If men wrote advice columns....

[graceanne]

Would it help if I batted the keyboard against your head?

Can I watch?

 

[tealsphynx]

<Pokes head into the thread and smacks betticus on the back of the head> It was funny in a cute male chauvenistic sort of way. I think you should cook the lovely ladies here a nice meal to make up for it. Oh, and perform lots of oral sex. Include the clitoris in this oral exploration too. Just a side note betticus: I was ROFLMAO on this one. Really cute. I'm just feeling a little smartassed attitudenous tonight. I have this strange urge to cook my husband a nice meal now..hmm.....

 

[shy slave]

Can I watch?

Can I take pics?

 

[shy slave]

Spew Alert

*taps Betticus politely on the shoulder, then hands him a flashlight to aid in the removal of his head from his ass*

Could you shine the torch over here a little, I now have to clean tea of the screen, keyboard, walls, floor.....

 

[alice_underneath]

If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.

Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Betticus,

Thank you for the advice. I really, really appreciate it, but I still have a problem.

I love giving oral pleasure, but.... cooking?!?!

Is that absolutely necessary?

Is it ok if I order takeout, and make it up to him some other way?

Thanks for your help,
Alice

 

[Betticus]

*taps Betticus politely on the shoulder, then hands him a flashlight to aid in the removal of his head from his ass*

I think you like me.

 

[Betticus]

Dear Mr. Betticus,

Thank you for the advice. I really, really appreciate it, but I still have a problem.

I love giving oral pleasure, but.... cooking?!?!

Is that absolutely necessary?

Is it ok if I order takeout, and make it up to him some other way?

Thanks for your help,
Alice

If you order out you should massage his prostate during the oral sex. Nothing says I love you like a finger up your ass.

 

[alice_underneath]

If you order out you should massage his prostate during the oral sex. Nothing says I love you like a finger up your ass.

OMG!!!! So glad I wasn't drinking when I read that!!!

Dear Mr. Betticus,

Thank you soooo much! I think you are brilliant, and I loooooove your column.

Alice

 

[Betticus]

I met some chick that is getting a degree in forensic psychology about a week ago.

Or at least that's what she said. I think she was a hooker.

 

[graceanne]

I met some chick that is getting a degree in forensic psychology about a week ago.

Or at least that's what she said. I think she was a hooker.

Well . . . that's one way to pay for college.

 

[HawkEye38]

Would it help if I batted the keyboard against your head?

Probabley not, btw, i do have a sense of humor and am finding this quite humorous. I just knew as soon as I let onto that it would become much less funny.

::takes a cookie and grudgingly munches as a look of bliss settles across face:: coooookie....

 

[graceanne]

Probabley not, btw, i do have a sense of humor and am finding this quite humorous. I just knew as soon as I let onto that it would become much less funny.

::takes a cookie and grudgingly munches as a look of bliss settles across face:: coooookie....

I know. I was just remarking, cause it does really get on some people's nerves. They make arch comments about fluff threads.

If I wanna make fluff I'll make fluff and no one can stop me. Well except Marquis and Cat, but they won't.

 

[alice_underneath]

If men wrote advice columns....

Hey, Mr. Betticus!!

On a thread on the most important aspect of a BDSM session, voice is coming up number one. And guess what?!

Rumor has it that yours is "great"!

[I am not making this up, Mr. Betticus - go check it out!]

This, of course, makes me wonder.... perhaps, in addition to advice columns, you should do radio.

By the way.... in keeping with the quid pro quo.... you might want to bring a giant box of cookies when you check out that thread.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

OMG!!!! So glad I wasn't drinking when I read that!!!

Dear Mr. Betticus,

Thank you soooo much! I think you are brilliant, and I loooooove your column.

Alice

(((( )))) wonders if Alice needs her temperature taken rectally..............after that last comment........lol



ohhh Miss Alice before I forget isn't there some Canadian Dom supposed to be coughing up proof of hiring and wearing a Penguin suit and or making a Donation to Charity. Might be time we had a mosey over to the thread and reminded him..........

 

[alice_underneath]

(((( )))) wonders if Alice needs her temperature taken rectally..............after that last comment........lol



ohhh Miss Alice before I forget isn't there some Canadian Dom supposed to be coughing up proof of hiring and wearing a Penguin suit and or making a Donation to Charity. Might be time we had a mosey over to the thread and reminded him..........

LOL, Rebecca!

Perhaps it's the wine, but I have NO IDEA what you are talking about here!

It's nice to see you, though.

 

[shy slave]

I know. I was just remarking, cause it does really get on some people's nerves. They make arch comments about fluff threads.

If I wanna make fluff I'll make fluff and no one can stop me. Well except Marquis and Cat, but they won't.

You make the best fluff gracie, really you do and don't worry the conversion of HawkEye is almost complete.

See, they are eating cookies, before you know it they will be hijacking and threads and not talking about BDSM at all.

A bit like the 'Stepford Wives' you re-invent people and manage to control everyone through the medium of fluff and cookies.

People wander in here looking for porn and come out with cookies, amazing.

You give a real world service Gracie and have enslaved many with your ways

 

[shy slave]

OMG!!!! So glad I wasn't drinking when I read that!!!

Dear Mr. Betticus,

Thank you soooo much! I think you are brilliant, and I loooooove your column.

Alice

Err Alice were you talking about his advice coloumn or another kind of column all together??

*Well someone had to ask!!*

 

[alice_underneath]

Err Alice were you talking about his advice coloumn or another kind of column all together??

*Well someone had to ask!!*

LOL! I meant the advice column.

As for that other kind....

Aside from a few eye-popping avatars, the only "column" that I've seen in a long, long time is attached to my wonderful husband.

Wow. I really do need to brush up on my double entendre skills. It took me far too long to figure out what you were talking about here!

 

[Betticus]

Naughty lil girls seem to be everywhere!

 

[brioche]

I think you like me.

Actually I do. I wouldn't make comments like that otherwise.

 

[marieR19]

People wander in here looking for porn and come out with cookies, amazing.

You give a real world service Gracie and have enslaved many with your ways

Hey, that's what happened to me. Seriously, is it totally horrible that I don't even come here for porn anymore, just for the wit and banter and coooookies? Ohhhh, speaking of cookies..... *sneaks away with half-full box of chocolate-covered oreos* *whispers* musnt let anyone see.....


Heather

 

[feeeriek]

Hey, that's what happened to me. Seriously, is it totally horrible that I don't even come here for porn anymore, just for the wit and banter and coooookies? Ohhhh, speaking of cookies..... *sneaks away with half-full box of chocolate-covered oreos* *whispers* musnt let anyone see.....


Heather

hmmmm*wonders what I could get for keeping my mouth shut about the cookies
you are sneaking off with*

f

 

[graceanne]

Hey, that's what happened to me. Seriously, is it totally horrible that I don't even come here for porn anymore, just for the wit and banter and coooookies? Ohhhh, speaking of cookies..... *sneaks away with half-full box of chocolate-covered oreos* *whispers* musnt let anyone see.....


Heather

I see you! Don't make me hurt you. . . . oh wait, you might like that. Don't make me NOT hurt you.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

If Men Wrote Advice Columns

We'd all be screwed.

 

[John Doe]

It's funny because it's true.