In need of some advice...

[ShyGoddess]

Okay, maybe some of you out there have some advice for this girl.

Here's the story:

Over a year ago, I met this guy in a chat room, and we have been talking ever since. I smile when I see that he's on, and he makes me like I've never felt before. We talk on the phone, and I found out how much I love him, and how much he loves me. No, we haven't met, and it's purely emotional. I don't even know what he looks like. So, here's where it gets a little confusing. How do I explain it to people? I love him so much, and I don't want people belittling what I feel.

My roommates say that I don't have to explain anything to anyone, and I know that, but it's still so complicated. What do I do?

 

[KillerMuffin]

Congratulations! It's always wonderful when people love each other.

Your roomies are right, you don't have to explain to anyone, except for maybe Mom when she asks you to bring your nice young man over for the Grilled Steaks and Grilling the future prosepective Son In Law.

When you do explain, be prepared to hear admonitions about serial killers, that guy in Kansas City, and be careful. Also the giggles and laughs because they don't understand how real this kind of love is.

But, don't explain. Just telling people you're in love with a wonderful guy and it's a long distance relationship should be enough. If they press, how'd you meet him, etc. Tell them you met him on the net. Why should they need to know more? The important people who are close to you probably already know.

 

[Roll-One]

What do I do?

Do whatever makes you happy, and don't worry about what others will think. when you tell them, if they can't handle your happiness, thats their problem....

just be careful...k

 

[Mackdaddy_74]

I agree with K.M. and R.O.
Don't worry,Be happy,and be careful.
I know you get tired of hearing that last part but I have to put it in.

 

[Nicole]

Well I agree with Muffin on that one.

You see I'm in the same boat (Umm Yep down to the whole Kansas City thing too as he lives there, but I don't think he has killed anyone yet ... JOKE, LOL), but as long as you know how you feel, it really has nothing to do with anyone else.

There are times when the non physical hurt but, if you feel the love that you say you have, then you can both work through that.

I would be lost without Havoc in my life now, and he does so much on his part to make me happy, just like in any relationship. If your happy then how does it matter who you love and how you do it?

Good Luck my friend

 

[Tamtam]

I know what you are going through. I know how hard it is to explain to people and the fear of their reaction. However I can tell you that it is well worth it. I am currently seeing a guy I met online. We have had a "real life" relationship for almost a year now and its going great. My best friend recently married a girl that he met online 3 years ago. People might laugh and make jokes but when they see that your love is pure and true they will get itIts your private life. There is no need to share details that you dont want to.
~tam~

 

[CreamyLady]

You've got mail, ShyGoddess.

 

[lala]

i agree for the most part, be vague if you don't want to worry about answers,

if you really want people to understand and accept it, that's a little different, be prepared for what you already know will come, and be firm.

if you get defensive you're dead in that conversation.

and always remember if you do get flustered that you're a grown-up and no, you don't have to listen to what other people say if you don't want to.

the thing is, if you find yourself wanting approval- everyone wants approval, but remember you don't need it,

and the right people do approve- yourself and your partner,... good luck!

 

[GuyJD]

FOLLOW YOUR HEART, SHY GODDESS.

If some guys could marry "catalog brides", why can't others (man or woman) find love online? Go for it, SG and be happy. At the same time, be careful. If possible, meet him for the 1st time in a public place where there are alot of people.

 

[Stormystarr]

what most people don't get is the fact that you fall in love with this person's mind, heart and soul before ever seeing them, and thats much more important than the physical thing at first. But in RL it's all usually based on physical attraction and can end up in the mud before you know what hit you. So I think you should just be happy with him and ignore the ignorant comments from ppl who don't know him. Maybe after they get to know him they'll love him just as much as you do, and then they'll realize that you were right in being with him.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Just tell us it aint shyguy!


No really there is no need to explain anything... though I know how strange it feels. Just don't explain anything to people who wont understand and it makes your life a lot easier.



Da chef

 

[ShyGoddess]

Thank you all for the advice. It really does help to know that there are people out there who are in my boat. I talked to him last night, and we discussed the whole explaining our relationship to others. I asked him how he explained it and he just said that he didn't. It's okay for people who don't know us, but what about the people who do? Like our parents and relatives? How do we explain something like this to parents who don't understand? I know my dad won't, he's still living in a different time.

Good Lord, I sound like a soap opera!

 

[CW]

Good Lord, I sound like a soap opera!

Not so much of a soap opera as you may think. Maybe just a RL person that has hopes and fears so deep and confusing that you have to talk about them or simply burst. Been there & done that.



You do not need to miniumnize the way that you feel,,, just be straight forward about it when explaining how you feel to others,,, you will find some folks that will label you as silly, and some that will understand completely. I am one of those that understands completely, even though I am a 47 y/o male.

Most nearly everyone will advise some caution though, as I do.

As I said, been there & done that.

Feel free to email me if you want the full story.

 

[Weird Harold]

How do we explain something like this to parents who don't understand? I know my dad won't, he's still living in a different time.

In an earlier age, back in the dark ages when your dad and I were young, there were "pen-pals." Like many young people of that long forgotten age, you have fallen in love with your "pen-pal".

The phenomenon of finding love with someone you've never physically met isn't new, just the technology is new.

I think your father will understand better than you might think. It won't really matter to him how or where you met your love, he's still going to be convinced that his "baby girl" can't possibly find anyone good enough for her.

 

[Guest]

My roommates say that I don't have to explain anything to anyone, and I know that, but it's still so complicated. What do I do?

'Nuff said girl! You don't have to "explain" yourself to anyone! Love is love. You can't help who you fall in love with, and there's NOTHING wrong with falling in love w/ someone online!

~Tiggs~
http://smilecwm.tripod.com/sd3/lise.gif

 

[Whispersecret]

The dissenting opinion

I don't think there is anything wrong with falling in love online. I believe that you and he are truly in love. But, I advise you not to make any rash decisions.

I have been in your boat. A few years ago I was convinced that my marriage was a shithole that I should have gotten out of a long time ago. I met someone online and fell in love. He made me feel like I was the most important person in the world (something new to me). We talked on the phone. We talked online almost everyday. I met this man and had an affair, and the sex was beyond anything I could ever have imagined. It was like they write about in books, and I'd always thought that stuff was bunk. I thought this man was my soulmate and that if we could figure out the details (I had kids, he was married too.) we could live happily ever after.

Well, in the course of the two weekends (spread over two years) I spent with him, I soon learned that there was quite a bit about him that didn't come across online or on the phone. Things came up in the course of those days that could never have come up unless we were face to face. Our views on spending money clashed completely, and believe it or not, that can be a deal breaker issue in a long term committed relationship. He had mannerisms that ended up bugging the shit out of me after only four days. His arrogance, which was only slightly apparent online/on the phone, became in-your-face when I was with him.

My point is, don't quit your job, decide to get married, move, sell your house, or make any other "permanent" big decisions until you spend a decent amount of time with this man in person. Being supportive and loving, etc. online is a CINCH. When people tell me I'm such a good friend to them (online) I never take it as too much of a compliment, because all it takes is words, and even if there is genuine feeling behind those words, words are relatively cheap. The actions of the person will always be much more meaningful.

Being there for someone all the time and not being able to log off is much more of a challenge. On the computer and on the phone, you don't have the everyday problems (rent, car trouble, money problems, moodiness, or whatever) to deal with.

Just be careful. Don't make any rash decisions based on what you feel without spending time with him in person. I'm only telling you this because I wouldn't want you to make a mistake, while blinded by your very real love. Best of luck.

 

[ShyGoddess]

You have all made this a lot easier. It helps a lot to know that there are people out there in the same position. I am taking it all to heart. I'll let you all know how it works out. He might be coming for a visit in December.