I'm not exactly sure where to ask...

[JustSkye]

Or how for that matter. But a dear friend and I were discussing what BDSM means to me. I'll say what I told him later on. He was going to post this, but I couldn't wait and wanted to see what the answers and outcomes would be.


But can you tell me what it means to you? How you feel about it. What drew you to it? How you feel when involved? Was there something in your life that happened and as a consequence, brought you to the BDSM lifestyle?

I'm not sure if I asked correctly, but I hope I can find answers that I am seeking.

Thank you

Skye~

 

[Mr Blonde]

It is not a scene or a lifestyle to me.

It is like everyone has a management style when they are supervisors at work. Everyone has a studying style when they are preparing for exams during finals week.

BDSM is the closest description of how my girlfriend and I interact with each other in the context of a romantic relationship.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

But can you tell me what it means to you? How you feel about it. What drew you to it? How you feel when involved? Was there something in your life that happened and as a consequence, brought you to the BDSM lifestyle?

Skye~

BDSM~ what it means to me.

It is simply my way of life. I interact with most people in the context of Top or bottom. (Usually with me coming from the position of Top) It's not like I woke up one day and decided to be this way, it took quite a few years to realize that this is WHAT I did.

 

[JustSkye]

thank you for the answers so far.


but was this the wrong place to ask this??

 

[crazybbwgirl]

For me its something I always knew about myself. But after a bad experience when I was young I kind of hid it away for years and years. About 4 years ago it came bubbling back up to the surface - determined not to be denied this time! I feel much more complete now even though I only get to partake occasionally. Perhaps some day it will be a part of my everyday life. I think that would be nice.

 

[JustSkye]

For me its something I always knew about myself. But after a bad experience when I was young I kind of hid it away for years and years. About 4 years ago it came bubbling back up to the surface - determined not to be denied this time! I feel much more complete now even though I only get to partake occasionally. Perhaps some day it will be a part of my everyday life. I think that would be nice.

I know this feeling very well.

And I'm learning more about it as time goes by!

 

[Netzach]

BDSM is my art, my sexuality, and one of the core things in my identity is my view of myself as a fetishist.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

I know this feeling very well.

And I'm learning more about it as time goes by!

I learned an awful lot right from this board. Also - the people on this board gave me the courage to go out and find what I was seeking.

 

[Ms_Toy]

Or how for that matter. But a dear friend and I were discussing what BDSM means to me. I'll say what I told him later on. He was going to post this, but I couldn't wait and wanted to see what the answers and outcomes would be.


But can you tell me what it means to you? How you feel about it. What drew you to it? How you feel when involved? Was there something in your life that happened and as a consequence, brought you to the BDSM lifestyle?

I'm not sure if I asked correctly, but I hope I can find answers that I am seeking.

Thank you

Skye~

To me, it's a way of life. What makes me complete. It took a long time to find the pieces of the puzzle that were missing, but once I did, my puzzle is complete and I can see the entire picture now.

 

[tealsphynx]

I learned an awful lot right from this board. Also - the people on this board gave me the courage to go out and find what I was seeking.

I agree about this board. I'm still VERY new to even the idea of BDSM, and through a little courage to look here and speak up every now and then am learning that this is something that is a part of me. I don't know if it will ever be a lifestyle for me as more of an expression of what I'm feeling. BDSM was a subject that even a year ago I would never have looked up anything that had to do with it, I was giving in to the media's over extremist view of BDSM, granted some people are more into the extreme, I've learned reading on this board that it doesn't have to be everything TV shows it to be (and that it shouldn't...it should be what I make it to be, it's my desire for control or to be controlled, to whip or to be whipped ect.). I'm very thankful for Lit and the boards, reading here has helped me open my mind to new ideas about myself. Uhm...I'm sorry if this seems a little incoherent, I'm normally NOT a morning person.... I've found the Library sticky to be very helpful..especially the checklist...also sphynx's dragon sent me a link to a thread that has a loooong list of terms and explanations that I've also found helpfull...I'll try to put it here...uhm...just ran into a problem, I'm very technically challenged and I can't figure out how to do this...but the thread is under BDSM Talk and is called Glossary FYI, it is by Lancecastor. I'm sorry this is the only info I have to get you to it. If you have trouble finding it through Search I can have him come online later and post the link for you.

 

[JustSkye]

Thank you most respectfully for your replies.

Can you tell me, was there any one thing in your life or a moment that you knew this was a part of you/for you? I wish to understand. I'm not looking for terms, rules, etiquette, etc. But what brought you to this. How you just knew.

 

[LunarKitten]

I found BDSM when I was in my mid twenties. An online friend of mine reveiled to me that she was slave and the man she was living with was her Master. I was determined not make her feel badly and wanted to learn everything I could about it so I could try to understand her choice better. She sent me links to different sites and the more I read the more I saw myself in the words. Talk about an enlightening moment!

What really drew me into the lifestyle wasn't the BDSM play, in fact, I thought that was something I could never possibly every want to even try What drew me was the relationship dynamics of the Top and bottom. It was what I had always been looking for in a relationship. Of course, I went from chatting and learning online to joining several of my local groups...and did find out the BDSM playstyle was something I really liked lol

I spent five years of interaction and learning with my groups before I met my Master, here on Lit of all places - in the Playground, not on the BDSM boards. We started out as friends and were both kind of seeing someone at the time. This summer we decided to explore our feelings for each other and haven't looked back since.

Being a pyl is just who I am. I think I could have gone through my life without knowing about this part of me, but I don't think I would have been totally happy with myself or any of my relationships. I could live without the physical play, for sure, but I would never live without the relationship dynamic of D/s or M/s. That is what makes me happy, that is what makes me who I am. Hope that helps somewhat.

 

[Etoile]

Can you tell me, was there any one thing in your life or a moment that you knew this was a part of you/for you? I wish to understand. I'm not looking for terms, rules, etiquette, etc. But what brought you to this. How you just knew.

There was for me. I had known that I was subbish when I was first sexually active, but I didn't realize about being a submissive until a very specific event with my Daddy - before we were even in a relationship. At parties with friends it was always a fun thing for me to be trussed up and put on display - it was a sexual thing, obviously, but Daddy treated it like an academic work - e did such wonderful ropework! - and so it was never sexual between the two of us. (My gf was always there at the time.) Then when my gf and I broke up for a while, I was with Daddy and another friend escaping from the loneliness. I had already been flirty with em quite a bit. We decided that I would be trussed up, and I had asked em not to cross a specific line. So I was bound, and there was waxplay, etc etc. And then e whispered in my ear: "I know you asked me not to [do this] but I'm going to do it anyway." I was terrified and trapped, but I wanted it. That was when I realized it. When I was leaving to go home, e whispered to me again and said "I trust you have a lot to think about on the way home." And I did.

 

[JustSkye]

Thank you for all of these! I hope more respond. I'm learning so much. I wish to know as much as possible.

 

[Iriadne]

Being a pyl has been a part of who I am for as long as I can remember. The feeling of someone else being in nearly boundless control of my body and actions is an incredibly liberating feeling for me. What turned being a pyl from a day to day mindset to a sexual definition for me was a "friendly fuck" with a PYL friend of mine. I had no idea what to expect the first time He and I scened in a sexual manner but the slow and careful play that He showed me was incredibly erotic and has become something that I incorporate into my permanent relationship whenever possible. BDSM is a broad category of activities that each of us break down in independent ways. People who enjoy pain will have a differing perspective from people who enjoy submission/bondage/domination/humiliation or any other form of this play. It is important to remember that, as with all things sexual, there is not a "correct answer" so much as there is a "most appropriate response for the situation"; situations taking into account, of course, the people, preferences and place.
~I

 

[ghosst_K&H]

I knew I wanted to be tied up and "tortured" by a female in black leather the first time I saw Batman, and Julie Newmar captured Adam West and Burt Ward.

I was around 6 at the time, and all through my teens I fantasied about this subject.

It took the internet, and plenty of browsing to gather the details of what I really wanted

 

[JustSkye]

Being a pyl has been a part of who I am for as long as I can remember. The feeling of someone else being in nearly boundless control of my body and actions is an incredibly liberating feeling for me. What turned being a pyl from a day to day mindset to a sexual definition for me was a "friendly fuck" with a PYL friend of mine. I had no idea what to expect the first time He and I scened in a sexual manner but the slow and careful play that He showed me was incredibly erotic and has become something that I incorporate into my permanent relationship whenever possible. BDSM is a broad category of activities that each of us break down in independent ways. People who enjoy pain will have a differing perspective from people who enjoy submission/bondage/domination/humiliation or any other form of this play. It is important to remember that, as with all things sexual, there is not a "correct answer" so much as there is a "most appropriate response for the situation"; situations taking into account, of course, the people, preferences and place.
~I

Thank you for this answer. I like it very much. It struck a chord.
Could you please tell me what PYL means?

Thank you

 

[Etoile]

Thank you for this answer. I like it very much. It struck a chord.
Could you please tell me what PYL means?

Thank you

PYL is short for Pick Your Label - it can be Dom, Master, Top, Dominant...etc.
pyl is pick your label - slave, sub, bottom, etc.

and you spelled chord correctly! you made my night!