"I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world, my tits are plastic, its fantastic..."

[KillerMuffin]

I'm evil. I spend too much time hooked to Napster, and I did a dirty trick, a very dirty trick. I renamed a Britney Spears file. I called it Metallic - One (Starcraft Mix).mp3, just to see how many death threats I could accumulate. I am evil. But evil has a way of smacking one in the face.

I recently downloaded Pantera - Fucking Hostile.mp3. It turned out to be some stupid high pitched squealing broad singing I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world. Oh my gawd I screamed like a bane sidhe, then had to laugh. I got my just desserts. Or whatever.

But it got me thinking about Barbie and Ken and how much I really hated the whole Barbie thing. Pink is naseauting like pepto bismol when your guts are in a knot, Barbie reminds me of that moment in the total human experience.

But if I were to create my own barbie, which barbie would I make? Dr. Barbie? LA Law Barbie? Welfare Barbie? Trailer Trash Barbie? Pre-boob job Barbie? Porn star Barbie?

I would probably create SmutLovingBarbie with her own personal porno website. I would feature sex pix of her and the pre-Bobbitized Ken doll with the huge fucking penis. You ever notice that Ken has no dick? I feel for Barbie. Hope he gives good head. I just can't decide if I'm going to call Ken DCL or Expertise, maybe Thor. Hmmmmm. She would have a full wardrobe and lots of white panties for slut_boy.

If you were going to create a barbie, what kind of barbie would you make? Or would you even bother?

This has to be the really really stupidest post ever. I'm a touch bored.


Edited for the comfort of Expertise. No fagadelic disco gear. Nudity mandatory, chaps or hockey gear optional.

[Edited by KillerMuffin on 10-03-2000 at 11:18 AM]

 

[Expertise]

I hope you're considering my name only because I can lick like a champ. Because I do have a penis! In fact I just took a break and grabbed it with one hand and my testicles with the other!

Jesus that was reassuring.

If you dress me up in any of that mid nineties discofag Ken garb we are gonna' have a problem KM.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

One of the funniest commerical parodies SNL ever did was "Gangsta Bitch Barbie".

 

[Stormystarr]

I can't stand that stupid little bitch barbie!!! Does she or does she not have EVERYTHING? But has she had to work for any of it? nnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooo. And why does she have so many female friends?hhmmm? I think she just got tired of ken hanging out with his little friend, and never giving her any sex! So she is now a lesbian. And is there anyone left in this world who doesn't think ken's gay too?!!!

When I was a little girl I was sort of a tomboy. I used to steal my brother's G.I. Joe dolls and trucks, and I had so much fun...I used to strip barbie down to nothing and make her G.I. Joe's Prisoner Of War!!! I would pretend that I was him and cut all her hair off, I could go on forever with these little happy childhood memories, but I won't. Just wanted to say that Barbie is trash.

 

[OUTSIDER]

How about....

Bag lady Barbie, LOL.
BTW they are advertiseing a new barbie here called "Generation Barbie" and it is even more lothesome than the usual one.

 

[minx]

It turned out to be some stupid high pitched squealing broad singing I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world.

That would be Aqua, and if you think that song was bad you should have heard the rest of the album. It really scares the shit out of me that I know this!

 

[Never]

Killer..
That song was supposed to be satire. And it's 'talking plastic' not 'my tits are plastic.'
I like that song myself.

 

[Juliangel]

In fact I just took a break and grabbed it with one hand and my testicles with the other!

Jesus that was reassuring.

Sweetie don't you know there are plenty of us that would have checked on that for you.

 

[Expertise]

Unfortunately I don't have a sweet georgian in my office to accomplish that little chore. Appreciate the thought though.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

I hate Barbie too -

How 'bout Big Sloppy Naked Titty Barbie - dressed like a house frau, swillin' a PBR (Pabst Blue Ribbon) smokin' Paul Mall's and when you undress her she's got pit hair, hairy legs and a huge mass of cuntangle pie. And if you spread her legs - whiff, whiff - she ain't clean down there ya know? PU! Comes with her own trailer, broken back easy chair on the porch and old F-150 Ford.

 

[April]

Hey, hey, hey! An idea just struck me! And boy did it hurt. LOL

You need someone to check your package.
I need a job.
Do we have a deal?

 

[KillerMuffin]

Killer..
That song was supposed to be satire. And it's 'talking plastic' not 'my tits are plastic.'
I like that song myself.

I can't understand what she's saying. Can't change it, maybe Laurel can.

As for likin it, takes all kinds dear. This world would be boring without you in it, even if I don't like your taste in music.

 

[Expertise]

There would be conditions, pitfalls and a helluva commute

I need a "job" too!

It would break Sheilas (my coke can loving receptionists) heart.

Our company has rules about mngmt. employee relations. Not dipping your pen in company ink etc.

Still interested?

 

[Never]

No, the world would be pretty much the same without me in it and no, you like my taste in music, you just don't like one song I do.
I doubt very much you know my taste in music by one song.

 

[ElaineWest]

A few of my friends and I were in a silly mood one night, a few drinks, nothing to do...so we created a 'top ten' list of the barbies we think should be made. It was kind of like a David Letterman thing, I have it somewhere. But I think my favorites on the list were Heroin/Cocaine Barbie and Skank Barbie. We even completed a list of acessories she should come with. If I find it I'll post it.

"Come on Barbie let's go party!"

 

[April]

Well, if there is no "pen dipping", then forget it.
I don't need that kind of teasing.

 

[Expertise]

Well maybe I could put in just a little....

I am embaressed to admit how often that foolishness worked

 

[April]

*slap* You masher!

Stop it or I'll put this bag clip on your "stiffy". LOL

 

[Expertise]

re. stiffy

I prefer:
the purple helmeted warrior of love
the heat seeking moisture missile
Napolean (he's yet to met his Waterloo)

 

[Jade]

Re: re. stiffy

I prefer:
the purple helmeted warrior of love
the heat seeking moisture missile
Napolean (he's yet to met his Waterloo)

OMG... I am turned on!

What is with me today, I just don't know.

 

[Expertise]

singing<Dont fight it, dont fight it ....it'll do your heart some good...>

Just go with it Jade. I have yet to hear anybody complaining.

 

[Jade]

OMG when a man sings to me like... things... "happen"....

 

[April]

LOL at you two. Aww, get a room! There, I did my bit of scolding. Ex, you have mail. Jade, you have a hug on another thread. I'm off to buy the new Robbie CD! WOOHOO!

 

[Expertise]

Although I can do a fair imitation of Steve Earle

Apparently you have never heard me sing.

It may make you quiver (god I love that word)... but probably not for the right reasons

 

[Jade]

LMAO!!

Uh Oh EXpertise.. she is sending you mail!
Hope I didn't get you in trouble!
I will leave y'all (I am a Texan dammit) back to your ... um... "stuff." hehe