In Hindsight...

[TBKahuna123]

So I was trying to think of a fun lighthearted thread and instead came up with this. So are there any funny, embarassing, absurd stype sexual encounters that may or may not ahve been funny a the time, but that you now look back on and chuckle about?

 

[Guest]

 

[TBKahuna123]

Nice!

So my wife and I are home visiting my folks for Christmas one year and came back to the house to find everyone else gone. They had gone shopping or something. So, finally having the house to ourselves we proceed to get into one of those quicky sex session, you know where you may not have a whole lot of time so only remove as much clothing as needed. Now when she knows no one's around to hear, my wife's a screamer, so she's letting loose pretty good. We aren't making love, we're fucking; hot sweaty jungle love. You kow, good like that.

So we finish, get redressed and go hang out waiting for my folks to get home. The get home and my dad asks me if we'd met his friend. We both look confused and he takes us downstairs to his workshop and introduces us to his buddy, who's been over working on a project with him.

Now my wife never gets embarassed, but she was beet red! This guy was downstairs in the room directly beneath our bedroom the whole time. At the time, really embarassing, but now, freakin hillarious!

I've often wondered if he ever said anything to my dad.

 

[Guest]

 

[TBKahuna123]

Well, I'm not sure it best fits my persona as an avatar, but I came across it today and had to use it for now! For some reason this came up when I did a search for dogs playing poker. My wife and I have been discussing goals and her need to focus on a new goal. maybe I'll buy her this poster!

 

[Eilan]

I'm not sure that this counts, because I did laugh a little about it at the time. Now, though, it's really funny. I think I posted about this on another thread some time back.

The first time I gave a blow job, to my ex-husband back when we were dating, my eyes started watering and one of my contacts popped out and landed in his pubes. He thought it was hilarious, but I was pretty embarrassed. It was my first time giving and his first time receiving; fortunately, things got a LOT better after that.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Even funny things get funnier with time, so sure that counts!

Along those same lines, the last time we went home last year my wife decided to wake me up with a blowjob. So my mom comes to wake us up for church, knocks on the door and then walks right in to see my wife bobbing away. She walked right out, and never mentioned it again. I thought my wife would be embarassed, but she just flashed me a smug smile and said, "that'll teach her to knock first!"

God I love my wife!

 

[togitc]

The first time I had sex, if you call it that. I was worried that my neighbors would hear so I turned on the TV. I was looking out the living room window, to this day I still get teased that I was watching the TV.

 

[Gil_T2]

So I was trying to think of a fun lighthearted thread and instead came up with this. So are there any funny, embarassing, absurd stype sexual encounters that may or may not ahve been funny a the time, but that you now look back on and chuckle about?

I laughed then & still get a good giggle going with this one......

A lady i was living with said to me "Tie me up & be mean to me" so i secured her to the bed & went to the pub for the night with my mates!



I was going to build the story out but this will do even though it wasn't that cut & shut.

 

[Leviluv]

So I was trying to think of a fun lighthearted thread and instead came up with this. So are there any funny, embarassing, absurd stype sexual encounters that may or may not ahve been funny a the time, but that you now look back on and chuckle about?

Queefing when I least expected it when a man was between my legs. I thought I was going to pee, too, so I jumped out the bed, and ran to the bathroom. I was in my late teens. I guess when you're an adult, you understand this is normal, but as a teen, there's no way possible. LOL!

 

[Gil_T2]

Even funny things get funnier with time, so sure that counts!

Along those same lines, the last time we went home last year my wife decided to wake me up with a blowjob. So my mom comes to wake us up for church, knocks on the door and then walks right in to see my wife bobbing away. She walked right out, and never mentioned it again. I thought my wife would be embarassed, but she just flashed me a smug smile and said, "that'll teach her to knock first!"

God I love my wife!

Oh yes mothers.....my parents were going away for the weekend so I thought it would be safe to sneak a young lady home but mum decided to let me know that they would be leaving soon & walked in on this young lady on top riding me !!!!!! & she never even spilt a drop of the cuppa mum had in her hand although she did retraet rather quickly back out the door saying she'd need to make another cuppa. the young lady was so imbarassed.

 

[Dallass_Drake]

Several months ago I was fortunate enough to lure a quite alluring lady, many years older than me, into my roguish clutches and she assured me that unprotected sex was very much a possibility since she had rid herself of the ability to have children via surgeons. Caring not in somewhat of a drunken haze for potential death from invisible, virulent enemies, I protested not considering I have a penchant for the non use of sheaths even if they do add valuable minutes to my performance. Anyway, but one of my peccadillo's is to envemon ladies in various regions with my unholy volleys, but never before had I bombarded areas in close proximity to genitals, although naturally the prospect of such an endeavor threatened to raise an eyebrow and destroy my normal debonair casual veteran type facade. Anyway, this was accomplished and after the ignoble deed, perhaps because of my gallant, enchanting performance, this lady informed me of a desire to 'spoon'. I was marginally taller and more of a chauvenist and so accepted the role of the larger spoon. Anyway, she fell into slumber long before I could, and compelled by the aroma's emanating from within her hair, feeling very triumphant and generally delighted, the sudden, invasive arrival of a leviathan of a guff was unable to escape my notice and to my complete horror I realised the semen I had sprayed into the valley of her bottom had been thrown a sufficient distance by this irruption so as to fall upon my own flesh. This was essentially a completely minor incident but for several moments it felt as if Satan had cast me into a ungodly chalice full to the brim of my own bodily fluids, and I lept from the bed, fled to the bathroom and violently stubbed a toe on an open cabinet. And I sat in hysteria clutching my foot, inexplicably I started weeping. The lady wasn't impressed and perhaps too alarmed to speak calmly dressed and left me there, pondering everything bad that had ever happened in my life, I remember considering at length how I felt the day my expensive dog was stolen presumably to yield puppies to be traded for notes. Later I fell back to sleep with several diminuitive towels wrapped around me to nullify the harsh cold of the floor. Strangely the idea of a woman unleashing a monstrous fart upon me didn't at the time offend my senses, merely the idea of being soaked in my own discharge and then crying like a big girl. Two days later I strolled past that woman who was amongst her heartless, vulture comrades and they all laughed at me when a solitary finger was levelled.

 

[SweetErika]

I've posted this here in reference to "getting caught" or "public sex," but a few months after we started dating, hubby and I went to his house during Spring Break. One night, we escaped, drove to a deserted office complex parking lot on the edge of a nuclear reservation, got in the back of his '82 Mustang with some sleeping backs, and proceeded to fuck. After, we had sort of put our clothes on, and were laying in the back when a cop rolled up. He and his partner knocked, asked for ID, and called for backup. Many more cars came, lights flashing, and they took our information, told us it was a private parking lot and we were trespassing, and to go home. They all followed us to within a block of his parents house. we thought we were going to die.

To top it all off, my knee started hurting the next day. As it turned out, there was a screwdriver or something under the sleeping bags in the car, and I kneeled on it hard enough in the heat of our romp to fracture my kneecap. I had to send my mom out of the room while I explained that to the nurse, who told the surgeon, who promptly laughed at my sexual misfortune.

All of this is hilarious now, of course. Well, except for when my knee still hurts.

 

[revolution724]

Mine wasn't sexual per se, but related to being in bed with someone, anyway. You know how it sometimes takes a while to get used to the way another person moves and what they do with their bodies? Well, the morning after one of the first times my ex-gf and I slept together, I was sleepily starting to sit up at the same time as she was sitting up in bed and bending to one side - stretching, as I discovered later. Her back was so pretty in the bent-to-one-side position that I started to lean over to give her a playful kiss on the shoulder blade... when she abruptly decided to stretch a different way, swung her elbow back, and hit me directly in the upper lip so hard I was afraid for a second she'd knocked out my tooth. Brief hysterics and hilarity ensued.

Later that day, I noticed I had a distinct darkening of the skin on my lip where she'd clonked me. We were to meet at a club to go dancing with some friends of hers that night, and when I saw her, I had to point out my bruise... not quite thinking about the company, for whom our relationship would have been a new development. She was suitably impressed/horrified, but then was asked by a friend who turned out to be a former subordinate at work, how she gave me the injury, and had to turn beet red and say in a sheepish voice, "uh... getting out of bed."

 

[TBKahuna123]

Several months ago I was fortunate enough to lure a quite alluring lady, many years older than me, into my roguish clutches and she assured me that unprotected sex was very much a possibility since she had rid herself of the ability to have children via surgeons. Caring not in somewhat of a drunken haze for potential death ...

Dude, I love your posts! It's like the Kama Sutra meets Masterpiece Theater!

I've never had jism sprayed on my in this manner, but I've had a few women fart onme in their sleep. Personally I laugh my ass off when it happens, thoguh the first time was a little disgusting. I guess age just makes you turn a blind eye to things like that. Or maybe it's marriage.

 

[TBKahuna123]

To top it all off, my knee started hurting the next day. As it turned out, there was a screwdriver or something under the sleeping bags in the car, and I kneeled on it hard enough in the heat of our romp to fracture my kneecap. I had to send my mom out of the room while I explained that to the nurse, who told the surgeon, who promptly laughed at my sexual misfortune.

All of this is hilarious now, of course. Well, except for when my knee still hurts.

You fractured your knee cap? I mean, I've gotten rug burn once or twice, but never broken anything during sex. Damn how acrobatic are you? Never mind, I don't want to know.

That's pretty funny that the cops kept coming. I've been rousted a time or two making out in the back seat, but they never called for backup. Must have been a slow night.

 

[ultimate_cin]

Last month my boyfriend took me to his parents' cottage by a lake for a romantic weekend away....the cottage is actually more like a trailer with an addition...so the bedroom area is very small and contained, with enough room for just a bed, with a shelf on the wall above the head of the bed. Well, we were going at it pretty hot and heavy, and he rolled so that I was on top and then pulled me up towards his face so that he could give me oral. I went to raise up to give him better access - and smacked my head right on the shelf, so hard that I saw stars. He stopped to make sure I was okay, we both laughed our asses off about it, and then he proceeded to make me feel much better....

 

[Recidiva]

I waited to have sex until my wedding night.

Sounds romantic huh?

Not when you find out on your honeymoon that you're violently allergic to spermicide and spend the next three days swollen, woozy and untouchable, assuming the divorce is the only reasonable action for your new husband to take.