Internet Dating

[Felix_Jones]

I'm trying out (again) a couple of internet dating sites. Both are free, my luck has been nil, but I imagine you have to give it a bit of time. Have you tried it? For me it seems easier to break the ice, but just on the surface. I've found it just as difficult as the traditional methods. How about you? Is there anything that you do while trying to get dates online that has worked for you?

 

[infinity706]

Honestly, I do it just like I do in person.

 

[hailsmoochy2007]

Be honest about yourself and you'll be happier with the results it gets you. I don't know what else to suggest.

 

[BertrandRussell]

Back when I was using onling dating, one of the most common complaints that I heard was that too many people sent generic greetings that gave no indication that they had read the recipient's profile.
People like to have their efforts recognized. They like to think that their profiles are unique - even if they aren't.
When you reply to a profile, write it such that if a third party were shown your reply and ten profiles, he could match the reply to the correct profile.

 

[NightL]

Just remember that as much as you think you may get to know someone online... it all starts again when you meet them face to face... there is a lot more to communication than typing on a keyboard.

I've tried it... wouldn't do it again... If I was looking for a partner again I'd rather push myself out into social circles and talk to people face to face. That way you may benefit from gaining friends as well.

 

[CabbageRose]

Online dating sites are a waste of time. Find people in your community. Ask that cute girl at 7-11, or the checker at your grocery store for a date. Or a college friend. Or a friend of a friend!

Don't hide behind your computer, get out and meet people in the real world!

Good luck!

 

[BertrandRussell]

Online dating sites are a waste of time...

I met my wife online. We will have our 4th aniversary in a few months. YMMV.

 

[CWatson]

I'm with the being-honest-about-yourself thing. And that really means "be honest". That's even down to how you write your self-description. I brought in a friend to look at mine at one point, and she gave me all sorts of pointers about, oh, I shouldn't mention this thing, or, I shouldn't phrase things that way, or whatever. The resulting profile got absolulely no attention, because it wasn't me; it was what somebody thought I should be. It was, basically, the sound of me trying to fake being somebody else. And that never works. Not even over the Internet.

I deleted the whole thing and started over. This time I allowed myself to snark, to be sarcastic, to make fun of myself, to use stupid jokes, to call myself "Sylvester". And guess what? It's working a lot better.

As to meeting people in the community, that's easy if you have enough confidence that you feel like you can charm anyone you meet. I don't feel that way, so the supermarket girl is right out, no matter how cute she is. Plus, my "community" is very limited in eligible women: most of the people I socialize with are either still in college (and thus at least five years younger than me), married with kids, or gay. As such, my choices are to either shake up my social life--which I don't want to do; I like it the way it is; not to mention that all my weeknights are already spent at work--or to use the Internet. I use the Internet. It's not perfect, but when compared to "nothing", it starts looking a little better.

 

[subwannabe]

I also met my wife online. I think it all comes down to a matter of luck, whatever method you choose. Two things good about online dating are:

1.You will probably meet more people

2. You can figure out who the losers are before you date them. A huge benefit.

Other than that it's just luck. You either get lucky with the 7/11 girl or you get lucky online or wherever.

 

[dollface007]

To echo what others have said above, I've found it much easier to meet people, but making a real connection with someone is far more difficult. Making a relationship happen is still going to involve the same luck, chemistry, timing, etc, etc, that it needs in "real world" dating, and sometimes that takes longer to figure out because you don't know the person before you date them and you don't have mutual friends who know them, etc.

I know a few people who went on one online date and ended up in a serious long term relationship with that person. We all know those situations happen and it makes things frustrating for the rest of us who don't get to have the man/woman of our dreams just fall in our laps.

This is how I have used online dating: when I've found my single life frustrating and stale, I go online, meet guys and go on dates. Then I'm a "person who goes on dates." I'm not the a sad, bored person sitting at home with no prospects. Sometimes that process becomes exhausting, for whatever reason, and I stop and just enjoy being by myself.

 

[cheekygirl75]

Not to hijack the thread, but I have a question for people who like online dating. Would you ever contact someone who doesn't live near you or respond if someone in another country contacted you? Could it be worth emailing with someone who lives far away, but who might be traveling to your area in a few months?

 

[CWatson]

I think that depends on you more than anything else.

Me, I'm the in-person type. I like sex and I'm physically affectionate, so going long periods of time without seeing a sig.other in person is a trial. (My ex-fiancée and I were essentially long-distance for the last four months of our courtship, so I'm not speaking from conjecture here.) So, for me, the answer is, No, I would not be interested in someone who was going to spend long amounts of time in a distant physical location. (I've even been leery about contacting someone in Sacramento, a mere 2 hours' drive from the San Jose area where I live.)

But I'm not you.

 

[dollface007]

Not to hijack the thread, but I have a question for people who like online dating. Would you ever contact someone who doesn't live near you or respond if someone in another country contacted you? Could it be worth emailing with someone who lives far away, but who might be traveling to your area in a few months?

Definitely not. I'm doing it to meet people close to me who just aren't in my social circle. I've done the long distance thing before (tho I did not meet the person through internet dating), and I found it really painful and difficult.

 

[subwannabe]

Actually I met my wife through online dating and we both lived on opposite sides of the country. We dated for a few years after which we wound up together in the same place and married. I admit though that it is a long shot. Probably 90% of the time such a relationship would not work out but it did for us.

 

[CabbageRose]

I regret that my reply may have been a bit too simplistic. I know many couples that met on the Internet, but they are a minority when it comes to long-term relationships.

(Congratulations, Bertrand!)

Be aware that there are many online that pretend to be something that they're not. They know how to build your confidence, so be careful. Feeling 'chemistry' online can be deceptive if you're being fed what you hope to hear. I'm not saying that everyone online has an agenda, but many do. They'll take what they can get and move on, your welfare or feelings are not their concern.

Don't allow being shy or non-assertive to confine your dating pool to the Internet, you can learn to converse with people in real life. Push yourself to talk to others. It doesn't have to be about dating- say hello to strangers on the street. Get comfortable with it. Smile when you speak to others. Flirt gently, and expect nothing in return. Challenge yourself to learn the art of conversing with others on a personal level.

Relationships involve speaking face-to-face for a long time, possibly a lifetime. You won't have the option of hiding behind the computer monitor when you meet in person. You have to be able to converse, comfortably on a daily basis to sustain any relationship.

Good luck
Rose

 

[subwannabe]

As I said before, I met my wife online though internet dating. It worked out for us but I wholehearedly agree with the previous post. You shouldn't put all of your eggs in one basket. You should find ways to date by several methods and not just rely on one. A huge advantage to internet dating is that you can weed out the real losers ahead of time without ever having to go out on a date. Hopefully you can read between the lines and figure out if someone is feeding you information you hope to hear but you do have to be careful. Another thing I found out on internet dating is that these people can really be fickle. You might have many things you have in common and be getting along great and then they find out that your favorite color is blue and wham, they disappear forever, never to be heard from again. That happened to me a few times but if they are that fickle then you don't want them anyway.

 

[bigcfrombigd]

I met my wife on a phone chats line 18 yrs ago. At that time there was no Internet chat cam rooms, you had to take your chance on what your date looked like, which could be way off thier description. I had many dates, good, bad , so-so with all races and nationalities until I settled on my sweetheart. Now she has died on Oct 17, 2009 and I am again on the chat rooms, cruising. I have had about 40% luck in my encounters in the last few months, but am getting my (feet ) wet again. I must say that the new chat rooms with camera do facilitate the dating, you can at least choose your date by looks and chat on-line in person. I often get a persons e-mail address and go to google e-mail account where you can chat in real time on full screem with sound. Almost like being there! good luck from male 50 in Dallas TX.

 

[human_male]

I'm with the being-honest-about-yourself thing. And that really means "be honest". That's even down to how you write your self-description. I brought in a friend to look at mine at one point, and she gave me all sorts of pointers about, oh, I shouldn't mention this thing, or, I shouldn't phrase things that way, or whatever. The resulting profile got absolulely no attention, because it wasn't me; it was what somebody thought I should be. It was, basically, the sound of me trying to fake being somebody else. And that never works. Not even over the Internet.

You've inspired me. Shit, you should see the "I'm a positive and busy person" garbage that I wrote. I'm rewriting it and just being myself. "I masturbate constantly and I'm really into Star Trek."

No but seriously. I should try just being myself. I did the same thing and asked a woman to edit mine, and she did the same thing, "cut that out, reword that, needs to be more possitive", and it's got me nowhere.

And a photo where I don't look like a serial killer might help too.

 

[subwannabe]

I went out on a blind date once with a girl from the internet. I love Star Trek too but we never discussed that. We met for lunch at Applebbes and in the bar there was a Star Trek episode on the TV. I don't think we'd even been there five minutes yet when she blurted out, "I hate Star Trek!". From there it went downhill fast.

 

[squarejohn]

I'm trying out (again) a couple of internet dating sites. Both are free, my luck has been nil, but I imagine you have to give it a bit of time. Have you tried it? For me it seems easier to break the ice, but just on the surface. I've found it just as difficult as the traditional methods. How about you? Is there anything that you do while trying to get dates online that has worked for you?

I have always wondered about those dating sites. They claim there are hundreds if not thousands of potential dates in your area. How did these sites get started when they had zero subscribers?

 

[Felix_Jones]

Thanks!

Hey, thanks to all for all the great contributions. There's loads of sound advice in there.

 

[Primalex]

I have had about 40% luck in my encounters in the last few months, but am getting my (feet ) wet again.

This is 0% luck then.

 

[Primalex]

I've found it just as difficult as the traditional methods.

It is.

a) Offline search you have fewer choices but much more promising ones.
b) Online search you have a lot of choices but much more crap.

And online you tend to filter on things that really don't have any real importance, just because you need a filter to wade through all the possibilities.

I know, if my wife would have made an online profile, I would have never talked to her. Even if I had, it wouldn't have lasted online - we have a completely different sense of humor. A total showstopper in an online relationship. But we met in real life...and it took us several dates to figure this out and then...it was not of importance, we made fun of the fact that we couldn't laugh about each others humor. Now, 7 years later, we adapted anyway

 

[kittykatbc]

I met my husband online. We both had signed up for looking of sex and not a relationship but from our first date we were together. My girlfriend and I would sit around and complain about the lack of men. I chose to take a year and put myself out there before I gave up on dating and it worked out really well for me.

I think that online dating can work but as with all dating you need to be open to who you might meet. Get rid of the list of what you think you want from a relationship but open your mind and heart to meeting people because you never know who might come in your life!

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

To me, there's internet dating, and then there's online relationships.

Chatting for months and years is an online relationship. Seeing a profile, exchanging a few messages, agreeing to meet for dinner is internet dating.

It's just like going out with that cute girl/guy you met in the cereal aisle at the supermarket, only you saw them on a website first.