Internet Dating Weirdness

[sebastianv]

Hi Guys,

I'm Sebastian. I used to post on here a while ago for advice and always got really good feedback and advice. I lost my old handle so having to start out...

Here is an interesting one, not so much a how to but definitely in need of advice.

So I am recently single. My 5 year relationship ended earlier this year and I am now getting the courage together to get back out there which is easier said than done having had all my plans screwed up.

Since I broke up with my partner I have been flirting on facebook with this girl that I met once at a party. Nothing much, just comments and pokes and the like. Just a nice, friendly thing that has kept my hopes up in dark times. Its been going on for 8 months.

So today I registered with a well known dating site, spent half a day uploading all my details then ran their scan for suitable matches. Having done this, I then browsed the first 100 matches. In the first 10 a face popped up that I recognised and it was this girl i have been flirting with. Pretty weird eh? On a database of thousands I am apparently 80% compatible with the only person I have flirted with since being single that I already know! Is it a small world or is this fate? I mean we don't even live in the same place to it wasn't just a glitch on the search...

Now the question is, do I message her to let her know I saw her on this site? On the one hand it could be a great way to take the flirting to the next level. On the other hand she might get freaked out and think I am stalking her or something and thus ends all the nice flirting!? It also sort of put me off putting a picture up as I don't want to be recognised by people that know me!

What do you reckon?

Seb
x

 

[NomadLady]

Hi Guys,

I'm Sebastian. I used to post on here a while ago for advice and always got really good feedback and advice. I lost my old handle so having to start out...

Here is an interesting one, not so much a how to but definitely in need of advice.

So I am recently single. My 5 year relationship ended earlier this year and I am now getting the courage together to get back out there which is easier said than done having had all my plans screwed up.

Since I broke up with my partner I have been flirting on facebook with this girl that I met once at a party. Nothing much, just comments and pokes and the like. Just a nice, friendly thing that has kept my hopes up in dark times. Its been going on for 8 months.

So today I registered with a well known dating site, spent half a day uploading all my details then ran their scan for suitable matches. Having done this, I then browsed the first 100 matches. In the first 10 a face popped up that I recognised and it was this girl i have been flirting with. Pretty weird eh? On a database of thousands I am apparently 80% compatible with the only person I have flirted with since being single that I already know! Is it a small world or is this fate? I mean we don't even live in the same place to it wasn't just a glitch on the search...

Now the question is, do I message her to let her know I saw her on this site? On the one hand it could be a great way to take the flirting to the next level. On the other hand she might get freaked out and think I am stalking her or something and thus ends all the nice flirting!? It also sort of put me off putting a picture up as I don't want to be recognised by people that know me!

What do you reckon?

Seb
x

If you didn't put a picture up then she won't see that it's "YOU" that she is also matched with I assume? Did the sight say when the last time she visited was...(some of them do). She might not go there often so your best bet would be to turn up the flirting on facebook and ask her out for coffee or a real dinner date.

 

[sebastianv]

If you didn't put a picture up then she won't see that it's "YOU" that she is also matched with I assume? Did the sight say when the last time she visited was...(some of them do). She might not go there often so your best bet would be to turn up the flirting on facebook and ask her out for coffee or a real dinner date.

Hmm. Thanks for your thoughts.

No she hasn't seen that is me. My profile is vague enough. However, what if I turn up the flirting on Facebook and she shoots me down? I think the chances of her shooting me down if I mention the fact this singles site matched us together are less if she finds it funny. Do you see what i mean?

The risk is if she is embarrased about the singles site...

What do you think?

 

[The Gimp]

If she's posted a profile on a singles site then there's virtually no chance that she would be embarrassed by having someone mention that they saw her profile. The only thing that I would see making the situation awkward is the fact that you mention having seen her, and when she looks at your profile there is not picture. That makes you look insecure.

I've done my fair share of internet dating, and can say without a doubt that you need to post a picture if you want to get a date. The common perception is that whoever doesn't post a picture has something to hide. You could always use a shot that is far enough away that your facial features are not plainly visible.

Turn up the flirting. Maybe she shoots you down, and maybe she flirts back. If she doesn't shoot you down then someone else probably will, so be prepared. That's just the nature of the beast.

 

[guy4u112]

From experience, girls in general are not very warm to the idea of meeting on a dating site. Yes, even if they are registered. I would send a private message thought facebook. If she asks what you've been waiting for (8 months) just tell her you were not ready.

Maybe she will turn ou down, maybe not, you gotta ask if you want to know.

 

[sebastianv]

cheers guys. all good advice!

 

[davion2308]

Let her know

Let her know right out the gate. Be upfront about it and be honest and say, "Hey, this is what happened." In fact, tell her exactly what you told us, beginning to end. That way, it'll seem less weird or creepy if she knows exactly what you know.

A good relationships is founded on trust and honesty. This is a great way to start the right way.

Good luck!

 

[snarkysmurf]

IMO you want to keep a relationship honest. However, you don't need to reveal everything up front. Since she's on a dating site, she's obviously interested in something with somebody. If I were in your position, I would go ahead and rachet up the flirting but move it to irl. Why? Because facebook flirting tends to stay in facebook. I mean that if it goes too far it's hard to transition into reality. So.... to sum up, ask her out for coffee or caramels or whatever it is that you like for a first date. After a couple of dates you can tell her about the dating sight. Just my opinion.

 

[tinawill77]

Since you have already been flirting with her for 8 months, I think you should skip the coffee thing and ask her out on a dinner date so she clearly knows it's a date and not just friends getting together.

I also think you should skip mentioning that you saw her on the dating site and she was a match. That does seem a little creepy even if it was unintentional.

 

[qrayze]

Since you have already been flirting with her for 8 months, I think you should skip the coffee thing and ask her out on a dinner date so she clearly knows it's a date and not just friends getting together.

I also think you should skip mentioning that you saw her on the dating site and she was a match. That does seem a little creepy even if it was unintentional.

yeah, it would be a good story to tell her for a one-year anniversary...not a first date.

 

[BertrandRussell]

Let her know right out the gate. Be upfront about it and be honest and say, "Hey, this is what happened." In fact, tell her exactly what you told us, beginning to end. That way, it'll seem less weird or creepy if she knows exactly what you know.

A good relationships is founded on trust and honesty. This is a great way to start the right way.
....

I couldn't have said it better.

 

[fuckmeat]

yeah, it would be a good story to tell her for a one-year anniversary...not a first date.

I agree with this.

On the one hand, she hasn't told you she's registered on this dating site so she can't very easily accuse you of cyber-stalking. On the other hand, to point it out would sound creepy and/or cheesy, there's just no suave way to do it. "Hey, I see you're as desperate for love as I am... howaboutit?"

No.

A thousand times no.

You've been chatting to her for a while now, just ask her out for a coffee or drink. A meal might be a bit daunting but a drink should be fine.

I bet she's waiting for you to. You know she's single and looking so... you're in an enviable position in that respect.

 

[dollface007]

I wouldn't have the violent reaction to the dating site info that some of you would apparently have. I guess maybe some of you have never done internet dating? I don't know, I live in a big city and just about everyone in my social circle (ages 25-35) is currently internet dating or has done it in the past. We all talk about it pretty openly. I've "run in" to someone on a dating site that I met once at a party. He emailed me and it was like, "Hey! Small world!" I wasn't interested, and he didn't ask me out, but I didn't find it creepy at all.

I personally think it would be a perfect way to set up a first date. "So, this is funny: I just set up my profile and your profile popped up as a good match. What are the odds? Would you be interested in going out?"

Actually, my question is, why haven't you already asked this girl out if you are ready to date and you've had an ongoing flirtation? Would you ask her out if this website hadn't put the idea in your head?

Also, yes, you must put up a photo (preferably several) if you want people to date you.

Best of luck!

 

[Adrraiya]

Hi Guys,

I'm Sebastian. I used to post on here a while ago for advice and always got really good feedback and advice. I lost my old handle so having to start out...

Here is an interesting one, not so much a how to but definitely in need of advice.

So I am recently single. My 5 year relationship ended earlier this year and I am now getting the courage together to get back out there which is easier said than done having had all my plans screwed up.

Since I broke up with my partner I have been flirting on facebook with this girl that I met once at a party. Nothing much, just comments and pokes and the like. Just a nice, friendly thing that has kept my hopes up in dark times. Its been going on for 8 months.

So today I registered with a well known dating site, spent half a day uploading all my details then ran their scan for suitable matches. Having done this, I then browsed the first 100 matches. In the first 10 a face popped up that I recognised and it was this girl i have been flirting with. Pretty weird eh? On a database of thousands I am apparently 80% compatible with the only person I have flirted with since being single that I already know! Is it a small world or is this fate? I mean we don't even live in the same place to it wasn't just a glitch on the search...

Now the question is, do I message her to let her know I saw her on this site? On the one hand it could be a great way to take the flirting to the next level. On the other hand she might get freaked out and think I am stalking her or something and thus ends all the nice flirting!? It also sort of put me off putting a picture up as I don't want to be recognised by people that know me!

What do you reckon?

Seb
x

Well.... at least you have the benefit of knowing that she is/was looking for someone to get involved with

I don't think you should hide it... you could use as a segway to further conversation... but why not tuck it into the back pocket for just a moment...

and simply ask her out... for the type of date where you can spend time talking & getting to know one another a bit... someone suggested dinner.. that is an excellent idea because it allows for plenty of time to talk

then while y'all are talking you can slip it into conversation by saying something like: The other day I registered on ______ (name of site) and after I got all the stuff together for my profile & ran a scan to see who my matches were... I was AMAZED & SURPRISED because you were in the list of matches at 80%.... and it seemed only logical to find out if you feel we might be compatible enough to give it a go

if she isn't interested, then she most likely will politely decline dinner (where she might not decline something more casual like a cup of coffee) and you won't even get as far as that conversation

Also.... on those dating sites... isn't it possible that she will receive something that says "New member is 80% match to you"... meaning that she will find out anyway & it will seem really strange that you didn't mention

To me... it will seem much more like stalking if you don't mention it & she sees it anyway... if it doesn't seem like stalking, then it will seem as proof that you are not interested

 

[sebastianv]

Ok so I told her! No reply yet.

I took all your advice on board but I thought if I could pitch it right, it might be the best way to sort of take things to the next level. Just sort of said in a nice way that I saw her, thought it was weird and pleasant that a machine was telling me i might like her because I already knew i did, then asked her out. lets hope she doesn't think i am creep-fest 2011!

The reason it took so long to actually get this far is that my break up with the ex has been far from smooth and only recently finished for good so i wasnt' in a position to take things further but sort of knew that at some point I might be single in the future so had one eye open to other possibilities...

I'll let you know what happens if anyone cares but I do appreciate all the advice!


Seb V
x

 

[Felix_Jones]

Be good-looking and clever. Mostly be good-looking though.
Barring those, be rich...otherwise, at least in North America, you'll have to resign yourself to ignoring her weight, mental health, or addicitions. Good luck!

 

[subwannabe]

You did need to be honest. You need to quit flirting and just ask her out. If she says no, she says no. When I was younger I could brag for years and years that no one had ever turned me down for a date. I would never ask anyone out on a date ever unless I absolutely knew 100% that they would say yes. I eliminated a whole lotta women this way, women who may have said yes If I hadn't been so persistant in trying to find out first if she would say yes or not before asking them. What I'm trying to say is that some are going to say yes and some are going to say no and you just need to learn how to deal with that. Some ugly women are going to turn you down while some pretty women are going to say yes and vice versa. That's just the way life is. There was this one girl I really liked a whole lot who might have said yes if I had just asked her but it took me over 5 years of wondering before I finally decided not to ask her. Just get it over with and live with the results. It's already been too long.