I'm so fucking ready to blow my fucking brains out.

[theravenfox]

Sure, and it took off from there--with suggestions offered, and excuses give, and continued uncontrolled ranting. Did I post in the first day? I don't think so, but I can go check.

I'm not sure when you posted, but it was after she said she was not responsible for the children in any way. She isn't their mother, relative, or babysitter. To hold her responsible for their poor behavior, lack of reading skills, living conditions or unfortunate parental circumstances just seems very unfair to me.

 

[sr71plt]

And you got an appropriate response.You didn't use nasty words to express your nasty opinions, but your attempts to judge a mother as unfit based on a pressure-blowing rant, are far more insulting than anything she said to you in return.

You are right, you know-- Trini is not a newbie. She has established a level of social trust here (Much of it is among the folk who you, for some reason, don't care for, but that's not their problem, it's yours). People are inclined to take her rants kindly, because they remember her to have kindly reactions in past conversations. Many of us don't especially have that experience with you.

As usual, I posted to the issue, not the poster (which, being a groupie, you can't understand). I didn't think it would be a popular post. I posted what I thought she needed to hear--that, given the circumstance she was giving, she should be the adult. And nothing in what she was posting at the point reflected being in control, let alone being an adult. And her response was to show she still, more than a day later, was out of control. No one is more interested than me to see Friday roll around--for the sake of those children.

And I only continue to post to this because folks goad me into doing so--to make it all fit into their little enablers' box.

 

[Sweet_Pea24]

Isn't the question: why post if you can't face the variety of responses?

Not always. Now if I were to post a bunch of craziness and told people it was fact - THEN I need to be prepared for the repercussions. Then again, if you had spent any time on a real forum, the educational kind you'd know that wouldn't you? This was just her blowing off some steam, and you murdering any credibility you may have had as an mature, intelligent, individual.

But - As you say, it's not my board and that is your decision to make.

I posted what I thought was appropriate to what she was posting.

No, you're posting that you think she should take control of the situation. That you think despite having her hands full with her own child that it is somehow her responsibility to take these other kids on to raise.

How exactly are we justifying this stance again? Just curious.

A couple of the others seemed to feel child services were the right answer. I agree, since 9 times out of 10 to interfere in these things are nothing more than a domestic disturbance waiting to happen.

This isn't her playground any more than it's mine (or yours).

This is a sad and tired argument to tell the truth hon. I'm well aware that it's not my Playground. This statement warrants a resounding responce that can summarize it perfectly.

"Well DUHH!

I think is what I'm looking for.

However it IS her thread isn't it? At least the last time I looked it was.

She's not a newbie, by the way--and what I've posted to her is in a whole higher-level of civility than she's posted to me. Not that you enablers choose to notice.

Tough.

Ohhhhh you poor misunderstood little thaaannnggggg you!

I never said she was a newbie, please read more carefully. All this "enabler" knows is what she sees, and that is you coming into a perfectly legitimate thread which several people have chosen to discuss, and pollute it with your own drama that belongs in what ever thread it was started in.

Is that not true? How about I come to a thread you're discussing and start whining about my husband? Or his parents?

I mean seriously, even if she is being a bitch, you could try being the bigger man instead of following her around making yourself look like a toddler having a tantrum for no reason. I haven't seen this thread, which makes it difficult does it not, for this "enabler" to notice? Not that I can honestly say I'm paying attention.

Shame people can't just check their drama at the door.

 

[litfan10]

At this point this thread has nothing to do with T. I think until T posts something again we should stop. Anything that anybody has to say to Pilot would best be handled as a PM. He has already been attacked every which way, there really is nothing new to say.
There is enough derailment going on in contest threads, we shouldn't have it here.
Feel free to PM if you think I am wrong here.

 

[Stella_Omega]

And I only continue to post to this because folks goad me into doing so--to make it all fit into their little enablers' box.

You always say something to make me laugh, hon.

 

[sr71plt]

You always say something to make me laugh, hon.

That's my purpose in life, of course.

What? A whole post not making this thread my fault? Sweet.

 

[djserani]

Wow, this thread almost makes me glad I was on the road all day. Almost. *rubs ass* I don't care how you slice it, sitting in one place for ten hours sucks.

*picks up the 10-Foot-Pole-Of-Non-Touching and waves it in SR's direction*

T: Grats on the laundry and *hugs.* I know what it is to be in a bad situation like that and being stuck waiting on something to get you out of it. So, FWIW, I understand. *hugs*.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

I'm trapped in a fucking crazy house with three evil monster children who have no manners, not to mention my own child who freaks out whenever these crazy ass rough little boys come screaming down the stairs. There are no goddamn groceries in the house and my phone is out of fucking minutes and no ride to get to the fucking grocery story. Th fucking landline in this house is broken. I'm out of my fucking mind living out here, even if it is just temporary.

This is a goddamn nightmare. Anyone have a temporary solution?

Trini, I'm really sorry for your troubles. Just try to take one step at a time. Don't try to take on everything all at once. Pick your battles and succeed.

 

[Trudy_Antone]

At the risk of having my ass kicked to the curb and severely beaten, I agree with Sr Pits reasoning. This is why I said "Sounds like depression to me" - ie, the behaviour of the other mother. And, "Why are you staying with someone you detest so much?"

Are we expected to believe that the OP is helpless and therefore deserving of understanding and sympathy while the mother in question is not?

This woman may be no relation to Trinique, but she's the aunty of her daughter and the mother of her daughter's cousins. Why shouldn't she do her best to help them rather than sitting around ranting about the woman's fat ass? I'm happy to read she's doing the laundry, finally something proactive. Nothing disturbs me more than people who judge and criticise when in a position to do something positive.

I identify with this poor woman. I can understand the need for escapism. I also know that two children under five is one of the highest stress indicators besides divorce and a death in the family.

My youngest was born with critical health problems and never slept for more than two to three hours for the first four years of her life. I was alone, doing the hard slog by myself and was a walking zombie after the first year of severe sleep deprivation. I would look at my child with the intellectual awareness that she was suffering, but emotionally, I just wanted it to end. I was shocked to realise that I 'understood' why the woman in the US drowned her five children. Part of me wanted to kill my own baby. (Spare me the you need psychiatric help bullsh*t because my daughter is now 8 and a lovely child - my joy in life).

One night I had a breakdown and was screaming at my poor child to shut up and go to sleep. I was tempted to shake her until she shut the f*ck up. This is an extreme example of someone who had reached her limits, badly in need of help. I left her in her cot and walked back to my kitchen crying hysterically. Whether you believe this or not I felt a presence in the kitchen - my late grandmother - and suddenly felt surrounded by the warmest hug and approval, as if she was there, whispering in my ear, saying over and over "you are not alone, you are not alone". Without that divine intervention, my family wouldn't have made it through the night.

The next day, my neighbour and friend says to me "I heard you yelling last night, being a total bitch. I was going to call Family Services on you." At which point I rounded on him and said "While it's oh so easy for you to pass judgement while your wifey does all the housework, all the cleaning, all the child-minding, and all you have to do is mow the lawns and go to work, did it NEVER occur to you, that if you could hear we were in such distress, why the hell didn't you knock on the door and offer to help???"

Saying that Trinique should 'rightly' do nothing because it's not 'her problem' is a total cop out. In fact, that attitude stinks. Are we not universal parents, caring for everyone around us? If everyone only cared for their own and themselves what a poorer world it would be.

I leave you with Edmund Burke (apologies if I've misquoted):
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

 

[Trinique_Fire]

At the risk of having my ass kicked to the curb and severely beaten, I agree with Sr Pits reasoning. This is why I said "Sounds like depression to me" - ie, the behaviour of the other mother. And, "Why are you staying with someone you detest so much?"

Are we expected to believe that the OP is helpless and therefore deserving of understanding and sympathy while the mother in question is not?

This woman may be no relation to Trinique, but she's the aunty of her daughter and the mother of her daughter's cousins. Why shouldn't she do her best to help them rather than sitting around ranting about the woman's fat ass? I'm happy to read she's doing the laundry, finally something proactive. Nothing disturbs me more than people who judge and criticise when in a position to do something positive.

I identify with this poor woman. I can understand the need for escapism. I also know that two children under five is one of the highest stress indicators besides divorce and a death in the family.

My youngest was born with critical health problems and never slept for more than two to three hours for the first four years of her life. I was alone, doing the hard slog by myself and was a walking zombie after the first year of severe sleep deprivation. I would look at my child with the intellectual awareness that she was suffering, but emotionally, I just wanted it to end. I was shocked to realise that I 'understood' why the woman in the US drowned her five children. Part of me wanted to kill my own baby. (Spare me the you need psychiatric help bullsh*t because my daughter is now 8 and a lovely child - my joy in life).

One night I had a breakdown and was screaming at my poor child to shut up and go to sleep. I was tempted to shake her until she shut the f*ck up. This is an extreme example of someone who had reached her limits, badly in need of help. I left her in her cot and walked back to my kitchen crying hysterically. Whether you believe this or not I felt a presence in the kitchen - my late grandmother - and suddenly felt surrounded by the warmest hug and approval, as if she was there, whispering in my ear, saying over and over "you are not alone, you are not alone". Without that divine intervention, my family wouldn't have made it through the night.

The next day, my neighbour and friend says to me "I heard you yelling last night, being a total bitch. I was going to call Family Services on you." At which point I rounded on him and said "While it's oh so easy for you to pass judgement while your wifey does all the housework, all the cleaning, all the child-minding, and all you have to do is mow the lawns and go to work, did it NEVER occur to you, that if you could hear we were in such distress, why the hell didn't you knock on the door and offer to help???"

Saying that Trinique should 'rightly' do nothing because it's not 'her problem' is a total cop out. In fact, that attitude stinks. Are we not universal parents, caring for everyone around us? If everyone only cared for their own and themselves what a poorer world it would be.

I leave you with Edmund Burke (apologies if I've misquoted):
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

Excuse you. She's not the "aunty of my daughter" nor is she the "mother of my daughter's cousins."

 

[cloudy]

At the risk of having my ass kicked to the curb and severely beaten, I agree with Sr Pits reasoning. This is why I said "Sounds like depression to me" - ie, the behaviour of the other mother. And, "Why are you staying with someone you detest so much?"

Are we expected to believe that the OP is helpless and therefore deserving of understanding and sympathy while the mother in question is not?

This woman may be no relation to Trinique, but she's the aunty of her daughter and the mother of her daughter's cousins. Why shouldn't she do her best to help them rather than sitting around ranting about the woman's fat ass? I'm happy to read she's doing the laundry, finally something proactive. Nothing disturbs me more than people who judge and criticise when in a position to do something positive.

I identify with this poor woman. I can understand the need for escapism. I also know that two children under five is one of the highest stress indicators besides divorce and a death in the family.

My youngest was born with critical health problems and never slept for more than two to three hours for the first four years of her life. I was alone, doing the hard slog by myself and was a walking zombie after the first year of severe sleep deprivation. I would look at my child with the intellectual awareness that she was suffering, but emotionally, I just wanted it to end. I was shocked to realise that I 'understood' why the woman in the US drowned her five children. Part of me wanted to kill my own baby. (Spare me the you need psychiatric help bullsh*t because my daughter is now 8 and a lovely child - my joy in life).

One night I had a breakdown and was screaming at my poor child to shut up and go to sleep. I was tempted to shake her until she shut the f*ck up. This is an extreme example of someone who had reached her limits, badly in need of help. I left her in her cot and walked back to my kitchen crying hysterically. Whether you believe this or not I felt a presence in the kitchen - my late grandmother - and suddenly felt surrounded by the warmest hug and approval, as if she was there, whispering in my ear, saying over and over "you are not alone, you are not alone". Without that divine intervention, my family wouldn't have made it through the night.

The next day, my neighbour and friend says to me "I heard you yelling last night, being a total bitch. I was going to call Family Services on you." At which point I rounded on him and said "While it's oh so easy for you to pass judgement while your wifey does all the housework, all the cleaning, all the child-minding, and all you have to do is mow the lawns and go to work, did it NEVER occur to you, that if you could hear we were in such distress, why the hell didn't you knock on the door and offer to help???"

Saying that Trinique should 'rightly' do nothing because it's not 'her problem' is a total cop out. In fact, that attitude stinks. Are we not universal parents, caring for everyone around us? If everyone only cared for their own and themselves what a poorer world it would be.

I leave you with Edmund Burke (apologies if I've misquoted):
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

In the absence of what I already know, I'd probably agree with you, but without divulging details (she may choose to tell you or not), you have absolutely NO clue what Trini's been through with her pregnancy and her daughter. Your best guess wouldn't even come close, trust me.

She has quite enough on her plate without worrying about someone else's kids. And, no...it isn't even remotely a "cop out."

Just sayin'.

 

[djserani]

You know, I *don't* know, what happened with her, but I know that I, myself have been stretched thin and it would not be fair for T's daughter to suffer because T is somehow obligated to do something about someone else (who, if you paid attention to the answers here, is not even remotely blood related to). Calling child services IS doing something, frankly.

(And mind you, I am NOT someone who jumps to that quickly. IF you want to know why, PM me.)

*hugs* Trin.

 

[sr71plt]

In the absence of what I already know, I'd probably agree with you, but without divulging details (she may choose to tell you or not), you have absolutely NO clue what Trini's been through with her pregnancy and her daughter. Your best guess wouldn't even come close, trust me.
Just sayin'.

That's certainly a cop out. We get into "how are we supposed to know this--osmosis?" time again. If you're going to split discussion between PMs and the open board, there's no justification for hopping on people on the open board for "what you [supposedly] know from PMs and they don't from what was posted on the open board."

This giving strokes to whoever shows up to say whatever they want about anyone else who isn't posting here as well is one of those really stupid Internet games.

I judged TF by her posts to this thread.

 

[Trudy_Antone]

Excuse you. She's not the "aunty of my daughter" nor is she the "mother of my daughter's cousins."

You said you were staying with your ex's sister which I presumed to mean the father of your child. My mistake. So this person who's home you are in, is no friend or yours, no relative, nothing to you, someone you obviously can't stand. So, WHY are you there? Why aren't you staying with your own friends or family?

Cloudy is right in that I don't know your circumstances. I know nothing about you. But I do know that understanding and sympathy works both ways. And a messy, dirty house (as mine was back in the day) could well be an indication of something deeper and psychologically dysfunctional, not neccesarily just an act of fat ass laziness.

Just wanted to add that I am supremely grateful to all the wonderful people who DID help me. My family was 5000k's away, unable to offer assistance. My sanity was saved by all the people who came to my rescue despite the fact that I was nothing to them.

YOU could be one of these people if you chose to be. YOU could rise above the problems in your own life and help these children simply because you're there, because you can, because you're the bigger person, because the kids are suffering.

Doing the laundry is a wonderful start. It's the simple things that mean a lot.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I judged TF by her posts to this thread.

Since this forum has a very long social history, I'm thinking you're not going to impress too many people with your acumen.

I judge Trini by the conversations I've had with her over the years-- maybe fifteen hundred to two thousand posts here, and a few IM convos as well. It's entirely possible that my reasons for trusting her are better than yours for distrusting her.

*shrug*

And Cloudy has no right to divulge intimate details of another woman's life, that she's been entrusted with. That's called "Telling secrets," and I'm sure you remember that it's a sin amongst friends. If she did, you would castigate her for gossiping.

 

[sr71plt]

Since this forum has a very long social history, I'm thinking you're not going to impress too many people with your acumen.

I judge Trini by the conversations I've had with her over the years-- maybe fifteen hundred to two thousand posts here, and a few IM convos as well. It's entirely possible that my reasons for trusting her are better than yours for distrusting her.

*shrug*

And Cloudy has no right to divulge intimate details of another woman's life, that she's been entrusted with. That's called "Telling secrets," and I'm sure you remember that it's a sin amongst friends. If she did, you would castigate her for gossiping.

I think you miss the point (purposely) that you can't hold posters on an open forum responsible for the bits and pieces you kafee-klatschers giggle about in PM flurries between each other.

If it's slapped on an open discussion board, it's free game on the open discussion board--and citing anything not on the open board is just avoidance hot air.

I know, I know, it's all part of your convoluted little Internet gaming.

Of course the point of the whole thread was that this should have been handled off line to begin with (or that TF should have approached the issue like an adult on the scene rather than running to hide at her computer). That it wasn't meant it was free game for advice.

Again, I'll be as happy as anyone when Friday rolls around and at least some of the children (including TF) are out of the situation described. Heaven knows what the first words her baby with learn to speak.

 

[TheCarver]

Get a job. Save up for a car. Get a new apartment/condo/house. Move.

Before people jump on me, and this seems as though it's a thread to do that, I was once in the same situation and pulled myself out of it the hard way.

 

[Trudy_Antone]

You know, I *don't* know, what happened with her, but I know that I, myself have been stretched thin and it would not be fair for T's daughter to suffer because T is somehow obligated to do something about someone else (who, if you paid attention to the answers here, is not even remotely blood related to). Calling child services IS doing something, frankly.

(And mind you, I am NOT someone who jumps to that quickly. IF you want to know why, PM me.)

*hugs* Trin.

Hey, we've all been stretched thin, times when we are unable to help others simply because we can't even help ourselves. And nobody is 'obligated' to do anything for anybody. But isn't T's daughter already suffering in this situation? At the mercy of three young hooligans with a stressed out mother?

I really don't understand the distinction or importance of blood relative or not. Maybe it's a cultural misunderstanding because I'm Maori and grew up with a totally different outlook, the universal family. Maybe it's because my kids are well past 5 and I can now see the forest not just the trees. My personal belief is to make the best out of a bad situation.

Finally, maybe this should've been a closed thread, only open to Trinique's 'in the know' friends. Or at least with the disclaimer: Anyone with a difference of opinion should rack off

Of which, I will now happily do...
Ka ki te ano pori.
In other words, goodbye peeps.

 

[cloudy]

Hey, we've all been stretched thin, times when we are unable to help others simply because we can't even help ourselves. And nobody is 'obligated' to do anything for anybody. But isn't T's daughter already suffering in this situation? At the mercy of three young hooligans with a stressed out mother?

I really don't understand the distinction or importance of blood relative or not. Maybe it's a cultural misunderstanding because I'm Maori and grew up with a totally different outlook, the universal family. Maybe it's because my kids are well past 5 and I can now see the forest not just the trees. My personal belief is to make the best out of a bad situation.

Finally, maybe this should've been a closed thread, only open to Trinique's 'in the know' friends. Or at least with the disclaimer: Anyone with a difference of opinion should rack off

Of which, I will now happily do...
Ka ki te ano pori.
In other words, goodbye peeps.

I apologize if I came across as insulting to you, or patronizing. I didn't mean to be, it's only that those of us that have been around a long time know the history, and, like Stella said, I don't feel comfortable divulging something that is Trini's to divulge...or not.

 

[djserani]

Hey, we've all been stretched thin, times when we are unable to help others simply because we can't even help ourselves. And nobody is 'obligated' to do anything for anybody. But isn't T's daughter already suffering in this situation? At the mercy of three young hooligans with a stressed out mother?

Number one, I will say, no we don't know everything going on here. I'm backing T without being part of the jealous-induced attack on the people she PMs with. Do we know that the ex's sister is stressed out? Do we know that they're NOT simply lazy? We don't. And I'm here to tell you (as the wife of a Child Protective Services previous worker) that if there ARE deeper psychological issues with those parents, there's NOTHING T can do to help in the long term except call CPS and GET THOSE CHILDREN OUT. Because ANY short-term work she can do will only be undone once she's gone. They need PROFESSIONAL help. Period, and anything less will not be enough.

Secondly, that's the point. The young girl is already suffering, so these people are telling Trin that she should take MORE of her attention away from her daughter to help these kids because she's there and that means she should. Regardless of her own stress levels or problems.

I really don't understand the distinction or importance of blood relative or not. Maybe it's a cultural misunderstanding because I'm Maori and grew up with a totally different outlook, the universal family.

Our culture is not set up to be a universal family. There are some small communities who can do this well, but it is not the rule. Here, we rarely often spend time with our best friends and immediate neighbors more than a few minutes a week across the back fence or on the phone. Yes, that should change, but that's a societal question and not one that could help Trin to be debated here. Right now, the pertinent fact is, that is the way it is.

Maybe it's because my kids are well past 5 and I can now see the forest not just the trees. My personal belief is to make the best out of a bad situation.

This, I'm going to take offense to a bit because you quoted me directly. I've made no secret on this board in my (albeit short) time here that I have an 18 year old daughter. NONE of my children are under 5 and I've long since seen the forest and most of the mountain range the forest sits on (to beat a cliche to death).

Lastly, I would like to say that attacking someone for venting their frustrations in a place that (should) be understanding away from the people she's venting about is not only NOT immature, it's actually VERY mature. I've known quite a few counselors and psychologists who would say that it's much healthier to let the non-constructive frustration get in the way when you DO turn to the problem and try to fix it.

 

[Sweet_Pea24]

Saying that Trinique should 'rightly' do nothing because it's not 'her problem' is a total cop out. In fact, that attitude stinks. Are we not universal parents, caring for everyone around us? If everyone only cared for their own and themselves what a poorer world it would be.

I leave you with Edmund Burke (apologies if I've misquoted):
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

That's part of the problem, no one has suggested doing nothing, but aside from bringing legalities to bare what would you have her do? I mean I've seen your post, and all of the other guy's but no actual suggestions, mostly insults. How do insults help exactly?

Like I said, going hands on and trying to be a hero in this case and cases like it are domestic disturbances waiting to happen. People can get hurt like that. If she get the hell beaten out of her by the parents for sticking her nose where they feel it doesn't belong who's she helping then?

It would be easier, and save everyone allot of heart ache if you turned them in for what ever it is they're doing. Let the cops do the work -especially if there is some kind of abuse going on.

 

[Guest]

. . . .

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Trinnie

This thread is crazy. Thanks for the link and I am sorry that I haven't been able to speak to you since the other day. How is our baby girl doing? How are you doing?

I can't add anything constructive to this. Most of posts here were exactly what you needed to maintain your sanity and I am mega grateful for those who gave you the room to vent in and didn't try to tar and feather you.

As for the others, everyone is entitled to their opinions and not knowing the why of a situation gives them the right to judge you when they shouldn't. Just remember that I love you, baby doll...and our baby girl. Will be super happy when you get close enough for me to help.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

This thread is crazy. Thanks for the link and I am sorry that I haven't been able to speak to you since the other day. How is our baby girl doing? How are you doing?

I can't add anything constructive to this. Most of posts here were exactly what you needed to maintain your sanity and I am mega grateful for those who gave you the room to vent in and didn't try to tar and feather you.

As for the others, everyone is entitled to their opinions and not knowing the why of a situation gives them the right to judge you when they shouldn't. Just remember that I love you, baby doll...and our baby girl. Will be super happy when you get close enough for me to help.

Don't worry about it....my phone is off again anyway. Jax is fine. We're both managing as best as we can.

 

[Trudy_Antone]

OK, now I AM p*ssed off. Djserani and Sweet Pea, that's just plain bitchy. Where have I insulted or attacked anyone??? I merely suggested that maybe the mother of these three children deserved some sympathy and understanding. WHY call family services? Because the oldest can't read, the kids are unruly, the house is messy, and the mother has a fat ass? Jesus Christ people, get a grip. Is she a drug addict, an alcoholic, beating her children? Show me one good reason why the police should get involved.

Excuse me for suggesting there might be more positive pro-active ways to approach this. Obviously this won't effect a long-term solution for the mother, but short-term it could help the OP's sanity. Djserani said "Because ANY short-term work she can do will only be undone once she's gone." How do you know that? How do you know that the mother isn't so overwhelmed that simply making a start for her could facilitate positive action?

And yes, venting is a good way of relieving frustrations, but venting on an open forum, without providing background knowledge, WILL lead to misunderstandings as it plainly has here.

Quote Djserani "jealous-induced attack on the people she PM's with". Give me a break. I don't give a toss who PM's who on this site. You're the one being insulting. Then you split my paragraph and take offence to something completely out of context that isn't even about you. I'm sorry that you live in a world where people only give a damn about 'their own'. That's the kind of time-poor, self-absorbed world where priorities are out of whack and people stand idly by, or turn their heads while someone gets robbed and beaten in front of them. *shudder*.

Still, no-one has answered my question about how the OP ended up in this situation, staying with someone she hates.

And thank-you Sweetsubsarahh for posting that. Finally, something real. My heart goes out to you Trinique, and your baby. As I said above, I know what it's like to have a child with health problems, though not as severe as yours, I understand the constant worry, the stress, the helplessness. I hope you find the support you need.