is it bad

[kerker_miester]

Well as many of you know I have recently lost my sub/wife/bestfriend of 20 years. Now I have this very big empty space inside of me that I can not fill, no matter how much work I do, or how much sleep I lose. I can not find it in myself to hate or be mad at her. I feel that in some way I am the one at fault as I was the Dom and did not find out what she needed. I am hoping to find another for I feel that that is the only way to fill the void left in my soul. The question I would like to ask is -- Is it terrable of me to desire to fill that space so soon after we split? I as all for advice on this and thank all ahead of time for their thoughts.

kerker_miester

 

[Vixandra]

I think the time it takes for you to get over her is the only time line you should care about.

If it takes you a few weeks or a few years, when you're ready to love someone again, do so.
Just realize that your new love is not the old one, and cannot/will not be her.

Good luck!

 

[kerker_miester]

I think the time it takes for you to get over her is the only time line you should care about.

If it takes you a few weeks or a few years, when you're ready to love someone again, do so.
Just realize that your new love is not the old one, and cannot/will not be her.

Good luck!

Thank you I am hoping that when I find a new love she will be herself and not try to be anything else.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Well as many of you know I have recently lost my sub/wife/bestfriend of 20 years. Now I have this very big empty space inside of me that I can not fill, no matter how much work I do, or how much sleep I lose. I can not find it in myself to hate or be mad at her. I feel that in some way I am the one at fault as I was the Dom and did not find out what she needed. I am hoping to find another for I feel that that is the only way to fill the void left in my soul. The question I would like to ask is -- Is it terrable of me to desire to fill that space so soon after we split? I as all for advice on this and thank all ahead of time for their thoughts.

kerker_miester

There is no right or wrong time frame but the one consideration both You and the new girl should consider when You do find Your new girl is...is it her You will see or what you lost? Will You be replacing Your sub/wife/bestfriend or will You be embracing a new journey with no baggage for her to over come to fit in?

As a Domme I know that I would not be subless for long because it is My need to Dominate and control.

 

[FurryFury]

Is it bad? No, it's human.

I began a new relationship within a month if not sooner of my ex walking out.
Even though "rebound" relationships are not supposed to work we are still together 15 years later and very happy! In fact since October we have been happier than ever.

If you want to fill that void and you have the opportunity I say go for it.

I think you are human.

That means yes, you will bring your emotional baggage and so will she. That's life and it doesn't mean you can't fit together well.

Good luck and best wishes!

Fury

 

[graceanne]

I'm sorry about the end of your relationship. Endings are always hard, but even more so when you're the one who got left. *hugs*

Beyond that, only you know whether you're a ready for a relationhip or not. You need to ask yourself (and be honest) about why you're looking for a new relationship or not. Are you looking for someone to take her place, or someone else to join you in your journey. If you are looking for someone to take her place, be very very careful. For one thing, it's not fair to the girl. She is not, and cannot be your ex. Also, quite often people will make majorly misjudge the character of a potential SO when they are hurting badly. Rebound relationships suck.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm sorry about the end of your relationship. Endings are always hard, but even more so when you're the one who got left. *hugs*

Beyond that, only you know whether you're a ready for a relationhip or not. You need to ask yourself (and be honest) about why you're looking for a new relationship or not. Are you looking for someone to take her place, or someone else to join you in your journey. If you are looking for someone to take her place, be very very careful. For one thing, it's not fair to the girl. She is not, and cannot be your ex. Also, quite often people will make majorly misjudge the character of a potential SO when they are hurting badly. Rebound relationships suck.

Well they can suck or they can work out. They can also nibble, stroke, and provide much joy.

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

People have needs and denying them does not make you virtuous or smart. Some need to go through a grieving period alone for their own safety and that of those they may involve in the process otherwise......others can accept it is over and move on even though a part of them mourns what has been lost. Only you can know which slot you fit into and act accordingly. As others have said, just try and make sure anyone new is just that, new and not a carbon copy of the former or someone you try to mold into that image....or someone you expect to fill the void for you as that is not their responsibility....perhaps very different will be the way to go. Good luck.

Catalina

 

[YinandYang]

I think the ending of a relationship can stir up many feelings associated maybe not with the person that has left but with yourself. IMO we all need energy to survive, as much as we need oxygen. We get it through many channels, power struggles, the earth, positive strokes from another etc. When a person ultimately takes their energy away, there is always a void, a feeling of emptiness. This I think is where the need to replace comes in. The hardest thing in the world is to allow yourself to get that energy from yourself, instead of from another person. There is ultimate strength in being able to stand alone and be 100% happy with yourself.

My advice would be to either wait, until you have worked through the emotional baggage you still harbour for your ex, or to enter into a non commital relationship. I think if the right person comes along, the synchronicities will show themselves. Not only for your emotions but also for the emotions of the future person. Good Luck...I hope it works out well for you

 

[slave C]

People have needs and denying them does not make you virtuous or smart. Some need to go through a grieving period alone for their own safety and that of those they may involve in the process otherwise......others can accept it is over and move on even though a part of them mourns what has been lost. Only you can know which slot you fit into and act accordingly. As others have said, just try and make sure anyone new is just that, new and not a carbon copy of the former or someone you try to mold into that image....or someone you expect to fill the void for you as that is not their responsibility....perhaps very different will be the way to go. Good luck.

Catalina

Sir... My advice... go different .Someone with a bit of spice..

good luck in all You do and remember ... there is someone out there for everyone. We all feel lonely, just dont let it get You down. Life is too precious to waste.

 

[trodas]

And one more thing - please stop blaming yourself for "not finding what she wanted"
In my experience, when couple broke, there never could be just ONE of them responsible entierly for the break. It is always more likely very close to 50% / 50% that it is 100% fault of just one person.
The fact that you are dominant person did not make you being always right and AFAIK this attitude also did not come with mindreading abilities either.
If she wanted something else that she is telling you, it is not and never could possibly be your fault.
It is the dishonest and uncomunicative persons that did not even get what they wanted, because they cant say/type/hint enought precisely their desires.

It might pretty well be that she just wanted someone else.

Some girls can see even a 20 years old relationship as temporary, until they find their prince... And then they go for it - or for what they think it will be.

Can't be your fault in this or similar cases, so stop blaming yourself. Again, when couple broke, the fault is never 100% on just one side, but very closely to be 50% to 50% ...

Anyway, sorry for your loss and I wish you recover soon from it. It will hurt, you know that. But time heal everything.