Is having a consentual threesome cheating?

[RemovedByRequest]

Is having a consentual threesome right, if it goes against your wedding vows?

I am rephrasing my question, because I was too vauge with the first one. (thanks Isabella, oxoxox I would like to find out if anyone thinks the act of haveing a threesome, in wedlock, goes against the vows "to love, honr and be faithful to one another." I have gotten a lot of good insight, and all responses indicate that. no it doesn't if you both agree and want it. I am cofortable with that side of it, and should probably let it rest now,but I just want to know if anyone thinks it's immoral to do it, out of lust, and if it would still be immoral if it is an act of love, not lust. This is kind of a subjective question, but that's what I'm looking for, is your opionions, kind of a what would you do sort of thing! Thanks so much for all of the help I've recieved and the lessons I've learnd here!

[Edited by Blondandbare on 09-01-2000 at 11:35 AM]

 

[Silverlily]

I can't speak form a religious standpoint, but I would say no. I think the term "cheating" carries a somewhat sneaky, deceitful connotation. If you both want a third, then no one is being deceived.

I would urge you to keep communication VERY open. If you're are having doubts as to the right or wrong of the thing, perhaps it's best to wait a while until you work those feeling out. Bottom line, it's ok to do what makes you both happy as long as no one gets hurt. Good luck and have fun!

 

[Nicole]

Doesn't consent and the fact that you are both comfortable with it say NO to you.

Look you have obviously discussed this, come to an agreement and are now planning to go through with it. I don't think it is, NO.

If both Patries know about it and are happy with it then why would it be cheating?? Cheating is when you secretly go behind your partners back and do it with them having no knowledge.

Good Luck anyway

 

[Isabella Thorne]

what???????? consentual is the key word hon .. you said it yourself .. it cannot be cheating on eachother ...

but .. you have to be honest with yourself dear .. can you watch your hubby fuck someone else .. and live with that fact afterwards and not get jealous ... maybe that is why you question whether it is considered cheating ...

 

[RemovedByRequest]

Change of heart to

To kitty:Thank you kitty for a very logical and sensitive response to my question
I chose to withdraw to rest of this post because it was offensive and full of uptight negativity. I am sorry to those of you who read it, especially to Isabella, to whom I really offended. I am sorry again, B&B

[Edited by Blondandbare on 09-01-2000 at 12:03 PM]

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: For the respondants

My question only asks "If you VOW to love only oneanother and be faithful, consentual or not are we breaking our vows and cheating.

That would depend on the exact wording of your wedding vows.

It probably also depends on whether you consider a vow binding if already broken: You did vow to "Love, honor and obey" did you not? I'd bet dollars to donuts that part of the vow hasn't been scrupulously observed. <G>

 

[brad_518]

it would not be cheating if you both wanted this to happen so just go and have fun!!!!!

 

[RemovedByRequest]

Thanks guys

Thank you harold and brad, for your insight. I do have to somewhat agree with you harold, except that we opted to leave out the obey part due to the fact that slavery has been abolished I am only obidient when I want to be and he actually likes it when I disobay, in some situations. I do like your out look because I would have fucked that part up if I hadn't demanded omittance. I learned, at a very young age that if you know your flaws, than it's easy to avoid making them worse. I appreciate a wise outlook like yours. And as for you Brad, I love oversimplifications, like yours, because it really cuts the tension. I guess I am getting to wrapped up in analizing the meaning behind a word that has been oversimplified by our American lack of coherence. Thanks os much guys!!!

 

[Isabella Thorne]

For the Seeker of Help or Whatever

.... "is it techniclly cheating if he fucks her and let her fuck me with a strap-on or whatever? Please help!"

... To kitty:Thank you kitty for a very logical and sensitive response to my question

To the last response: ... First of all, because I said consentual, doesn't mean that it is a morally correct action.

last response? oh you mean me dear? ... that's gotta be the first time i have ever been addressed as "last response" ..

but ummm .... ok .. yikes... I am sorry sweetie ... i did not read between the lines in your post .. i was not able to pick up on your cyber vibes ... Jackie Stallone did not speak to me ...

i did not realize you were asking if a menage a trois was a MORALLY correct action ... or that we were debating the moralities of a father molesting a daughter .. perhaps you should start another thread for those questions, luv.

well I see your point .. your opinion as an educated person ... words coming from one of the few "whoi" really likes to think things through .. "I would not get jelouse" .. that would truly be "lousy" ... lol ...

[Edited by Isabella Thorne on 09-01-2000 at 12:16 AM]

 

[brad_518]

I'm glad I could help you. This was an easy one for me because my wife and I are going through the same situation. We have both finally agreed on this but now comes the tough part...with who??? LOL Oh well, nobody said life was easy. Let me know how things work out for you. GOOD LUCK !!!!

 

[RemovedByRequest]

withdrawn, on account of my being an ass!

My bad foot I keep stepping on just fell off!!!!!!!

[Edited by Blondandbare on 09-01-2000 at 12:15 PM]

 

[Isabella Thorne]

ummm oh dear .. you cannot ask people not to post in your thread ...

Again i want to repeat .. please do not get upset .. you did not indicate in your original post that you were asking if it was morally right .. only if it was cheating to have a threesome ..

I never ever correct people's typos .. you are the first person I have EVER made a play on words to do so .. but please forgive me, Blondeandbare, but I could not resist .. I felt you were being slightly vain when you talked about being highly educated and being one of the few who thinks things through .. I found the typos ironic .. forgive me if I misunderstood. I promise you I will never correct your typos again.

Really dear .. please do not get upset .. I know I can be kinda sarcastic sometimes when I want to make a point ... but please lighten up .. please do not get so heavy ... my god you swore at me .. why are you getting so uptight?...

See ... I am smiling ..
Good luck with your threesome!

 

[sallygirl]

Wow, somebody has a short fuse. Hey, B&B, you're gonna have to lighten up a bit if you're gonna have any fun here at all. That's what it's supposed to be, ya know - fun! So shake it off, give Isabella a kiss and make up.

As for your question, the consensus seems to be that having the threesome would not be cheating. I have to agree. Morals are subjective - you have to go with what feels right for you. For both of you, really. And if you feel you can do this without harming your marriage, then by all means, go for it and have fun!

 

[RemovedByRequest]

You're right, I should have been more specific.

I was in a big hurry when I wrote my question. I should have been way more specific. I am sorry that I got so uptight. I am new here and I am not as confidant with all of this, so I overreacted. I suppose I should have asked you, Isabella, why you thought I'd get jealous, instead of jumping to conclusions. I see now that you were only trying to put me in check so I would think about the potential for it. I didn't mean to sound vein, I was only doing what I was taught many years ago in college writting, that when you are writting about something that requires authority, you must state your authourity on the matter, or else you'll give room for doubt. I have always had a hard time wording what I mean exactly, but I'm working on it to get better. I should have said "i learned in genetics class....." I did sound vien and I'm sorry. I am not a vien person, actually I am usually the exact opposite, lacking confidance altogether. That's why I got so defensive. I am sorry I insulted you, Isabella. Sometimes I feel intimidated by you more experianced users. I am sure you and many others are very thoughful people. I found that out about you, when I read your response to Carl. I realized then i was being rediculous and that you weren't being cynical. I am truely sorry. Will you please forgive me, and could we start over? KIsses and BIG HUGS if you'll accept! Sorry again, again<B&B P.S. Thank you Sally, I do need to lighten up, and thanks for sharing and helping to put this to rest. I know this is for fun, and I'm not making it fun, because I was being too serious. I am sorry you had to read such negitave words from me. I will try to be nothing but a ball of sunshine and roses, unless I am sad for someone else pain. Like Isabella is for Carl. I saw in her responce what a sensitive person she is and am turely embarrased to have catagorized her otherwise.

 

[Nicole]

B&B could you do us all one tensy favor??

In the future (and I'm not picking) could you please use Paragraphs. After just reading this thread after my response, when you type such a long response and it is all together like that ... well to say the least I am now crosseyed.

Thanks and I do really wish you well on your threesome. How about letting us know if you Do go through with it. Not how the threesome went ... more how YOU felt emotionaly, if YOU felt that is was indeed cheating. How you felt a couple of days later ... that sort of thing.

Like I said Good Luck

 

[Isabella Thorne]

From one Blondie to another!

Of course I forgive you Blondie!
<big hugs>
Thank you for your kind words.

I too sometimes feel intimidated and I apologize if I made you feel that way. I know it sucks to have those feelings.

... but you are an intelligent woman who has much to offer and I welcome your contribution to the boards.

... and I know I can be a sarcastic ditz sometimes ... thank you for understanding that there is always a smile behind my sarcasm
________________
"Gentlemen Prefer Blondes"
~Marilyn Monroe~

 

[Bobtoad777]

my question is is the third male or female and if the gender of the third were changed would the general emotional feeling being consentual

 

[Bliss]

Even ovaheducated fleas do it!

A consensual threesome as cheating? No. Adultery, maybe, but cheating implies no knowledge, much less consent.

As for other spelling errors, shit, who cares? (Okay, bugs the hellllllll outta me, too. I confess). Anywho, in the past 24 hours there have been many spelling errors on this board, by gurus and hatchlings alike. Some were comical (just reminiscing about all that has transpired ), some sad and not a few made on purpose.

Point being, laugh it off. Life is not meant to be taken that seriously!

As Ren, Stimpy, and Wizzie say: Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!

 

[RemovedByRequest]

You guys are great!

-Thanks so much for accepting my apology, Isabella. Hugs right back at ya! Thank you for the compliments and I feel better now that we cleared this up. Your a real sweetie, and I'll take all sarcasm with a smile one my face too.



- I will certainly use paragraphs, Nicole. I am soo sorry about that, and I hope your eyes have recovered. Sorry everyone! Thanks also for your interest and concern.



I first have to say that I am bi-sexual, always have been, always will be. I do however have to say that I am most attracted to my husband, weird, huh?, aside from him I am really only sexually drawn to women. They can be so loving and tender. I know there are a lot of sensitive men out there, and bless you all, but unfortunatly, I have only found a few in my life.

Just recently, within a few weeks, I discussed with my best friend, whom I have feelings for, the nature of her feelings,for me. She reciprocated her love and desires, but she lives 700 miles away, and is married also. My very understanding husband has known about my feelings for only a short while, about 2 months. So I know he didn't marry me cause he thought he could get hitched and still have other women. That's partly why I am so comfortable with the idea of him making love to me and another woman that we love. I have very little intrest in sex with other men. It's because the one I have is so satisfying.

To put it simply, I have lustful cravings about certain women. It's such a primal urge. Women in general are such a beautiful creation. Not that men are not, it's just a very different kind of beauty.

To this day my husband is somewhat apprehensive about actual entry into another woman, and I am fine with whatever his decision is. I guess my desire to see him makelove to her is because I want to feel her inside, through him. I know some of you may find that silly, if not impossible, but our connection is so intense and I feel a lot through him already. Why not her?

I really got this all into perspective, by seeing "Being John Malkovich" although everything in that scenario got heavily fucked up and is nothing like how I want this to turn out. I am slightly concernd with turning the other party into an emotional wreck. I would have to insist on clarity of our feelings at all times, which I can trust of my husband. So if we are with someone we haven't known for long, we may not see it in her if she holds back her feelings. That's why I want it to be with someone we both love and trust. Which, if it can't be with my best friend, it will take time, and I'm ready to devote the time it takes. So it may be quite a while, but I'll surly let you all know how I feel and how it effects me. I thank you all. XOXOXOXO B&B

[Edited by Blondandbare on 09-01-2000 at 07:19 PM]

 

[Skibum]

What a tough situation for your husband! He has to decide whether to make love to TWO women at the same time with your permission, or to pass up what is my own greatest fantasy. Decisions, decisions!

 

[Earthgoddess]

Thank Goddess for pagan wedding vows

Well, as my spouse and I indulged once in a really wonderful threesome with my absolute dearest friend and everything went smashingly well,perhaps I am not qualified to give advice. Also as pagans we are bound by our own pre-set boundaries and convictions not a moral dilemma based on dogmatic rules.
I can warn you to be very careful-our friend has great respect for us and our love and knew that in no way would we have proceeded without being very sure of this. Pagan handfasting is an agreement, a binding contract of love-and in that it is fragile and needs care and protection.
My friend had been the subject of many fantasies and had admitted to me that she found my hubby sensual. So we sppent a long time preparing for the possibility and when the opportunity arouse we were able to make an informed decision not one based on passion.
We all spoke frankly about it and would be open to a repeat but are not seeking one-if it happens as a natural expression of our love for each other great-if not it was a wickedly fun night.

 

[RemovedByRequest]

someday skiburn, thanks godess

Hi Skiburn and Earthgodess,

LOL, You'd think it'd be an easy decision for him, but he is so moral, but altough he hasn't exactly said it, I think he wants it. , not to just make me happy. His conflict, he said, was that he's not sure he can buy me telling him that I'm okay with it. Most women, in his mind, wouldn't go for it, so I think he thinks I'm full of it, when it comes to me wanting him to fuck her, but he doesn't know exactly why I want him to. He will read this when he gets home and understand I'm not kidding about it. I hope that someday you can have your dreams come true too. Till then keep fantasizing and remember, the good stuff is worth waiting for!
Godess, Your insight and experiances are a great blessing. I am grateful that you replyed even though you thought you may not be of help on the constricting nature of our vows. I feel very enlightend by your warning for many reasons. Mainly that, even though you have experianced a loving threesome, that turned out fabulous, you didn't jump right in and say go for it. I apprieciate that the most. Blessed be and blessed are those who contribute to others in need. (my best friend's mother is a Wiccan priestess)

[Edited by Blondandbare on 09-01-2000 at 07:14 PM]