Is a romantic Dom an oxymoron
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Grvdigger
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I think a Dom can be romantic. It depends on the relationship. So are based just on play, that is great and can be lots of fun. But some are based on other things, and romance can come in many shapes and sizes. A sub may see purchasing or making a new flogger for them as being very romantic. It is just another thing that makes each Dom unique.
lovetoread
hello daddy
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It all boils down to what kind of relationship it is.
I would expect romance in a monogamous relationship regardless of what type of one it was.
I would expect romance in a monogamous relationship regardless of what type of one it was.
Lancecastor
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The Dom with a pussycat AV is asking if Romance and D are mutually exclusive?!
I think I'm a very romantic Dude, spank you.
Lance
I think I'm a very romantic Dude, spank you.
Lance
Lancecastor
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Being spanked again, MissT?
Lance
Lance
Justina123
Really Really Experienced
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Romantic Doms- the little things
I've been in both non-romantic and romantic d/s encounters and relationships.
However, I am currently in the best d/s relationship I've ever experienced and it's because He is quite romantic in many small ways....
He calls Himself a "nice mean man" and we have some great kinky s&m fun and sex both at home and at play parties, etc. However, in day-to-day real life, there is also lots of "down" time when, for instance, we may watch a movie and I'll be kneeling on the floor by Him and He will pet my hair and shoulders throughout the movie, tell me little compliments, etc. For my birthday last week He gave me an ankle bracelet so I can wear it at work and think of Him, etc. When driving in the car we nearly always hold hands (unless of course it's a long drive and His hands are busy other places on me, ha...). All these little things are to me quite romantic and wonderful and just a part of the whole package.
So, although I have in the past been with other Dominants and we had great play time, etc.... this relationship is different and special to me because of the "romance." This may not be for everyone, and I didn't think I needed it either, until it happened and now I'm smiling most of the time, lol.
- justina
I've been in both non-romantic and romantic d/s encounters and relationships.
However, I am currently in the best d/s relationship I've ever experienced and it's because He is quite romantic in many small ways....
He calls Himself a "nice mean man" and we have some great kinky s&m fun and sex both at home and at play parties, etc. However, in day-to-day real life, there is also lots of "down" time when, for instance, we may watch a movie and I'll be kneeling on the floor by Him and He will pet my hair and shoulders throughout the movie, tell me little compliments, etc. For my birthday last week He gave me an ankle bracelet so I can wear it at work and think of Him, etc. When driving in the car we nearly always hold hands (unless of course it's a long drive and His hands are busy other places on me, ha...). All these little things are to me quite romantic and wonderful and just a part of the whole package.
So, although I have in the past been with other Dominants and we had great play time, etc.... this relationship is different and special to me because of the "romance." This may not be for everyone, and I didn't think I needed it either, until it happened and now I'm smiling most of the time, lol.
- justina
Romance adds spice to D/S
I not only believe in romantic Doms, but I think they happen to be the sexist skins on this fair planet of ours. A man who can be sweet, gentle and kind and then kinky Dominant from outerspace is not only worth the extra work to find but very easy to stay with.
Nothings more of a turn on to me than being woke up after a nap (work is killing me) with a flower or scarf being tugged across my skin, relaxing in the purely selfish emotions of comfort and pamering....only to hear the familiar sound of handcuffs snapping into place. I get a happy, loving smile and cooing words as I'm fastened down and blindfolded and just before the play gets serious, before my mouth is gagged or my ears covered I hear "I love you baby, and in a few seconds your gonna know what tough love is all about" and I am suddenly hot and ready to go.
Afterwards, when the bindings are loosened and I'm lying like a little ball of jelly on the floor, he always thinks to bring me a glass of water and then stretch me out beside him and lay down for a few minutes - even if hes not gotten anything sexual out of the experience aside from seeing me, he always gives time for afterglow and has a smile ready for when my eyes open.....that to me, not only makes him a romantic, but a damn fine dom.
So I know I rambled but hey *shrug* whats new. I will point out that this is just an example....yes I to get stocked up and left unfulfilled from time to time, but that is to make a point. In general my Dom is highly romantic and I love him for it.
Just my thoughts
~
B
I not only believe in romantic Doms, but I think they happen to be the sexist skins on this fair planet of ours. A man who can be sweet, gentle and kind and then kinky Dominant from outerspace is not only worth the extra work to find but very easy to stay with.
Nothings more of a turn on to me than being woke up after a nap (work is killing me) with a flower or scarf being tugged across my skin, relaxing in the purely selfish emotions of comfort and pamering....only to hear the familiar sound of handcuffs snapping into place. I get a happy, loving smile and cooing words as I'm fastened down and blindfolded and just before the play gets serious, before my mouth is gagged or my ears covered I hear "I love you baby, and in a few seconds your gonna know what tough love is all about" and I am suddenly hot and ready to go.
Afterwards, when the bindings are loosened and I'm lying like a little ball of jelly on the floor, he always thinks to bring me a glass of water and then stretch me out beside him and lay down for a few minutes - even if hes not gotten anything sexual out of the experience aside from seeing me, he always gives time for afterglow and has a smile ready for when my eyes open.....that to me, not only makes him a romantic, but a damn fine dom.
So I know I rambled but hey *shrug* whats new. I will point out that this is just an example....yes I to get stocked up and left unfulfilled from time to time, but that is to make a point. In general my Dom is highly romantic and I love him for it.
Just my thoughts
~
B
Re: Romance adds spice to D/S
Hmm...I had orginally started typing a yes answer to this question...but have since rethought as I seem to be of two minds on this. I will point out that if my answer seems lopsided its because I have little experience with full-blown d/s relationships (2 full time doms and a mentoring Dom as well as 3 subs with whom I trained) and draw heavily from what I HAVE experienced. I am in no way trying to sound pushy or judgemental...I just don't have alot of example to work with here
While yes, normally I would think that women (in a general sense) are the more romantic of the two I'm not sure its a matter of who is more romantic as it is getting the kind of support in a particular relationship that you require to be happy.
I have, previously, been involved in a non-sex d/s relationship. My Dom was strict, hard-edged, and praise was won very slowly. At the time, that's what I wanted. I was not in any way seeking a ltr with this person and so I never had any mental questions regarding our "relationship". After play I went home, took a shower, and did whatever the hell I wanted with no fear of "is the other person satisfied"
I was seeking training and a place to experiment with power exchange - practice basically. That dom and I broke apart on good terms and he and I are still occasionally in touch. I feel he taught me alot about my sexuality and my needs and I in turn gave him my submission for the duration of our relationship. I was not seeking ANY kind of romance and frankly would have been scared shitless if I had shown up one night expecting chains and whips and finding rose petals and enya (I like enya and all but hey).
In my new situation, I was seeing the guy before I ever knew he was into Kink. We were set-up by mutual friends who had no idea of our similar interests. Once it came out it only added to the reasons we thought to keep seeing each other. I am now having to reconcile wanting a ltr with my need for submission and humiliation. A very new experience for me. While I want to be "beaten, broken, and forced" just like the next good little subbie, I want to know that hes enjoying it because its me, and not just because there is a portable pussy with handcuffs to go lying on the floor before him (sorry for the crassness *g*) At the same time, he likes to be assured that I'm "with" HIM the whole time during play - that hes the one I'm willing to take the lash from
Does any of that make sense? Hmm, recap - I guess my opinion is that we each seek the level of romantic involvement that we want in each relationship whether we be male or female. If a sub prefers to merely dote on their Master(mistress) from afar comfortable in their own need and the affections of the Master - then that is a fulfilling relationship. If two people consent to a just-play relationship in which they both get the satisfaction (sexually and non-sexually) they need...then that's fulfilling. And if two people dig kink but also kinda want the white picket fence and all that rot...then that fulfilling too.
I'm sorry I ramble so much, but I worry I'll be misunderstood or come off as half-brained, or worse, have someone think I am being argumentative. This is just the best way I can explain my fews and I hope everyone takes it as such.
~
B
Ebonyfire said:
Hmm...I had orginally started typing a yes answer to this question...but have since rethought as I seem to be of two minds on this. I will point out that if my answer seems lopsided its because I have little experience with full-blown d/s relationships (2 full time doms and a mentoring Dom as well as 3 subs with whom I trained) and draw heavily from what I HAVE experienced. I am in no way trying to sound pushy or judgemental...I just don't have alot of example to work with here
While yes, normally I would think that women (in a general sense) are the more romantic of the two I'm not sure its a matter of who is more romantic as it is getting the kind of support in a particular relationship that you require to be happy.
I have, previously, been involved in a non-sex d/s relationship. My Dom was strict, hard-edged, and praise was won very slowly. At the time, that's what I wanted. I was not in any way seeking a ltr with this person and so I never had any mental questions regarding our "relationship". After play I went home, took a shower, and did whatever the hell I wanted with no fear of "is the other person satisfied"
I was seeking training and a place to experiment with power exchange - practice basically. That dom and I broke apart on good terms and he and I are still occasionally in touch. I feel he taught me alot about my sexuality and my needs and I in turn gave him my submission for the duration of our relationship. I was not seeking ANY kind of romance and frankly would have been scared shitless if I had shown up one night expecting chains and whips and finding rose petals and enya (I like enya and all but hey).
In my new situation, I was seeing the guy before I ever knew he was into Kink. We were set-up by mutual friends who had no idea of our similar interests. Once it came out it only added to the reasons we thought to keep seeing each other. I am now having to reconcile wanting a ltr with my need for submission and humiliation. A very new experience for me. While I want to be "beaten, broken, and forced" just like the next good little subbie, I want to know that hes enjoying it because its me, and not just because there is a portable pussy with handcuffs to go lying on the floor before him (sorry for the crassness *g*) At the same time, he likes to be assured that I'm "with" HIM the whole time during play - that hes the one I'm willing to take the lash from
Does any of that make sense? Hmm, recap - I guess my opinion is that we each seek the level of romantic involvement that we want in each relationship whether we be male or female. If a sub prefers to merely dote on their Master(mistress) from afar comfortable in their own need and the affections of the Master - then that is a fulfilling relationship. If two people consent to a just-play relationship in which they both get the satisfaction (sexually and non-sexually) they need...then that's fulfilling. And if two people dig kink but also kinda want the white picket fence and all that rot...then that fulfilling too.
I'm sorry I ramble so much, but I worry I'll be misunderstood or come off as half-brained, or worse, have someone think I am being argumentative. This is just the best way I can explain my fews and I hope everyone takes it as such.
~
B
Ebonyfire
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Re: Re: Romance adds spice to D/S
Well, I asked the question, and I think I got my money's worth in the answer. I did ask you for you opinion, and that meant you would give me your perspective. I enjoyed reading it, and thank you for taking the time to answer me. I appreciate your candor.
Those who have read my posts know that I separate my life into D/s and not D/s even though who I am is still a Domme. I have vanilla relationships and I have D/s ones. Because I am a Domme with male subs and even some switch play partners, I am finding that the submissive men I deal with are more apt to be romantic than the vanilla men.
My subs try to impress me even though I humiliate, degrade and use them. It is what they expect, and it is what they need. Their need to serve is important to them. And by exhibiting certain romantic behaviour is a way of them showing Me how happy they are under my thumb.
I am a woman as well as a Domme, and they are men as well as submissives. So it made me wonder of the romance was a man/woman thing.
I have no experience with man/man or woman/woman relationships, so those who do will have to comment on those.
Not meaning to hijack the thread......
Eb
Bijoux said:Hmm...I had orginally started typing a yes answer to this question...but have since rethought as I seem to be of two minds on this. I will point out that if my answer seems lopsided its because I have little experience with full-blown d/s relationships (2 full time doms and a mentoring Dom as well as 3 subs with whom I trained) and draw heavily from what I HAVE experienced. I am in no way trying to sound pushy or judgemental...I just don't have alot of example to work with here
While yes, normally I would think that women (in a general sense) are the more romantic of the two I'm not sure its a matter of who is more romantic as it is getting the kind of support in a particular relationship that you require to be happy.
I have, previously, been involved in a non-sex d/s relationship. My Dom was strict, hard-edged, and praise was won very slowly. At the time, that's what I wanted. I was not in any way seeking a ltr with this person and so I never had any mental questions regarding our "relationship". After play I went home, took a shower, and did whatever the hell I wanted with no fear of "is the other person satisfied"
I was seeking training and a place to experiment with power exchange - practice basically. That dom and I broke apart on good terms and he and I are still occasionally in touch. I feel he taught me alot about my sexuality and my needs and I in turn gave him my submission for the duration of our relationship. I was not seeking ANY kind of romance and frankly would have been scared shitless if I had shown up one night expecting chains and whips and finding rose petals and enya (I like enya and all but hey).
In my new situation, I was seeing the guy before I ever knew he was into Kink. We were set-up by mutual friends who had no idea of our similar interests. Once it came out it only added to the reasons we thought to keep seeing each other. I am now having to reconcile wanting a ltr with my need for submission and humiliation. A very new experience for me. While I want to be "beaten, broken, and forced" just like the next good little subbie, I want to know that hes enjoying it because its me, and not just because there is a portable pussy with handcuffs to go lying on the floor before him (sorry for the crassness *g*) At the same time, he likes to be assured that I'm "with" HIM the whole time during play - that hes the one I'm willing to take the lash from
Does any of that make sense? Hmm, recap - I guess my opinion is that we each seek the level of romantic involvement that we want in each relationship whether we be male or female. If a sub prefers to merely dote on their Master(mistress) from afar comfortable in their own need and the affections of the Master - then that is a fulfilling relationship. If two people consent to a just-play relationship in which they both get the satisfaction (sexually and non-sexually) they need...then that's fulfilling. And if two people dig kink but also kinda want the white picket fence and all that rot...then that fulfilling too.
I'm sorry I ramble so much, but I worry I'll be misunderstood or come off as half-brained, or worse, have someone think I am being argumentative. This is just the best way I can explain my fews and I hope everyone takes it as such.
~
B
Well, I asked the question, and I think I got my money's worth in the answer. I did ask you for you opinion, and that meant you would give me your perspective. I enjoyed reading it, and thank you for taking the time to answer me. I appreciate your candor.
Those who have read my posts know that I separate my life into D/s and not D/s even though who I am is still a Domme. I have vanilla relationships and I have D/s ones. Because I am a Domme with male subs and even some switch play partners, I am finding that the submissive men I deal with are more apt to be romantic than the vanilla men.
My subs try to impress me even though I humiliate, degrade and use them. It is what they expect, and it is what they need. Their need to serve is important to them. And by exhibiting certain romantic behaviour is a way of them showing Me how happy they are under my thumb.
I am a woman as well as a Domme, and they are men as well as submissives. So it made me wonder of the romance was a man/woman thing.
I have no experience with man/man or woman/woman relationships, so those who do will have to comment on those.
Not meaning to hijack the thread......
Eb
morninggirl5
Secret Dream Machine
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- 10,647
Re: Re: Romance adds spice to D/S
Eb, have you been giving the romance editors advice? There's recently been a bunch of romances with bondage and kinky stuff included.
To me, romantic can mean lots of different things. Romantic is in the eye of the beholder. The most romantic thing anyone could do for me would be to go out each morning and start my car so it would be warm and the windows clear when it was time for me to leave. Nothing to buy, just a gesture to show care and concern.
Ebonyfire said:
Eb, have you been giving the romance editors advice? There's recently been a bunch of romances with bondage and kinky stuff included.
To me, romantic can mean lots of different things. Romantic is in the eye of the beholder. The most romantic thing anyone could do for me would be to go out each morning and start my car so it would be warm and the windows clear when it was time for me to leave. Nothing to buy, just a gesture to show care and concern.
lark sparrow
Literotica Guru
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Depending on how you define romance...
If it's from the heart it can be romantic.
That could include dominance, as well as mundane tasks.
If it's from the heart it can be romantic.
That could include dominance, as well as mundane tasks.
Ebonyfire
Ball Stretcher
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Re: Re: Re: Romance adds spice to D/S
Morninggirl, I am happy to see you posting again.
Now you are talking my language. I totally like your definition of romance. Nothing to buy, just a gesture to show care and concern. That is what I find is the sexiest kind of romance.
Eb
morninggirl5 said:
Morninggirl, I am happy to see you posting again.
Now you are talking my language. I totally like your definition of romance. Nothing to buy, just a gesture to show care and concern. That is what I find is the sexiest kind of romance.
Eb
