is it cheating?

[sr71plt]

Well, at least you're honest about it. And nothing to be gained on how I responded to it--you're the one who posted the "here's my--in this case, our--private dirty linen" thread.

 

[CyranoJ]

This thread all by itself I think will speak volumes to him.

Okay, hope it works out with minimum agony for all concerned. I'm Audi.

http://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd107/RobertDobolinaEsq/paul-yall.gif

 

[secretme]

Well, at least you're honest about it. And nothing to be gained on how I responded to it--you're the one who posted the "here's my--in this case, our--private dirty linen" thread.

Precisely.

 

[jomar]

Very true.
I won't debate that.

I also won't go into the "justifications" for letting him stay. I don't agree with them myself.

For the record, not asking you to. Not judging, just saying might help you to see things for what they are.

 

[Katiecat]

The main reason he's still around is primarily our daughter. She has no idea that he's anything but "Superman". I don't want her hurt. So tell me how to get out of that one?

That right there makes things complicated and difficult. It's easy to say dump him, but when there is a kid involved too who will be hurt and deeply affected, then it makes things messy.

 

[49greg]

He's cheating. It's tough, I went through the same thing with my first wife, and was too much of a wimp to call her on it. But we did have separate bedrooms by then, and thankfully no children.

 

[HandsInTheDark]

This is absurd. First, yes he's cheating, there's clear evidence he's been with others, but it sounds like she has as well. If this was a marriage it no longer is one, and there's no moral ground left to argue over.

Second, trying to get strangers to comment publically on a failing marriage is the worst kind of childishness I can imagine. The only thing more absurd is that the people you're asking for opinions, write cheating spouses, incest and every other kind of violation of trust imaginable, for amusement. If I was looking for righteous indignation, a public tar and feathering, or even a working moral compass, this is not the forum I'd start with, even if the various culpable are active here.

Get a divorce or marriage counseling; and learn to deal with whatever failings caused you to cheat on each other in a redemptive and private way.

On the other hand, if it wasn't a marriage, I don't see the issue. But it still should not have been dragged in here, or anywhere else on the internet. What is this, third grade?

 

[secretme]

But it still should not have been dragged in here, or anywhere else on the internet. What is this, third grade?

LMAO. Yup it is childish and should not have hit the internet. I totally agree. Having said that, since you don't know me and you don't know him, you don't know the effect this can possibly have...

Alternatively, if this is so childish why have you lowered yourself to posting?
Since you are such an adult you should have been capable of ignoring the thread and moving on with your mature life.

But thanks for the opinion!

 

[sr71plt]

This is absurd.

Wow. Someone else on Literotica who "gets it." (And isn't going to be cowed by the OP in calling it.)

 

[secretme]

Wow. Someone else on Literotica who "gets it." (And isn't going to be cowed by the OP in calling it.)

Noted. Love you SR. Now go away or say something useful before I throw some more dirty laundry at you!




Really kinda funny. I am sure you don't remember it... But way back when I started on Lit you were one of the first jerks I ran into. You are a very memorable character.

 

[Dianthus]

Wow. Someone else on Literotica who "gets it." (And isn't going to be cowed by the OP in calling it.)

I guess that I don't 'get' it.

I thought that this was a place where people could talk about their real life issues, even if there was drama involved. Underneath what has been termed 'third grade' calling out, there is some pain and difficult circumstances.

Now, I'm not talking about a blanket 'poor me, poor you' policy on the threads. And I see your point about 'airing personal laundry'. However, I would choose to err on the side of compassion and hear out the OP.

There are not enough safe places to talk about complex interpersonal situations in modern life, imho. Why take this one away?

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I guess that I don't 'get' it.

I thought that this was a place where people could talk about their real life issues, even if there was drama involved. Underneath what has been termed 'third grade' calling out, there is some pain and difficult circumstances.

Now, I'm not talking about a blanket 'poor me, poor you' policy on the threads. And I see your point about 'airing personal laundry'. However, I would choose to err on the side of compassion and hear out the OP.

There are not enough safe places to talk about complex interpersonal situations in modern life, imho. Why take this one away?

It's really a shame, but SR has something to say on everything. He has to post in every thread. He thinks he knows everything there is to know and tells you about as often as he can. Not outright, but implied. He can't help himself, he is after all a narcissist.

So either put him on ignore or ignore all of his posts.

 

[sr71plt]

I guess that I don't 'get' it.

I thought that this was a place where people could talk about their real life issues, even if there was drama involved. Underneath what has been termed 'third grade' calling out, there is some pain and difficult circumstances.

Now, I'm not talking about a blanket 'poor me, poor you' policy on the threads. And I see your point about 'airing personal laundry'. However, I would choose to err on the side of compassion and hear out the OP.

There are not enough safe places to talk about complex interpersonal situations in modern life, imho. Why take this one away?

Yep, you don't get it. Bad anywhere on the Internet is dumping personal life dirty laundry in a one-sided "let's you and me get the bastard based just on my side of the story" posts. Posters love to participate in this (apparently you do as well), but not very mature posters. Absurd, as Hands pointed out, is to dump on cheating behavior (while admitting they both are doing it) on a porn board where posters are gleefully writing stories about doing it eek. Also absurd is the OP then trying to cut off all discussion of those not salivating to join her pity party.

And worse is when "the other party" is actually also a regular poster to the discussion board and one or both of them decide to club each other on the open forum about the issue. So far in this instance, the other party apparently hasn't shown up to entertain you--as you seem to be interested in participating in this train wreck.

 

[sr71plt]

It's really a shame, but SR has something to say on everything. He has to post in every thread.

And that too is absurd. I probably don't comment on any more threads than you do or in any more opinionated way than you do. Your posting it doesn't make it true. This too is a popular Internet game.

 

[secretme]

Yep, you don't get it. Bad anywhere on the Internet is dumping personal life dirty laundry in a one-sided "let's you and me get the bastard based just on my side of the story" posts. Posters love to participate in this (apparently you do as well), but not very mature posters. Absurd, as Hands pointed out, is to dump on cheating behavior (while admitting they both are doing it) .

Nope, not both doing it. Not real sure where you got that one... I have never cheated. You don't have to believe that, but I've always been a very up front, everything on the table person.

Also, it's not one sided. He has the option of posting if he would like. I encourage it.

Didn't you say a little a bit ago you thought this would be fun? You're being awfully fickle SR!


No worries, though. I expected to be blasted for this thread. I don't participate in dirty laundry and have never personally thrown it. But I do tend to keep my opinions to myself when they aren't helpful. You would probably do good to follow that example more often. After all, you never see me post like this. But I'm pissed and he's watching and so I'm going to keep being pissed.

Maybe if you ask nicely he'll tell you his side of the story. But you probably have to ask very nicely. That never has seemed to be in your nature though... A shame.

 

[desertslave]

I'm a little surprised by the 'kick him to the curb' reflex on here, of all places.

Marriage has many definitions, and some of them are much more flexible than others. There are many justifications for trying to mend a relationship, many for ending one, and they will be unique to that couple.

I PM'd the OP earlier, because I have experience on both sides of this particular fence. One thing I didn't say, though, is that staying in a marriage purely for the sake of a child is rarely a good idea. Unless you are an award-worthy performer, the odds of emotional spillover is significant. Adults have a strong tendency to underestimate what kids perceive. Whatever choices you make, please be open to finding a good family therapist to help weather the storm.

 

[sr71plt]

Didn't you say a little a bit ago you thought this would be fun? You're being awfully fickle SR!

Yep, it's sort of fun to see how many will come out to play this traditional train wreck Internet game with you.

 

[secretme]

Thank you desert. I've already been looking into the family therapy option. And you are totally right. Obviously there is more to the story than a few random postings.
I appreciate your advice.

 

[secretme]

Yep, it's sort of fun to see how many will come out to play this traditional train wreck Internet game with you.

Same reason people watch reality television. What's that one that people love to hate? Kardashians or something like that. I've never been a soap opera fan. People will read this thread for the same reason.

Which antagonist do you think you would be in the script?

 

[secretme]

You know, I've always been amused by people who appear personally offended by things they read. They come down on people who post and say nothing worth while, promoting the mess and being insulting. Why? It's not aimed at that person and no one is forcing them to read it.

Just funny. I'm always more amused by the "why would you write that on the internet" argument than by the conversation itself. If you go into a bookstore and don't want to read a book you don't send a letter to the author giving them a hard time for writing the book. Why bother with internet posts? You only promote it when you do.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

And that too is absurd. I probably don't comment on any more threads than you do or in any more opinionated way than you do. Your posting it doesn't make it true. This too is a popular Internet game.

Says the man with 25,000 more posts than me who joined only a month after me.

So says the data!

 

[secretme]

ok I am seriously disappointed that he hasn't responded.

so here's my new question:

for anyone who has ever had a psychology class, what do you think about taking ownership of a situation you have created in front of the people you have worked so hard to create your facade for?

okay so there is my ulterior motive.. agree with it or not