"In the Cold November Rain" by Jaded1

[tigerjen]

A good friend of mine, Jaded1, recently posted up his
very first story here on Literotica. I think for his first
effort at writing an erotic story, a job well done. If
you are into a sensual piece, this story is for you.
The ending is very unexpected..........

"In the Cold November Rain"
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=74610



tigerjen

 

[sueanninct]

Jaded - so glad to hear you posted a story. I read it, and absolutely loved it. I look forward to reading anything else you post!

 

[Jaded1]

Sueanninct

Why, Thank you very much I am glad to see that you enjoyed it. Story number two should be up soon. If you pm me your email address I will be only to happy to add you to my new story notification list. I will notify you when a new story is released and give you inside information pretaining to up and coming storys Mmmm, such as story number three

Jaded1, CT

Mmmm, for you

 

[sueanninct]

I sent you a PM. Can't wait!

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I'd respectfully suggest you get your next story proofread before you post it. There are a number of simple spell-check homonym errors ("threw" for "through"), omitted words, and incomplete sentences.
Here's an excerpt:
--------------------------------------
As the spaghetti sauce warmed the scent filled the room. He cut the loaf of Italian bread into pieces been placed it a basket and onto the table along with the butter. He the stirred the sauce enjoying that familiar smell of homemade sauce. He heard a knocking at the front door and went to answer it. There was Lynn holding two very large bottles of red wine. He jokingly asked if she was planning on getting him drunk! She quickly responded yes. He turned to put the two bottles of wine in the refrigerator. Lynn passed right by him on her way to the kitchen. She picked up the spoon and sampled the sauce commenting on how great it smelled. She seemed to like the rich texture as she helped herself to a second taste.
----------------------------------------------
Look at the second sentence. There's also a comma missing from the first sentence. The third sentence has "the" for "then". These kind of errors are silly. No reason for them

Now look at the sentence structures in the paragraph. Every single one is "Subject-verb-object". It makes the story read like a list of things people did: "He went here. She went there. He did this. He did that."
Also: why do avoid direct quotes? These people are talking to each other, why not let us in on it?
And "She seemed to like the rich texture..." Has anyone ever mentioned "rich texture" except in spaghetti sauce commercials?

---dr.M.