I'm confused.

[Calamity Jane]

I know, that's no great surprise for any of you, really.

I've been reading the 'Infidelity and Bliss' thread and some of the terminology is confusing me.

This is in no way an attack on the people who made these posts.

But no I am not comfortable with the idea of him developing an emotionally intimate relationship with some random woman he happens to meet over the internet.

Don't most, if not all, friendships start out as random encounters?

Is a random encounter in real life less of a threat?

If it's a 'random' guy that he's spouting too, is that less threatening?

I can honestly say that I've never sought out a friendship online or off, specifically for bitching about my spouse.

But the author in the interview seems to suggest that an on-line friendship can very easily evolve into an affair--and the threat is that such an affair would be both emotional and physical, and therefore would be even more damaging to the participant's marriage than if it was just a one-night stand with someone you met at random in a bar.

How is a 'random encounter on the internet' a threat that might develop into a real affair, but a 'random one night stand with someone from a bar' less threatening?

Why do we assume that internet discourse is 'random'? Why do we assume that it's threatening?

 

[Starblayde]

How is a 'random encounter on the internet' a threat that might develop into a real affair, but a 'random one night stand with someone from a bar' less threatening?

Why do we assume that internet discourse is 'random'? Why do we assume that it's threatening?

The net presents a false picture. You can often read things into what you read more than you do in real life

 

[Calamity Jane]

Does the net always present a false picture? Is 'real life' exempt from falseness in some way that the net isn't?

How many times have we thought 'Wow, I didn't know that person as well as I thought I did'?

 

[Starblayde]

Does the net always present a false picture? Is 'real life' exempt from falseness in some way that the net isn't?

How many times have we thought 'Wow, I didn't know that person as well as I thought I did'?

But most often you don't get to find out if someone online is anything like they say they are

 

[Calamity Jane]

This is true. So, why is it threatening at all?

 

[Starblayde]

This is true. So, why is it threatening at all?

Because if you've built up this imaginary person in your mind they've become a threat

 

[cnygent]

But most often you don't get to find out if someone online is anything like they say they are

My 2 cents, from experience ...

That can be true, but that can also be said for any relationship that starts in any way. There is a part of being on line that allows someone to "be who they are", if they are genuine people, which there are some of out there. What you don't get is the physicla interaction of seeing someone, how the other person reacts (not only to you, but to others as well), how that person smiles, what the other persons eyes are like, body movements, or being able to read someone else.

However, with enough genuine "talking" on line, one can get a strong sense of how someone else is (I don't mean those who are players, but genuine people).

Its also easy to let our minds evolve a relationship with someone else, thats the danger is two people need to know each other by being together, not just by typing on line.

----

From my experience, I've met more people in real life who ended up not being anything like they portrayed themselves to be than I've met from on line who were the same.
------

 

[Calamity Jane]

Because if you've built up this imaginary person in your mind they've become a threat

How can a fantasy be a threat?

This is the problem that I'm having. Many people claim that online friendships aren't 'real' because there's no face to face contact.

Yet, some of those same people would agree that an online 'fling' was a real threat to a marriage.

We can't have it both ways. If it's not 'real' then it can't be threatening.

lol... why do I feel like I'm picking on you SB?

 

[Starblayde]

How can a fantasy be a threat?

This is the problem that I'm having. Many people claim that online friendships aren't 'real' because there's no face to face contact.

Yet, some of those same people would agree that an online 'fling' was a real threat to a marriage.

We can't have it both ways. If it's not 'real' then it can't be threatening.

lol... why do I feel like I'm picking on you SB?

lol... because I'm the only one trying to shoot down your questions

it isn't 'real' contact... but the feelings and dersires you have are... and in some cases they're enough to say 'see ya hubby/wifey/etc, i'm going to tijuana to see my internet fuckbuddy and maybe get re-married'

that's why they are seen as threatening

 

[Calamity Jane]

lol... because I'm the only one trying to shoot down your questions

it isn't 'real' contact... but the feelings and dersires you have are... and in some cases they're enough to say 'see ya hubby/wifey/etc, i'm going to tijuana to see my internet fuckbuddy and maybe get re-married'

that's why they are seen as threatening

But would an online friendship develop to that level if the 'real life' relationship was on solid footing? Can they damage a solid relationship, or do they just make for good excuses to leave?

 

[Starblayde]

But would an online friendship develop to that level if the 'real life' relationship was on solid footing? Can they damage a solid relationship, or do they just make for good excuses to leave?

I think it ends up an excuse for them not being happy to begin with