I'm Confused!!!!!

[ladyandthetramp]

Whats the difference between BDSM and rough sex?

 

[sojurner]

Well, I'm new to this but, from what I've learned thus far I'll take a stab:

If you LIKE to get roughed up(pain), enjoy getting held down, slapped around, tied up, spanked, psychologically played/messed with, possibly forced into degrading situations, pinched, cut, choked etc.

OR

if you LIKE to do any of those things to your partner during sex then you like BDSM.

Maybe you don't do that everytime. Some people set 'scenes' ahead of time to roll play or act out what they want to have happen. Other times they have lovey-dovey sex. There is a lot of love involved in BDSM - weird huh?

I don't think that I would consider wrestling during foreplay as BDSM.

Anyone else with more experience - please?

 

[**A**]

"You're going to find Luke, a great many of the truths we cling to depend solely on our point of view."

I'd call rough sex as bdsm, but that's because I'm kinked. If I was still (God help me!) vanilla and horrified about "those people" I'd be saying that rough sex isn't bdsm. If you're comfortable with calling it bdsm, go for it. If you'd rather not step under our umbrella, go forth and enjoy all the rough sex you want.

Meh. Tomato, tomahto and all that.

 

[sojurner]

funny, funny

 

[Pyro Paul]

Rough sex can be just simple sex that is a bit more phyical than normal
where as bdsm is sex straight out of pain (emotional or physical.) feelings of constraint being bound. pain from domination or submission or embaressment from your master/mistress. that is what bdsm basicly is. its more than rough.

simplist i can say it. rough sex leaves brusies. bdsm leaves scars.

 

[sojurner]

Oh dear, i don't really want scars. Life gave me enough of those. I think you can have bdsm without those I hope. tying, spanking, choking... isn't that acceptable BDSM without scarring?

I guess I may be too vanilla for some

 

[CutieMouse]

Sweetie BDSM you y'all is what BDSM is for y'all. Ther is no secret handshake (that I know of) or panel keeping score on if you've earned kink medal 396457 because you like [insert the most extreme thing you can think of HERE].

As with most things in Life (IMO) it's a spectrum and what's the old school addage? Your Kink May Not Be My Kink... yadayadayada.

[silly labels rant OFF/]

 

[Xelebes]

Rough sex is under Section 3(d) Article 33897 of the seventh volume in The Big Book of BDSM, 1987 publication.

It states, "Rough sex is the diffusion of vanilla and BDSM and may be considered both and not one or the other at the same time. Like saying hair metal is metal."

 

[sojurner]

Oh no now! Don't get started on Hair Bands! Those Metal Heads will get really pissed!

 

[chris9]

I'd say the difference between rough sex and BDSM is control. During rough sex both can be rough with each other. In BDSM there is some sort of control, either physical (being tied, spanked, fucked) or mental (doing what the dominant wants you to do/have done to you).
So you can have rough sex without BDSM and BDSM without rough sex. Or you can combine the two.

 

[Skitten]

BDSM is more of a resoect and control rough sex is just that . BDSM is a total commitment to what you both agree on. It is a common ground and the rules can change as the Dom/sub discuss the boundaries of their relationship and what they both want out of the relationship. BDSM has more of a respect issue and what you are willing to do for your DOM you are fiving your wholeself and putting total trust into that one person and trusting that person.

Rough sex is just that it has nothing to do with control or respect it is just sex. And there are no boundaries.

 

[Private_Label]

Rough sex can be just simple sex that is a bit more phyical than normal
where as bdsm is sex straight out of pain (emotional or physical.)

simplist i can say it. rough sex leaves brusies. bdsm leaves scars.

Many of the things I enjoy leave no marks. I have been humiliated, yet felt only excitement. I have given up control, and been freed.

I agree with **A**, Cutiemouse and Chris9 ...

Part of BDSM is S&M. If you like rough sex with your partner being the aggressor, then your partner fits the S of SM, and you fit the M of it. If you are the agressor, then you switch roles. If you like to both give and receive agression, then you are both sadist and machoist. As has been mentioned there is no "rules" about what those labels mean in terms of how hard, how marked you are left - as some people bruise easier than others (ever hear of hemophilia PyroPaul?) - the only rules that divide BDSM from abuse is the SSC - Safe, Sane and Consensual.

As long as you and your partner can control your actions when the other partner asks to stop, and that you agree to the activity because you want to participate in it and not because you have been coerced, threatened or forced into it, then who are we or anyone to judge what lable you should call your activity.

 

[graceanne]

Sweetie BDSM you y'all is what BDSM is for y'all. Ther is no secret handshake (that I know of) or panel keeping score on if you've earned kink medal 396457 because you like [insert the most extreme thing you can think of HERE].

As with most things in Life (IMO) it's a spectrum and what's the old school addage? Your Kink May Not Be My Kink... yadayadayada.

[silly labels rant OFF/]

You don't know what the secret handshake is? *shakes head* Then I guess you're not a real BDSMer.

LOL

I'm throwing my hat in with everyone else. Only you can decide where that line is for you. I have a friend who think that oral sex is kinky, and plenty others who can't imagine life without it.