiculous and she needs it to work for the soc med pics. XD

 

[CandiCame]

People can't be trusted. Fuck 'em.
Since I've been single I've found it incredibly easy to get married pussy. Shouldn't be that way. I should get shot down each and every time but no, they open their legs like I paid for it. A smile, a little comment here and there, next thing ya know we're having a drink somewhere "safe" and she's bitching about how her husband doesn't pay attention to her anymore. Like seriously, stop being a whore and maybe he will.
In the meantime tho...
Yes, I know that doesn't mean I have to dive right in but I don't know the dudes, aint my problem. Ok, once it almost became my problem but he was all hot air and I sorta knew that.
Anyway what a bunch of unfaithful assholes. I was no saint of a husband in any of my marriages but I didn't cheat and never hid anything except some porn history. Fucking whores.

This reads like something you see right before you see the headline that reads, "Wife's lover found dead. Estranged husband suspected in murder case."

 

[dolf]

Candi, you're weird and so is your life

Ape tried being the jealous type, but he couldn't take the mockery.

 

[CandiCame]

Candi, you're weird and so is your life

Ape tried being the jealous type, but he couldn't take the mockery.

It actually kinda makes me sad that I can say, "I trust the people I love" and have someone reply with "You're weird and so if your life".

That's how love should work. Actually I don't even know that I love my gf, but like... that's how friendship should work. Why are you with someone you don't trust? I genuinely don't understand why people would do that.

 

[CandiCame]

Here's a Candi story, I thought for like 5min about not telling my gf that I was posting on Lit again, because she didn't want me to when I left a while back- because, and she's right about this, it's a toxic environment. There are people here who say crazy shit- like those posts about that teenager that grown-ass adults were trying to make excuses about being attracted to like, "She wears makeup" or whatever. There's shit on here you don't find on the rest of the surface internet that is really, really toxic. I don't know where else I can find people defending fucking people while they're passed out and unable to consent as if that's ok to do. And she knows shit THAT fucking horrible upsets me and wants me to not interact with it.

But then she asked me what I was doing and I told her, not because I wanted to open or anything, I just straight-up forgot I could have secrets? I frequently forget that if it's something that I've decided will be a secret. Because I just... don't really care. I just have like a five-minute period where I'm like, "God I don't want to hear X's mouth. I shouldn't tell them about this."

But then I do because I have the memory of a fucking cartoon goldfish.

 

[cjh]

It actually kinda makes me sad that I can say, "I trust the people I love" and have someone reply with "You're weird and so if your life".

That's how love should work. Actually I don't even know that I love my gf, but like... that's how friendship should work. Why are you with someone you don't trust? I genuinely don't understand why people would do that.

I think that is a compliment.

You are weird. And so is your life. At least when I last frequented these parts, it seemed that way.

Would you want it any other way? You seem happy and in an emotionally healthy space.

Maybe others should be weird.

 

[Salacious_B_Crumb]

This reads like something you see right before you see the headline that reads, "Wife's lover found dead. Estranged husband suspected in murder case."

I fucked a cops wife once. I did not know at the time. I admit that could have gone very bad on me.
That was a long time ago between marriages so I'm sure if he found out he's probably over it by now.

 

[dolf]

I think that is a compliment.

You are weird. And so is your life. At least when I last frequented these parts, it seemed that way.

Would you want it any other way? You seem happy and in an emotionally healthy space.

Maybe others should be weird.

Exactly. In love and trust, and also with so many other aspects of his life. For such a corrupt little pervert, Candi is a surprisingly innocent soul. I hope nothing ever manages to change that.

 

[dolf]

I think that is a compliment.

You are weird. And so is your life. At least when I last frequented these parts, it seemed that way.

Would you want it any other way? You seem happy and in an emotionally healthy space.

Maybe others should be weird.

Also, you've been missed.

 

[Debbie]

I have been wondering about this question for a while now. I have a few friends I have made from this site that I talk to on a pretty regular bases. Eventually the question arises of, “Do you consider this cheating?”. Since I met these friends from this site our talks do have a sexual context to them most of the time naturally. I personally don’t do videos, pictures or voice chatting because, that is my line in the sand to keep this from being something that I feel like I am cheating on my husband with. Others feel like sharing those things isn’t cheating either because, this is something that will never take place in the real world. Still others feel the moment you make contact with someone outside of your relationship that is cheating. I am just curious how do you feel about this situation?

If you are pondering this in your own mind why not have a discussion with your partner about this?

Then you both know if you're on the same page.


Many years ago I found this place and had a discussion with hubby for clarification on how we felt about flirting, correspondence etc.

I trust him and don't snoop nor do I quickly close the lit page if I'm pming someone.

But if something is told to me in a pm in confidence I don't discuss it with him. I'm not hiding it just respecting someone's privacy.

Plus I'm boring. Not much to hide.

 

[Que]

I think that is a compliment.

You are weird. And so is your life. At least when I last frequented these parts, it seemed that way.

Would you want it any other way? You seem happy and in an emotionally healthy space.

Maybe others should be weird.

Agreed.

No one is truly "normal." Healthy people embrace their idiosyncrasies.

 

[Peregrinator]

It's like old folk week in here.

Candi, I'm oddly enchanted by your posts in here. Nice read, especially given the, as you point out, extraordinarily toxic nature of the place.

 

[toeskr]

Exactly. In love and trust, and also with so many other aspects of his life. For such a corrupt little pervert, Candi is a surprisingly innocent soul. I hope nothing ever manages to change that.

An overdose might.

Who knows?

 

[CandiCame]

Exactly. In love and trust, and also with so many other aspects of his life. For such a corrupt little pervert, Candi is a surprisingly innocent soul. I hope nothing ever manages to change that.

I'm not innocent, I just don't put up with bullshit. I've been in toxic relationships before, so if I saw it getting bad again and I wasn't trapped I would just leave. I can do that if there's not some outside force that forces me to stay. Like if someone breaks my trust once then I just... never trust them again. So I'm not used to people being like, scared that their partner is going to go through their phone. Because that person would just not be my partner as soon as I got fucking scared.

Also though almost every time I see something that other see as a major relationship hurdle that is just bullshit it does piss me off. If it's something that can be solved by talking like a human person then just fucking do that. I get if it's a really big thing, but the shit we're talking about on here like trust issues you can literally fix in like one night with open communication. You can do the, "Hey I'm getting scared and we need to have a long boring talk about our relationship so... that's gonna happen now. We'll either break up or be stronger for it. This is our night. Enjoy. Settle the fuck in. Because it's probably gonna be the whole night."

It's like old folk week in here.

Candi, I'm oddly enchanted by your posts in here. Nice read, especially given the, as you point out, extraordinarily toxic nature of the place.

Jesus Christ I'm not innocent or enchanting! I'm just a human person. I don't know what it is about this thread that makes people act all weird and toxic but normal people speak similarly to how I do. It only looks weird because of the environment.

God, this is like being with a bunch of TV show characters doing the "I don't want to go home to my wife/my wife sucks" thing. Imagine being a normal guy at that sitcom table. You'd be like, "I mean y'all are negative and boring so I'm gonna go home and hang out with my wife. Who I enjoy being around and love. That's why I married her. I don't know what the fuck the rest of you think a relationship is but I'm gonna leave now and go play Mario Kart with my wife. And then maybe get laid. Have fun being fictional characters because this is how real people do. We get into relationships because we want them. That's how free will works, fuckers, sorry you're bound by writiers to be forced to deal with made-up bullshit."


Edit: You know, it also might not be innocence but rather pure trashiness and practicality because I just saw another thread that blew my damn mind and it made me think of this one.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1494773

I'm sorry as I can be but if I know you then I don't know who the hell you think you are that I have to wear clothes around you. What bills you pay to tell me I need to wear a shirt?

Some folks just make big deals out of literally nothing and this is the kind of shit I'm talking about. Keeping it secret what websites you're on is exactly the same category of my brain as keeping it secret what my bare torso looks like in my own damn house. The "Crazy shit ain't nobody cares about" category.

 

[Peregrinator]

I'm not innocent, I just don't put up with bullshit. I've been in toxic relationships before, so if I saw it getting bad again and I wasn't trapped I would just leave. I can do that if there's not some outside force that forces me to stay. Like if someone breaks my trust once then I just... never trust them again. So I'm not used to people being like, scared that their partner is going to go through their phone. Because that person would just not be my partner as soon as I got fucking scared.

Also though almost every time I see something that other see as a major relationship hurdle that is just bullshit it does piss me off. If it's something that can be solved by talking like a human person then just fucking do that. I get if it's a really big thing, but the shit we're talking about on here like trust issues you can literally fix in like one night with open communication. You can do the, "Hey I'm getting scared and we need to have a long boring talk about our relationship so... that's gonna happen now. We'll either break up or be stronger for it. This is our night. Enjoy. Settle the fuck in. Because it's probably gonna be the whole night."



Jesus Christ I'm not innocent or enchanting! I'm just a human person. I don't know what it is about this thread that makes people act all weird and toxic but normal people speak similarly to how I do. It only looks weird because of the environment.

God, this is like being with a bunch of TV show characters doing the "I don't want to go home to my wife/my wife sucks" thing. Imagine being a normal guy at that sitcom table. You'd be like, "I mean y'all are negative and boring so I'm gonna go home and hang out with my wife. Who I enjoy being around and love. That's why I married her. I don't know what the fuck the rest of you think a relationship is but I'm gonna leave now and go play Mario Kart with my wife. And then maybe get laid. Have fun being fictional characters because this is how real people do. We get into relationships because we want them. That's how free will works, fuckers, sorry you're bound by writiers to be forced to deal with made-up bullshit."


Edit: You know, it also might not be innocence but rather pure trashiness and practicality because I just saw another thread that blew my damn mind and it made me think of this one.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1494773

I'm sorry as I can be but if I know you then I don't know who the hell you think you are that I have to wear clothes around you. What bills you pay to tell me I need to wear a shirt?

Some folks just make big deals out of literally nothing and this is the kind of shit I'm talking about. Keeping it secret what websites you're on is exactly the same category of my brain as keeping it secret what my bare torso looks like in my own damn house. The "Crazy shit ain't nobody cares about" category.

You sure take complments gracefully, don't ya?

Protest all you want. You're a great counterpoint here. Always have been. Maybe lacking just a tad in self-awareness; in this thread you've referred to someone else--a whole LOT of someone elses'--normal as if it were crazy weird. That's the context you lack, like with what dolf said. You're idealistic, and it has some magnetism.

And it's nice to see you again, even in astonished and outraged modes.

 

[Yrsecret]

I have been wondering about this question for a while now. I have a few friends I have made from this site that I talk to on a pretty regular bases. Eventually the question arises of, “Do you consider this cheating?”. Since I met these friends from this site our talks do have a sexual context to them most of the time naturally. I personally don’t do videos, pictures or voice chatting because, that is my line in the sand to keep this from being something that I feel like I am cheating on my husband with. Others feel like sharing those things isn’t cheating either because, this is something that will never take place in the real world. Still others feel the moment you make contact with someone outside of your relationship that is cheating. I am just curious how do you feel about this situation?

They way I always looked at is....should you be upset it your husband was doing it? If not then you’re good! Hope that makes sense.

 

[CandiCame]

You sure take complments gracefully, don't ya?

Protest all you want. You're a great counterpoint here. Always have been. Maybe lacking just a tad in self-awareness; in this thread you've referred to someone else--a whole LOT of someone elses'--normal as if it were crazy weird. That's the context you lack, like with what dolf said. You're idealistic, and it has some magnetism.

And it's nice to see you again, even in astonished and outraged modes.

I am always astonished and outraged. I'll take that one. Also though, to be fair when I call someone else crazy I get to do that as a crazy person. That's OUR word.

I know that we all see the world differently. But seriously not just talking to your partner does bother me. I guess it's one of my buttons. I can't trust many people, I don't think anyone has a lot of people they can trust completely, so that shit is important for romantic or even platonic relationships. When you're young it's easier to put up with bullshit, but as I've gotten older I've learned that there's already too much bullshit in the world. It's not my place to make more for no goddamn reason because I'm on my bullshit for nonsense reasons.

If sending pms or whatever bothers your partner for whatever reason just talk that shit out. I did that with my gf and honestly if me posting here again- which, once again, had nothing to do with sex, it had to do with things here that she knew bothered me, and the fact that she thought the place was toxic- she thought that about some of the reddit forums I post on, too, but bitch knows I love my r/glitchinthematrix and knows I have a soft spot for lit for whatever reason, so she said it didn't bother her as long as I didn't let it get to me. I said that if it was getting to me, if we could tell it was getting to me, I would stop, and she would help me stop, because I'm pretty sure I have a fucking internet addiction. Like there's no reason for me to be on here right now. I could be doing so many other things. We're sitting here watching TV and she's doing actual work like a productive person and I'm fucking off on the internet. She's right. I get addicted to stupid shit and I let it bother me. And because she's right, and I know it, and we talked about it, I have support if I do need to quit.

I just don't understand any mindset where you have to hide shit from your partner. I do think that's crazy weird. Because I don't think it's super healthy- I think it can only lead to problems like paranoia, jealousy, and mistrust. I post so much to those places that she would eventually find out if I WASN'T paranoid about it, because I'm too fucking stupid to lie or keep secrets for very long, and then it would be a fight and I would be the asshole because I specifically did something that I know she thought was bad for me, and then I tried to hide it, and those are shitty things to do. But I also think those things can be overcome if you actually care. And if I had to pick between, "Do I want to post on Lit knowing it would piss her off or do I want to just not piss this person who I live with and have a whole fucking life with off for stupid internet bullshit?" Then I'll just pick the option that doesn't piss her off. It's not fucking rocket science. She has a valid reason to be pissed that she explained to me, and I'd be an asshole if I ignored it.

Just don't be an asshole. Trying to make that my new motto.