I'm seriously clueless about this ...

[ohwhynot77]

This isn't an attempt to fish for compliments ... but how can I tell if a guy is attracted to me? How can I tell if he is flirting with me? Either they aren't (a possibility) or I am utterly clueless and blind.

Please don't tell me to look for the raging boner in his pants ... I'm talking more subtle things.

I think I may miss out on signals and opportunities because I'm always terrified to wrongly read a guy and make an unwanted move and look like a total desperate nympho. Seriously - unless a guy is kissing me, I have NO idea what he is thinking!!!

Is there a look, body language, certain words or phrases I should be looking for?

I am sure I am way overthinking this (I'm a girl - we do this!!) but I don't want to look like a dumbass for thinking he's attracted to me if he isn't and likewise I don't want to miss out on an opportunity to be naughty!

 

[LadyVer]

FWIW, many men and women are both clueless. It's about letting go of the fear, and letting someone know you like them. The simplest thing to do is just to tell the person you find them interesting and would like to get to know them better...

 

[dirtwrench]

It is very easy to tell if a guy is interested-

1. are you female?
2. is he male?
3. both have a pulse?
4. yes, he is probably interested.

See, we males of the species are easy to figure out. It's you darned females that are truly hard to comprehend.

 

[gregy70]

OMG! Your as clueless as me towards women.
I know exactly where your coming from!

 

[emap]

Honestly most men can't flirt, and it seems most don't understand subtle flirting. In other words if you want a guy, tell him that. Well maybe not right out saying take me now you stud, but smaller, something like go out for coffee, or dinner.

Coffee may be the best idea except coffee is also something one does with friends. If you want to really push home that you are single female and want him riding you, ask him out to dinner. Most guys will figure it's a date and he will refuse if he isn't interested.

Before you think that it will be cruel, usually they will say something like maybe some other time. If he is interested and can't he will ask for a raincheck. I'm not kidding, if you get raincheck he wants to ride you.

 

[Zelk]

Coffee may be the best idea except coffee is also something one does with friends. If you want to really push home that you are single female and want him riding you, ask him out to dinner. Most guys will figure it's a date and he will refuse if he isn't interested.

Before you think that it will be cruel, usually they will say something like maybe some other time. If he is interested and can't he will ask for a raincheck. I'm not kidding, if you get raincheck he wants to ride you.

Speaking as a guy who doesn't have flirting skills and is a bit slow on that kind of thing, this would work with me and most of my guy friends. There is one that might get turned off that you would take charge, but wouldn't pass up the date anyway

 

[WhenInDoubtFuck]

Chris Rock put it best...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMiyg87UhL4

Couldn't help it, was the first thing that popped in my mind when I read this thread.

In reality everyone, both men and women, are different and there's no guaranteed way to know until they show it outright or you ask if they're interested. Some people flirt with everyone and some people only flirt in the right environments, some people never flirt. Things are certainly going to be different when someone is flirting in the workplace, or at the clubs/bars, or in a store/shop.

Looking at the OP's posts, she's also married so that changes things quite a bit as well. I would agree with LadyVer though, and say that your best bet would to be more proactive with anyone you are attracted to and interested in. You don't have to ask them out yourself, but you can find little ways to show you're available and even flirt back in the process without looking like a "desperate nympho".

There's really a lot of missing details from your post to give specific advice or recommendations, but I will say that as "rule of thumb", if someone is making greater effort to engage in conversation or activities with you then would otherwise be required (i.e. work team, repair service, sitting next to you on a plane), then there probably is at least some interest.

 

[Lord_Nibiru]

I just assume they're not interested and leave it at that - I must be right, cos I'm still single

 

[Recidiva]

Keep in mind that there isn't a standard flirt model. Each individual is different and will express and interpret interest in a different way.

Some people think if you just take an interest in looking good, you're asking for it, and further flirting means you're indiscreet and probably sleep with everyone.

Some people think that it's one signal and then misinterpret that signal.

Some people don't think about it at all and can't interpret any expression of interest and they get frustrated.

The best way is to look for things like eye contact intensity or inability to make eye contact. Either could be an expression of interest in that someone is interested in you or unable to look at you directly and is shy. Or it could just be someone who considers eye contact to be an inherent part of conversation.

Someone's hand touching your arm, voluntarily making contact with you physically, seeking you out, these are signs that in combination can add up to flirting, which doesn't really always add up to sexual interest so much as a gender to gender friendship and it won't go beyond that. I'm more that personality type.

For me I usually stay in permanent flirt mode and I take it very lightly and someone needs to flirt with me long enough to understand that part of my personality, and then take the one step further and say "I've been flirting with you and I get nothing back but more flirting, are you interested or aren't you."

Eventually that question has to happen anyway. But it comes down to observation of people and seeing a pattern in an individual.

 

[subwannabe]

This is simple. If you think he's flirting then he wants you. What's wrong with flirting back? Unless the guy is flirting with you and you just blurt out, "Let's find a place to fuck", he's not going to think you are a slut, and, you don't have to grab every man's penis that flirts with you.

 

[liqueur]

clueless two-less

It's funny. I'm quite a flirt myself (I'm a man, so to speak) and sometimes I even flirt without realizing till afterwards that that's what I was doing. And yet I also am pretty clueless about when someone is playing the flirt with me— or worse, if I do get it, I can't for the life of me guess how serious they are or aren't. Is s/he coming on to me. . . ? Or is it just casual fun-flirting? I think (at least in part) this kind of cluelessness stems from low self-esteem. Can't quite believe someone would be serious about this!

There were a lot of missed oppotunities for fun in my past because of this cluelessness. And on the other side, a few cases where I misjudged how serious someone wasn't, and as a result, caused embarrassment or even offense. I think, as a woman, you run less risk in this latter way. I don't think you need to worry about guys judging you. I think most guys, whether they're able to respond or not, will be pleased and flattered to think you're flirting with them.

 

[amofiga]

This isn't an attempt to fish for compliments ... but how can I tell if a guy is attracted to me? How can I tell if he is flirting with me? Either they aren't (a possibility) or I am utterly clueless and blind.

I think I may miss out on signals and opportunities because I'm always terrified to wrongly read a guy and make an unwanted move and look like a total desperate nympho. Seriously - unless a guy is kissing me, I have NO idea what he is thinking!!!

Is there a look, body language, certain words or phrases I should be looking for?

Many (maybe most guys) aren't really good at flirting or approaching women because they themselves are clueless and unaware of how a woman feels about them. I know this is the case for me, always has been. I remember once many many years ago when I was still a young lad, that there was a woman where I worked that I was quite interested in but she seemed fairly aloof and never seemed to give off any signals. Then one day, she got laid off and said that she was going to move back to her old city and try to get a job with her former employee. It was only then that she came out and said that she had always liked me and wished that I had asked her out or indicated that I was interested in her. I had been too afraid of rejection and lost out.

The moral of the story is that you have to learn to get over your insecurities and fear of rejection. Seems like there was an old Billy Joel song about being afraid to answer a knock at the door or something like that. You don't need to act like a slut or be too over aggressive, but if you smile, flirt a little yourself by holding eye contact or moving a little closer to his location, it can give him a clue that you're interested. If he's somebody you already know or you work with or belong to the same group, wangle a way to be going someplace with your friends like a happy hour or music festival or wine festival or something open and public like that, and invite him to come along or meet up with your group there. That way it doesn't sound like your actually asking him for a date but you're just giving him the opportunity to join you and your friends. If he has some interest in you, he'll jump at the opportunity. If he begs off, move your sights elsewhere.

If he does ask you out, nothing says your interested in him more than casual touching. Crook your arm in his while you walk, touch his hand at a dinner table, lean up against him a little waiting in line, etc. It will show you aren't afraid of body contact. If he does the same with you, you're ok. If he pulls away, he has a problem or just doesn't feel like closer contact. I remember even many more years ago than the woman getting laid off situation I mentioned earlier, that a bunch of us guys had sort of "picked up" with a group of girls at the beach. We started off to find a place to get a burger (we were just high school brats) and this one girl sort of started walking next to me. She just took my hand. We condinued that way down the boardwalk, and the whole thing ended up as a great time for the couple of weeks that we were all at the beach. I hadn't particularly noticed her among the half dozen girls in the group, and maybe wouldn't have made my own move, but she made that step for us.

 

[Recidiva]

This is simple. If you think he's flirting then he wants you. What's wrong with flirting back? Unless the guy is flirting with you and you just blurt out, "Let's find a place to fuck", he's not going to think you are a slut, and, you don't have to grab every man's penis that flirts with you.

Actually, some guys will think you're a slut. Not saying it's right, just saying it isn't universal. I have some people I've met that consider any and all sexuality, including flirting, in public is a scarlet A. "If she barely knows me and she's treating me like this, wouldn't she invite other men this way if I were involved with her?"

 

[liqueur]

Actually, some guys will think you're a slut. Not saying it's right, just saying. . .

I say: if someone calls you a slut, own it and be proud of it.

 

[Recidiva]

I say: if someone calls you a slut, own it and be proud of it.

Oh yeah. I'd wear the A proudly and wouldn't work out with someone with that mindset. Just a qualifier that it happens so if you're interested in someone, it helps to find out what they like before you go in guns blazing in one direction.

 

[NYTimesBest]

i'd say....has he asked you out, or tried to ask you out? does he seem to want to talk to you? does he stare at your tits/ass? usually i'll do that stuff. also if he compliments you that's a good sign.

try dressing slutty and see what happens.

 

[C2W]

hey

there are too many signs that guys can or will exhibit when they are interested.
And there aren't too many guys who would be unwilling to be interested in any woman, if they thought there was even the remotest possibility of them getting a nut.
The bigger question and the more important one, to my way of thinking anyway, is what are you willing to do to find out if they are interested?
If you are willing to go to any lengths, and you think someone who interests you, is a good candidate, go up and take him by the crotch and lead him a way from the crowd. If his interested he will follow any where you want to go, if he isn't he'll only follow out of earshot and eye sight of the crowd.