I’ve seen multiple threads by newbies about their vanilla partners and how it seems impossible that they’ll ever be able to fulfil the growing need to be dominated. (My first post included)
I wanted to share my experience seeing as it all just kinda happened to us last night.
I had been talking to my partner more often than usual about the interest I had in serving him. He had previously expressed some interest in the idea but nothing really came of it because I was frustrated that I wasn’t getting what I wanted and him because he couldn’t give it me. Then, I found this site, and every time I read something that made sense, or that I hoped would make sense to him, I would show him.
I was so excited that I was learning so many new things from the comfort of my bed that I didn’t notice him pulling away from me. About two weeks went by without sex and so we were at each other’s throats so we sat down to chat. As we talked it out, we discovered that it started with him feeling like he wasn’t enough for me and that I was looking elsewhere (here). Immediately I responded with a speech about how the concept of submission for me is emotion based and involves indescribable amounts of trust; feelings that I only have for him and that I DON’T want with anyone else. This sparked a little something in him because the sex that followed was him testing the water, I could just feel it.
He teased me and made me beg, made me say his name while I was climaxing, made comments about me belonging to him (which he has done before but I believed him this time, I think he believes it now)
At one point I mentioned that the position we were in was a little uncomfortable, he asked if I wanted to switch and I said “or you could just see how far I can go like this” he chuckled sarcastically and rammed me hard. I came instantly and it stopped hurting, weirdly enough. Afterwards, we collapsed, cleaned up and went outside for air and a chat about what had just happened. We discussed our favourite parts and I suggested ways that would have made the things he did do, sexier.
SIDE NOTE: When we were relaxing in bed after round two he made a comment that blew my mind.
“Is it bad that I can’t wait to fuck you again so we can try more things?” Obviously I said NO, it’s amazing that he feels that way BUT I’ve heard of sub frenzy is there a Dom equivalent?
We talked about his feelings. The feeling of him not being everything I needed came up again but this time I replied with, “I’m just as new at this as you are and we will learn together. This is a journey for us to hold hands through and SUPPORT each other’s wants, needs, likes, dislikes, interests and comfortability at all times.
What I’m driving at, is that “Newbie sub with vanilla partner” needs to realize, consider and accept that they are just as new at being a sub as they’re partner is at being a dom. You’re not ahead in the game just because you realized you were into the idea before they did. You’re going to have to top from the bottom for a while or maybe even act things out on top but ultimately it is a learning process FOR BOTH OF YOU!
Don’t ever stop talking about feelings, wants, needs, fantasies, limits, etc.
“I think it would be super sexy if you’d spank me and make me say thank you” or,
“You know how you were teasing me, next time, could you make me beg for my orgasm” …
Start simple. Don’t be disappointed when your partner doesn’t expertly break out the whips and chains as soon as you mention BSDM to them for the first time. It is scary and intimidating to a lot of people.
This is strictly my opinion, my personal experience and my wanting to give back to the site that got me here. If it were not for the advice and new things learned from Lit, I would probably never have made it this far. I am half expecting at least one post telling me that I've got something wrong and it's totally welcome!
I’m super excited for the road ahead with my partner and maybe one day…I’ll feel obligated to call him “Sir”. 
I wanted to share my experience seeing as it all just kinda happened to us last night.
I had been talking to my partner more often than usual about the interest I had in serving him. He had previously expressed some interest in the idea but nothing really came of it because I was frustrated that I wasn’t getting what I wanted and him because he couldn’t give it me. Then, I found this site, and every time I read something that made sense, or that I hoped would make sense to him, I would show him.
I was so excited that I was learning so many new things from the comfort of my bed that I didn’t notice him pulling away from me. About two weeks went by without sex and so we were at each other’s throats so we sat down to chat. As we talked it out, we discovered that it started with him feeling like he wasn’t enough for me and that I was looking elsewhere (here). Immediately I responded with a speech about how the concept of submission for me is emotion based and involves indescribable amounts of trust; feelings that I only have for him and that I DON’T want with anyone else. This sparked a little something in him because the sex that followed was him testing the water, I could just feel it.
He teased me and made me beg, made me say his name while I was climaxing, made comments about me belonging to him (which he has done before but I believed him this time, I think he believes it now)
At one point I mentioned that the position we were in was a little uncomfortable, he asked if I wanted to switch and I said “or you could just see how far I can go like this” he chuckled sarcastically and rammed me hard. I came instantly and it stopped hurting, weirdly enough. Afterwards, we collapsed, cleaned up and went outside for air and a chat about what had just happened. We discussed our favourite parts and I suggested ways that would have made the things he did do, sexier.
SIDE NOTE: When we were relaxing in bed after round two he made a comment that blew my mind.
“Is it bad that I can’t wait to fuck you again so we can try more things?” Obviously I said NO, it’s amazing that he feels that way BUT I’ve heard of sub frenzy is there a Dom equivalent?
We talked about his feelings. The feeling of him not being everything I needed came up again but this time I replied with, “I’m just as new at this as you are and we will learn together. This is a journey for us to hold hands through and SUPPORT each other’s wants, needs, likes, dislikes, interests and comfortability at all times.
What I’m driving at, is that “Newbie sub with vanilla partner” needs to realize, consider and accept that they are just as new at being a sub as they’re partner is at being a dom. You’re not ahead in the game just because you realized you were into the idea before they did. You’re going to have to top from the bottom for a while or maybe even act things out on top but ultimately it is a learning process FOR BOTH OF YOU!
Don’t ever stop talking about feelings, wants, needs, fantasies, limits, etc.
“I think it would be super sexy if you’d spank me and make me say thank you” or,
“You know how you were teasing me, next time, could you make me beg for my orgasm” …
Start simple. Don’t be disappointed when your partner doesn’t expertly break out the whips and chains as soon as you mention BSDM to them for the first time. It is scary and intimidating to a lot of people.
This is strictly my opinion, my personal experience and my wanting to give back to the site that got me here. If it were not for the advice and new things learned from Lit, I would probably never have made it this far. I am half expecting at least one post telling me that I've got something wrong and it's totally welcome!
I’m super excited for the road ahead with my partner and maybe one day…I’ll feel obligated to call him “Sir”.
