Is it cheating?

[smallgirl]

Thinking that you are being cheated on, implies a type of ownership, ownership of a partner's sexual parts, ownership of a partner's thoughts, or ownership of a partner's deeds. Seems like a form of slavery to me. And I seem to remember that slavery was outlawed in most of the world over a century and a half ago.

But...some people do see that when they marry, or are committed to someone, certain body parts do become their's. So therefore, that's how they see it as being cheated on. Right?
I'm not saying I feel this way, cause I don't. The older I get, the less I believe in monogamy. I think its simple to separate sex and love. Some people can't and will never believe in anything other than f you love someone, even thinking about fucking someone else is wrong.
I'm not like that. Do I love my husband? Yes. Do I see other men I'd love to fuck? Absolutely.
Just my 2 cents worth.

 

[ILienBagby]

one further thought

It is cheating. Definitely. Cheating! If you bring home an STD.

 

[Swilly]

Thinking that you are being cheated on, implies a type of ownership, ownership of a partner's sexual parts, ownership of a partner's thoughts, or ownership of a partner's deeds. Seems like a form of slavery to me. And I seem to remember that slavery was outlawed in most of the world over a century and a half ago.

Would you prefer lied to instead of cheated on?

If two people agree to limit their sexual relations to each other and one breaks that promise, then...what do you call that? A violation of trust is hurtful, no matter how you slice it. Relationships are based upon trust. Your point that a strong person can't be cheated on is just silly. It's all about expectation.

If you want an open relationship, find someone that wants one too.

 

[ILienBagby]

But...(an afterthought)

It is not cheating if you got the std from a toilet seat.

 

[Swilly]

It is not cheating if you got the std from a toilet seat.

Isn't that how everyone gets them?

 

[smallgirl]

Everyone's definition of "cheating" is different. My attitude towards it is the exact opposite of hubby's.

It is what it is.

 

[JediBowler]

It is not cheating if you got the std from a toilet seat.

I heard you can get pregnant that way too.

 

[JediBowler]

Everyone's definition of "cheating" is different. My attitude towards it is the exact opposite of hubby's.

It is what it is.

Yep. Everyone's feelings about it are different.

Broken trust is hard to repair though, and that would bother me most with a cheating incident - Not the physical part.

If the trust isn't damaged too badly, then I think people can get over it. Like SmallGirl, good for her to be such a strong person to not let it completely ruin her relationship.

I think more divorces are caused by financial problems than anything else (but I have no data to back that up).

 

[Swilly]

Everyone's definition of "cheating" is different. My attitude towards it is the exact opposite of hubby's.

It is what it is.

Did you guys...you know...talk to each other before you got married? Just wondering.

 

[smallgirl]

Yep. Everyone's feelings about it are different.

Broken trust is hard to repair though, and that would bother me most with a cheating incident - Not the physical part.

If the trust isn't damaged too badly, then I think people can get over it. Like SmallGirl, good for her to be such a strong person to not let it completely ruin her relationship.

I think more divorces are caused by financial problems than anything else (but I have no data to back that up).

You can't forget in-laws. The in-laws can kill a marriage. Mine have. His family has just about completely broke my marriage.

 

[smallgirl]

Did you guys...you know...talk to each other before you got married? Just wondering.

About that? No. But I didn't feel the way I do now 22 years ago. I changed. I saw the world change. I became a different person than I was at 21 versus 43. 22 years ago I would have said hell no to either of us being with someone else. Hubby actually cheated first...I was 25. It completely devastated me. I cried for days.
Now if he did that? All I'd ask was it good?
I'd be hurt really bad if he came home and told me he was in love with someone else. To me that's cheating. He's suppose to love ME.
Sex does not equal love in my book. Completely different things.
Now....I know most people don't think this way, and I understand that. That's the good thing about this day and time-we can all feel the way we want to and its OK.

 

[JediBowler]

About that? No. But I didn't feel the way I do now 22 years ago. I changed. I saw the world change. I became a different person than I was at 21 versus 43.

AGREED! It can suck being single at both of those ages, but sometimes it's pretty sweet being single too!

 

[BiTodd]

lit can change a, sexually charged, person's belief about alot of things........

 

[JediBowler]

Communication is the key to it all.
It can resolve a lot, and really produce some fun in the bedroom!

 

[StrangeLife]

Thinking that you are being cheated on, implies a type of ownership, ownership of a partner's sexual parts, ownership of a partner's thoughts, or ownership of a partner's deeds. Seems like a form of slavery to me. And I seem to remember that slavery was outlawed in most of the world over a century and a half ago.

Come on. Nobody can force you to be in a relationship.

Like Mavenzelle writes, you effectively enter into a contractual relation with another person. If fidelity is part of the terms, that is not "slavery." Some people like the idea of exclusivity - it provides comfort, safety and stability... and if you're planning on entering into a major long term financial commitment like buying a home and founding a family stability is not a bad thing.

 

[smallgirl]

Come on. Nobody can force you to be in a relationship.

Like Mavenzelle writes, you effectively enter into a contractual relation with another person. If fidelity is part of the terms, that is not "slavery." Some people like the idea of exclusivity - it provides comfort, safety and stability... and if you're planning on entering into a major long term financial commitment like buying a home and founding a family stability is not a bad thing.

That's true. I don't disagree with you at all.
We all think differently. I just think people change, and sometimes the definition of cheating changes too.

 

[AMoveableBeast]

I heard you can get pregnant that way too.

So true. Happened to my girlfriend. Also, I'm pretty sure the toliet seat was black.

 

[isabellepain]

I dont see an option that ssys I dont know anymore. I think the lines have become somewhst blurred.

 

[StrangeLife]

Sex does not equal love in my book. Completely different things.
Now....I know most people don't think this way, and I understand that. That's the good thing about this day and time-we can all feel the way we want to and its OK.

I think you're trying to convince yourself, but very few women can separate the two in the long run. It's not a cultural or a sexist thing - it's good old Darwin. You guys simply weren't built that way.

 

[smallgirl]

I think you're trying to convince yourself, but very few women can separate the two in the long run. It's not a cultural or a sexist thing - it's good old Darwin. You guys simply weren't built that way.

Lol..it's ok. I know the real me, and I can separate the two completely. No need to convince myself of anything. I hate to tell you...I wasn't built that way, but I changed into that way.
Sex is sex..pure and simple.

 

[sleepy_moose]

About that? No. But I didn't feel the way I do now 22 years ago. I changed. I saw the world change. I became a different person than I was at 21 versus 43. 22 years ago I would have said hell no to either of us being with someone else. Hubby actually cheated first...I was 25. It completely devastated me. I cried for days.
Now if he did that? All I'd ask was it good?
I'd be hurt really bad if he came home and told me he was in love with someone else. To me that's cheating. He's suppose to love ME.
Sex does not equal love in my book. Completely different things.
Now....I know most people don't think this way, and I understand that. That's the good thing about this day and time-we can all feel the way we want to and its OK.

YES! THIS! I was not as devastated by my husband's affair as I thought I would be. He was in the army after 9/11 and he ended up deployed overseas. He was in a very hostile environment doing a dangerous job. He had a need that needed to be fulfilled and he exercised poor judgement in the method chosen to fulfill that need. He confessed when he came home and I think I was able to forgive more freely because he didn't love this girl.

 

[sheablue]

I think you're trying to convince yourself, but very few women can separate the two in the long run. It's not a cultural or a sexist thing - it's good old Darwin. You guys simply weren't built that way.

Ok, now, that's total BS! Just like how women have the "cuddle gene" that prohibits them from having sex without wanting a relationship. Bullshit.

 

[smallgirl]

YES! THIS! I was not as devastated by my husband's affair as I thought I would be. He was in the army after 9/11 and he ended up deployed overseas. He was in a very hostile environment doing a dangerous job. He had a need that needed to be fulfilled and he exercised poor judgement in the method chosen to fulfill that need. He confessed when he came home and I think I was able to forgive more freely because he didn't love this girl.

I understand. Sex is not love....2 very different things.

 

[AMoveableBeast]

I think you're trying to convince yourself, but very few women can separate the two in the long run. It's not a cultural or a sexist thing - it's good old Darwin. You guys simply weren't built that way.

Built that way? Are women like Transformers now, capable only of certain shapes and forms of pleasurable expression? "I am a fembot. I am programmed only for cuddles and sex with my eyes closed. Engaging transfer of sex in exchange for love. Buffering...buffering..."

Personally, I've known several women who were Optimus Primarilyinitforthefucking.

 

[smallgirl]

Built that way? Are women like Transformers now, capable only of certain shapes and forms of pleasurable expression? "I am a fembot. I am programmed only for cuddles and sex with my eyes closed. Engaging transfer of sex in exchange for love. Buffering...buffering..."

Personally, I've know several women who were Optimus Primarilyinitforthefucking.

bahahahaha..
thank you. I soooo needed that!