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In Love

Jada59

Jada59

Literotica Guru
Joined
Dec 28, 2017
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This came up in an earlier conversation with someone. I know what I think love is but I don't know what it means to be "in" love.

First let me state what I think love is. It's selfless and unconditional. If I love someone, I want what is in their highest and best good. I want them to be happy, even if that means being with someone other than me. I can also love someone and I don't expect them to love me back, although it's a very nice thing if they do.

Yes, I was married. I suppose that I told him that I loved him a time or two. Was it sincere? Yes from the standpoint of love as I described above. But was I in love with him? No.

There was lust involved before we were married. That all came to a screeching halt on our honeymoon where I was treated to hours of him watching reruns of the Simpsons, followed by him playing poker and telling me to go away because I was spoiling his luck. Bottom line, that marriage was a mistake and he admitted that he never loved me. He mainly just wanted a person to cook and clean and do whatever he said. Well, he did get a cook. He was just lucky that I love to cook. Other than that, pretty much a mistake although we did get a great daughter out of it so there's that.

But here's what I don't know and can't understand. What does it mean to *be* in love? I know there isn't any one answer. What do you think it means?

Thanks!
 
To be in love, for me, means to carry that person in my mind constantly. The hours until I see him (for me, it is always a man) again pass unbearably slowly, and the anticipation builds exponentially. When I am with him, the world closes up around us and we are all that matters.

When I am in love, I'm inspired to be a better person in every way. I want to read what he's interested in, learn about what excites him, find out all I can about him. Even if he's not going to be with me, I dress nicer, exercise more, find new energy in hobbies and in all areas of my life. Every song on the radio is about him. I dream of him, awake or asleep. I sleep less, bounce back from upsets faster, and enjoy the taste of food more.

Being in love means, for me, that I feel a deep, consuming interest in that person and want them to reciprocate that feeling. I find beauty and charm in them that others might miss. The desire I feel may not entirely be sexual, especially at first, but the sexual is greatly potentiated when it happens.

I love the feeling of being in love. I understand the idea of being addicted to love.

Sometimes I think it is more a construct in my mind than a true feeling of concern about the other person. I can sometimes pinpoint when it is starting... like the slight tickle in the throat before I get a cold, I realize I am starting to fall in love. I may not even really know them at all.

Perhaps much of this is really merely "infatuation" or a "crush". Or maybe I am just describing limerence, or evidence of a mental instability, a tendency to obsession. These feelings for an individual don't generally last that long; it's rare that they last more than a year or two for one person, with some exceptions. It hurts unbearably if that person rejects me.

I do know that there is also a much more stable and gentle love that eventually takes over if the relationship continues. It's a more comfortable, more kindly and caring, less obsessive feeling. Perhaps this is the true "in love" feeling that other people feel. Even when I'm in this comfortable and happy place, however, I'm still susceptible to the initial rush and high of what I define as being "in love", and it will still happen again, eventually, sometimes in unlikely ways with unlikely men.
 
Love is being willing to give them your spare kidney... anything less is not love in my humble opinion, xx
 
I think to be in love is to feel the same from day one, to day 12001. No matter the circumstances. Deep, never changing, biggest fan, awed, respected, yes I'll call 911 if you fall down the stairs kind of love.
 
BadAmy said:
I think to be in love is to feel the same from day one, to day 12001. No matter the circumstances. Deep, never changing, biggest fan, awed, respected, yes I'll call 911 if you fall down the stairs kind of love.
Click to expand...

Really? I envy that if it exists... people change, love changes but can still be love, I love people I don’t even like some of the time (certain family members come to mind...) but I love em so they’d still get the kidney if they needed it... xx
 
AlliaPotestas said:
Really? I envy that if it exists... people change, love changes but can still be love, I love people I don’t even like some of the time (certain family members come to mind...) but I love em so they’d still get the kidney if they needed it... xx
Click to expand...

Oh it does change, I agree But Its still there, right? Maybe I'm setting the bar too high, maybe it's a fantasy. Maybe
I'll wait five minutes before dialing.

PS...that's my sad attempt at humor. I'm really not funny at all.
 
BadAmy said:
Oh it does change, I agree But Its still there, right? Maybe I'm setting the bar too high, maybe it's a fantasy. Maybe
I'll wait five minutes before dialing.

PS...that's my sad attempt at humor. I'm really not funny at all.
Click to expand...

Not at all, set your bar high - we have one life, it is too short to compromise on love, xx
 
BadAmy said:
Oh it does change, I agree But Its still there, right? Maybe I'm setting the bar too high, maybe it's a fantasy. Maybe
I'll wait five minutes before dialing.

PS...that's my sad attempt at humor. I'm really not funny at all.
Click to expand...


I can't help it, I laughed.

Bad Amy. Very bad Amy. :)
 
In the words of Forrest Gump - "I may not be smart, but I know what love is.":(
 
Jada59 said:
This came up in an earlier conversation with someone. I know what I think love is but I don't know what it means to be "in" love.

First let me state what I think love is. It's selfless and unconditional. If I love someone, I want what is in their highest and best good. I want them to be happy, even if that means being with someone other than me. I can also love someone and I don't expect them to love me back, although it's a very nice thing if they do.
Click to expand...

Being "in" love is when your expectations with regard to the person who may not "love you back" change drastically. It's more -- much more -- than "very nice" if they do. It's vital.
 
I could say more about love.

There's love then there's luuuuuuuuuvvvvvvv. *swings hips w/some mojo going on*
 
quietlylooking said:
To be in love, for me, means to carry that person in my mind constantly. The hours until I see him (for me, it is always a man) again pass unbearably slowly, and the anticipation builds exponentially. When I am with him, the world closes up around us and we are all that matters.

When I am in love, I'm inspired to be a better person in every way. I want to read what he's interested in, learn about what excites him, find out all I can about him. Even if he's not going to be with me, I dress nicer, exercise more, find new energy in hobbies and in all areas of my life. Every song on the radio is about him. I dream of him, awake or asleep. I sleep less, bounce back from upsets faster, and enjoy the taste of food more.

Being in love means, for me, that I feel a deep, consuming interest in that person and want them to reciprocate that feeling. I find beauty and charm in them that others might miss. The desire I feel may not entirely be sexual, especially at first, but the sexual is greatly potentiated when it happens.

I love the feeling of being in love. I understand the idea of being addicted to love.

Sometimes I think it is more a construct in my mind than a true feeling of concern about the other person. I can sometimes pinpoint when it is starting... like the slight tickle in the throat before I get a cold, I realize I am starting to fall in love. I may not even really know them at all.

Perhaps much of this is really merely "infatuation" or a "crush". Or maybe I am just describing limerence, or evidence of a mental instability, a tendency to obsession. These feelings for an individual don't generally last that long; it's rare that they last more than a year or two for one person, with some exceptions. It hurts unbearably if that person rejects me.

I do know that there is also a much more stable and gentle love that eventually takes over if the relationship continues. It's a more comfortable, more kindly and caring, less obsessive feeling. Perhaps this is the true "in love" feeling that other people feel. Even when I'm in this comfortable and happy place, however, I'm still susceptible to the initial rush and high of what I define as being "in love", and it will still happen again, eventually, sometimes in unlikely ways with unlikely men.
Click to expand...

I interesting. I can't say that I have ever experienced anything like what you say. I have felt infatuation or had a crush on someone as in that I think they're really cute or hot and maybe I even want to go out with them. Thanks!
 
BadAmy said:
I think to be in love is to feel the same from day one, to day 12001. No matter the circumstances. Deep, never changing, biggest fan, awed, respected, yes I'll call 911 if you fall down the stairs kind of love.
Click to expand...

Wow! Thanks!
 
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