In keeping with the so-called holiday spirit. . .

Eilan

Absent(ish)
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Jan 24, 2005
Posts
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I just wanted to express my appreciation for the fine folks at Lit, particularly those who frequent the HT Board and Cafe, since 99.94% of my posts are in this forum. :)

I've mentioned in other threads that my hubby and I have a (currently inactive) couples profile on AdultFriendFinder. We got fed up with that place long ago, but we've kept the profile so we can have access to the Magazine section, which is quite similar to Lit's boards.

I spent some time lurking there this evening, and some of the "questions" (I'm using that term loosely here) on the Advice Lines section (it's like HT--except not) made me grateful that most of the people who post here aren't like that.

I've included some gems of wisdom posted by people who are supposedly seeking advice. Any typos or misspelled words after this point are not my responsibility.

*edited to mention that this isn't personal correspondence or anything that would be a violation of Lit rules. These are snippets from "threads" on AFF's Advice Line.


Ok, I know some of you unenlightened or ultra-sensitive ladies don't like to eat cum. I once met a girl who said she would like to, but she was on a diet and she was afraid my cum would add unwanted fat. Well, I called the hospital hotline, and I'm sure they thought I was crazy. I asked how many calories are in an average ejaculation. Get ready for this: Only 90 calories! So ladies, don't worry, just swallow, and shut up and be happy that your man is helping you to lose weight. If you suck him off 5 times a day, that's only 450 calories for you. By spring you will look like a super model, or better.

i was looking at the size issue in this mag. my reply was simple, we never ask a girl how big is hers? so come on ladies get the tape out lets start a poll how long is your slit? sues and jackys are 4inches long are all girls the same length? let us know? and how about smooth or hair? why are more and more girls shaving? is it because its better for guys to go down on? or it shows the female form better? tell us your views. shave or cream what do you use? is there a cream that removes hair safe? tell us.

Why are there some women who hate to give head. I dont see what the problem is with it. I mean if you agreed to have sexuall intercourse with me then you should be willing to give me head, dont do a half assed job

i am asking again....who want to suck my cock? are u understand now...lol hehehhehheh

Can you determine a nympho by spotting them in public??? if so what do you look for??

do women really enjoy giving a blowjob? For me the pussy is kind of nasty for putting my mouth on, but I'll do it if I really like the person. It's a simple question, so just give your honest opinion.

Why do girls always say size doesn't matter...but cream themselves when you give them a big cock. Stop lying...it's not fair to those of us who are blessed...and girls listen up...this is the one way you can really level the playing field and put the majority of dudes in their place...i earned my big cock and you should pay homage to the the few of us that give you all any sort of hope!
 
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*laughs*

Oh, gods, Eilan, thank you. I needed that laugh!!!

"earned" a big cock! Priceless. Dare we ask how he earned it? :p
 
jadefirefly said:
"earned" a big cock! Priceless. Dare we ask how he earned it? :p
I was wondering the same thing myself.

And then those same guys will start threads wondering why their profiles aren't generating interest.
 
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For me the pussy is kind of nasty for putting my mouth on, but I'll do it if I really like the person. It's a simple question, so just give your honest opinion

Wow the ladies must really swoon over this romeo. "Ooh baby, you've got a nasty cooter."
 
Oh, and don't forget the uneducated and unenlightened girls who don't like to give head. How dumb are -they-??

*cough* Oh, wait, I would be one of those uneducated and unelightened girls... Damnit...
 
jadefirefly said:
Oh, and don't forget the uneducated and unenlightened girls who don't like to give head. How dumb are -they-??

*cough* Oh, wait, I would be one of those uneducated and unelightened girls... Damnit...

Oh come on! You agreed to have intercourse you know, don't do a half arsed job.
Of course by those standards you would be well within your rights to "fuck him up the arse with a strap-on" in which case you would be doing a full arsed job.
 
Post more, post more!!! :D

This is precisely why I pulled my profile promptly after posting it. :rolleyes:
 
Eilan, love the AV. :rose:

Funny, you don't look anywhere near as snarkastick in real life. ;)
 
quoll said:
Eilan, love the AV. :rose:

Funny, you don't look anywhere near as snarkastick in real life. ;)

I agree. You're beautiful. :)



And that was hilarious. Yet, a little disturbing that some people actually think that way...
 
bisexplicit said:
I agree. You're beautiful. :)



And that was hilarious. Yet, a little disturbing that some people actually think that way...
Think? Surely we don't want to completely dilute the meaning of "think" by associating it with such tripe.

Hilarious as always, eilan. :D
 
midwestyankee said:
Think? Surely we don't want to completely dilute the meaning of "think" by associating it with such tripe.

Hilarious as always, eilan. :D

Well, what do you call it when someone has their penis do their thinking for them...?
 
bisexplicit said:
Well, what do you call it when someone has their penis do their thinking for them...?
Adolescence.






Understand, now, that certain aspects of adolescence persist well into some men's dotage.
 
And are there really 90 calories in cum?

I didn't factor that into my diet! :eek:




;) <----- That is just for you, scalywag, so you can tell I am joking.
 
Scalywag said:
I'm curious as to whether or not your system divies up the 90 cal/dose evenly between the left and right sides of your body.

No, the right side gets more.
 
I'm laughing so hard that tears are rolling down my cheeks.

Love Eilan's original post and, of course, everyone's followup zingers.
 
SweetErika said:
This is precisely why I pulled my profile promptly after posting it. :rolleyes:
And precisely why our profile is turned off, though I have enjoyed the entertainment value that the Magazine provides. :)

Thanks to those of you who have commented on the av. :rose:

I'll try to find more gems.
 
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