Internet Love

[slyc_willie]

I have a friend -- yes, a friend, this isn't about me -- who has been chatting with a woman he met on-line just about a year ago. They have been talking almost every single night ever since, both chatting on IM and on the phone.

He claims they have great sex together and she is everything he wants in a woman. She has sent him pictures, and he as well. He finds her physically attractive and intellectually stimulating.

Not long ago, he told me he wants to marry her, and she, him. Everything seems rosy. Just one problem:

They've never met!

My question: Assuming everything my friend and his lover have told each other is true, is it really possible to find real love on the Internet?

My friend and his online girlfriend claim to be devoted to one another, awaiting the day when they will be physically united. The only reason it has not happened is because they live far apart (in seperate countries) and she has some family issues.

Should I worry about him?

 

[Guest]

Don't worry about him. He's a grown man. He'll find his way.

I have made wonderful friends here. Some I talk with by phone, some I've met in person, others just on-line, but after a year (or more) of exchanging such messages, including pictures, surely your friend and his lady know something about each other.

Of course they must meet in person - but after that, who knows?

I used to believe that it was impossible to get to know someone on-line. But my views on that issue have changed.

We're planning this Lit-together in Chicago and I cannot wait to be able to put real people to the online folks I've grown to know and love.

 

[Aurora Black]

My question: Assuming everything my friend and his lover have told each other is true, is it really possible to find real love on the Internet?

My friend and his online girlfriend claim to be devoted to one another, awaiting the day when they will be physically united. The only reason it has not happened is because they live far apart (in seperate countries) and she has some family issues.

Should I worry about him?

Yes, it's possible. No, you shouldn't worry about him. It's his call.

 

[slyc_willie]

Don't worry about him. He's a grown man. He'll find his way.

I have made wonderful friends here. Some I talk with by phone, some I've met in person, others just on-line, but after a year (or more) of exchanging such messages, including pictures, surely your friend and his lady know something about each other.

Of course they must meet in person - but after that, who knows?

I used to believe that it was impossible to get to know someone on-line. But my views on that issue have changed.

We're planning this Lit-together in Chicago and I cannot wait to be able to put real people to the online folks I've grown to know and love.

You know, that's a very good point. I, too, am planning on attending in Chicago.

I suppose, in the venue wherein you HAVE to just talk (either through chat or on the phone), you learn more about a person than you might otherwise.

Still, I suppose I am just old-fashioned. I want to know who and what a person is, in their entirety. I want ti interact with them, in all ways, and not just through words.

I brought up this question for another reason, and that is because I find myself attracted to someone I met on-line. Maybe I just want to hear other people's perspectives regarding on-line relationships and what might become of them.

 

[starrkers]

I have real life friends who married after courting online for over a year. She was in the US, he in Australia. He sold a motorcycle to get airfare to propose face to face.
They've been married about 8 years now, she moved out here, all is great.
It can happen.

 

[pellso27]

I met my GF here on lit

and she is from another country she has been here with me since feb. no problems at all. I would be worried about global warming or something else if I were you.

 

[Guest]

You know, that's a very good point. I, too, am planning on attending in Chicago.

I suppose, in the venue wherein you HAVE to just talk (either through chat or on the phone), you learn more about a person than you might otherwise.

Still, I suppose I am just old-fashioned. I want to know who and what a person is, in their entirety. I want ti interact with them, in all ways, and not just through words.

I brought up this question for another reason, and that is because I find myself attracted to someone I met on-line. Maybe I just want to hear other people's perspectives regarding on-line relationships and what might become of them.

I need to get my ass in gear about Chicago plans, too.

You've been around here long enough to know of the serious relationships that started in the AH - those that have resulted in marriages.

It works. It's real.

You should pursue the object of your desire. You never know.

 

[Toa_lin]

one of my closest friends met his girl on-line.... they staye together like tht for FOUD YEARS before he could afford to move all teh way to Australia from England to be wiht her... that was 3 years ago, they're still married and have two kids, talk abotu making a family fast

 

[slyc_willie]

I have to admit I have been surprised by these replies . . . but also warmed.

I may be a little too traditional at times, I know, and with the world moving the way it is, the idea of falling in love over the Internet shouldn't be ruled out.

I am always open to knew things. But some ideas take a little getting used to. Maybe I need a little more time.

As regards my own 'possible' romance, we've talked about it and decided to leave it up in the air for the moment. if it happens, it happens. if it doesn't, we'll still be friends.

Either way, I've found a friend, and that is what's truly important, right?

 

[Guest]

I have to admit I have been surprised by these replies . . . but also warmed.

I may be a little too traditional at times, I know, and with the world moving the way it is, the idea of falling in love over the Internet shouldn't be ruled out.

I am always open to knew things. But some ideas take a little getting used to. Maybe I need a little more time.

As regards my own 'possible' romance, we've talked about it and decided to leave it up in the air for the moment. if it happens, it happens. if it doesn't, we'll still be friends.

Either way, I've found a friend, and that is what's truly important, right?

Indeed.

 

[slyc_willie]

So let me ask:

How DO you get to know someone better over the Internet? It seems that more than a 'normal' amount of trust is assumed. You would have to take whatever they say at face value until you have reason to think otherwise.

But at what point does trust become compromised by natural suspicion? And how do you overcome that?

 

[Guest]

So let me ask:

How DO you get to know someone better over the Internet? It seems that more than a 'normal' amount of trust is assumed. You would have to take whatever they say at face value until you have reason to think otherwise.

But at what point does trust become compromised by natural suspicion? And how do you overcome that?

It takes time.

We started with phone calls. It's more intimate than the general anonymity the internet provides.

Then to pictures. Honest pictures.

Then a face to face meet in a public place. I was nervous as a cat.

I have new friends and my life is richer for the experience.

 

[slyc_willie]

It takes time.

We started with phone calls. It's more intimate than the general anonymity the internet provides.

Then to pictures. Honest pictures.

Then a face to face meet in a public place. I was nervous as a cat.

I have new friends and my life is richer for the experience.

Sounds nice, Sarahh

Me, I'm a little cagey. This whole concept is new to me.

My friend said he was the same way. But then they started chatting after meeting in a chatroom. After that, he said he couldn't think of going a day without talking to her.

Now, they're practically engaged.

I'm not downplaying it, or making light of their relationship. And, faced with the possibility of meeting someone who has thus far excited and intrigued me in several ways, I am beginning to wonder if I would go as far as my friend.

It's a strange, but also exciting, idea.

 

[Joe Wordsworth]

True stories...

My best buddy met his wife online in a multiplayer online game in the late nineties. After dating long distance and online for about two years, she came to Mississippi, where they continued and got engaged. They've been married about a year and a half, now. Best couple ever.

Dozens of friends of mine have also met people online and horribly, horribly failed at those relationships due to a seemingly overwhelming habit of people online to delude themselves into thinking that all it takes is niceness and warmth and platonic attraction. Relationships are much more involved.

Success ratio in my world = 1 in 20 online vs. probably four times the odds in real life.

 

[Guest]

Sounds nice, Sarahh

Me, I'm a little cagey. This whole concept is new to me.

My friend said he was the same way. But then they started chatting after meeting in a chatroom. After that, he said he couldn't think of going a day without talking to her.

Now, they're practically engaged.

I'm not downplaying it, or making light of their relationship. And, faced with the possibility of meeting someone who has thus far excited and intrigued me in several ways, I am beginning to wonder if I would go as far as my friend.

It's a strange, but also exciting, idea.

It is all of that, yes.

And you are correct in not dismissing it as trivial. It's much more.

And it's certainly worthy of pursuing, at least at your own comfort level.

 

[slyc_willie]

Hmm . . .

Two sides of one coin.

The attraction of Internet dating seems to be that, if both parties are honest, you learn more than you otherwise would.

But if either is just spinning a yarn, then you're setting yourself up for disaster.

Hard to tell the difference . . . .

 

[cloudy]

I met my SO online.

5 - 6 years later, we've lived together for some time, and are planning on getting married next year.

It can happen.

 

[slyc_willie]

I met my SO online.

5 - 6 years later, we've lived together for some time, and are planning on getting married next year.

It can happen.

Congrats, Cloudy

 

[cloudy]

Congrats, Cloudy

Thanks.

I think that in some ways, you really get to know each other very well because you're writing to each other constantly, much like people used to do in the days before telephones and easy travel.

Of course, the caveat is that both have to be honest.

 

[slyc_willie]

And that's the kicker.

I really don't think the woman I have been chatting with has lied to me in any way. Nor have I to her. I just wonder as to the degree of 'connection.'

At this point, we are only friends, and I really like talking to her. But the hint remains of something more possibly developing.

Since the passing of my wife four years ago, I have had two lovers. One was a good friend of both I and my wife, and it was a one-night stand.

The other was much more recent, with a young woman I work with -- who is married -- and we have since cut it off after only a few weeks.

I feel I am finally ready to have a meaningful relationship again. But I am not sure of how to go about it. The last time I had a real date was when Clinton was President.

Now, I meet someone out of the blue, and while I have her picture, I have never seen her. I like her; she's witty, funny, and shares many of my tastes.

But like my friend and his future fiance, we live far apart from one another.

Am I reading too much into this? just because I am attracted to someone, does that mean something 'meaningful' is going to happen?

 

[cloudy]

Am I reading too much into this? just because I am attracted to someone, does that mean something 'meaningful' is going to happen?

It's always possible....just leave yourself open to it.

When K and I "met," he lived in Ontario, and I lived in Alabama...can't get much further away than that.

 

[slyc_willie]

It's always possible....just leave yourself open to it.

When K and I "met," he lived in Ontario, and I lived in Alabama...can't get much further away than that.

Hmm, well, I won't give anything away . . . moving is not a problem for me, if something does happen. I've always had a vagabond soul.

Lol, I started this thread as a means of understanding what my friend was thinking and why he would be so willing to share his life with a woman he met online . . . now I am wondering if I could do the same.

 

[matriarch]

Minsue and I met on line 3 years ago, here in the AH. We were no more than friends. Last summer we met in person for the first time at Lucky and Vella's commitment ceremony in Provincetown. It was zap, pow, wow for both of us. We began an on line courtship (lovely, old fashioned word), and it didn't take long -a couple of weeks - for the two of us to realise we'd fallen in love. We talked every day, twice a day, went back to P-town for a week together, where I asked her to marry me. She said yes, we bought rings, spent the week in bliss....returned reluctantly to our separate homes - her in Arizona, me in UK- and eventually in October, I gave up my job and flew out to Az to be with her. We have been together every day since, back and forth between the two countries, finally coming to the UK for good in August, and married here in UK in September - in front of Min's parents, my sons, Lucky & Vella, Becca, Scheh and a host of other friends.

Yes, love is possible on the internet - even our solicitor who drew up our wills had met his gf on the internet.

Lucky & Vella met here in the AH and fell in love. They now live together with their two families, in Texas.

I personally know a least two other gay couples,both inAmerica, who met through the internet - oneof them has been together for 19 years, the other have been together for 6 years, and got married this year also.

All things are possible, just keep an open mind, and love in your heart.

And as a footnote, I will add, that love of all kinds is available here. I have met some of my dearest and closest friends here in the AH, most of whom live on the other side of the world, but it matters not one jot where they are, because I know their hearts are with me, I know how much they care about me and for me, and I them.

 

[elsol]

Is Love Real?

If it is, then no reason IL wouldn't be.

It's actually interesting the last crush I had came through the Internet... the woman was behind my defenses before I realized what had happened.

I was SOOOO glad she dropped it

 

[slyc_willie]

Minsue and I met on line 3 years ago, here in the AH. We were no more than friends. Last summer we met in person for the first time at Lucky and Vella's commitment ceremony in Provincetown. It was zap, pow, wow for both of us. We began an on line courtship (lovely, old fashioned word), and it didn't take long -a couple of weeks - for the two of us to realise we'd fallen in love. We talked every day, twice a day, went back to P-town for a week together, where I asked her to marry me. She said yes, we bought rings, spent the week in bliss....returned reluctantly to our separate homes - her in Arizona, me in UK- and eventually in October, I gave up my job and flew out to Az to be with her. We have been together every day since, back and forth between the two countries, finally coming to the UK for good in August, and married here in UK in September - in front of Min's parents, my sons, Lucky & Vella, Becca, Scheh and a host of other friends.

Yes, love is possible on the internet - even our solicitor who drew up our wills had met his gf on the internet.

Lucky & Vella met here in the AH and fell in love. They now live together with their two families, in Texas.

I personally know a least two other gay couples,both inAmerica, who met through the internet - oneof them has been together for 19 years, the other have been together for 6 years, and got married this year also.

All things are possible, just keep an open mind, and love in your heart.

And as a footnote, I will add, that love of all kinds is available here. I have met some of my dearest and closest friends here in the AH, most of whom live on the other side of the world, but it matters not one jot where they are, because I know their hearts are with me, I know how much they care about me and for me, and I them.

Encouraging words, Matriarch. Thanks.