Intense drug eval?

[Hotred911]

Okay, here's a small bit of background...I have a younger brother in his teens that has been into drugs for the last 2 years at least, possibly more, we don't know. My parents are great, and have tried everything they can think of, but to no avail. So, after catching him stealing from my fathers safe (over $150.00, which he said was for lunch money and cds) they've decided to go another step. They go in this next Wednesday for an intense drug evaluation. I asked what all this entailed, but my mother wasn't sure. It's a local rehab center, that was recommended by my brothers school counselor, and they usually don't do in-house rehab with teens unless they've had previous rehab that failed. So my question to you all is this...any idea what the process is going to be?

I've recently gotten very worried about him when he quit coming home and my mom had to go find him, no calls to say he was late, nothing. My sister and I both weren't the best of teens, and I can see where this is heading for him, and it scares me! Is this going to help? Are they going to recommend my parents put him on some drug(not something I believe he needs?) They've tried counseling, didn't work.


edited to add: okay, maybe they haven't tried everything, but I know my mother has looking into camps/schools for him. I think that she's just afraid, which I can't blame her for. But I know that it is a possibility if this isn't going to work.

 

[ffemtp]

Well going into a rehab program can and does work. Only problem is the person need to "want" to go and get help. If it is forced on them they will tend to go back to the habbit that got them there to begin with.

I hope he will wake up and see he has his whole life ahead of him and by messing it up with drug is a long hard road.

 

[peachykeen]

no advice to offer but good luck to you and your family.

 

[angela146]

Does he agree that he has a drug problem?

Do you know what the underlying problem(s) is/are?

Have you talked to him directly or are you hearing this from your parents?

Does he have someone to talk to other than mom and dad? A lot of kids don't want to talk to mom or dad but they might be able to open up to an older sister or an aunt/uncle.

What kind of drugs? Stimulants? Narcotics? Halucinogens? (sp)

Some people take drugs in a "self medicating" kind of way to deal with an underlying problem that they don't know they have. For example, people with undiagnosed ADD can end up on cocaine. Bi-polar folks sometimes take stimulants (cocaine, amphetamine) and depressants (alchohol etc.) to deal with the mood swings.

 

[Hotred911]

Hmmm...where to start. I don't think he agrees that he has a problem, although this last week when they sat down to have a talk he got agressive with my mom(nothing extremely serious, he didn't hit her...lucky him), which made him cry. I'm not exactly sure what the problem(s) is/are, I'm not sure he knows either. One problem I know he's had since he first started school was that he has a hard time making and keeping friends. He has a beautiful and sweet girlfriend right now, but I know that she's a part of the problem, as she does drugs, and I suspect her mother does also.

My mom thinks he has ADD, but when she had him tested, they said he didn't. He's coming over tonight so that my mom can go out with some friends(my parents are divorced, but have a good relationship now), and she didn't want to leave him home alone considering the events of the past few weeks. Hopefully I'll be able to talk with him some without a parent around.

I'm not sure exactly what drugs he's using or has tried other than marijuana, but I think their are more.

About a year ago when this first became a bigger problem, my mom went with him every weekend to a local homeless shelter to help serve breakfast/lunch/dinner to the homeless. She had talked to him about where his actions in life would lead him if he didn't give it up(among other things he was also failing in school, still is) and thought that maybe a dose of reality would help wake him up. Unfortunately this failed to work.

My brother is such a smart kid, he knows his stuff, he just doesn't do it. He's an excellent artist, he's actually helping me with my tattoo design, because I'm such a terrible artist. This has gotten so hard for me, although we've never been really close, I love my brother to death and it hurts to see him doing this. I guess maybe because I know where it can lead, who ever said marijuana isn't addicting is wrong...I've been addicted. I overcame my addiction before it got to a breaking point, but it was close.

Thanks for your replies everyone, I appreciate it. It helps, even if it's just to say "good luck."



edited to add: I haven't talked to my brother about my previous addiction, only my husband knows about it since I was living in Florida at the time, and my family is here in Colorado. I'd prefer to keep it that way. My mom knows I was using(very unhappy), but not to the extent that I was. Although if it's the only way it's going to help him, I'll muster up the courage and do it.

 

[ffemtp]

maybe him hearing about your past troubles and in detail will help him.

That is a touchy issue for you i would think but if it helps him understand the road he is currently on you may have too.

good luck.

Remember if you try to help and he does not want help you can say you tried.

 

[Bobmi357]

OK, this is going to sound totally brutal, but its something that worked for one of my Dad's cousins and his kid who also had a drug problem.

As noted, the biggest problem is to get the kid to admit there is a problem at all, and from there, want to get help.

My father's cousin found one of his sons stealing money for drugs, then his Mom's jewlery. He tried the usual, talking to him, making him go to councilors, even called the cops on him a few times. Nothing seemed to work. So one day he took him to a local mortuary and told the undertaker to "fit" him for a coffin. He had apparently arranged for all this before hand. The undertake took a lot of measurements over the sons protests, when he got home he found his mom packing up all of his stuff in his room. She told him he wouldn't be needing it since he was so bent on killing himself. He slept that night on the floor with only a blanket. His whole family told him they weren't going to bother talking to him anymore since they didn't want to go through the grief of losing him, SO they were going to pretend he was already dead.

It was cruel, it was mean, it was brutal. It worked. Two days later he asked his parents for help.

He's cleaned up now, married with kids and a decent job. He also is a volunteer that runs around his country talking at local schools about what happens to addicts.

Sometimes love has got to be tough to survive.

 

[fsumusic1981]

If there are any other (former) addicts in the family, or friends of the family that he TRUSTS, that have been to NA meetings, they should offer to take him to an NA meeting. No strings attached. Just bring him so he can sit there and listen. If nothing else, he may need it down the road and he'll be able to go there when the time is right for him. If there are no addicts, an alcoholic could do the trick... but someone with a similar drug history will be able to relate to him better.

An addict has to want to get clean to get clean. It can't be forced on you.

Does he play music, paint, or enjoy any other kinds of expressive, creative art? Has he lost touch with it? Get him in touch with it again... it can be a very positive outlet for the inner destructiveness that leads one to addiction.

What about sports he once played?

If none of this is clicking with you, consider this: Don't pull any "tough-love" shit with him. It works with some people, but it can push him further away, and that is the last thing you want to do. Just have those close to him tell him how much you care about him and how much you would like to see him stop, before he gets arrested or worse. Let them know they are always there when he is ready to stop, that they can support him when the times get tough.

Seriously, NEVER CLOSE THE DOOR TO SOMEONE YOU LOVE. If doors hadn't been left open for me, I don't know if I would be here right now. For that reason, I could never advocate "tough love."

Sending him to a "camp" wouldn't be a bad idea, but he's gotta be able to get into it and want to stop. If he's broke down and cried, that is a good thing. It means he's still in there. Keep reaching out for him.

I've been where he is and I truly with you the best of luck.

-Peace

 

[zhukov1943]

Woah - watch out for the local "rehab" center - they most definitely have a profit motive, and sometimes will find a problem and suggest inpatient counseling when there really isn't a problem...

Here in up-state South Carolina there was a huge expose on a local teen treatment center that intentionally warped their diagnoses to keep the patients in longer. Amazingly, they all got better as soon as their insurance ran out!

It sounds like you've got real problems. I sympathise. But for his sake, make sure the treatment professionals really do have his best interests at heart...

 

[Mskey]

my brother was forced into a very good rehab center by the courts here in our home town. This center does great work and has an excellent track record with helping those who truly want it. My brother was brought in literally kicking and screaming, strung out of his tree on meth amphetemines. He rejected every measure taken to help him while he was there and the day his court ordered therapy was over he went out and stole my mothers credit and bank cards and got high again.
My point is that my brother didn't want any help. He didn't feel as if he needed any because he didn't acknowledge he had a problem. It was not until some years later when he truly wanted help that he was able to make any use out of rehab. Prior to that time all he was doing was serving his time to get our parents, the courts, teachers, whomever off his ass for a while.
Be prepared for your brother to do the same. Addicts learn very quickly that the promise of good behavior/rehab gets them some breathing room.

I don't advocate shutting the door on him if he refuses help, but I will tell you that you cannot allow him to monopolize your family with his behaviors. In our case we let my brother know that f and when he decided to get his shit together we would be behind him 100% but as long as he was going to continue using he was not welcome. Yes it was hard on my mother to turn out her 17 year old son, yes it was hard on me to not know if my brother was alive or dead for almost 2 years, and yes it's awful to be let down every time he promised he'd get help and it turned out to be a ploy to get money or a safe place to stay for a few days while he worked out a way to steal from my parents again. It hurt like hell and it was a tough time for my family but now we know that he's actually clean because it's something in his life HE wants.

I wish the best of luck for you and your family.

 

[Hotred911]

Thanks to those that replied since my last post here. Well, they had the evaluation, I'm not sure what all was done, my mom didn't really specify, I'm not even sure she was allowed in the room with him for it. Although I'm pretty sure they were.

They recommended just general therapy, but as my parents have tried this, they wanted to go a step further. So he will soon be starting what the center calls Intense Out Patient Therapy(IOPT). He has to go in three times per week for 2-3 hours each visit. They told my mom that her insurance may not pay for this, as the insurance company prefers to start at the bottom and work up. My parents are okay with this, even though it costs $85 per HOUR! I'm praying that her insurance will decide to pay for this.

Just the other day his girlfriend broke up with him because of the lack of time they get to spend together (he's not allowed over there, on the phone, or out of my moms' sight.) She told me he was pretty upset by it, so she's been keeping a close eye on him, and his girlfriend, well ex-gf as far as we know, has come over the past two nights to spend time with him.

Hopefully things will begin to look up soon, I don't know how much more my family can handle, but I'm sure we'll survive somehow.

 

[sinistergrin68]

I'm sorry to hear about the family troubles. My brother and I were heavily into drugs throughout our teens and early 20's. Pot, cocaine, PCP, acid, anything that didn't require a needle I did. I went through all of the evaluation and therapy crap...I went through all of the counseling. To be honest, none of it had an impact. That's not to say that it won't have a positive impact on your brother because everyone is different. For me, I just kind of gradually came out of it as I grew older. My parents laid a good foundation for me growing up. I went off the tracks for a while but eventually returned to the foundation that was already there. I think you just have to try and balance things with him. You need to try and encourage him without making him feel like a charity case. You need to give him freedom to do his own thing while trying to keep him safe and out of jail at the same time. It's a really tough line to walk. Today I am a 35 years old, happily married with 3 kids, very successful professionally, etc. (Perverted and addicted to sex maybe, but okay in every other way!) So there is certainly no reason to conclude that because he's headed in a bad direction now that things will turn out bad in the end. As I said, much of it has to do with the foundation that has already been laid in him...just try and keep him safe until he comes around. If it gets REALLY bad you may have to get him some in-patient help. What type of drugs is he taking?

 

[lovechild27]

He will quit when HE wants to quit...I hope you can all get through to him.

Id check out the program before running into it headfirst. Id look at their success rates, the type of therapy they are using, ect. $85 an hour, 2-3 hour sessions a few times a week is a LOT of money after a while and will go right down the drain if it is somethign he will be unresponsive to.

Bombis idea was a good one....even though it was a tad twisted. If it works...then why not?


I wish you all luck with this....I hope it works and he comes out ok.

 

[Hotred911]

Thanks for the replies. I'm not real sure how things are going, I try not to ask about it too much, as I'm sure my mom is having a hard time with it, and if she's enjoying her day I don't want to ruin it.

He was allowed to move back in with my mom, so there must be some progress. And she let him stay home alone last night when she came over to babysit for us, so that's another sign things are getting a bit better.

He has already had a run in with the police, he was ditching school with a friend, and being stupid went they went to a bagel shop near the school. Well someone from the shop called the school, said they were there and smelled of pot. By the time the two deans got there, my brother and his friend of course were gone, but they found them, and searched them. My brother only had paraphernalia, but had been smoking. Of course the cops came, but they said they'd let him go if he told who gave them the pot. So he got lucky.

I had thought of telling my mom about trying what Bobmi had said, but thought it might be a bit difficult to explain how I heard about it. But if things don't continue to get better, I'll suggest it to her. Heck, it might get her hooked on lit too...as long as she doesn't visit the ampics board I'll be fine.

Okay, enough of me babbling on. Thanks again everyone. You've helped me, if not my entire family. I'll keep you updated.