I'm not a Dom.

[BlueSugar]

I will try and locate it or if not, try and remember as many as I can.

Catalina

oo uber!
Don't go crazy for lil me, I can easily start a thread or send a few of my friends a few emails ... it'll be a nice community builder here

 

[ammre]

I had a Dom reciently say I had switch qualities and can easly fit into a Domme's shoes with how I hold myself. I was beside myself.

Yes, I'm outspoken, strong willed, confident, inspired, driven, reaching, hate defeat, I like to be in control of situations, and I am leader and work better alone... etc and so on ... but being a pyl in my opinion is very different then having a meek, shy or even submissive personality.
A person can be both which is where the personality traits and the lable get confusing and hard to seperate (for conversation pov, if you 'had to' describe a person) and creates "oh, that person is a pyl, they are weak," stigma for the lifestyle.

Since taking over a Munch slowly, and finally getting granted power, if people do not read my profile or listen carefully when I talk, they start saying "thank you Mistress" and the like ... and I get confused, I suppose its a backwards compliment but I correct them the same and we laugh it off.

P.S Are you getting any kind of publicity for the first female single chest suspension? ? That is uber cool!

congrads on getting the power to that, that's awesome.


and no, no publicity... there wasne't any publicity when the men started doing them... Besides, for all i know there's a woman in some obscure corner of the world who's done it, but as far as everyone knows i'm the only girl so far... the only publicity the suspension community gets is if they do stuff in public or invite routers, or national geographic to the Suscons where they totally but a bad light on us *grumble*

 

[BlueSugar]

congrads on getting the power to that, that's awesome.


and no, no publicity... there wasne't any publicity when the men started doing them... Besides, for all i know there's a woman in some obscure corner of the world who's done it, but as far as everyone knows i'm the only girl so far... the only publicity the suspension community gets is if they do stuff in public or invite routers, or national geographic to the Suscons where they totally but a bad light on us *grumble*

Thankies I'm in the stage where its difficult not to mention bec its new and exciting and the responsibilty stuff hasn't hit me yet.. tehe.

Damn.
Would have been cool for one of the many piercing magazines to pick up the story and run it in one of their mags, just a little gloat material for your own wall

 

[Killishandra]

I'm somewhat known in several communities and thought it may seem trivial in real life, i'm the first woman to ever do a one point chest suspension .

Ammre, that is astounding. Scary, but cool.

 

[Betticus]

That is some serious thread hijacking.

 

[Private_Label]

That is some serious thread hijacking.

Well then let's just hijack ot right back.

So, you don't want someone introducing you as "This is my Dom, Betticus."
How would you like to be introduced to others by you SO?

 

[Betticus]

"This is Betticus"

 

[Kajira Callista]

"This is Betticus"

pooh bear

 

[Betticus]

pooh bear

Hahahahaha.... You should see the size of my fist before you go saying that kind of stuff KC.

 

[dolf]

Okay, something that has been going around in my mind lately and has been bothering me. Labels.

Everyone has a multitude of personality traits and it seems kind of counter productive to just stick yourself with one like master, dom, sub, slave, etc...

It's kind of like if you happen to have been shot in the leg once telling everyone that you are a limp. Since you might have a bit of a limp but that does not even come close to defining who you are as a whole person.

Slapping on a title for myself just feels wrong. I'm a whole person and not just one aspect of my personality so I'm just going to throw away all labels and just be betticus. Or Jeff if anyone cares. Or jeff, I don't really care about capitalisation either as I know who I am.

So I'm just going to be me for either good or bad as I have some of both of those things in me too. 99.99999% good though I think. Anyone who is interested enough to actually get to know me will know who I am along with all of those aspects of me that could fit some kind of label.

For what it's worth.

you're the daddy. nuff said.

 

[Betticus]

you're the daddy. nuff said.

Awwwww.... It's my little Dolfiepants.

You can call me Daddy Betticus anytime. Or just daddy.

 

[Private_Label]

"This is Betticus"

I can hear it said by James Earl Jones "This is Betticus." Now all we need is a logo...

 

[Kajira Callista]

Hahahahaha.... You should see the size of my fist before you go saying that kind of stuff KC.

and ya think that would scare me?

 

[hazel43]

Okay, something that has been going around in my mind lately and has been bothering me. Labels.

Everyone has a multitude of personality traits and it seems kind of counter productive to just stick yourself with one like master, dom, sub, slave, etc...

It's kind of like if you happen to have been shot in the leg once telling everyone that you are a limp. Since you might have a bit of a limp but that does not even come close to defining who you are as a whole person.

Slapping on a title for myself just feels wrong. I'm a whole person and not just one aspect of my personality so I'm just going to throw away all labels and just be betticus. Or Jeff if anyone cares. Or jeff, I don't really care about capitalisation either as I know who I am.

So I'm just going to be me for either good or bad as I have some of both of those things in me too. 99.99999% good though I think. Anyone who is interested enough to actually get to know me will know who I am along with all of those aspects of me that could fit some kind of label.

For what it's worth.

It always amazes me how like minded people will often be struggling with similar issues during the same time frame.
I have run smack into the label problem as I have searched for someone to help me explore my desire for pain. I fail to see myself as a "sub".
Recently I have found "Doms" who believe that a masochist is automaticly a "sub. And a "sub" is automaticly a person without human rights.
I thank you for the opportunity to say this:

I believe that giving away my human rights would be an insult to all who have fought in wars and died for the sake of my human rights.

 

[Betticus]

I just think that the mainstream has a serious misconception as to what goes on in the world.

In the context of BSDM for the mainstream when you mention these descriptors like dom, sub, etc.. the majority view is what they have seen on tv or heard about in hushed conversations. They automatically group everyone into the realm of the fetishist. So a "Dom" is almost automatically driven into a stereotype of a leather/vinyl clad whip wielding Marquis De Sade figure and a "sub" is in their perception a victim of some sort. Both as sexual fiends.

What it means to me is just that my personality type is dominant. I may be kinky but not illegally so like a lot of the vanilla felons out there. I can also tag on an alpha moniker since like the pack heirarchy I'm very protective and territorial. That doesn't mean that I think I'm on the top of the food chain, some kind of superhero dom thingie. It just means that while I'm very protective of females I'm also more competitive and aggressive with males. It also has no significance when it comes to experience with BDSM as most of the men here have a lot more than I do when it comes to scenes and S&M play.

While I may indeed have posessed from birth a dominant personality as an inherent trait I do also cherish and adore women. I think that most if not all of us here do. After having a fake female persona on that collarme site and seeing all of the bullshit, posing, lies, arrogance and plain ignorance I don't want to be associated with that perception of "dom". Dominant, master, gorean slavemaster, old guard master, switch, submissive, slave. I've even seen some profiles with people that claim some kind of registry number as a master or slave, I have a clue but still cannot quite fathom why you would bother to classify yourself into that kind of a cultist structure.

I deleted that account after two days as I just wanted to see what was up but what I saw disgusted me. Most of those people are not even men. It's almost like bdsm has become some kind of popular club to belong to. Like doctors that buy the biggest harley davidson and a set of chaps and play easy rider on the weekends. I think that a lot of people see something that they think is cool and want to belong so badly that they come and crash the party. It's not all that cool, we are some really fucked up people and it takes us quite a long time to figure things out and find happiness with what and who we are. And we are all still different and unique. It would be much easier if they taught us as kids about the different personality types but in the eyes of most we are terrible sinners and to even speak about it is dangerous.

Something else while I'm ranting. Experience level. In my professional career I've seen many people with over twenty years of experience who were absolutely incompetent, didn't know what they were doing and had no idea that they needed to change or find a different career path.

I see it more of this way. I'm an alpha type dominant male and one of my biggest erotic turn ons is bringing out someone elses happiness, pleasure, life satisfaction and completely being able to play their sexual appetites and triggers like a finely engineered machine. If it makes her hot and brings her the most intense orgasm then guess what? It really plugs into my own sexuality and I have only a few limits. No permanent damage, no phychological trauma, no pedophilia, no animals and no fecal fetishes. Anything else is open for discussion. I wouldn't want to play out a script but I will explore every nuance of your kinks as well as my own and then flip things around on you so that you never have it the same twice. But I'm also human and I do like affection and attention and cuddling up to watch a movie and spending time with my S/O in a relationship outside of sex and kink. In daily life the only real, noticable difference between me and other guys is my level of protectiveness and my intolerance for other mens bullshit. I'm still alpha and I can spot a male that has an agenda a mile away and he WILL bend to my will when it involves my S/O.

So given that I only very loosely can even classify as a "Dom" here with you guys. When my needs are met I am extremely flexible and I have very few hard limit demands on her. Kinky stuff I'd love to play with of course but I mean in 24/7 life.

You know what I mean.

 

[Marquis]

Good post Betticus.

 

[TNRkitect2b]

I just think that the mainstream has a serious misconception as to what goes on in the world.

In the context of BSDM for the mainstream when you mention these descriptors like dom, sub, etc.. the majority view is what they have seen on tv or heard about in hushed conversations. They automatically group everyone into the realm of the fetishist. So a "Dom" is almost automatically driven into a stereotype of a leather/vinyl clad whip wielding Marquis De Sade figure and a "sub" is in their perception a victim of some sort. Both as sexual fiends.

What it means to me is just that my personality type is dominant. I may be kinky but not illegally so like a lot of the vanilla felons out there. I can also tag on an alpha moniker since like the pack heirarchy I'm very protective and territorial. That doesn't mean that I think I'm on the top of the food chain, some kind of superhero dom thingie. It just means that while I'm very protective of females I'm also more competitive and aggressive with males. It also has no significance when it comes to experience with BDSM as most of the men here have a lot more than I do when it comes to scenes and S&M play.

While I may indeed have posessed from birth a dominant personality as an inherent trait I do also cherish and adore women. I think that most if not all of us here do. After having a fake female persona on that collarme site and seeing all of the bullshit, posing, lies, arrogance and plain ignorance I don't want to be associated with that perception of "dom". Dominant, master, gorean slavemaster, old guard master, switch, submissive, slave. I've even seen some profiles with people that claim some kind of registry number as a master or slave, I have a clue but still cannot quite fathom why you would bother to classify yourself into that kind of a cultist structure.

I deleted that account after two days as I just wanted to see what was up but what I saw disgusted me. Most of those people are not even men. It's almost like bdsm has become some kind of popular club to belong to. Like doctors that buy the biggest harley davidson and a set of chaps and play easy rider on the weekends. I think that a lot of people see something that they think is cool and want to belong so badly that they come and crash the party. It's not all that cool, we are some really fucked up people and it takes us quite a long time to figure things out and find happiness with what and who we are. And we are all still different and unique. It would be much easier if they taught us as kids about the different personality types but in the eyes of most we are terrible sinners and to even speak about it is dangerous.

Something else while I'm ranting. Experience level. In my professional career I've seen many people with over twenty years of experience who were absolutely incompetent, didn't know what they were doing and had no idea that they needed to change or find a different career path.

I see it more of this way. I'm an alpha type dominant male and one of my biggest erotic turn ons is bringing out someone elses happiness, pleasure, life satisfaction and completely being able to play their sexual appetites and triggers like a finely engineered machine. If it makes her hot and brings her the most intense orgasm then guess what? It really plugs into my own sexuality and I have only a few limits. No permanent damage, no phychological trauma, no pedophilia, no animals and no fecal fetishes. Anything else is open for discussion. I wouldn't want to play out a script but I will explore every nuance of your kinks as well as my own and then flip things around on you so that you never have it the same twice. But I'm also human and I do like affection and attention and cuddling up to watch a movie and spending time with my S/O in a relationship outside of sex and kink. In daily life the only real, noticable difference between me and other guys is my level of protectiveness and my intolerance for other mens bullshit. I'm still alpha and I can spot a male that has an agenda a mile away and he WILL bend to my will when it involves my S/O.

So given that I only very loosely can even classify as a "Dom" here with you guys. When my needs are met I am extremely flexible and I have very few hard limit demands on her. Kinky stuff I'd love to play with of course but I mean in 24/7 life.

You know what I mean.

Damn.

I know exactlly what you mean, to the point that it makes me wonder if we have been chanelling each other's thoughts on this.

Keep on keeping on brother.

 

[Betticus]

Damn.

I know exactlly what you mean, to the point that it makes me wonder if we have been chanelling each other's thoughts on this.

Keep on keeping on brother.

I think I may have just put into words something that all of us feel or have felt at some time.

I kind of wanted to make a whole new label once. Sensualist. I just think that 20,000 harley riding lawyers would jump right on it.

I pictured being asked what I am and who I am. Then I thought about how I would answer and the answer to both questions is the same. I'm me. Then define "me". I'm Betticus. There isn't a way to tell someone who or what you are. They just have to know you.

 

[BlueSugar]

I just think that the mainstream has a serious misconception as to what goes on in the world.

And I think there are too many kinky people trying to make BDSM everything it isn't... creating too many facits to The Lifestyle, which lets in the scary people who play parts and open it up to lies and mistrust ... and feeds the fires of misconception.

In the context of BSDM for the mainstream when you mention these descriptors like dom, sub, etc.. the majority view is what they have seen on tv or heard about in hushed conversations. They automatically group everyone into the realm of the fetishist. So a "Dom" is almost automatically driven into a stereotype of a leather/vinyl clad whip wielding Marquis De Sade figure and a "sub" is in their perception a victim of some sort. Both as sexual fiends.

Which is dangerous to people who have an unhealthy dominant personality or a submissive personality - who find bdsm - and feed off of eachother and only dig themselves further into a hole because doubling up either of the extremes is a potentially dangerous situation imo... especially if they are new, and keep pairing up with the same wrong kinds of people.

What it means to me is just that my personality type is dominant...

Again, personality. Key word, key mindframe ... seperation between the parts that make you up as a whole person. As it would anyone else with a firm grip on reality and fantasy.

I've even seen some profiles with people that claim some kind of registry number as a master or slave, I have a clue but still cannot quite fathom why you would bother to classify yourself into that kind of a cultist structure.

...​

Something else while I'm ranting. Experience level. In my professional career I've seen many people with over twenty years of experience who were absolutely incompetent, didn't know what they were doing and had no idea that they needed to change or find a different career path.

I've seen the social heirarchy and snobness of collarme, I feel it is because they have something to prove. They are registered and therefor not fake?
They have 30 years in the making so they have the right to talk to you how they see fit?
Either way, or whatever the claim - I demand to be respected. I am also not one of their pets and although I am submissive, I am not THEIR submissive and make that clear as soon as they try the "good girl... now do this" crap. We will talk as strangers for that is what they are to me, we may have similar interests but don't you dare treat me as a weak person or an object without knowing me, 'owning' me or being in a consentiual 'scene'.
And PS I don't care how much or little experience people have or how much they claim to have. Simply because this is the internet I automatically feel that anything a stranger says to me is a lie *shrug* until I feel, and know for sure different.
I can't believe the balls some people have...

...popular club to belong to. Like doctors that buy the biggest harley davidson and a set of chaps and play easy rider on the weekends....

Again, kinky people thinking more of themselves then they really are, and misunderstanding everything *themselves, the lifestyle, bdsm* completly.

I see it more of this way. I'm an alpha type dominant male and one of my biggest erotic turn ons is bringing out someone elses happiness, pleasure, life satisfaction and completely being able to play their sexual appetites and triggers like a finely engineered machine. If it makes her hot and brings her the most intense orgasm then guess what? It really plugs into my own sexuality and I have only a few limits. No permanent damage, no phychological trauma, no pedophilia, no animals and no fecal fetishes. Anything else is open for discussion. I wouldn't want to play out a script but I will explore every nuance of your kinks as well as my own and then flip things around on you so that you never have it the same twice. But I'm also human and I do like affection and attention and cuddling up to watch a movie and spending time with my S/O in a relationship outside of sex and kink. In daily life the only real, noticable difference between me and other guys is my level of protectiveness and my intolerance for other mens bullshit. I'm still alpha and I can spot a male that has an agenda a mile away and he WILL bend to my will when it involves my S/O.

Thank You.
Statements like this make me feel not so alone in saying "I am human," in the sea of people being 'slaves' to their persona. We worked too hard as a race, and society to go back millions of years in evolution to treat any one else any differently.

So given that I only very loosely can even classify as a "Dom" here with you guys. [/QUOTE]

You are as Dom as any next regularly trusted person in the community that has been built here as far as 'here' goes for the purpose of communication and sharing interests.
Though the rest of the world has skewed views and bad eggs that spoil bdsm for the bunch of the more true people - you aren't alone in your thoughts

ps. apologies for the hijack earlier.

edid:
pps. Betticus, TNR ... you've both taken the word sensualist right out from under me. In the fight for looking for a 'title' for myself. Submissive was first, then bottom was the closest, slave.. no... and all the top/switch stuff wasn't me either. M called me a sensualist a long while back, and it fits. But adding another meaning to the S in bdsm would just make anything else redundent.

 

[Netzach]

I've also found that what I think my identity is, whatever I think is fixed, whatever I associate with "me" is really not fixed, up for grabs, changeable when you pile on the heavy shit.

We are taught, I think, that we *are* our personalities. Well, I've learned that the most basic, elemental parts of my personality are changed 180 degrees by 30 miligrams of medication. We really are a bag of chemistry firing away at random, to a degree -- and the "soul" is much more complex and elusive than "personality" would suggest.

This isn't especially cheerful, but it is an interesting monkey wrench in the notion of Netzach the dominant, etc. etc. I think one of the lessons being offered me by getting sick is this opportunity to strip down, question what I've defined myself by in the past...being forced to re-identify myself in physical and personality-related ways. I don't LIKE it and I'm not done with it, by any means, but I can't say it's a bad lesson.

 

[Betticus]

It was an adorable hijack as you are just soooo excited about this cool, new project that you have been asked to do.

I like it when people get all excited and happy.

 

[Marquis]

I've also found that what I think my identity is, whatever I think is fixed, whatever I associate with "me" is really not fixed, up for grabs, changeable when you pile on the heavy shit.

We are taught, I think, that we *are* our personalities. Well, I've learned that the most basic, elemental parts of my personality are changed 180 degrees by 30 miligrams of medication. We really are a bag of chemistry firing away at random, to a degree -- and the "soul" is much more complex and elusive than "personality" would suggest.

This isn't especially cheerful, but it is an interesting monkey wrench in the notion of Netzach the dominant, etc. etc. I think one of the lessons being offered me by getting sick is this opportunity to strip down, question what I've defined myself by in the past...being forced to re-identify myself in physical and personality-related ways. I don't LIKE it and I'm not done with it, by any means, but I can't say it's a bad lesson.

It's incredible how much good you are able to pull out of such a shitty situation. That is the true mark of a survivor.

I say this genuinely, you are a very impressive person Netzach.

 

[Betticus]

I've also found that what I think my identity is, whatever I think is fixed, whatever I associate with "me" is really not fixed, up for grabs, changeable when you pile on the heavy shit.

We are taught, I think, that we *are* our personalities. Well, I've learned that the most basic, elemental parts of my personality are changed 180 degrees by 30 miligrams of medication. We really are a bag of chemistry firing away at random, to a degree -- and the "soul" is much more complex and elusive than "personality" would suggest.

This isn't especially cheerful, but it is an interesting monkey wrench in the notion of Netzach the dominant, etc. etc. I think one of the lessons being offered me by getting sick is this opportunity to strip down, question what I've defined myself by in the past...being forced to re-identify myself in physical and personality-related ways. I don't LIKE it and I'm not done with it, by any means, but I can't say it's a bad lesson.

Xanax can keep me from killing my incompetent yet egotistical co-workers.

 

[Betticus]

It's incredible how much good you are able to pull out of such a shitty situation. That is the true mark of a survivor.

I say this genuinely, you are a very impressive person Netzach.

Yep, Netz can hold me down and sit on my face anytime!

 

[Marquis]

Yep, Netz can hold me down and sit on my face anytime!

Well I'm not going to go that far, but I know where to go if I need some good old-fashioned down to earth wisdom.