Is anyone here adopted?

[sunstruck]

A good friend of mine just told me he hired a PI to track down his birth mother. It's scary and exiting at the same time.

I was just wondering if anyone here had done this and had advice I could pass on.

 

[perks]

I'm adopted, but by my birth mother and my step dad.

My half brother went through this process, and found us about 6 years ago.

 

[sunstruck]

I remember you telling me that. Complicated.

I just can't imagine what he's going through. I'm a little scared for him.

He just had his first child 7 months ago and I'm sure that's what spurred this on. Just bought his first house. There's so much going on in his life that's new. I just hope this turns out to be a good thing.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

I wish I was adopted.

I would love to wake up some morning and learn that I'm the bastard child of a Rockefeller or Kennedy.

 

[PepperminTrish]

I'm adopted sunstruck. My father's second wife adopted me and raised me. My biological mother walked away when I was 7 only to 'pop' back in when I was 31.

 

[perks]

I remember you telling me that. Complicated.

I just can't imagine what he's going through. I'm a little scared for him.

He just had his first child 7 months ago and I'm sure that's what spurred this on. Just bought his first house. There's so much going on in his life that's new. I just hope this turns out to be a good thing.

my brother told me he was feeling a certain detachment. He looked at a gazillion pictures of his family and realized that he wasn't related to any of them. And it was important to him to find out who his blood was, to get some questions answered.

It's an interesting thing, that physical connection.

 

[Kitte]

I am not adopted but I went through the search process with two very close friends. One started looking on her 18th birthday and within 8 months she recieved a curt letter saying, I would appreciate it if you never contact me again. She was heartbroken.

The other started looking when she became pregnant, wanting to find a sense of family...of blood. She has had multiple contacts with both of her birth parents and she is developing a wonderful friendship with her birth mother.


It can go either way, just make sure that your friend is aware that she may be rebuffed. It is not an easy process and she might want to speak with other adoptees who have been through the process.

There is a movie, a documentary, about a comedians search process. If I remember the name I will let you know. It was very honest about how frustrating the process can be and what the risks and rewards are.

*edited to add: Here is a link about the Movie Reno Finds her Mom

 

[sunstruck]

I'm adopted sunstruck. My father's second wife adopted me and raised me. My biological mother walked away when I was 7 only to 'pop' back in when I was 31.

Have you ever wanted to contact her?

I think seeing his baby girl really struck something in My friend. He's half Hawiian and has many physical traits that denote his heritage, but until his daughter was born he'd never seen that sameness in a relative before.

Another reason I'm curious is my brother and his partner just adopted a little girl (18 months) and one day she's going to want to know about her family.

 

[PepperminTrish]

Have you ever wanted to contact her?

I think seeing his baby girl really struck something in My friend. He's half Hawiian and has many physical traits that denote his heritage, but until his daughter was born he'd never seen that sameness in a relative before.

Another reason I'm curious is my brother and his partner just adopted a little girl (18 months) and one day she's going to want to know about her family.

I used to wonder where she was and how come she didn't love me. Remember, this is coming from when I was a child. Mentioning her in our home was a no-no so I never had a chance to ask 'why' she left. I did eventually get my answers but I'd rather not post them here if that's OK.

The only thing I wanted from her was a medical history, especially in light of all we've gone through with my oldest son. I got that from her and a bunch of BS, so I chose to NOT have her in my life when she contacted me.

I learned one very valuable thing from her and that is not eveyrone is cut out to be a partent. Just because you CAN procreate doesn't mean you SHOULD.

I don't feel the need to know my 'blood' relatives. I have all the family I need, blood or not. The woman that I call Mom is the one that was there when I needed her, she's the one that held my hand, and she's the one I still lean on when life bites me in the ass.

Adoption is an interesting situation and as long as it's all handled with love and the best interest of the child, any situation can be handled, no matter what comes up.

 

[Rosamund]

I'm adopted, I was adopted when I was 18 months old.
I searched for my birth family since I was 18 and finally found them when I was 23. I found everyone in one week's time. It sent me into a tailspin, and I ended up admitting myself to the hospital because it was just really overwhelming me.
Now, biological-sperm person wants to call himself dad
and the ovum-donor wants to call herself mom. I can't handle it, so I cut off all contact with them.

 

[sunstruck]

Wow Rosa that sounds awful. I'm really sorry.

Wnitergreen, it sounds like your birth mother did the best thing she possibley could have when she gave you up. I agree, not everyone should be a parent. I just wish more people knew that.

 

[PepperminTrish]

Wnitergreen, it sounds like your birth mother did the best thing she possibley could have when she gave you up. I agree, not everyone should be a parent. I just wish more people knew that.

I think you're rightI just wish she had handled it better. I suspect she wishes it also. I think all things considered, I turned out OK and it helps me do the best I can as a Mom to my three boys.

 

[modest mouse]

Not to bring negativity here but what happened to the parents right to dissapear? It seems like one of the sacred agreemetns of adoption is that its was a clean slate for all parties. In recent years that doesnt seem to be the case which I think harms adoptions in the future.

 

[sunstruck]

Not to bring negativity here but what happened to the parents right to dissapear? It seems like one of the sacred agreemetns of adoption is that its was a clean slate for all parties. In recent years that doesnt seem to be the case which I think harms adoptions in the future.

Possibley, but how does it weigh against the child's right to know where they come from? If they have anything in their medical history they should be aware of?

 

[deliciously_naughty]

I've considered tracking down my biological father. Never met him, but I'm often not sure if I want to. I may do it before I'm 40 though (I'm 24 now) because I really want to know what my other heritage is.

 

[modest mouse]

Possibley, but how does it weigh against the child's right to know where they come from? If they have anything in their medical history they should be aware of?

Those are legitimate questions.

You must admit that adoption has changed radically in the last 15 years as it is now commonplace for one party to hunt down the other.

Its a difficult situation and I dont offer any solutions.

I hope everything goes well for your friend.