BlackBookTales
Virgin
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2023
- Posts
- 5
To start off, I apologize if this forum is not the appropriate place for this.
I miss this author, and I hope they return either to this site or some other one to republish their works because they were so well-written. That being said, I feel that criticism is key to any good writing and I just want to offer some suggestions that the author might find if still around somewhere under a different name.
So, in case you don't know, the Mix-Up is the story of a model that gets an overflow of estrogen due to a pharmaceutical error while struggling with advances from an obese slob, a wiry stalker, a perverted billionaire, and an online gooner, the slob gaining the most favor and character with her as she desires and fucks him more and more. I do confess I don't remember that much about the latest chapter that was published except that the main character's friendship was essentially ruined because her best friend caught her sleeping with the slob and she got fucked by another pervert later in the chapter.
Now, that's nice, but I do kind of wish the conclusion of the model and the slob's relationship started to get a bit more conclusive. There started to appear a bit of a pattern of the model getting flustered, running into the slob, fucking him, and then separating herself from him somehow to do it again. There is the defense that there were only six chapters of this story, but I did kind of want the transformation that she either ends up pregnant after another night with him (something she miraculously avoided) or she stays anyway, or some blend of the two. Just a bit more struggle that would lead to some growth, you know?
If anyone else read this story and/or feels the same way, feel free to comment!
I miss this author, and I hope they return either to this site or some other one to republish their works because they were so well-written. That being said, I feel that criticism is key to any good writing and I just want to offer some suggestions that the author might find if still around somewhere under a different name.
So, in case you don't know, the Mix-Up is the story of a model that gets an overflow of estrogen due to a pharmaceutical error while struggling with advances from an obese slob, a wiry stalker, a perverted billionaire, and an online gooner, the slob gaining the most favor and character with her as she desires and fucks him more and more. I do confess I don't remember that much about the latest chapter that was published except that the main character's friendship was essentially ruined because her best friend caught her sleeping with the slob and she got fucked by another pervert later in the chapter.
Now, that's nice, but I do kind of wish the conclusion of the model and the slob's relationship started to get a bit more conclusive. There started to appear a bit of a pattern of the model getting flustered, running into the slob, fucking him, and then separating herself from him somehow to do it again. There is the defense that there were only six chapters of this story, but I did kind of want the transformation that she either ends up pregnant after another night with him (something she miraculously avoided) or she stays anyway, or some blend of the two. Just a bit more struggle that would lead to some growth, you know?
If anyone else read this story and/or feels the same way, feel free to comment!
