Inappropriate (but funny) things our kids say

[sophia jane]

Logo and I were talking about starting this thread last night but didn't do it. I need a chuckle or three this morning, so I thought I'd do it now.

What are some of the inappropriate (and very funny) things your kids have said?

One of our recent ones:
"Hello my brother from another mother" complete with funny voice.

My favorite:
last night Logo's 12 year old saying about her nine year old sister "she's got junk in her trunk."

So what are yours?

 

[logophile]

I loved yesterday's debate about correct terminology for exposing yourself.

"If you're showing your butt, that's mooning. So if you're showing your privates, is that sunning?"

 

[Vermilion]

I loved yesterday's debate about correct terminology for exposing yourself.

"If you're showing your butt, that's mooning. So if you're showing your privates, is that sunning?"

It is over here.

 

[Chantilyvamp]

Right after we started potty training the minx we had a late night call for the bathroom. We grabbed her and ran for the bathroom. Her father had no robe and she saw his bits. She asked 'whats that, daddy have tail on the front?' He now owns a robe and she still says he has a tail on the front

 

[christabelll]

My son when he was ready to try under pants, was scared to death of them.
After struggling most of the day he of his own accord put a pair on while playing with his leap pad - We praised him after he had made a point of showing us he had "done it".
A short time later - we were all watching TV, when I saw him struggling to put Another Pair of underpants on over the ones he was already wearing. I watched him with growing consternation as he carefully tugged them up, backwards, making sure the fly was covered and hidden from view.
I couldnt stand it another minute, I had to know why...
"***** why did you put another pair of underpants on?"
He looked down, then back up at me, "I fixed them."
"Fixed what *****?
"Mommy..."In a surprisingly long suffering tone of voice "They were broken! I fixed them" his little sweet face turning bright red with pride and embarrassment.
His father burst out laughing, and I struggled not to. But I couldnt help grinning like a mad fool. I tried to explain they werent broken, then turned to his dad "This is your job, you go and show him what that is all about."

A priceless moment I will Always remember

 

[impressive]

My favorite is the middle child referring to his genitals as his "public" area.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

I would direct you to Art Linklatter's book, Kids say the Darndest Things published back in the early 60's. He schtick was to ask the kids what their parents told them not the say on television.

Example:

Linklatter: What did you mother tell you not to say on television?
Kid: She said not to tell you I washed my feet in the toilet.

There are several hundred gems in that book.

 

[Emerald_Dragon]

My daughter took baths with both my husband and I as an infant. As she got older we phased that out. When she was about 2 1/2 she had to go to the bathroom and since we only had one she went in when her dad was in the tub. While sitting on the toilet she began to laugh at him. He asked her what she was laughing at and she said "I'm laughing at your piddle stick daddy!"

 

[NoJo]

My favorite is the middle child referring to his genitals as his "public" area.

Gotta watch that middle child...

 

[Stella_Omega]

Toddler visiting my house; "I want to pee!
Mother; "Well, go pee, then."
Toddler; "But the daddy man is peeing!"
Mother; "Wait till the daddy man is done, and then you can."
My husband exited the toilet, and the toddler marched on in...

My daughter, however was maliciously funny at six years of age.

"We had show and tell today," She announced. "I told them my mommy makes whips. I told them you make really pretty whips."

Her father and I stared at her in modified horror for a moment, and then she burst out; "Just kidding!" and laughed her head off.

Soon after this, she married my mink teddy bear to her own teddy (female, in case anyone was wondering), and told me that Beau had to live with her now. I never got him back...

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

My boys were talking about their "wee-wees" (yes, we know the fascination starts early). I don't remember how old they were, but I remember one of the twins saying "Daddy has a big wee-wee!" (He's really average, but I'm sure to a small child, it looked big, lol.)

 

[DesertPirate]

Thinking back to our first, long think (she will be 27 in 3 weeks)

Besides Mama, Dada, first word = no, second word = shit

Mother in law blushed for weeks wonder where she heard it

 

[LoquaciousLady]

My hubby wears boxers around the house quite often. One evening he was in a pair of Scooby Doo boxers I'd gotten him for some reason or another and the younger daughter, six at the time, says to him, "Daddy, Scooby's tongue is hanging out and I think he's sick." The fly had come unbuttoned and Daddy was exposing himself. To this day I wonder what the "I think he's sick" was about but knowing that kid's mind, I probably don't want to know.

More recently, the elder daughter, 10, got the pleasure of a small shopping spree following yet another growth spurt. She was modeling the new clothes for Daddy and came out in a pair of capris and a v-necked top. She spun twice and then commented, "It would look better if I had more boobs." While Daddy was trying to recover from this one she heads to the door to change and adds, "And a little more junk in my trunk."

And finally, yesterday we ran into my mother-in-law while out shopping. Both girls run up for hugs and grandma squeezes tight. The elder announces in a stage whisper in the middle of the produce section, "Not so tight, Bebe, you're cutting off the circulation to my boobs."

 

[Tarakin]

Written for school:
The farmer' wife sat at the river, milking the cow. It looked reversed in the water.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Written for school:
The farmer' wife sat at the river, milking the cow. It looked reversed in the water.

The cow was milking the farmer's wife?

 

[logophile]

The cow was milking the farmer's wife?

I'm pretty sure I've seen that movie...

 

[cloudy]

When my youngest was learning to talk we had just gotten a new puppy, and were trying to housebreak him and keep the chewing to a minimum.

Youngest's first "sentence" was, "No, no, bad dog." Within days, anyone that did anythinig he remotely didn't like was duly chastened with, "No, no, bad dog," including cashiers at stores, the woman who babysat him while I worked, etc.

 

[logophile]

After listening to our conversation about how we'll celebrate Sophie's graduation, the youngest (four years old) said sweetly, "Are we going to see strippers today?"